Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: Ihidmyself ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 05:06PM

Abinadi preaches to the people of King Noah. Noah gets pissed and chases Abinadi into the wilderness where he hides for two years.

After two years the Lord tells Abinadi to go back "IN DISGUISE" and preach to Wicked King Noah's people. So, Abinadi goes back and says,

"and the Lord spake unto me saying 'ABINADI ...'" Oh wait, OOPS!!! He was IN DISGUISE and he just told everyone who he was!!! So, naturally, they arrest him, take him before Noah and burn him alive.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 05:08PM

:)

Hey, nobody ever claimed "prophets" were smart. And if they did, they were clearly wrong!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: AnonNowatthemoment ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 05:47PM

For me it's in Ether 15 -- remember?:

30 And it came to pass that when Coriantumr had leaned upon his sword, that he rested a little, he smote off the head of Shiz.

31 And it came to pass that after he had smitten off the head of Shiz, that Shiz raised up on his hands and fell; and after that he had struggled for breath, he died.


---What the hell? Shiz did what?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 06:00PM

Shiz was a chicken. Coriantumr made him into a nice Chicken Arroz Aguado later that night.*


*But that's in the Sealed Portion of the Gold Plates, where the recipes are.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: evergreen ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 08:17PM

thx for the nice belly laugh

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: CrispingPin ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 06:24PM

He may have been happy to be decapitated. Without a head, nobody could call him "Shiz head."

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: AnonNowathemoment ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 09:58PM

This Shiz is gettin' real now....

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Quotable ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 07:33PM

Believe it or not, a Mormon doctor has actually tried to "explain" this; of course, he had to make a few assumptions.


M. Gary Hadfield, "Neuropathology and the Scriptures," BYU Studies, Vol. 33, No. 2 (Spring 1993), pp. 324-25:

"Though the combatants in this story were well acquainted with wholesale carnage, Shiz's unique death struggle was so astonishing that his throes were reported in grisly detail. Perhaps Ether and Coriantumr interpreted this astounding incident as a sign of Shiz's indomitable fighting spirit or refusal to die. However, Shiz's death struggle illustrates the classic reflex posture that occurs in both humans and animals when the upper brain stem (midbrain/mesencephalon) is disconnected from the brain. The extensor muscles of the arms and legs contract, and this reflex action could cause Shiz to raise up on his hands. Of course, Shiz would not have remained long in this position, and he would have bled to death rapidly through the severed arteries that go to the head.

"The brain stem is located inside the base of the skull and is relatively small. It connects the brain proper, or cerebrum, with the spinal cord in the neck. Coriantumr was obviously too exhausted to do a clean job. His stroke evidently strayed a little too high. He must have cut off Shiz's head through the base of the skull, at the level of the midbrain, instead of lower through the cervical spine in the curvature of the neck. It is worth noting that critics have questioned this story in the Book of Mormon. But this extraneous detail provides another solid indication that the Book of Mormon is an accurate record. Significantly, this nervous system phenomenon (decerebrate rigidity) was first reported in 1898, long after the Book of Mormon was published."

[Hadfield is named as a Professor of Pathology (Neuropathology) at the Medical College of Virginia, Virginia Commonwealth University, in Richmond, Virginia]


Others have tried to take a hack at it (pun intended).

George Reynolds and Janne M. Sjodahl, Commentary on the Book of Mormon, Vol. 6, p. 201:

"But the question may be raised legitimately whether the fatal wound of Shiz consisted in the complete severance of the head from the body. Is that the fact that Moroni conveys? Coriantumr was almost exhausted when he perceived his victim on the ground. His primitive sword, which certainly was not keen Damascus blade, but must have become blunted during the preceding combat. Did Coriantumr, in his weak condition have physical strength enough to perform so great an operation with a blunt instrument? May we not rather suppose that the fatal wound which he inflicted on his enemy was a ghastly gash in the head, or the neck, causing Shiz to struggle for breath, as stated? Moroni could properly say: 'He smote his head off,' borrowing that expression from popular, colloquial language and using it in a figurative rather than strictly literal sense."


