I'm due to finish business school this year, and have just been offered a better job than I could have ever dreamed of. The salary is insanely good for a new graduate, and the prospects are even better. However, I am recently engaged and the role will require me to relocate every four months for a year. I will then be offered a position based in one location after that (but that location could be far from where we're based now).

My fiance and I have lived together for almost 4 years, and he has been 100% encouraging and supportive of me pursuing my career.

The thing is, I'm carrying a lot of guilt over leaving him behind. Am I a bad person? We still hope to maintain the relationship, but I just couldn't decline the job offer.
Am I doing the right thing?

My grandmother did just fine with grandpa out to sea for months at a time.

Yes you are doing the right thing. You've worked hard to achieve your goals and you are reaping the benefits of your dedication and fortitude. You would be doing yourself a grave disservice by declining this great opportunity. Best of luck to you! You go girl !

I'm 65, i've moved an average of once every two years for the last 30 years. That's a lot of moving. Most of those moves were made with two young kids, and I was alone as hubby was off dealing with the new job. I really didn't mind the moves. In fact I liked them.

First of all, i'm a firm believer of going where the opportunities are. Doing that has brought many many friends into my life I never would have had. I have friends all over the world. I liked meeting new people in new places. It was always interesting and exciting. I always tried to move into neighborhoods that had a a lot of transferred in people. They're the best, and are looking for friends and connections like you are. They are so helpful.

My husband is going to be retiring soon. We were talking about all the moves we've made and how it worked out for us.

We could have taken what looked like the safe road. Stayed with one company, paid off our home, stayed in the same neighborhood etc. We would have had an income that was ok, but there wouldn't have been many luxuries.

We chose the adventure. Best thing we ever did. Our kids ended up having so many more life choices and experiences. They ended up marrying people they wouldn't have met in a million years. Hubby and I have plenty of money to take our kids on total family vacations, we adore the people our kids have married. We're lucky to live just down the road from our kids. They hang out with us a lot.

Our retirement years are going to be a lot of fun. If we have health problems, we won't have to worry about $$$. Neither will our kids. Shit happens, but we aren't going to worry until and unless we have to.

I'm one of those people who doesn't mind being alone. I love my solitude. Hubby gets that, and I have a large art studio in my house where I can do my painting. Nobody enters without my permission,

I said all that to say this....Choose what makes you happy. There are never any guarantees Do your best, be sure to have fun and hug the ones you love.

That sounds like you've led an adventurous life, to say the least. And a rewarding one too.

Are you now somewhere you plan to make your permanent home?

That is a lot of moving in 30 years time.

As for the OP, I agree with other posters. You need to do what will bring you the most happiness. Prioritizing the career may mean sacrifices to the relationship. And the opposite holds true as well.

Can it survive a long distance romance? Some say it can. Yet I've heard of many more who have said the odds were stacked against them because of the distance between.

Your job offer is expecting you to move three times within a year, and then be somewhere permanent after that. That's up to four moves potentially just in one year's time. Your head will be spinning by then, but hopefully you'll start to get settled in somewhere after the year is up.

I wish I could say that I liked moving as much as Ericka does. I've been a "nester" for much of my life. As I brace for a major move nearing retirement, I'm eager to do that. Yet it's going to be a paradigm shift for me. This year marks my 20th anniversary have lived in the same neighborhood. That's the longest I've lived anywhere in my whole lifetime!

Many years ago my roommate was separated from her boyfriend/fiancée for two years while he was in grad school on the west coast and she was starting her career on the east coast. She wondered if she could do it as well, but everything turned out fine. So yes, it's doable. Which is not to say that it's easy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2017 11:07AM by summer.

Thank you for writing Tele-Mormon Tele-Psychic! O.K.- well, you can figure the marriage idea has been ruined or is foregone; probably you should follow the career offer! You've practiced what is in effect like Common Law marriage,in which idea there is some lack of wisdom- at least for those who want something that endures... The symptoms of a declining relationship of this nature can be boredom; sometimes loss of friends or fellowship, too. Becoming lovers might have been the perfect idea- but that's not something people should know about- or very few people! This is sort of a Mystery, why some relationships endure but others don't- the key lies in the concept of Availability. Now, married people in this Age- possibly they could be less available to each other; always in the Trafficked Way with each other almost 24/7- very possibly marriages fizzle out due to that same sort of Boredom I mentioned...

Maybe you're a don Juan practitioner, or "Juanist"?!

Agreed, you're doing the right thing. Carry on.

If you and your fiance share a life-time sort of bond, time and distance won't change that.

If you don't, this is an excellent way to find out before rings and kids are exchanged.

Life-time bonds are not as common as is believed when one is young. If by "incredibly supportive," you are referring to any unwillingness on his part to relocate after a year, I would think that through. If he now says he will relocate in a year, that sounds like sufficient time for him to put a resume together, explore options, including staying put, if that's what he chooses.

This opportunity is not only in you pursuing your career, but a test of your relationship, and the depth of meaning behind the words that you and he have exchanged.

Would you want to "keep" him, if that means keeping him only by force of your daily presense? By "fiance," I assume you to mean that it is both of your choices, every day, come what will. This opportunity, this one year, is a relatively small test. The relatinship test is the larger opportunity, in terms of the impact it could carry.

And, a caveat: Since you will be the one requesting that he move in a year, it will then be you who will need to be "incredibly supportive," including things like, job searching, financially supporting him (without hesitation or denigration), his networking, his choice of abode, and so on. You should put this on your fridge now, so you remember it when the stress starts.

Take the opportunity; both of you live life to the fullest. No one can predict the future, even were you to stay put.

You can't win on this. You'll either feel guilty or resentful if you don't take advantage of this opportunity.

I gave up everything for a period of years for husband's career 40 years ago. My own career, when I resumed it later, required some creative planning.

My advice is to invest heavily and early so you will have more options later. Good luck, and congratulations on your job offer.