Date: January 12, 2017 04:21AM
Another alternative is to change therapists. Your therapist should have the knowledge to help you and your husband and your children become more assertive, cope with problems, become non-victims. I feel it is a cop-out to just move. How do you know that your family members won't follow you, wherever you go?
Your career is more important than your relatives. It's how you are supporting your family. More waking hours are spent at your job, than in church or anywhere else. The family breadwinner is Number One--not wacko Mormon relatives, not incompetent therapists.
If your children are happy in their schools, I would advise you to keep them where they are.
The PNW is lovely! It is not predominantly Mormon.
With Mormons it's all or nothing. You can compromise, and move across town, and still keep your job. Peace of mind might be worth a longer commute.
In my personal experience, I was able to get the Mormons out of my life, and still keep my beautiful home in the mountains. My children grew up with great non- and ex-Mormon friends, and they have homes in our same neighborhood. Over the years, our previously Mormon neighborhood has become mostly non-Mormon. The old fanatic core group (the ones who abused my children) have moved to St. George, or into fancy condos, or followed their children to Texas, or wherever. New families have moved in, with younger parents, who are not Mormons. Be patient. The Mormon cult is rapidly shrinking in the nice residential neighborhoods--even in SLC, where I live.
I went to a psychiatrist, an MD, who was President of the Psychiatric Association, and who was recommended by my psychologist friend. He's a never-Mormon, but knew about the pathology of Mormonism. I needed his help in handling my abusive older brother, in dealing with my money-scamming nephew, and my sociopathic TBM husband who abandoned me and our children--and the inlaws who disowned us. My former ward friends would not even make eye contact in the stores, and acted as if I were not even there. That can mess with your mind! They gossiped about me, because I was divorced, and insulted me in front of my children, in my own home.
Still, I loved hiking and cross-country skiing and mountain biking out my front door. I liked my mini-woods, my garden, the city and mountain views, my not-Mormon neighbors. I had a really great career, that I could not leave. There were so many positives in my life here, that I was not going to let a cult of crazies ruin it for us!
I moved away from the neighborhood stores, the old Mormon hang-outs, the movie theater, and everywhere else that the Mormons frequented--just like moving away for real. I didn't want to see any of them and give them a chance to shun me. My children went away to college, and happily re-connected with their same non-Mormon friends, when they returned. They were free.
Most of the Mormons in our ward and stake (I had a stake and a regional calling) weren't interested in the same things I was interested in. For one thing, they didn't work, and the downtown professional work scene was foreign to them. They also weren't into nature and tree-hugging and animal rescue, and all that. They read only church books, so I quit that book club and joined a classics book club, and later a best seller's book club. Yoga was foreign to most Mormons. No Mormon women my age ever skied, and I went with my two old high school friends, who were baptized with me--all three of us resigned! We go to the operas, too, as our taste in music is different. It's good advice to seek out interests that are as opposite to Mormonism as possible.
We know which restaurants to avoid, too. There are so many to choose from, that it's no loss to us.
You can leave, in your heart, and it is like you are really gone. I barely listen to what Mormons have to say, anymore. I smile and am polite, because I learned to be that way in California, where I grew up.
You must always remember that you are in the MAJORITY. The majority of normal people think that Mormons are weird, and they would never want to join their cult.
Back away, emotionally. Don't disclose your financial information. Don't debate religion--it does no good. Don't do business with Mormons.
Be patient, and you will find a whole new group of friends. when I quit Relief Society, I volunteered in my children's schools, and made the best friends of my life there. Make play dates for your children. In fact, do things with your children, instead of wasting time trying to make friends with Mormons who don't like you. Concentrate on the relationships that count.
Stay put, but make changes. Set boundaries. Learn to be assertive (there are books on the subject), and enjoy your new life, right where you are. Bloom where you're planted! You might bring some good people into the light with you!