So I have a question for those on this board who may have had some experience with it.

I am a convert who left the church shortly after marring my wife. Her family are super TBM and don't question the church in anyway. I have not stepped foot in the church for a couple years now and my wife and we do not have kids.

I am worried because my wife who I love dearly seems to be distant lately. This comes after going to the temple with all of her family. She never tells me what they think or say during the sessions. She has been receiving letters from her side of the family and will read them and dispose of them before I get the chance to see the, and every time I ask her about it she says "its just church stuff you wouldn't care." My biggest worry is that her bishop, or family are suggesting ideas about leaving me. Has anyone ever heard of them suggesting that? or am i being paranoid.

Also I am making progress on my wife. She is realizing that I am capable of loving, being happy, and kind outside of the church. She has shown signs of coming around such as not reading her BOM at all, not praying during meal when we used to, and not doing her calling or going to church activities. (these are all undone once she goes to the temple with her family or stays later than usual at church)

Thanks for your help and input I look forward to reading everyone's suggestions.

First: Listen to your gut. Second: Confront the wife but do it in as nice way as you can and start with re-assuring her of you feelings for her. Be kind. I think your sensing is probably right on. She is hiding something from you. She may (deny or continue to deny) her families, or her bishops involvement and input. Still, something is in the air and it doesn't smell good.

Do not have children. That will only complicate things and the children do not need to be drug though it. Hope for the best but do not be gullible and/or think you are just imagining things.

I wish you the best. Please keep us posted.

Yes, sometimes mormons do encourage mormon spouses to leave a marriage to an exmo.

Tell your wife you're uncomfortable with the secretive way she's acting. You love her and want to assure her you're a good trustworthy person she can confide in. Tell her you are the one who can best give her love and comfort but you're feeling closed out and want to be included. You can support her church activities but she also needs to show some support for you.

At least that's what I'd do, but you have more and better information than I do.

Good luck.

>>My biggest worry is that her bishop, or family are suggesting ideas about leaving me.

Yes, that can and does happen. We've had numerous stories concerning this on our board. It's not to say it's happening in your case. But it's possible.

Myth Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am worried because my wife who I love dearly
> seems to be distant lately. This comes after going
> to the temple with all of her family. She never
> tells me what they think or say during the
> sessions. She has been receiving letters from her
> side of the family and will read them and dispose
> of them before I get the chance to see the, and
> every time I ask her about it she says "its just
> church stuff you wouldn't care." My biggest worry
> is that her bishop, or family are suggesting ideas
> about leaving me. Has anyone ever heard of them
> suggesting that? or am i being paranoid.

I've had it happen to me. But I let the chips fall where they may. My wife is her own person. I set all the cards out, all my information, she went to her father and they figured a way to continue to believe and she figured a way to not leave me.

If a spouse is unable to live the Mormon life my wife and I live they will find a way to leave or get you to leave them. It is only putting it off because Mormon conditional love will find a way to turn their heart against you.

My wife's love overcame my lacking Mormonism and actually fighting against it. She is Mormon and I'm not affiliated with it at all.

You can't control this. You can only control your reaction to it. If that is a reaction of total disgust with Mormonism so much so that you can't live with it, you will find a way to leave it or have it leave you - whichever your ego finds more appealing.

I'm no saint for not leaving my wife and God knows she is no Latter-day Saint for staying with me. It is hardest way - staying the course with the storm of Mormons.

My wife was couneled years ago by one of her bishops to consider the option of leaving me. She would not reveal which bishop it was.
One bishop told me that the church instructs bishops not to encourage spouse to divorce.

I wouldn't discontinue prayer at dinner table if it pleases her. One can be agnostic and still participate in prayers and it may provide a level of comfort that she needs from you. I wouldn't discourage her participation in church or scripture reading either.

Having a successful marriage involves putting up with a certain amount of insanity, especially when it's to a TBM. Welcome to your new acting gig.

Because you no longer have priesthood authority for leaving the church, by Mormon beliefs, you cannot take your wife to the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom. Her bishop, family, and people at church are probably talking to her about leaving you for someone who can take her to the Celestial Kingdom.

You are not the only person going through this and you will not be the last.

Politely confront your wife. It may look like this is hard on her too because she loves you dearly and has been throwing letters out to spare you from reading them and being hurt. She even came around :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2017 10:58PM by canary21.

So this is how a mormon woman thinks. I say that fro personal perspective. My 1st husband left tscc I was still active.
My internal dialogue went something like this: he doesn't REally LOVE YOU because if he did he would not destroy an eternal marriage contract. If he does not want to be with you forever what is the point of staying married to him. So much better to cut off the dead wood, get divorced and get married to a worthy priesthood holder for time and all eternity. It is the ONLY way to get to the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom. You are just wasting your time on him...

I've heard it happens a lot but personally I don't know I just know they can be very crafty.