I have always been very liberal minded and when I converted it was rather painful to think that my campy and garish bitch brother would not be scampering and pouting around heaven. We fought a lot because he thinks I'm a useless fat hag, and I think he's a mincing bitchqueen enforcing stereotypes that makes other gays look bad. My gay best friend agreed. I still loved my brother, he's a sweetheart really. We both hope he gets a nice boyfriend and calms down. (We also hope someone will punch him the next time he says inappropriate things in public. Looooove hiiiiim!)
Anyway, for me, the church's attitude was a stumbling block that I managed to fit on my shelf. It took up a lot of room and so everything after that was instant shelf overload.

My question is, if you were raised believing that homosexuality was the sin of sins, that a pecker would turn to ash upon entering the other hole etc. that gay people are not fit to raise families and can't be married etc.unnatural etc.

Did you change after leaving the church? Did you suddenly feel like you could accept it and support other people in homosexual relationships? or is it different for everyone, and some people still can't fathom out there feelings?

If this is a bit of a taboo topic, feel free to delete.

My views on sexuality were a major factor in my decision to leave in the first place. I always thought that the church's narrow views and stifling limitations were ridiculous. And I find it disgusting that some people have to meddle in the totally private and personal affairs of others just because they're arrogant enough to believe that they know better.

So no, my views didn't change much; I just felt more free and comfortable expressing them.

I was raised believing the whole spiel against homosexuality the Morg preached and believed it was wrong (I was kind of an idiot as a Mormon kid).
I enlisted in the Navy after "Don't ask, don't tell" was repealed and served alongside openly gay sailors. Many of the best Boatswain's Mates I served with were lesbians (they 1. actually had a clue and 2. didn't treat us rateless deckhands like crap). So I changed and support the LGBT community.

I never had negative views of LGBT people. I didn't know any growing up. My religious parents never discussed the subject nor was it ever mentioned at school. I only gradually found out through the media and the movies. I was at summer camp when I found out about the girls who wanted to be more than friends.

I don't understand why some people fly into a rage when they see gay people. I think the religious component is only half of the problem. The other half is probably fear of "the other." Common sense tells me that it's a biological phenomenon. I don't see how it could be a "choice" -- that would be like deciding to be a Jew in Nazi Germany or black in apartheid era South Africa.

The same goes for trans people. There are some gay guys that dress like women but it's an act. Same goes for lesbians who wear male clothing. They aren't men. Some trans models are really pretty and look just like all the other models and no one would know who they were except for the media frenzy. Most people don't even notice trans men because they look like ordinary guys. If you look like a swan, walk and talk like a swan, and fly like swan I'm not going to lose any sleep worrying if you are really a duck or not.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/23/2017 05:49AM by anybody.

Gays weren't on my radar (pun intended) as a mormon, though I was aware of the church's denigration of them.

Raised a mormon, I was taught firmly and conclusively that all sex is bad. Evil, disgusting, horrible, to be avoided and shunned at all costs. Until you were temple-married, of course, when it became tolerable for producing new little mormons.

Discovering what a complete pile of bullshit that was might be the best thing about leaving the church. For anyone. And certainly for me! :)

My views on sexuality changed years before I left. They are part of the long list of reasons I left.

In HS that changed a lot. He was still who he was, just open about his orientation now. When I went to BYU months later, I came to terms with my own sexuality and orientation as well and came to the conclusion that what happens between consenting adults harms no one else. Hetero couples aren't better parents by virtue of being hetero. If that was the case, why are there so many screwed up kids that I deal with on a daily basis?

I study sexuality on an academic level and want to get into the field of sex research eventually. This requires a certain kind of mindset that step outside of sexuality and view it from a scientific perspective (it's actually difficult and looked at with suspicion) instead of from a value based POV. We're finally getting to the point where a good amount of people are understanding how sexuality is innate and molded, but as I often like say on here "Nature loves variety, society does not." We still have a long way to go, especially when we have ignoramuses (ignorami?) who barely understand how sex works except from the hetero male POV.

I can actually empathize with a biologist now, though, when some twit attempts to painfully debunk evolution or a geologist when dumbasses claim the Earth is only 6,000 years when (usually) the same dimwits wax poetic about their views on sexuality. It's a Venn Diagram of willful stupidity and ignorance.

