I knew that the church was a cult from a young age. Everything about it screamed, "Weird." The story of JS and everything that he said happened to him, to the cursed nature of the Lamanites (you mean to tell me that I'm supposed to be repulsed by the brown skin of Hispanic and Poly women. Hahaha, what a joke. That's what the BOM said I was supposed to feel about it).

My family was BIG on missionary work. They'd do anything the church asked them to do. I couldn't get behind the testifying. It didn't seem right for a rational person to believe it. So embarrassing.

But recently, I have come to the realization that I lived in a double cult. My family was it's own cult. I know not every Mormon family functions this way, but mine did, and not until I was able to get out of it was I able to see how bad it is.

It still is bad, but I had to divorce myself from the family that I grew up in. I don't go around, and it still functions like a cult. It's a fucking bizarro world.

We were taught that we were better because we were a very special family--God had his eye on us. My dad was the "Patriarch." He loved that and lorded over us with deception, control, and an iron fist. He was lazy and weak minded, believing the most incredible things. He'd mention to anyone that he was the leader of the family and some day he was going to be the patriarch of us all and our children in celestial worlds. It's what he lived for. The children worked very hard for him, proving for the home and the family, even getting paying jobs at very early age.

He got revelations for the family and each member. It was usually preachy as hell. We were a MORE-TRUE CHURCH WITHIN THE TRUEST CHURCH.

We couldn't talk to outsiders. My mom would chase off other kids who came to our house wanting to play or hang out. They weren't good enough for us. To my parents, we were the best people in the world because of our special access to god and spirits, etc. That didn't make any sense to me because I was around other people and just knew it wasn't true. We were fucked up, and there were a lot of other families doing better in every way than we were. They were better adjusted, made better money, and their kids weren't abused and neglected.

We were encouraged to lie to cover the family's secrets, and boy, were there some doozers. Just implying to another adult about how our family really functioned would get us a beating like no other. We were afraid to say anything, and I think for my siblings, they believed that this was normal.

There was some sexual abuse, and definitely a lot of physical abuse and a naturally combined mixed of neglect. Criminal neglect.

I thought my parents hid it all so well. But, talking to my aunts and uncles as an adult, now, they knew that we were one weird bunch of people. I was able to laugh about some of the things when I realized that others on the outside knew that not everything was right. We were kept from interacting with these aunts and uncles for all my years growing up, but they weren't fooled. We were told they were shitty people, but they are some of the most amazing people I have met.

My siblings still act like my parents are royalty. They are stuck in the cult of my parents, lying and hiding things for them, and they are still in cult of the church. Poor things.

I realized I was living within a cult within a cult. I was lucky I was able to break free from this. But realizing what it was has brought me peace.

I have come to realize that families can function as cults with the same power of control and shame that cults and churches use.

Did anyone else experience this?

Wow. I read some of my own family dynamics there, minus the church because I didn't grow up mormon. This seems, from my research, to be the typical structure of an abusive home. I'm sorry you experienced this because this is hard to overcome in adulthood. I hope you've found some happiness and sanity in your life.

What you described seems very prominent in many Mormon families. I've seen this with questioning TBM friends--they can leave the church cult, but are afraid of leaving the family cult. Best wishes!

That's something for certain personality types that doesn't require mormonism, but it certainly enables them.

Like Amway, you are "your own boss", but there is an upline leading all the way to the Biggest of the Bigshots and you have to impress them all and smile and show them how happy and successful you are and sell the product, because eventually *you* are going to be that Biggest Bigshot yourself!

When you are inculcated from a young age that you are going to be a god, it can make you run your family like you the power of life and death over them, and if things aren't running perfectly you can make it into a hell.