I sure hope my family and friends have better thoughts of me when I'm gone.

http://obit.carnesfuneralhome.com/leslie-ray-charping

The tributes are also alarming.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 05:17PM by tumwater.

I suspect that many who have been close to me over the years harbor similar thoughts.

They know only part of the picture, of course. As do those who think the opposite about me. Obituaries tell little beyond a sliver of the emotions of the person or persons who write them, IMO. There's some romantic appeal, I suppose; the dead guy's still dead, however.

I hope to avoid an obituary. Nobody who cares sufficiently about me needs to write or read one; no one close to me speaks English; no one who doesn't speak Spanish gives a hoot. Fortunately where I live in South America obituaries are practically unheard of.

I have similar sentiments about my parents, although I wouldn't put them in an obituary--I would refuse to write an obituary at all. My parents were very abusive and the LDS church in my area was on THEIR side. They weren't even members! I was a convert because I was vulnerable and looking for friends. They told me that I needed to set a good example and do everything I could to bring them into the church. I was supposed to show gratitude for all the things they had done for me. Why didn't I skid-daddle out of TSCC after that? Probably because all of my life, I had been kicked around like this. The schools and the neighbors had not supported me either. But I kept wondering why my "true church" was not hearing the "whisperings of the Spirit" about my parents.

It sounds very petty and mean spirited. As some of the comments indicate, "the apple didn't fall far from the tree." Whoever wrote that trash has an ax to grind, but taking it out in the form of an obit when the deceased isn't around to defend their honor is just, well, vile. And born of bitterness.

Maybe it was an ex, or a drunken ex. Still a human wrecking ball to write such garbage. I'm surprised the funeral home allowed it to be published, assuming it was written for a real person.

Only a lowlife would write such innuendo.

The adult daughter wrote it. Apparently the man had a criminal history of hurting others including his family.

No, I don't think that the average person would have this much said about them along with good stuff.

There really are sickos out there, and the people who bore the brunt of their abuse are still people, human with their own failings and pain.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 05:55PM by windyway.

The other side of the story... Those judging the writer should keep in mind that they didn't live this person's life and have no idea what he put his family and others through. Instead of judging, perhaps you could try to see things from a different point of view:

'"I am happy for those that simply do not understand, this means you had good parent(s) -- please treasure what you have," the woman told CNN affiliate KTRK in a statement.

"'I apologize to anyone that my father hurt and I felt it would have been offensive to portray him as anything other than who he was,' she also said. 'This obituary was intended to help bring closure because not talking about domestic violence doesn't make it go away!'"
--http://www.cnn.com/2017/02/13/health/obituary-charping-texas-man-trnd/



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 06:04PM by Finally Free!.

I get the point behind it.

However, the part where they declared him an "embarrassment to his family" because he entered the Balboa Naval Hospital for mental health issues was telling...

His family might consider that mental health issues aren't "embarrassing," and that maybe, just maybe, if this guy had received competent mental health care early on, his life could have been different.

WOW! I hope people think better of me when I pass away!

The end wasn't quite clear, but it sounds like they are feeding his remains (ashes) to the family donkey?

That's pretty harsh.

I don't think they're "feeding" them to the donkey.
I think they meant that they're putting the ashes in, essentially, the donkey's "litter box" -- so he'll sh*t on them.

Wow!

My father terrorized his family. He beat my mother, my brother even while he a baby, and me, a little girl. We could never have anything nice, because the beatings were in fits of rage, when he broke everything that wasn't nailed down.

He's no longer around to "defend himself," either. I could write volumes, every word true. What's to defend? These days, he would have died in prison.

As for deprecating the mentally ill, the thinking is a way of coping with long-term abuse, especially that suffered by a child. I can relate to the author, and my interpretation of her statement was that it was either the only way the navy could confine his violence, or, it was her father's way of avoiding his obligation. I didn't take as a a stand-alone statment againt either patients or treatments.

I wanted to throw my father's ashes in a pig-sty, and you may think that's "out of bounds," but then, you weren't his little girl, who lost her virginity at the age of seven.

I once stepped on and drove a hard-tooth rake through my foot. I didn't let my parents know, because I knew the beating would be worse.

A pig-sty was too good for him. Maybe he would have thought twice, had he ever read an obit like that one. I say good for her.

Yep...I had a male parental unit with a disposition similar to Leslie's. It took great courage and I imagine was somewhat cathartic for the daughter to write that truth in that obituary. I refused to allow my piece of garbage male parental unit to contact me once I turned 29. When I was told it expired, my first thought was that the earth was a better place.

My only sadness was for what could have been had the piece of $h!t been a decent father and human being.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 10:39PM by evergreen.

My wife had an uncle who fit that obit to a T and an aunt to whom parts of it would have been applicable.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 10:54PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

Balboa Hospital is in my hometown of San Diego. I used to work there.

I could have written a similar obit about my abusive mother, the RN who beat the daylights out of me if I ever got hurt (because getting hurt meant you were doing something stupid) so I learned to hide injuries. It's a good thing my tetanus shots were up-to-date. There were innumerable times when I got cuts, scrapes, puncture wounds to bare feet, etc. that I covered up and hid rather than let her know. Usually, I would go to my grandmother, who had also been an RN in her day, and she would clean and bandage the injury, and I would do my best to hide it under long sleeves and/or jeans. Grandma was the nurturer in my family.

My best friend could have written a similar one about her miserable wretch of a father, who was one of the most incredibly selfish people I have ever met. I knew him for the last half-century of his life. My friend couldn't bring herself to write an obit for him, so her oldest son, who didn't have much use for his grandfather either, did. It was a decent, boilerplate affair, and served its purpose.

I can't condemn anyone for writing such a cathartic obituary. There are times when we need to suspend judgement, because we didn't walk in that survivor's shoes.