I'm less homophobic than I once was.

More accepting of alternative lifestyles and others rights to express themselves without fear, shame, or condemnation.

My feelings towards it has definitely changed I dont see it as the most evil thing in the world as I once did as a kid in the church.

Mine did, and now I can be myself :)

I remember learning in Sunday school as a teenager that homosexuals were predators and much more likely to be child molesters than their heterosexual peers. I was also taught that homosexuality was unnatural and disgusting. However, long before I decided to leave the church for good I made several friends who are gay and happen to be some of the best, happiest, and kindest people that I know. The church's policy and opinions on homosexuality have always seemed unkind and just plain wrong to me. I also feel like I have an unhealthy view of sexuality of any kind because of the church. I was taught that sex should never be talked about and was something that should be avoided at all costs until marriage. My view on this has changed quite a bit since leaving the church but it is honestly something that I am still not entirely comfortable with since I have been taught to think that anything sexual is evil and horrible unless it is in a temple marriage.

Growing up gay, I was confronted with a clear choice by the time I was 13. Either I believed the church was right, and then I was inferior. Or else I believed everyone else in school, on television, and in the real world. In that case, I was as good as anybody else and had every right to happiness that everyone else has.

Not quite a dilemma.

Believe it or not, back in the 1980s, there wasn't a lot of talk at least around Utah and the lds church about homosexuality. I thought that all gays lived in SF or NY. Imagine my shock when I found out the guy I had been dating for 7 months was gay.

Then deal with the lds leaders over this issue. I was supposed to save him. We got married for many reasons, with the UTMOST blessing from the lds leaders who had been working with us. It was a horrible experience. Fast forward 11 years and a set of twins and I find out he has been cheating since 2-1/2 years into the marriage. He left not long afterwards.

I hated gays. I "kind of" hated the lds church (I was afraid to let go at that time). I had gone inactive so he wouldn't be bishop (as I had been told he would be) and I still thought I'd go back, but I was ANGRY, very, very ANGRY at him and those leaders who got me into the mess I was in.

In the end, I realized I had the answer all along, as I had told the bishop in 1983 that I didn't believe he could change to straight. I was right. They were wrong. My ex and I are best friends. In fact, we share the same home we purchased 2 years after we got married (and I hung onto). He has his boyfriend and I have mine.

Living this experience is what got me out. I found it very interesting that the leaders told me NOT to tell my parents my ex was gay when I found out he was gay. My dad, when he found out, told me, "He was born that way." Imagine if I had talked to my parents. All I ever wanted was for my ex to be happy, to be safe, to not be lonely, and that I could be there for him to help him find his way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2017 03:17AM by cl2.

Yes.

While LDS, I just assumed that people who engaged in what we called "homosexual behavior" were just trying to experiment with sex, and ended up doing something sinful. In spite of this, Spencer Kimball's chain of masturbation > mutual masturbation > homosexuality > bestiality--always seemed a stretch to far (not that I would volunteer that view in priesthood meeting).

Changing my views on this subject lagged my realizations that the LDS Church was less than advertised. After all, many non-LDS people harbor similar views about LGBT people.

Unlike many people, I changed my views about homosexuality on a kind of theoretical level before having much personal interaction with openly gay people. Reading about LDS people who struggled with their sexual identity (even to the point of taking their own lives), and learning more about what psychological research had to say about the subject really changed my mind. That said, the change was really of mind--not heart.

The change of heart came when I joined Episcopal congregations with many gay and lesbian members. That helped me develop a level of personal comfort to the point where I count many of these people as good friends.

Being gay myself, my views definitely changed. I went from self-loathing to self-acceptance. I also think sex outside of marriage is healthy and normal (as long as you are not cheating on someone). AND I do not feel guilty about masturbating...yah!

+1

Mine sure did. It wasn't until after I felt rather comfortable being post-Mormon that I began really working on self acceptance.