And B.H. Roberts also took his cuts:

B.H. Roberts, New Witnesses for God, Vol. 3, pp. 556-57:

"Mr. G. W. Wightman, of the Seventeenth Lancers of the British Light Brigade, and a survivor of the wild charge at Balaclava, relates, in the 'Electric Magazine' for June, 1892, the… still more remarkable case of Sergeant Talbot's death:

'It was about this time that Sergeant Talbot had his head clean carried off by a round shot, yet for about thirty yards farther the headless body kept the saddle, the lance at the charge firmly gripped under the right arm.'

"After this well attested fact, and many others of a similar nature that might be cited, it is not worth while being skeptical about Shiz convulsively rising on his hands for a moment after his head was stricken off."


Where is room for doubt? All you need is faith… and a fresh tithing slip!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: lurking in ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 07:11PM

"Now I, Chemish, write what few things I write, in the same book with my brother; for behold, I saw the last which he wrote, that he wrote it with his own hand; and he wrote it in the day that he delivered them unto me. And after this manner we keep the records, for it is according to the commandments of our fathers. And I make an end." (Book of Mormon | Omni 1:9)

= ZERO


"And thus did the thirty and eighth year pass away, and also the thirty and ninth, and forty and first, and the forty and second, yea, even until forty and nine years had passed away, and also the fifty and first, and the fifty and second; yea, and even until fifty and nine years had passed away." (Book of Mormon | 4 Nephi 1:6)

= ZERO


Never was so much written with so many words to say so little. (Apologies to Churchill)


[Edited for content]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2017 07:17PM by lurking in.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Particles of Faith ( )
Date: March 24, 2017 07:45PM

The fortieth year must have been particularly uneventful as it doesn't deserve a mention.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: midwestanon ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 07:25PM

Funniest Bible quote:
Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

I don't know why I think this is so funny, probably because I'm secretly 13 years old some of the time.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: lurking in ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 07:30PM

"Now Korihor said unto [Alma]: I do not deny the existence of a God, but I do not believe that there is a God; and I say also, that ye do not know that there is a God; and except ye show me a sign, I will not believe.
"Now Alma said unto him: This will I give unto thee for a sign, that thou shalt be struck dumb, according to my words; and I say, that in the name of God, ye shall be struck dumb, that ye shall no more have utterance.
"Now when Alma had said these words, Korihor was struck dumb, that he could not have utterance, according to the words of Alma.
"And now when the chief judge saw this, he put forth his hand and wrote unto Korihor, saying: Art thou convinced of the power of God? In whom did ye desire that Alma should show forth his sign? Would ye that he should afflict others, to show unto thee a sign? Behold, he has showed unto you a sign; and now will ye dispute more?
"And Korihor put forth his hand and wrote, saying: I know that I am dumb, for I cannot speak; and I know that nothing save it were the power of God could bring this upon me; yea, and I always knew that there was a God." (Book of Mormon | Alma 30:48 - 52)


Read it again if you need to.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: logged out for now ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 08:28PM

Korihor was unable to speak, but the curse didn't affect K's hearing.

So why did the chief judge bother to *write his question* to K? He could simply have asked.

Epic Fail!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: se7enthdagger ( )
Date: March 23, 2017 08:58PM

Not only that its also the fact the he has been "struck Dumb", if this word is being used with its proper meaning then Korihor should not have been able to read, listen nor comprihend what the Chief Judge was saying LET ALONE WRITE a response to him hahahahaha



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2017 08:59PM by se7enthdagger.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: lurking in ( )
Date: March 24, 2017 12:49PM

Yeah, not only does it come across as kind of funny, but it also seems to suggest that when the author was laying out the scene in his mind, he got ahead of himself. The author was thinking about how a "dumb" Korihor would respond to Alma's next questions (by writing his answers down)--so the author got mixed up and had Alma write his own questions as well, even though the curse on Korihor was only on his ability to speak and he could still hear.

Good evidence that the BoM is (1) not based on reality and (2) was written on the fly.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: AlmostGone1 ( )
Date: March 24, 2017 04:26PM

2Nephi 9:51

.... and let your soul delight in fatness.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In


Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Subject: 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 ********  **    **  **     **   ******   ******** 
 **    **   **  **   **     **  **    **     **    
     **      ****    **     **  **           **    
    **        **     **     **  **           **    
   **         **     **     **  **           **    
   **         **     **     **  **    **     **    
   **         **      *******    ******      **