So, in essence, I am a tool. I cannot often be assertive with people. Either I run away or I lie instead of just saying no. Also, I'm addicted to accomplishment. It's been good for my resume but not so much for my mental health. I need external validation and I'm terrified of failure or disapproval. Ironically, this increases my odds of failure in certain areas especially interpersonally.

It's frustrating because I know this and have known for years but I'm unable do stop it. I see so many overachieving mormons who are like me. It obviously epidemic in mormonism.

Recovered perfectionists and poseurs, how did you do it! It's so frustrating.

Thanks!

Get incurable cancer. It worked great for me!

Nothing like learning that there's something alien living inside you that wants you dead and is going to win in the end.

All those silly accomplishments, that oh-so-well-organized to-do list, that curriculum vitae bursting at the seams... Guess what? They don't mean shit!

And they don't. Life has nothing to do with any of it.

Like the 14th Dalai Lama said, "The purpose of our lives is to be happy." Period.

Thanks, you are absolutely right. I try to keep things in perspective, that really I'm going to die quite soon and stupid status is totally meaningless. its just hard to tell my limbic system that. It bothers me to see that pettiness in myself. That's one of the things I hope will get better over time with distance from the church. No one should have to prove their value with externals. It seems hard wired in me, though.

I'm sure that you've heard the expression, "The perfect is the enemy of the good." My sister in law said that to me recently when I was trying to explain to her why my previous sheets were in tatters. I was trying to find the "perfect" set, lol. So I got new bed linens as part of my birthday gift. They are nothing that I would have previously considered, but they are beautiful, appropriate, and dare I say it...perfect.

I use that as an example of trying to think outside the box, of trying to find a novel solution to a problem. Sometimes we are so bent on perfection that we fail to see other, viable options.

Teachers are often perfectionists, and our employers take full advantage of that. It is a very demanding profession with long hours. This was the first year where I was given a list of new demands, and thought, "I can't do that." Many of us thought that. So we do the best we can. I've made my peace with the fact that I am working for masters who will never be pleased. I am okay with a middling evaluation. Even then, I spend too many hours and too much of my own money on this job. I fully get the desire to do a good job despite all odds.

When I was in college, I was inspired by Taoist writers and artists. Taoists are inspired by nature, which is not perfect. Taoist artists will deliberately put an imperfection into their drawings and paintings for just this reason. It is a good reminder that there is a beauty and rightness in imperfection.