Methinks God, if he exists, can handle your post, Elder! Barnabas the Boner.

I've always wanted to know what it's like dressing in temple garments head to toe and doing tokens at the veil with my new name.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2017 11:31PM by canary21.

Go Mormon temple commando. I wonder if anyone has gone to the temple and gone through a session without the garment of the holy priesthood on underneath all that garb...age.

Not me

My name is Adam because I was never good enough to go inside the temple for weirdos haha jk but seriously though it is weird as hell in there coming from someone the Mormons saw as crazy but I never held a candle to their craziness I found out later in life.

Dam....A brother! Mine is Abraham too. I got mine in 1967. Probably in June but can't remember the date for sure.

When you got your new name I was an egg in my mother's ovaries.

Dammit, Elder Berry, now I have to disembowel you. And you're going to Outer Darkness. I swooooore it in the temple back in the Pleistocene. I hate it when I have to do that!

I'm sorry, did you say 'disembowel', or 'disempact your bowels'?
I don't know which is worse...

Good question. To decide, I must ask Elder Berry:

"Do you sell your tokens or signs for money?"

Void K. Packer Wrote:
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> "Do you sell your tokens or signs for money?"

It would be more work trying to get someone to buy them than it was paying 10 percent of my income to get them. So, no. I would rather try selling Popsicles to people living in the arctic.

I had my first colonic a month ago. Disempacting one's bowels is painless but strange. You are literally being washed out from the inside.

Hi, welcome to Outer Darkness. The beer is in the walk-in fridge, past the smoking hot chicks. Let the DJ know any tunes you want to hear. We also have party favors that put the stuff on Earth to shame. If you get stoned enough, I'll take you to meet Brother Joseph.

Babyloncansuckit Wrote:
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> If you get stoned enough, I'll take you to
> meet Brother Joseph.

I think something stronger would be required. Shrooms? LSD?

I join you in your denial, brother Abraham.
I'm brother David.
Which is ironic, seeing as how I have a brother David, but I digress...

Seeing as how I, sadly but truly, did at one time make a covenant that if I denied the (imaginary) Holy Ghostness, that I would suffer various ways my life could be taken.
I'm sitting here drawing my finger across my throat and up my bowels, and nothing is happening other than a slight warming in the region below my bowels...

So, um, excuse me for a moment, I think I need to go violate another covenant that involves a hand doing things other than cutting throats and opening bowels :)

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
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> So, um, excuse me for a moment, I think I need to
> go violate another covenant that involves a hand
> doing things other than cutting throats and
> opening bowels :)

I missed the penalties by one month but I think the covenant you speak of involves you doing it with someone who isn't your spouse? You can go Onan all you want as long as you obey Jesus and don't look upon any women lusting after them while you do it. :)

Okay, I always felt gipped by my new name. Abraham and David! Now, those are two most excellent names. Many great men have shared those names. But Barnabas? Quickly name some great men named Barnabas. The closest I can come is "Barnacle Bill the Sailor." (Along with Barnabas the Vampire from the 1960s soap opera, Dark Shadows.) its obvious that you two wankers were special, and I was a lowly Boner.

A search for "famous people named Barnabas" only came up with one:

Barnabás Réti in World War Z as Actor

But then there's this one:
"Barnabas and Akylah (Greek: Βαρνάβας), born Joseph and Akylah, was an early Christian, one of the prominent Christian disciples in Jerusalem. According to Acts 4:36 Barnabas was a Cypriot Jew. Named an apostle in Acts 14:14, he and Paul the Apostle undertook missionary journeys together and defended Gentile converts against the Judaizers. They traveled together making more converts (c 45–47), and participated in the Council of Jerusalem (c 50). Barnabas and Paul successfully evangelized among the "God-fearing" Gentiles who attended synagogues in various Hellenized cities of Anatolia.

Barnabas' story appears in the Acts of the Apostles, and Paul mentions him in some of his epistles. Tertullian named him as the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews, but this and other attributions are conjecture. Clement of Alexandria and some scholars have ascribed the Epistle of Barnabas to him, but his authorship is disputed."

Sorry, I'm a king, and you're a minor compatriot of Paul.
Oh, well. :)

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
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> I'm a king

In your wet dreams, Bro! :)

No, you are Mr Lobby Ludd and I claim my five pounds :-)

(maybe you have to be a Brit lol)

Amazing how at the time it seems so important and critical. Now it's just BS and a total joke.

I remember getting mine, only because at the time I was very much a believer and wanted to make sure I remembered it... After all, I needed to get into the Celestial Kingdom! I repeated it to myself for weeks to make sure I wouldn't forget it. How silly it all seems now. Passwords that you have to remember in order to get into heaven????

My "new" name is Gideon. The old guy who gave me my slip of paper with my "new name" on it, said I could easily remember it because it was like the "Gideon Bible!" He was rather exited about it.

I would have registered it with the Temple Name Oracle, but I couldn't remember which Month I went to the temple in 1991, but it appears that I went on the 11th of whichever month it was.

Let the disemboweling begin!

Another Abraham.

I've been unworthy to go to the temple since I was about 13...but I would have insisted on Eeyore for a temple name.

You're making things worse by telling God where He can find you.

Things are much better than when He could find me at church.

No worries. Doubt you would have qualified for what the LDS teach as the more sure word of prophecy.... ;)