It will be held at the ward house in the hometown my cousin grew up in.

Is it appropriate for women to wear slacks on a non-Sabbath day to the chapel?

Being as I'm no longer LDS, I don't have a problem with slacks, and in fact am uncomfortable with the idea of wearing a dress in the dead of winter.

Does anyone here have experience with this, as in what is appropriate?

I would wear what you would wear to sit Shiva or to any other funeral. You are not a member so wear what you consider appropriate.

I would point out (if anyone pitches a fit) that you cared enough to fly across the country. That is far more important than what you are wearing.

Thanks! I'll be doing quite a bit of driving from the airport to where I'm going and back. Slacks do sound much more comfortable to me than a dress, for the funeral and after when I'll be doing even more driving.

I am going a long ways to be there! :)

What would you wear to a funeral for a friend or loved one in any other faith? Wear the same thing.

Wear slacks if you prefer. Wear a subdued sweater or blazer with blouse. Professional, neat, but appropriate for a somber occasion.

Problem solved.

Good ideas. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't be unable to attend because I choose to wear slacks in place of a dress.

It isn't even on a Sunday.

Some of the more quaint LDS still prefer wearing dresses for any occasion that involves use of the chapel. I've moved so beyond that in my post-Mormon life.

Afterwards when we drive to the cemetery it will be very cold and wintery - so yet another reason to prefer slacks (with boots,) to a dress.

Definitely plan for the weather. I don't generally dress in black for funerals - I tend to go for navy. A bit of color, but understated.

I attended a funeral in an lds chapel acouple months ago wearing slacks, rather than the expected skirt of some sort and was not evicted, though one woman did try to stare me down from the other side of the hall. That just broke up the depressing phony cheerfulness of the event for me. I wouldn't worry about it.ke

I wear lots of black.

I won't be wearing black, but that also sounds appropriate for a funeral.

My black dress shirt, black tie, black slacks and boots contrast nicely with the standard white shirt attire on the TBM men.

Johnny Cash used to wear all black at his concerts.

That was his style.

He walked the line.

I wear hot pink (at least for family members). Black depresses me.

I go with more somber colors, usually not black, but either neutral or two-toned.

Occasionally I prefer floral prints for spring or summer.

Haven't been to a Mormon funeral since my parents died!

Theirs weren't at church, however. They were held at funeral homes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2017 11:17AM by Amyjo.

My mother started it when she opened my closet when my Dad died and said wear this to me. She pulled out a dress that was Navy and Hot Pink. My Dad loved the dress and thus my wardrobe choice was born.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/17/2017 10:52AM by shortbobgirl.

My wife and I went to a funeral a few weeks ago. I tried to convince her to go without panties but she refused.

Not sure where I went wrong. From what I know of the dead guy he would have supported my position. So out of respect for him, she could have agreed. More lobbying is needed on my end, I guess.

I agree with everything everyone else has stated. I am sorry for your loss. If weather is not suitable for a dress, then go for the slacks. The fact that you are going to the funeral itself should be enough to show that you cared.

Thanks Kativicky.

I agree too. Who am I going to offend by wearing slacks anyway?

My deceased cousin isn't going to care.

I'm there to show my support to the rest of the family. And to pay my respects to my cousin.

Hope that's good enough. :)

ETA: It also makes packing easier since I'll be traveling lighter!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2017 12:46PM by Amyjo.

Dress in something comfortable, but respectful. That's my rule of thumb. Slacks are fine.

I think I've decided on a dressy pair of slacks with a nice sweater.

:)

Sounds appropriate. If anyone throws a fit you can offer to go change into your pleated white robe and green apron.

Tee hee hee..

:)

For me, I'd wear slacks since I'm not Mormon, plus it's something I would wear to any other funeral. Especially in winter, slacks would be both comfortable and respectable for the occasion.

It would feel peculiar to me to dress in Mormon attire. I've not been through the temple, except as a child. I don't wear garments, and haven't been a Mormon in going on twelve years.

My relatives know I've left Mormonism, so that's no surprise there.

Guess it makes me uncomfortable with the "idea" that there will be judging going on, even if it's incognito lol.

I agree that your decision to wear dressy slacks and a nice sweater is both sensible and appropriate. Please report back to us if you receive any disparaging comments from other attendees.

Thanks Cinda. Check. :)

And to my aunts' and uncles' funerals. Many of them died very close to each other.

I noticed YEARS ago that women were wearing slacks to lds funerals long before I ever went inactive.

Actually, I was desperately looking for something to wear to my mother's funeral and my tbm sister bought me some slacks that she found at the store she was getting something at. They've come in handy for many lds funerals.

Thanks for sharing.

I'll be in the Morridor, so that is close to home for me.

on whether you're just attending or whether you're the guest of honor.

I wouldn't be asking were that the case.

My cousin will likely be dressed in temple attire.

It's going to be open casket.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/16/2017 04:10PM by Amyjo.

I would question a transparent bikini

I usually wear white shorts, a light sweater, hold a tennis
racket, and constantly look at my watch.

I wore a pair of black pin-stripped slacks with a burgundy sleeveless blouse at my father's funeral. It's not my business if Mormons think it's inappropriate and it's none of their business what I wear to my own father's funeral.

Slacks are fine.

Wear anything you damn well please, except maybe your board shorts and tank top.

Since you are former Mormon, you'll probably be getting a lot of snide looks if you wear pants. They will think you should know better and wear a dress or skirt in the chapel. I'd be tempted to wear a levi skirt, flip flops, and get my ears pierced for a second time.

