My Facebook got linked Robert Kirby's I believe latest today.
Reading Robert Kirby's latest diatribe/PR piece? made me want to say something to him as myself and not Elder Berry. We both have the name Robert and also share a homophonic appellation though mine is a middle mother's maiden name.
I thought I'd couch my response to Brother Kirby in the form of a dialog. The ancients liked this kind of thing and I think it works with the way he writes his columns - small paragraphic pokes.
Here is the source.
http://www.sltrib.com/news/4820301-155/kirby-waitll-you-see-how-muchRobert Kirby "Despite the fact that I have in ways large, small, and painful, worked for the LDS Church my entire life, I've never received a penny from it. Not even a coupon."
Robert Kerby Hodson Well, establishing your status in regards to church money, I'm supposed to think of your reputation as being one spotless before "The Lord?" Have you received church assistance in any way? Would having received such tarnish your reputation and one never having had their hand in the Mormon honey jar? Why would what you have received even matter? I believe the "Holy Order of The Priesthood" was all about distributing those who have much to those who don't. And since you won't even read this I might add that you took an oath in the temple to consecrate all you have anyway. So in a sense all you earn is from the church. They let you keep 90% of it. How generous of them.
Robert Kirby " "Note: This includes the time I had to go to the hospital because I was knocked down twice in five minutes by the same church welfare cow."
Robert Kerby Hodson So you paid for your own hospital expenses when you were injured volunteering? Do many volunteer organizations pay to insure their volunteers? This story serves only to add to the clout you are trying to create in setting yourself up as someone who would be doing mental accounting in order to verify their ability to speak for the vast membership who provide the church with much free labor.
And it doesn't do much for me. I slaved away picking a variety of fruits, moving many people, helping in a variety of ways when I was active in the church. And as a child I had no say in whether I helped or not. This unpaid laborer in The Lord's Vineyard only serves to dupe the Mormons reading your column who didn't do the same damn things growing up in a Mormon house back in the day.
Robert Kirby "For my church, I've cleaned ditches, roofed houses, vaccinated livestock, fixed plumbing and even canned chili. I've also held various time-heavy jobs like being in bishoprics and serving as an Elders Quorum president. Not a pay stub to show for any of it."
Robert Kerby Hodson And your point is overemphasized. It reads more like a PR piece the more you belabor your labor.
Robert Kirby "It gets even crazier. I once worked for two years as a full-time missionary in a faraway land, the privilege of which I had to pay for myself."
Robert Kerby Hodson Here is where our experiences really match.
Robert Kirby "Actually, I didn't. My parents paid for it. Prior to receiving a call to work for free, I'd blown every nickel I had on riotous living. Pleased that I was still alive and not incarcerated at the age of 20, my parents were happy to kick in."
Robert Kerby Hodson I didn't pay for mine either. I spent all my money on pot and booze. I didn't have anything to fund a mission but my parents had a dream that every son would serve so when I got sober I signed up. I ran to my family because they were the only people who cared about my life. And when I say life I literally mean life. I wasn't a much loved prodigal son but the battered black sheep coming back to the fold after spending years trying to forget the family and their hypocritical Mormonism.
Far from being an authentic return it was a parent-funded trip to Spain in order to get right with their God. And at the time I had thought these people were the only ones who would help given that I was willing to ditch the drugs to get hooked back on the Mormon dreams.
And I had spent a weekend in jail. My parents were the only ones who would bail me out on conditions I cut my hair, went to church, and dropped all my friends.
My friends were a rag tag of battered by Mormonism rebels who could care less about me. Going on a mission, if there had been a better vetting process, should have appeared to be the worst thing for me. But one year sober and I was in the MTC.
I assume it was a great relief to my parents that their embarrassing son was coming round. They were more than happy to fund the Spanish mission. Never mind I had many LSD (edit: I had originally put LDS) flashbacks occur, lost a huge amount of weight, was worked over by self-righteous hypocrite elders who called me the "dark elder." Never mind I was prepared for what happened. That is the Mormon way. Ship those young people out and let them see the real Mormonism - a totalitarian and authoritarian nightmare of work. I was paid by my parents and subsidized by the church to wander the streets of Spain aimlessly looking for people to approach that I couldn't speak to much less who would understand where I was coming from in life.
Robert Kirby "For all the free work I've done, it has never bothered me that I didn't get paid. Being a worker bee is part of the Mormon gig. We don't flaunt that beehive emblem around for nothing."
