My wife was feeling guilty over something minor she had done, but in her eyes was sinning. Something that 99% of the rest of society wouldn't think twice about. As she shared her guilt with me, and how she feels like she was not living up to the Church's requirements, I felt like it was an appropriate time to share some church history with her.

I said it made me angry that she was feeling so much guilt over this minor "infraction". It wasn't fair to me, that the modern Church holds such a puritanical standard of morality, when Joseph Smith himself had done so many things that would get him ex'd in today's Church.

So I shared the story of Fannie Alger. This was the first she had ever heard of Fanny Alger. At first she didn't believe me, until I showed her the Church's essay on Joseph Smith's wives. I then added the details not in the essay, such as Emma catching them in the barn, Joseph not having told Emma about the plural "marriage" until after he was caught, and how Emma kicked Fannie out. My wife was particularly not happy that Fannie was only 16 years old.

She then asked why the church hasn't done more to share this information with members. I have to tread lightly. If I push too hard she will recoil into defensive mode and disavow the story to avoid the cognitive dissonance. But I tied it full circle and again reiterated that I thought it is hypocritical that the Church has such a narrow stance on morality today, when it is clear that early Church leaders had such different standards. I told her to quit feeling so much guilt and realize she has much higher standards than these early leaders.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2017 06:13PM by paulk.

So wait, what did she do? Was it levity?

She did what she has always done to this point when disconcerting information about the church is presented. She gets worked up about it for a little bit, and then files it away and continues on the auto-pilot ingrained by her upbringing. I hope that by subtly bringing items up, it will cause her to start thinking and analyzing the church a little more independently.

I do think putting her actions in perspective with Joseph Smith's dubious polygamist actions helped her feel better.

You know, among some people, "my wife's shelf" means the same as "my wife's rack." So does that mean you got her some cosmetic surgery?

I hear some creaking...must be your wife's shelf. :)

I think you handled that very well.

wow, handled nicely paulk
nothing like a few more bricks to an already crowded shelf :)

IN ~



wait ~




wut is this thred about ? ~

My wife and I have the same exchange whenever she feels guilt or shame for some minor thing that runs afoul of church rules or expectations.

She feels bad that she will never live up to the example set by Joseph Smith. I laugh and tell that she is so much better than JS ever was, and that he was never worthy of her respect and devotion.

"She then asked why the church hasn't done more to share this information with members"

The next time she asks this question, your reply needs to be, "Why do YOU think they haven't done more to share this information with members?" At least that would get her brain in gear thinking of possible reasons the church would hide information. But here's a hint: It has to do with cash flow.

I think once you can see the church as a money making operation, it's difficult to see it in any other light, besides being a cult, too.

Hopefully you have the same luck with bringing up other points of pain. And being able to refer to the essays. And adding more weight to her already burdened shelf. You did some really good quick thinking there. Keep up the good work.

"She then asked why the church hasn't done more to share this information with members."

Well, duh. Your wife is a typical naive Mormon, as I once was, in that she believes that the church's leaders and scholars are basically honest. It's good that she's at least asking the right questions. As time passes, maybe you can point out to her that the church has maintained a series of "big lies" to justify and defend polygamy from its very origins.

The biggies:

*Early Mormons practiced polygamy to provide husbands and fathers for the widows and children of men who had been killed in "persecutions" or while crossing the plains.

*Joseph Smith didn't actually practice polygamy wherein he had sex with his plural wives; he only allowed a few spinsters or widows to be sealed to him so that they would have a husband in the hereafter.

*19th-century Mormons only began practicing polygamy after they emigrated to Utah territory in 1847.

*Polygamy wasn't illegal when the Mormons practiced it. The government only made it illegal as an act of "persecuting" the Mormons.

I suggest that you try to get your wife to read these articles which refute those lies:

http://www.i4m.com/think/polygamy/polygamy_widows.htm

http://www.i4m.com/think/polygamy/polygamy_illegal.htm

Gordon B. Hinckley repeated some of the lies about polygamy in a CNN interview with Larry King.

King:

First tell me about the church and polygamy. When it started it allowed it?

Gordon B. Hinckley: When our people came west they permitted it on a restricted scale.

Larry King: You could have a certain amount of...

Gordon B. Hinckley: The figures I have are from -- between two percent and five percent of our people were involved in it. It was a very limited practice; carefully safeguarded.

My refutation of Hinckley's lies:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1416694,1417166#msg-1417166

Another important point about Joseph Smith's relationship with Fanny Alger: although most Mormon apologists now concede that they had such a relationship beginning in 1833, that admission creates a problem in that Smith didn't claim to receive the "priesthood authority" to perform marriage sealings from the undead prophet Elijah until 1836. See

http://josephsmithspolygamy.org/common-questions/fanny-alger-2/