If I wasn't family, that would be fair to say. Since I'm family of the deceased, I'll know most of the people who matter to me (like they know me.)

You're right about the non-relatives though. But they really don't matter to me like my family does.

Heck, maybe I should wear my Star of David necklace? :)

I was going to say something to one of my cousins ahead of time, but don't want her rummaging through her closet on my behalf before I get there.

What I've decided to do is take two options - one sweater & slacks. The other is a nice tunic over slacks that could pass for a dress - people would need to put me under a microscope to tell the difference lol.

I'll decide the day of the funeral which outfit to wear. The one with the tunic that could double as a dress. Or the sweater w/slacks combo.

Either way I'll be wearing my coveted pants. :)

It may depend on the weather as in how cold it is. I plan to be outside a good part of the day, so will dress appropriately. Not going to be there for very long, so am only taking 2-3 changes of clothing. It fit nicely into a smaller piece of luggage, so I won't have much cargo to carry. :)

I'm not very good at giving advice, but I think what you have chosen is just fine. I agree with others that have stated certain folks will murmur no matter what you wear.

It's winter. Wear slacks.

It sounds like you will do your best to look very nice. Slacks are modest and respectful, and a much better choice if you slip or faint or something.

Not sure what's appropriate now, im not the biggest fan of funerals so I don't, wear a white dress haha

I probably won't have a funeral, but if I did, I'd want everyone to come in clown costumes. Or naked.

Appropriate dress for occasions is very important...it ranks right up there with burger toppings imo...you can never go wrong with the leopard print leggings...sleeveless chiffon in a jungle print and six inch stillettos...you make a statement...suck the air right out of a mormons lungs...theyll talk about you for at least three days after...choose to be remembered...who gives a shit how...jk of course...wesr what you want..$&@& em if they cant take a joke...they already wear strange undies...theyll understand

Wear BOTH pants and a skirt, if it's cold.

I have attended four TBM funerals this year, for cousins and a close friend. I wore a skirt. I think it's still a rule that a woman must wear a skirt in the chapel. When I toured Europe, I covered my shoulders and my head, in the cathedrals. It was a courtesy.

The main reason I wear a skirt, is that nasty stares and snarky remarks really bother me a lot! I'm already upset and emotionally vulnerable, because of the death, and I just don't need to worry about petty Mormon gossip. So, wear a skirt, and blend in. Once you put that thing on, don't give another thought to what you are wearing, or if it's wrinkled. Think only of the deceased. Nothing else matters. Now is not the time to "make a statement."

Don't cause problems for yourself. I'm sorry for your loss. Have a safe trip.

Buy one of those roll-down waist poly-spandex skirts that cost about $30.00, and that never wrinkle. Black hides the wrinkles even more. Save it in the back of your closet, as a "funeral skirt." It will go with any of your tops, winter or summer.

I'm just waking up this morning in Salt Lake City as I get ready to fly home.

The funeral went really, really well. Many of my cousins were there I hadn't seen in a very long time (other than our Facebook connections.) The most heartbreaking one of all was seeing my deceased cousin laid out in her coffin, as I hadn't seen her since we were teenagers.

She cut herself off from the family mostly, except for one of her sisters. Her mother nearly collapsed, but her other children and grandchildren seemed to help bolster her spirits.

Some of my female cousins who had driven a long ways to be there wore slacks. I.was.more.than.a.little.relieved. ;) Most of the local, or was it ALL of the local? women gathered, were in dresses or skirts, but then they weren't family. Not a one of them stared at any of us or made faces at what we were wearing.

The one person who really disturbed me the most, though I kept it to myself, was a singer who'd been conscripted by the local Relief Society to sing a solo for the funeral. I overheard her in the hour before the service on a phone call complaining to someone how she was "stuck singing because they couldn't find anyone else to do it." She didn't sound like she wanted to be there at all!

When she sang during the service, there was ZERO emotion or inflection in her otherwise flawless delivery of a gospel standard. There was NO feeling in an otherwise what should have been a beautiful 'heartfelt' song. I wished she had stayed home instead of bothering to show up.

The bishop gave a beautiful talk. Two of my cousins did. Not a one of them when bearing testimonies once mentioned J. Smith or the M word. It was focused on Jesus Christ only, the atonement, and the plan of salvation.

When my cousin spoke, he shared a testimony my deceased cousin once gave during a F&T meeting. He said she got up and said TWO WORDS. "He Lives." That was her testimony. It made me feel very proud to be related to such fine people.

Still, it was heartbreaking to have to let her go. Her siblings gathered around the coffin at the end of the viewing for the last time prior to placing the veil over her face, for a last prayer before the coffin was closed, and in that moment I saw a beautiful glimpse of what being a family means. They had their arms around each others waists looking upon their sister for the last time, in a moment of silent reflection. And it was quite beautiful to behold. I give the credit to their mother for cementing the bonds that tie, and their grandparents. My aunt was a gem.

As for what I wore, decided on the dress style tunic over slacks. With boots they came in real handy later at the slushy cemetery!

The smell of formaldehyde was overpowering in the room where the viewing was held. I've been to other funerals, and had not noticed it as strongly as I did yesterday. It was foul. I made a mental note not to hire that company to do my embalming when the time comes. It was so bad I felt like I was going to throw up during the service, and it took hours after for the smell to clear my olfactory receptors. It felt like we all died a little bit yesterday just sitting through that with the smell of formaldehyde as overbearing as it was.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2017 05:47PM by Amyjo.