Robert Kerby Hodson So your absorption into their hive was welcome. How many Mormons who haven't gone to the temple would accept that hive? How many Mormons today even know that it is a symbol for Mormonism? And it isn't flaunted. I don't know what planet you are on (the one nearest Kolob perhaps?) to not be aware of how unawares most Mormons are of their historical hive mentality past.
Robert Kirby "When the church wants some work out of us, it simply asks. The request comes as a "calling," which is not the same thing as a job offer. There's no negotiating of benefits or stock options."
Robert Kerby Hodson Yeah, there is nothing but bow your head and say "Yes."
Robert Kirby "Among Mormons, there are only two proper replies to a church calling, both of which are "Yes." The difference between them is actually following through and doing the job, and just pretending to."
Robert Kerby Hodson The only real comic relief. But your comic relief is a relief after you expanded on your credentials in your Helping Hands Mormon certifications.
Robert Kirby "We are counseled to never say "no" to a calling, although I have. Several times, in fact. But always to the future benefit of the church. They have no idea how many PR bullets I've helped them dodge by saying, "Oh, hell no. I'm not doing that." "
Robert Kerby Hodson What? Are you feeling like you've even volunteered as a PR Mormon? Well, this is a revelation. Maybe you do know the reach your articles have. Maybe you do understand your appeal to exmembers. Maybe you do realize all is not well in Zion? Wishful thinking on my part. You are just trying to say that there are callings you would embarrass the church doing. I guess one of those would be as a general authority because you would use a machine gun to keep people on the straight and narrow (see below.)
Robert Kirby "But some Mormons do get paid. My sister worked for the church. She got paid. I ride TRAX with both LDS missionaries (unpaid) and church employees (paid). None of them has ever complained about what they get paid."
Robert Kerby Hodson Have you spoken with any former church employees online? I've read many posts where people have spoken about how much the church underpays for the market. In fact, my friend growing up has a father who retired from the church library. He was underpaid according to my friend and his mother. They always had Deseret food in their house because what his father was paid wasn't enough to feed them. His mother eventually had to go back to work.
Robert Kirby "I don't recall when I realized that LDS general authorities were compensated for their work. This almost certainly means the news didn't bother me enough at the time to file it away for future grousing. It still doesn't."
Robert Kerby Hodson It bothered me. I was selling an "unpaid clergy" to people on my mission knowing full well that was a lie. It bothers me a lot. Just like the First Vision being a bedrock for belief when in fact it wasn't until long after the church was organized, the "unpaid" clergy myth got started.
Bishops were paid back in the day. But you fail to mention this don't you. That old continuing revelation, fixing all the problems with Mormonism retroactively.
Robert Kirby "When it comes to general authorities getting paid, I don't really care how much it is so long as they don't flaunt it like some rapper/pimp. Lots of bling, tricked-out rides, pinky rings, and gold grills are not the best delivery method for telling people to behave themselves."
Robert Kerby Hodson Love how you dodge the corporate men and women who flaunt their wealth in favor of a more acceptable group. Your strawmen have gold chains and groupies huh? It isn't even funny and given the historical racism of Mormonism it is offensive to try this comedic line. Too bad you didn't mention Caddies like some GA probably drive or have driven for them by their paid chauffeurs.
Robert Kirby "Now that we seem to know what LDS leaders are paid, it's still OK with me. I say this because I wouldn't do it for that much. Not even close."
Robert Kerby Hodson Why not?
Robert Kirby "If you were to pay me for wearing a necktie even to bed, while simultaneously trying to keep people on the straight and narrow without a machine gun, it would have to be at least seven figures, each and every one of them a nine."
Robert Kerby Hodson Well you certainly have a high opinion of your fellow inmates of the Mormon hive. What do GAs have to do? Be fawned upon, flown first class, and do executive reports and make decisions. They aren't down working with the people needed their help with the straight (not gay) and narrow (not minded right?) but up in their offices, speaking in their churches, and not dealing with the run of the mill members much at all. Surely you have to be aware of this fact. Are you?
Robert Kirby "I earn a lot less than that as a newspaper columnist. How much? Well, it's none of your *&#@% business, is it? I do what I do for what I make because it's an acceptable bargain between myself and a tough editor."
Robert Kerby Hodson But people who accept salaries from donations are a bit different don't you think? Shouldn't they be open with the people who contribute to their salaries? Where is that famous Kirby open mind? I'll let you have the last word. It is as myopic as it comes. As long as your wife is happy...
Robert Kirby "Come to think of it, I don't know what I make. I get paid by direct deposit. My wife handles it from there. She seems fine with it, so that's all that really matters in my life."
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2017 03:21PM by Elder Berry.