My views actually began to change when a favorite talented co-worker was booted from the Air Force for being gay. In time, the military changed, and now gays can serve openly, even (for now) get command sponsorship for a gay spouse. But my outlook really changed as I quite believing in the church itself, its dumb teachings and doctrines, and especially its stupid denunciation of everybody who doesn't fit the mould. And since then, I've allowed myself to get closer to gays and lesbians, and now have some as friends. I even discovered my old Air Force co-worker on Facebook, and we're now back in touch. And one of my grandchildren is likely gay, which really brings it home. It might be my privilege someday to have to protect him from other TBM family members.

The other thing was a final open acceptance of pretty much what ever floats one's boat sexually. We only go 'round once in this life, and it would be the sincere wish of any prospective Creator that his people remain happy during their short tenure. One shouldn't try to squish everyone into Boyd Packer's tiny replication of what is/is not sexually proper. Neither is it anyone's business whether one chooses to be sexually active before marriage; that is only natural and good.

Although I got hit on aggressively in a parking lot by a gay guy and that has never left me, I felt I had to get out of there quickly it was very creepy and I was glad I was in my vehicle to get away.

That's what women have to go through on a near daily basis whenever we leave the house. Keep that in mind.

Yep. Men are afraid gay men will treat them the way we get treated daily.

It was scary for sure, I will keep that in mind with the way I act towards women from now on, I will be more thoughtful about it thats for damn sure, but I don't think I've ever been that creepy or scary towards a woman not even close but if thats what women go through being afraid of random creepy guys all the time then holy shit that is a scary world cause I thought I was going to get raped in a back alley.

In my experience, guys who didn't leave me alone weren't usually scary. They just wouldn't take no for an answer. It was really annoying to have to keep trying to convince him that I really meant it, I wasn't interested.

Your experience does sound scary and I'm glad you got away.

The man escalating his behaviour if I tell him to fuck off. No is not always enough and sometimes will be a green light for the aggressor to become violent.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I have told a man I was not interested and he kept pursuing. This has happened at various places I've worked (hell, I was sexually assaulted by a 5th grade boy last year), clubs, bars, stores, walking down the street, coffee shops, parties, in my own home when I was a minor, and on and on and on. There was a creep a few years ago that was throwing his semen on unsuspecting shoppers in Walmart and was never caught in my town. Lest anyone think this is an isolated incident, I suggest you google incidences of men throwing their semen on women. That same year, some creep in ABQ filled a super soaker with water and his semen and squirted it in minor girls' eyes. We have no choice but to be cautious cause when we don't do everything "just right" to protect ourselves, we're no longer a perfect victim and must have done something to warrant the attack.

But then we're told we're paranoid, scared, need to stop being so sensitive, "it's a compliment," but you still better not do anything to "invite" an attack of any kind like ignore a "friendly" man's attentions, wear a short skirt, walk by yourself, have a drink at a party or bar, go on a date with a stranger... But when we're cautious and do what we can to protect ourselves, we get accused of painting all men this way. It's a vicious cycle of victim blaming and not holding the right parties accountable for their actions.

This may or may not be hijacking the thread, but I CANNOT say all of this enough and I will when sexual entitlement and assault stops being minimzed and normalized in society

Whats weird is I'm a guy and an assault happened to me which was very demeaning, I thought gay guys were the harmless guys I saw on television but they are definitely not all that way.

Something does not add up with your story. You were in your car and you got hit on?

And there are creepy guys both straight and gay.

I was in my car and a guy pulled up next to me doing sexual gestures and rolling down his window wanting action. He's gay I'm straight, so I'm creeped out, get it? by the aggressivessness of it all it wasn't your twinkle twinkle type gay guy you always see on tv.

I left because my views on sexuality changed.

Same for me. I dear relative came out of the closet in the 80s. It was shocked initially but then realized my feelings about him had not changed one bit -- I still loved him, appreciated him and wanted him in my life.

So, I then had to think about what my membership in TSCC meant. I quickly came to the conclusion that TSCC was wrong -- really wrong. I knew I would never condemn my dear relative and that I wanted nothing to do with any church that would. I recall thinking, "I'll tell God himself, to his face, that I will give up religion, church and God before I give up my dear relative."

