...and overwhelming my family.

I'm a counselor in young women's and it's my turn to teach this Sunday. Last Sunday I attended with family but didn't take the Sacrament. Personally, as the first Sunday when I truly believed the Church to be fraudulent, I could not do it.

Likewise I don't feel comfortable standing there and teaching under the guide of advocating the Church, even if I could stick to the Bible for the whole lesson.

Yet, it's only been a week! I blurted out my feelings to my husband Sunday night, and he seemed very understanding but I'm getting he assumed I'm just reacting to this last year temporarily and might snap out of it. And he's just getting over a consuming legal suit and now is sick.

I feel and think the right thing to do is hand in my resignation at the end of the block this Sunday. But I know that's when a shitstorm will descend upon us from our bishop and friends and members.

I want to let my family adjust but I also don't want to lie.

Did anyone else struggle with a similar dilemma and how did you/they deal and how did it go? I'm thinking I should politely excuse myself from teaching/my calling,being as vague as possible, and delay the hammer. Advice?

PS This is fast but, disclaimer: in retrospect this is a long time coming.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure lots of us have. There are those uncomfortable moments of being asked to come forward and bear your testimony. That's the absolute worst, but Mormons love putting other Mormons on the spot. Then there's being asked to teach, to pray, etc. Just remember that, as a volunteer, you're not obligated to do ANY of it. At some point, you'll find yourself just politely saying no, not playing the game. It's uncomfortable at first, but becomes exhilarating as you do it more and more. Eventually, you'll find yourself in front of the bishop as he explains why he can no longer give you a temple recommend. By then you'll think, Meh.

It is very difficult to figure out how to work your way out of things like this.

First, as to the resignation --- were you talking about a resignation from your calling, or a resignation from the church?

If you are talking about a resignation from your calling, only, some folks have had reasonably good luck with simply saying something like, "I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me." As cludgie pointed out, all callings are volunteer positions and a volunteer can quit at any time.

If (and I suppose that it is highly likely) someone questions you or tries to tell you that you can't do that, all that you need to say is what you said before, "I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me." Then say goodbye and walk away. No-one can require you answer any other questions or give any other information. They may imagine that they can, but they only can do that if you allow them to do so. Don't allow them to do so. Just deliver your message and leave. They can't force you to discuss it any longer.

You can deliver the message by telephone or email or text, right now, if you prefer not to go to church on Sunday. Do not let anyone engage you in any explanations or excuses.

If you were talking about a resignation from the Mormon church, overall, you can do that online. You don't need to talk to anyone locally at all. They may try to tell you that it is a local matter and that you need to talk with your bishop, but that is not true. That is the procedure that they prefer, in order for the bishop to have a chance to talk you out of it. But, legally, if you send a resignation in, the moment that they receive it, you are out. They have no more hold over you, in any way and you have no obligation to follow their procedures.

Here is information for resigning from the church:

http://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

Good luck, and don't let anyone push you around! Just repeat your phrase, and walk away.

+1 What Peculiargifts wrote!

"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me."

"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me."

"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me."

You might have to say this 30 times! I had to quit my callings, due to a serious illness, that required weekly hospital treatments, and days of recovery from the treatments at home. I had to take a long unpaid leave of absence from my job, and didn't have enough money to pay tithing, with all the medical co-pays. My employer and work colleagues were very supportive, but do you think my ward was supportive? No! They gave me a very hard time! The bishop and HT's even threatened me that I would get SICKER, if I didn't pay tithing and attend church. They said that if I was well enough to drive myself to and from the hospital, I was well enough to go to church. (I wish I could have inflicted my pain upon them for 5 minutes, to make them understand.) When I was undergoing the treatments, they came to my house--not to give me a blessing, not to bring me food like I brought to them when they were sick--they came to force me to teach someone to play the organ, to take my place. I said, "I'm too sick to work, yet you want me to teach organ lessons, for no pay?"

You need to be assertive, to get out of a Mormon church calling. They were so rude to me, that I decided not to return to my callings, and when I recovered, I attended only the meetings, but the children and I started discussing the Mormon abuse, Joseph Smith's atrocities, and all the lies. We resigned together.

Remember: It's only a volunteer job. The Mormons have no authority over you! It's fake authority. You owe them nothing; in fact they owe YOU for your thankless service and for all that tithing money you gave them.

You know they aren't going to say, "We enjoyed working with you, and THANK YOU for teaching in the YW." Riiiiight.

