I have a very good friend.

He's 49 and married to the same woman for almost 30 years.

She is mean to him, carries the big stick around the house and is as blind a believer in mormonism as she is.

He is a bishop and has in the past been in the high counsel.

She caught him viewing pornography and immediately called the stake president and ratted her husband out.

The entire ward now knows because I think she told a few of her friends.

He is devastated and I think needs help.

My point in writing is that it is always the little things that happen that tell you what you need to know about an organization or a person.

I mean, in what world is it normal for a wife of 30 years to tattle on her husband about sexual issues knowing full well what effect it would have on his standing in the community etc.

Mormon world is a sad sad little place.

That's exactly what the church wants. Fanatical members that are more loyal to the church than to anything or anyone else, including their spouse. That's what cults do.

Absolutely correct, StillAnon.

What stillAnon said.

It is ALWAYS the institution over the individual in Mormonism.

I hope he bolts from his wife and the church He has lots of good years left to move to a different part of the country, find someone decent and leave her high and dry.

Is that what the articles in the "Enzyme" teach about the "tender wives" dealing with porn "addicted" husbands? I have a relative dealing with a similar situation with a wife who holds that over him. The poor guy is a true believer and feels that she is justified in treating him like crap for it. Mormonism, isn't it about breaking individuals?

Snitch on your spouse = AUTOMATIC grounds for divorce!

Don't beat around the bush, if you consider him a friend get going and start up plans to break up. Porn is silly and an utter waste of time. There's plenty of women who would treat with kindness a man who stuck to his marriage for three decades. A picture of a naked chick pales in comparison to a live woman who will love him and treat him with respect.

I personally know of one who is a current bishop whom both he and his current wife have been married previously. Don't let him go down a black hole of worthless self-entertainment. Plenty of never-will-be-Mormon women out there! Keep pushing!

I'm so old... I remember when Adultery/Fornication was the only grounds/justification for Divorce...

Oh Wait, that's what the BoM says (Christ Speaking!)

It's so weird that the church has taken this issue on as a crusade. It seemed to come up suddenly a few years back. Does anyone remember what started it? A conference talk, perhaps?

This Mormon church-induced hysteria is needlessly putting stress on marriages and breaking up families.

I remember seeing statistics about how Utah has had one of the highest numbers of subscriptions to porn sites. Perhaps the church would be better served if the authorities figured out why this is the case.

summer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> It's so weird that the church has taken this issue
> on as a crusade. It seemed to come up suddenly a
> few years back. Does anyone remember what started
> it? A conference talk, perhaps?
>
> This Mormon church-induced hysteria is needlessly
> putting stress on marriages and breaking up
> families.
>
> I remember seeing statistics about how Utah has
> had one of the highest numbers of subscriptions to
> porn sites. Perhaps the church would be better
> served if the authorities figured out why this is
> the case.

Exactly, summer!

"It's so weird that the church has taken this issue on as a crusade."

Not really. The church always has to have a "hot button" distraction. For years it was SSM, now it's porn. It's a distraction to keep the masses engaged in fighting evil instead taking a hard look at the church itself.

Tattler Nation

If he had started a good Ponzi scheme, he could have been stake president. He didn't pick a Mormon-approved vice. Pity.

I agree with you. Wife is the bad guy because her cult social-climbing requires her to report her husband. But we're supposed to feel sorry for him because he's a cult social-climber that got shamed before other cult social-climbers for the sin of being normal. If he weren't so arrogant it wouldn't be a problem for him.

A little off topic but in the same vein. Anyone that lives in the morridor will have seen this on the news recently.
Massage parlor raids in St George.
Channel 2 did an interview with a lady that was complaining about them. Police said they had gotten complaints. What guy is going to complain? If you go for a massage you get a massage. The funny stuff is usually AFTER the massage. So I've been told. Hehemm. Hence the term "happy ending". If you didn't want extra after your massage, go on your way and be done. Me thinks all the complaints were from the women folk or maybe from a SP or BP worried about his flock being tempted.
Police said that the parlors were doing a substantial amount of business. Utah, you got to love it. LDS Church has screwed so many people over sexually. Pun intended.

Oh, and I know they get shut down all over. Not just in Utah. Turned out their raid netted 8 ladies and not even half of them were offering "extra" service. They just weren't licensed.

Sounds like if anyone needs porn, it's him!

dagny Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds like if anyone needs porn, it's him!

+100

He should tell the SP that he was doing "research" to see what nasty temptations the youth were being subjected to on-line. After all, how can he combat the temptation if he doesn't know what it is, hmm?

This so-called wife has betrayed the fidelity of their intimate lives with a medically unqualified third party, not to mention also within their social community.

The word "betrayed" fits well. She has proven herself to be untrustworthy, and his flying across the country for a respite from her mean behavior might help him put his house in order.

I'm serious.

"You have been adulterous, and I'm leaving to figure out if you are worthy of my ongoing attentions and affection. I don't want to speak to you right now, but I will return and let you know what I've decided."

"ME adulterous?!"

"You need to think about what you've done. I'll say no more right now."

"When will you return?"

"I haven't decided."


Two-three weeks of driving to and setting in TSCC alone might do a world of good in helping her understand her betrayal and the intentional pain she has inflicted. It might give him the peace from constant persecution to clear his head. He may figure out why he might loathe the idea of going home. It doesn't sound like any "home" I would want. Home is supposed to be a safe place.

Call it a "medical LOA."

Women looking for an acceptable reason in the LDS Church to divorce a man and "take him to the cleaners."
It probably works in other religions also.

