My brother a recent former bishop sent me a conference talk which said "I encourage you to recall, especially in times of crisis, when you felt the Spirit and your testimony was strong; remember the spiritual foundations you have built." In response I sent him my reasons for leaving the church which outlined the facts that made it impossible for me to ever believe in it again. His response was to shame me that my "pure heritage is being a Mormon boy"..."Family is everything." There was no concern or discussion about the troubling church facts. Somehow facts did not matter.

It caused me too ask myself what is more important facts or family. Or, should there be a choice?

there should not be a choice, but mormons unnecessarily make it so. they make your decision about the church a decision about them personally, since they cannot separate their own being from 'the church' - it is a bit of an attachment disorder, really.

You should quote at him the scripture from the Gospel of Matthew (18:20) about when 2 or more are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst, and tell him how the mormons hijacked those - and his - feelings of 'the spirit', just as they hijacked the 'still, small voice'. You could also encourage him to read the gospel topics section of the church website.

He's brainwashed and doesn't understand you - yet - because he still wants to believe his temple covenants matter. It is your brother who needs to learn that family should matter more than his church allows. At least he still cares enough about your relationship to try to communicate with you. (Unless he's always been a bossy brother, then he might just be trying to throw his weight around as he has done since childhood).

You can only control your own choices and actions, feelings and responses, you cannot control, nor are your responsible for his.

You have my sympathies, it is not easy when your family are trying to 'reactivate' you and 'bring you back into the fold'.

There seem to be two intertwined issues here:

1) Heritage: When I left the LDS Church, I had to get a bigger idea of my heritage. When I was growing up, I believed I was part of a great and noble Mormon heritage that included many early leaders of Mormonism. Now that "nobility" lost its luster--big time. It helped to reach farther back in my family history to regain that sense of where I came from. Heritage is an abstract thing, but I believe it's important to have a personal narrative or mythology--but not take it too seriously.

2) Family: This is a more tangible presence in one's life. Whether that goes away is up to the people involved. It is for us and our family members to choose to continue to love each other in spite of differences. If people only love you on the condition that you think and believe as they do, then that really isn't love.

I would tell him that your family (going back however many generations) was not always Mormon. Go back a lot further, and they were not always Christian, either. Somewhere along the way family members changed their minds about their faith, and you are free to change your mind as well.

If appearances weren't everything in tssc and if they didn't seem to get points like a MLM for keeping their family in, then maybe they wouldn't try to shame us all to stay in. My TBM mother throws this garbage at me too...it's always "but you were raised this way". What I try to get her to see is that yes, family is everything, which has nothing to do with religion. TBMs seem to think that if you don't participate in their church than you are not part of the family because of the eternal family concept. They can't separate family from church. And to them, everything is black and white. EVERYTHING.

To me, family and religion should not be so deeply intertwined. My mom and dad *always* put family first. It helps that we have both Catholics and Protestants in my family. A church is where you go to worship, it is not your entire identity.

I hate it when they use words like "recall" and "remember." I have family members who use those words with me. It's like they think they are B of M prophets or something. I say "I remember everything. I have forgotten nothing. I don't have amnesia. I have been given new (to me) information that changes everything."

I just listened to a legal radio show where the guest was a researcher talking about implanted false memories; "recall" and "remember" may not actually be implanting false memories, but it sure is an attempt to twist and color memories...

I DO remember the spiritual foundations I AM BUILDING. ESPECIALLY IN TIMES OF CRISIS? Red flags! CRISIS is a fear tactic.

My pure heritage is being honest- with myself, and EVERYBODY around me. I can love you despite your strange beliefs that individuals can't love and communicate despite their different teachings/ beliefs or opinions-knowledge. The spirit guided me here for a reason. I am going forward. Not marching time or stagnating.

Mormonites mistakenly believe 'families are forever', IF they are Mormons, which is simply shortsighted, especially as they tend to believe "forever" starts at death, judging how they treat others (as unequals), in THIS eternal moment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2017 10:38AM by readwrite.

Watch "The Godfather". Of course families are important. You don't want to be Fredo. Families are not forever though, especially when there's a gang war.

You have to be true to yourself. There's an old joke: "This is just like mom used to make. She couldn't cook either." You don't have to be like who you came from. Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.

FMBoy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It caused me too ask myself what is more important
> facts or family. Or, should there be a choice?

One fact should matter - that you are a loving family (if you are.) And if you are it shouldn't matter what facts either of you believe. It wouldn't get in the way of that love.

Elder Berry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One fact should matter - that you are a loving
> family (if you are.) And if you are it shouldn't
> matter what facts either of you believe. It
> wouldn't get in the way of that love.

I understand what you are trying to say. With love there should be some tolerance of belief differences. However, fact is reality. Belief is not equal to fact. For certain realities there should not be any tolerance. For example: murder, terrorism, molestation, child abuse, etc... . Let's say a member of your family was planning and doing evil things like that down in the basement. What is more important family or dealing with a horrible reality?

Family is everything forever unless and until these so-called "loving", caring morons treat their own families like they are nothing, in which case they don't care, or know, what families, or life, or forever is.

Tell him you are the same yesterday, today and forever, and will love him... regardless of his beliefs. Good luck.

Wait a minute. What does any of that have to do with family? Is
it that the rest of your family will elbow you out unless you
agree with their "alternative facts?" If so they're the ones who
consider family of lesser importance.

Fact of Family? In this instance, that's apples and oranges. You can have both, just not the way everyone wants!