The YW pres is my friend. I feel like I owe her a little consideration, and I waffle between whats more important as her friend:representing myself honestly or helping her. She just had a baby, and my three girls make up half of the YW who attend on average. The majority of their friends are ward members and because we're living abroad in a foreign country they might be some of their only friends unless we move. I am pretty sure our closest member friends will do their best to stay connected to us but I can't be sure. I am worried about my older kids feeling like I've sabotaged their social lives--and without their consent--if things go sour.

It's not all about me, ya know?

You don't owe honesty to any ward members or ward priesthood guys. The mormon church probably lied to you for your lifetime. It takes time to come to terms with leaving and finding your voice. Too many who leave tend to get themselves into snarly situations because they haven't had a chance to come to terms with issues and situations they face.

Good luck to you.

I admire your instincts to be totally honest, but that might not be possible right now in one fell swoop. Mull things over before you start telling anyone outside your immediate family.

I don't think it's a bad idea to do your teaching assignment for now but modify it as you suggested. Leave out the worst parts and pad it with general good advice about getting along with others or being kind to those in need. No need to recite a testimony or stress the areas that bother you most.

Whatever you decide I hope it works well for you.

Thank you, I'm gonna work on a text message and a Christian lesson and be ready either way.

If you decide to teach this Sunday, I agree with others that you might be able to avoid the teachings that bother you most. Instead of testimony, you can talk about the goodness of others, or anything else you really believe that they can go along with.

If you decide to quit after this Sunday, its good timing since your turn shouldn't come up for a while. That way others are not scrambling to replace you.

If you decide to keep going longer--good luck! Just do the best you can, or get sick or something.

By the time I knew the church was a vicious farce/fraud I was out of the loop - no church calling! If I had been teaching, I would have demanded a release rather than put myself in a compromising position of knowingly lying to innocent children!

Luckily for me, my wife had also realized that the CULT wasn't what it claimed to be so we, unlike many victimized souls, were on the same page! We had to ask ourselves - what kind of life did we want to live/what kind of people did we want to be! What about our kids - how would they react to our apostasy?

It took a little time to make our decision! I realized rather early on that I couldn't go through the motions/live a lie! My wife after dealing with authoritarian abuse of one of her children compounded by church history issues didn't think she could either, so we made the decision to resign our membership! When this happened the rabbit was out of the hat!

Initially, it was a bumpy road with the kids; however, significant progress has been made over time! Only five out of 19 grandchildren attend church today/only one of our children is still involved! I do believe he will eventually bolt as well! Hope this helps! As Always, tnurg (GRUNT)

I'd spill the beans!
:D

It was the bishop trying to give me a "calling" to teach Sunday School that was my last straw. I was under-cover inactive already, and nobody in my home ward knew because I told the few that asked that I had been attending a singles ward in another stake (I lied!).

Bishop calls me in, a newly-returned missionary he thought would be a "shining example" to the teens in the ward, to get me to teach Sunday School. Right there I realized I couldn't do it, I wouldn't stand there and lie to those kids. So I told the bishop just that, told him I didn't believe any of it, and was leaving the church. He was stunned speechless (almost).

And yeah, the "shitstorm" began after that. But I got through it. You will, too :)

For me, I just stopped going to church once I figured it all out.

I dropped the ball hard, and I had 3 callings. I just didn't care anymore.

Just stop showing up... starting now.

The RS President will be fine... she will teach the lesson herself in a pinch if she has to.

Remember... even attending is pretending... real closure comes when you stop attending.

In lieu of:
"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me."

"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me."

"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone else to fill the position for me."

Instead, I suggest:

"I am not able to fulfill a calling. You will need to find someone to fill the position." [period. end of statement. None of this "for me" wording]

Why? Because they are NOT doing this FOR YOU. It's their made-up calling, they can make up a way to fill it!

The shitstorm will come I've still held off my resignation because of it but they all know I'm ready to resign.

How in the blank does this crap end up here instead of at the bottom, where it belongs?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2017 11:43PM by readwrite.

Huh? You talking about the one cuss word?

I once knew a mormon woman who totally despised me cussing around her but she a ok with trying to committ adultery with me it was very strange.

badassadam. You are reading into something [MY post] that isn't there - pardon the sarcasm? My post doesn't say anything about your post, but rather it's own: "How in the blank does this crap end up here instead of at the bottom, where it belongs?" 'Crap', being that particular question anyway, refers to the process that caused it (my [now] question) to end up there.