That and polygamy were the reasons I went inactive. I remained inactive for years. I resigned over TSCC's sponsorship of California Prop 8 outlawing gay marriage, as I no longer wanted my name associated with an organization capable of such bigotry.

No. I didn't care about people's sexuality before I left, and I still don't care. That's their business.

Yes, I was a virgin until my wedding night and have never cheated on my wife. I have had a sexless marriage for many many years. So, if being virginal, faithful, prudent, straight, righteous, married, rule-following, honorable, pure, chaste, and smug bring marital happiness, I should be the happiest non-fucker on the planet! But, alas!

So, after my exit, I reevaluated all my major morals, core values, and pre-existing opinions. Here's what I decided (folks will naturally disagree with some of these, you're entitled to):

1. I value honesty in all things including relationships. Sex is a natural biological urge that I belief was given by a loving God. Couple who engage in sex need to be honest with each other. If it's a one-night stand--both should know that. If there's feelings that the relationship is to be long term (open or monogamous) that should be defined.

2. Children are best brought up in 2 parent homes under legally-defined marriage. This applies to straight and gay couples. Although that's an ideal, there are many other constructs as to what a family is, all should be honored and respected. There will be single parents, grandparents raising kids, etc. Respect ALL families however they are defined.

3. For me, personally, I will never cheat on my wife. I have had opportunities to do so, but I made a promise to her.

4. I anticipate divorce in the future, I will probably never get married again as I'm not going to have children. But, I will be totally honest with anyone I encounter and will not make promises I don't intend to keep. I also would hope a woman would find me desirable and want to have sex with me.

5. I believe that most people are inherently good, however, there are evil folks who use sex to make money and exploit people. The best protection for young folks involves HONEST talk about the gift of sexuality. As many families still can't seem to do this, I support TOTAL COMPREHENSIVE sex education in the schools respecting all forms of human sexuality with the notion that individuals are free to determine how sexuality will figure in their own lives.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/24/2017 04:49PM by BYU Boner.

How does a sexless marriage happen? Does it mainly happen in mormon marriages?

Um...yeah.

I'm the only thing that changes, and, in doing so, I stay the same.

"I Believe In Equal Rights... And Equal Wrongs"©M@t (whichever comes first).

LDS CULTure = righteousness bs.
The real world - normal views.

My views on sexuality don't change - they evolve... like my views on everything else.

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/25/2017 12:39AM by moremany.

I didn't have views on sexuality, so I left - and I was right - they grew and grew and grew, and now I can see for miles and miles... in and outside of myself. It's HEALTHY. It's happy. It's contagious!

& lds culture ran divergent to CA safety for my kid. & then, protective of them, my view, views, on sexuality changed forever. changed gradually. changed grandly. & then I never went back. plus I went on the attack making sure that none of my children would ever go back. I needed facts & truth for that. (thanks concrete zipper. thanks recovery from Mormonism foundation. thanks Eric for files saving, peoples stories.)

Second THAT godstruthanon.

Nothing changed but my frown. It turned upside down! And it stayed. It's eternal, it's official and it's true. Mormoni's views on sexuality are like the rest of it's views: skewed, backward, non-existent, non-extensive and non-unifying.

my views got way more conservative on views of sexuality after leaving. I think what changed for me is that I got to see more practicing gay people and have more contact with them. And so I've seen first hand more and more lately just all the effects it causes. It's not good for minors.

Lol forever @ "practicing gay people"

What are they practicing? Piano?

I love the term "practising" when applied to gay people. I just imagine the hokey-cokey with limbs and "dress rehearsals" haha

No. I never thought it was anyone's business what anyone over the age of consent did or with whom they did it.

didn't care them, don't care now! I use to tell my gay friends when I was religious that I didn't believe in that crap! I was lucky to have been a hippy dippy tree hugger all my life. If its found it NATURE its NATURAL. If we are genetically 99% similar to Chimps we are 99% similar to bonobos, and all bonobos are bi sexual! Here is a clip of my favorite couple on TV right now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meM9c2Cs5VY

Oh god, I'm sorry, so sorry. I wrote "there" instead of "their". Blame my iPhone, seriously I'm not that kind of person! Trussst in meeeeee.

Thanks to everyone who answered my question! It's really great to hear from you all.