I knew so many women in the lds church who are like her. It has gone crazy since porn is so easy to access on the internet, where before they had to at least go to a store to purchase it.

I'm a woman and I still say that men are victimized as much in the lds church as women are, just in different ways. This is one of them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2017 03:31PM by cl2.

How is this the fault of the woman and not the male-run cult that encourages and enforces these rules?

Btw my TBM ex shamed me for porn use and I'm female. Happens both ways. But he was just doing what he was brainwashed to do, it's not totally his fault.

And btw he's a TBM bishop in the LDS Church which means he actively harm's people all the time, creepily asks young people about masturbation and denies people temple recommends for violating the law of chastity. Perhaps if he doesn't want to follow LDS rules, he should leave or at least not continue to preach them to others.

If I knew this woman, I would confront her in public and start a debate right on the spot, in front of all her friends, colleagues, relatives, or whoever was around.

I'm not saying it would be the best thing to do, but I know I just can't help myself, it's how I function. I leave no subject untalked about.

I would too. But I'd also ask that guy why, if he doesn't believe in LDS rules, he keeps being a bishop which means shaming other people for breaking them.

he has "resigned" his calling now.

he still believes the church is 100% true and he is the failure.

he barely leaves the house when not at work.

he is getting ready to move out at the insistence of the wife.

Ah, that wasn't in the original post.
I still maintain that I don't really understand why it's the problem of the wife when they both chose to be in a cult that preaches this as a necessity. So they're supposed to be in the cult but not follow the rules and both be fine with that? I just don't get that logic. He has some responsibility for accepting so many callings and lying about the law of chastity while holding others to the same standard.

I mean, he's a believer. Goes with the territory. It's not his wife's fault for believing the exact same BS as him. Just seems like an easy way to demonize women rather than the controlling system of the church. When my ex shamed me and called me disgusting for masturbating, I guess it was wrong but it was much more the church's fault.

Maybe moving out will be a "blessing" in disguise.

Just maybe he will have time to reflect about how and why he was caught up in the cult mentality and a relationship that puts the church first.

Tell him not to move out unless directed to do so by his divorce lawyer. To do otherwise might put him in a very bad position. If his wife is that unhappy, *she* can move out.

Absolutely, summer. Glad you added that.

You should point out to the wife the scriptures about divorce is only allowable for adultery and ask her if she's getting ready to commit adultery or not.

If she says her husband has...read her the definition of adultery to clarify that, actually, her husband has not...but she sure seems like she's wanting to commit it.

Then ask her who is committing the worse sin?

It's the Church that's being MEAN to him. If one commenter thinks her reporting his breaking the rules to his supervisor (SP) is an automatic reason for divorce, why doesn't this guy DIVORCE the Church 1st?

The woman is described as being "mean to him," when she's really only following the rules he subscribes to. How do we know she's MEAN? Is that based on what he says? Some people have perceptions that are incorrect. My spouse long thought I was being mean to him because I'd try to greet him when he came home from work and give him a kiss. Yes he really believed this was mean of me; he just has a very abnormal way of perceiving things.

Often It's all in the perception of the individual. If he subscribes to certain rules of the Church then it's the Church that is causing the problems in his life.

I think they mean MEAN as in small minded, not vengeful. Not that the end result is much different. The church is what took a dump in the bed. Just wait. He'll change the sheets and the church'll do it again.

His wife is another Mormon women puppet!

I have a relative who has been ratted out to the bishop and to some of us relatives for catching him viewing porn and masturbating. I think the ratting out is reprehensible, and the fact that his wife does that shows a very elementary misunderstanding of trust, marriage, and the role of religion.

Ill go way out on a limb and say id bet the last time he had preesdud approved sex...lincoln was in the white house...and it was full garmies with lights out for procreative purposes...shes likely had that stick up her arse for so long shes forgot its there...nothing better than all that pity at church cuz ...oh you poor dear...its the porn isnt it...big stick indeed...the old badgers gave it to her and every other wonder woman in church and suddenly porn seems like a viable option...hell hath no fury like a woman porned

Poor guy. All that priesthood and patriarchy, and still a mean woman's bitch. He needs to go find a better God.

"hell hath no fury like a woman porned"

Good one!

this is one of the reasons I say that Women Rule in Morland.

in 'actual' sexual activities, the least timid-adventurous "partner" gets to rule by going to the Bp & complain, NO MATTER how slight or common the 'infraction'

Studies show that women on average are actually a lot more sexually adventurous than men.

That she "caught" him tells me she doesn't respect his privacy or boundaries and doesn't have a clue that healthy relationships require enough trust to give the other a little space. I would understand if she felt embarrassed or inadequate or hurt or ashamed or confused or angry. All good reasons why a person wouldn't want to broadcast it all over town. I would never trust her again. The relationship would be over. She ruined the guy's life over nothing. I'll wager that he'll be much happier in his new life.

She has to be joshing him if she thinks she hasn't got a dirty mind, as well. Tell him to ask her if there is anything he can do to meet or satisfy her emotional needs sexually?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/15/2017 11:38PM by canary21.

My husband's ex wife told everyone in their ward that my husband is a violent porn addict who hates women. Almost everyone in the church turned on him. She then told his parents about his non-existent propensity toward violence and viewing porn. Fortunately, they eventually realized she was lying. And she told his daughters, who apparently still think he's addicted to porn.

Meanwhile, my husband was a victim of sexual violence perpetrated by his ex wife. He only told me about it last spring.

Well, that is what a guy gets for being a MORmON !!!!