It simply asks (itself) a question. I intended to respond to this (original) thread and when the comment ended up where it did- under yours- I promptly moved it and replaced it with what is there. A (rhetorical?) question.

If I were responding to your post I might have said something like "what are you saying" and I'd address you. In other words, I'd be clear. Careful what you read. There are all levels of wit, wisdom and wonder here that you might wonder why more wisdom doesn't contain wit until better learning who is who and who isnot a pokefunner, a picker, a punster, or a polywog. I'm certainly not the latter... or a day saint. Sorry to alarm, or disarm, ya' THAT sme

If they're not happy with the subject matter, who cares?, you're teaching your kids and, what?, 2-3 others?

Let your kids say their goodbyes and be done with it.

Next Sunday go on an outing some place fun as a family.

Always amazed at the decency members try to demonstrate in an organization that certainly doesnt reciprocate...also amazed so many feel they owe a fraud any respect at all...i do hope your friend is your friend...i guess youll find out..dont be too shocked if they arent..it happens way too much in the church

It's a cross (no pun intended) between teaching ["the truth"] (at least this Sunday... or, until you figure it out)/ 'spilling the beans' and getting out of the "job" (and/ or resigning altogether).

It's all about being honest (especially with yourself), [even setting an example for the members], even if it hurts (the mis[leaders]). If you teach, make it lively, fun, imaginative, informative... dropping hints left and right, like seeds in alternative rows in a garden-farm!

Curious how this should turn out.

The lesson is on dealing with the death of a loved one, so it's heavy, but I think I've got it figured out!

I fully agree with the other posters in being honest about not teaching something you don't believe in. You can follow the posters' advice on handling the situation without putting yourself and others under stress.

I'm wondering about your spouse and the stress he's under. There's no specific formula for leaving, and I'd recommend that the two of you talk and share your options about the church.

Very best wishes!

"I'm wondering about your spouse and the stress he's under. There's no specific formula for leaving, and I'd recommend that the two of you talk and share your options about the church."

Good point. He and I need to talk!

Unless someones watching what you teach...youve got tons of leeway...ive hijacked a hundred dry lessons by asking just the right question then let people talk...discussion is great and far more enjoyable than just reading rquired crap...if necessary buttonhole those sleeping on the back row...put them on the spot...keep doing it till someone responds then its off to the races....make a comment that will cause discussion...keep asking another question that ieeps it going...real teachers dont tell stuff...they ask stuff....the hour flies by and most enjoy it...only the anal retentive might leave a bit peeved...but most dont like them anyway...sticking to the manual is the one true way to bore folks out of the church

Best wishes windyway.

It's ok to tell the yw leader something came up and you aren't able to teach.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/26/2017 09:07AM by incognitotoday.

Well I thought of an approach to my lesson. The subject was about finding comfort when a loved one dies. I printed up a bunch of pics of two families I know who've experienced major trials with loved ones dying. And I told their stories.

We talked about how people want to find reasons for those tragedies and we have to be careful avoiding platitudes and oversimplifying and that doing so can be insensitive and even hurt ourselves.

I told them ways my friends coped, we read several NT scriptures and the young women seemed more interested than usual. Thecpres has to leave early with her newborn so I'm glad I didn't leave her hangin.'

I've realised that this process needs to be more gradual, even for me. Merely not wearing garments is anxiety-inducing. But, a big burden became lighter today as my husband and I had a long talk. He hasn't been upset at all and we even ordered Grant Palmer's book together.

I have time before my teaching turn comes around before I decide what to do.

Thanks for all the support...I hope I can contribute to the forum, too!

"No, thank you."

Then for follow-up:

"It's personal."

Then if needed:

"It's personal and private."

Just have them read the new testament.

Read 2 Nephi 5:21 then read Acts 17:26 & Galatians 3:28.
Then discus it.

Next: 2 Nephi 25:23; see also Moroni 10:32 and Ephesians 2:1,5 & 2:10, Romans 11:6; Titus 3:5-6.

The Book of Mormon people are said to have observed "all things according to the law of Moses (2 Nephi 5:10; 25:24). However, although they are supposed to have been Hebrews, they were descendents of the tribe of Joseph (1 Nephi 5:17) or Manasseh (Alma 10:3), not the tribe of Levi and family line of Aaron, as the Law of Moses dictates (Numbers 3:10; Exodus 29:9; Numbers 18:1-7), so they would not have had a legitimate priesthood.