Wife constantly angry at me...not just pissed off, I'm talking SEETHING at me. Why? As previously reported, I:

1. "Betrayed her."
2. "Changed."
3. "Became weak in my testimony."
4. etc...

I informed her that I was not going to be treated like this anymore.

And I invited her to leave.

You set some clear boundaries. You have every right to stop abusive, angry behavior. Now to see what she will do.
Making decisions when in a rage won't be productive - not helpful for anyone.

Hugs to you. I hope there is resolution soon and the healing can begin.

You've always came across as a rational man. Don't stop now. This is a HUGE step. Make rational, not emotional decisions. IF you're serious, get legal advice. I don't like divorce lawyers, but they are a necessary evil. Get some advice, don't file, but be prepared if your wife does. NEVER leave your home and move out. That puts you in a weak position. You have a lot to lose or gain. Don't do prideful stuff that will cost you a lot of money.

StillAnon wrote, "Don't do prideful stuff that will cost you a lot of money."

Yikes, I wish I'd followed that advice... a couple times...

Hang in there, ed. It seems you're sticking up for yourself--that should serve you well in the long run. It's getting through the short run that's the tricky part.

You have the same right to be treated with dignity and respect as she does.

It's that simple.

Best wishes.

On the other hand, do you really own more of the house than she does? How come you're inviting her to leave and you stay, if you're both deciding to call it quits? Parting due to irreconcilable differences does not necessitate you keep the house. Or does it?

Would be consulting with a divorce attorney if I were you, to understand your rights v. hers, and what type of marital division state you live in.

"How come you're inviting her to leave and you stay, if you're both deciding to call it quits? Parting due to irreconcilable differences does not necessitate you keep the house. Or does it?"

Really Amyjo?
She's the one bitching about her married life. If you don't like it-leave. You don't get to change your feelings about married life & expect the other person to pick up & leave. Ed was right to tell her she can leave. You're smarter than that. Amyjo.

she is married to LD$ Inc. , not to you.

Bingo!!!

I agree with Amyjo about the property. Edzachary's wife might be married to the church but laws of the land govern the division of assets and property.

Ed you're emotional now, a court of law runs on facts not emotions. Get your facts in order and you should come out in fine shape.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/05/2016 12:54AM by tumwater.

1. "Betrayed her."

Nope. The church betrayed you both. She's not perceptive enough to recognize that. You are.

2. "Changed."

It's called "growth." You've grown up. She's still a child, and acting like one.

3. "Became weak in my testimony."

Actually, you cast off your delusion and replaced it with genuine knowledge. A "testimony" of a fraud is not a good thing. Mormon testimonies are worthless.


"And I invited her to leave."

Hopefully said in a voice like unto David Bednar. He loves to issue invitations.

I have a similar history back when I told my TBM wife that I couldn't take going to church any more, except I would say my wife was sad and disappointed, rather than seething. After a while, she claimed that I had changed and she couldn't help but think of me as "defective." I asked her if she could give a specific example of how I had changed in any way in my behavior toward her. She couldn't; it all had to do with my relationship with TSCC, not with her. Then I pointed out that she, on the other hand, was the one giving me the cold shoulder and was going around crying to church friends and the bishop, telling them details about our marriage relationship (because, of course, they want details). Thankfully, she was able to realize that it was her behavior that had changed and I hadn't changed but was still the same person.

There is always the big elephant in the room that we just ignore, but we are still happily married these eight years later.

These stories make me sad and angry. I divorced my TBM wife after 14 years of misery. I feel strongly that your leaving the church is not a sign of "weakness of your testimony" but rather a sign of strength to recognize the truth for what it is.

At least you took her "press-to-test" button away. I'm not so sure she will leave even though she may have threatened that with you in the past. It is a manipulative game and you are done playing.

Take your power back and don't let her control you with guilt, money, time away from home,...really the list goes on and on. Control is bad in any relationship.

Cults suck. They tear families apart. Please keep us posted. Good luck.

Mountaineer Ed:
Gatorman here. Your life now seems like the Florida offense. Attacks coming from all directions. Some observations:
1. Hold the line of scrimmage ( do not leave your home )
2. No personal fouls ( do not attack your wife personally ) Speak redspectfully in calm demeanor.
3. No illegal participation ( no hint of extracurricular activities )
4. Call time out to discuss your options ( seek legal counsel )
5. Force the defense to commit ( spouse to file first )
6. Plan for the second half ( review your finances and how to protect yourself and children still at home )

Always remember anger sheds heat and not light...Always your friend

Gatorman
8-4
6-1

Oh Edzachery, I'm so sorry the fucking cult has put your family in this situation! It makes me sick to know how much damage Mormonism does to families. For what it's worth, friend, I think you did the right thing. It's time for your wife to step up and reaffirm her love and commitment to you, and your marriage. I think the above posters gave you some really good advice. Please know that we are in solidarity with you. The Boner.

I tried yesterday (Sunday) to get her to commit to answering this one simple question: "Which is more important: tscc or our marriage?" She couldn't answer it. And yet...I think she did answer it. It's getting crowded in this marriage with all three of us: her, me, and tscc (and not necessarily in that order). She doesn't love me...probably never did. I was the means to an end: a paycheck and a MP holder. I have supported her and her "lifestyle" for 23 years (she was always a stay-at-home mom for our children and hasn't had to work to support herself or us)...for what? She treats me like I have leprosy and literally "freezes up" if I reach out to touch her or make any effort to show even the slightest bit of affection (even holding hands). She simply refuses to touch me. And she is in complete and utter denial that tscc has any role in this whatsoever...it's all my fault for "being deceived." I asked if she meant that I was deceived by the Essays on ld$.org, and she became flustered and stormed away.

Overall, an exciting weekend at the edzachery house.

Our situation is so close, I could have written this. I'm going to share some personal stuff. I haven't had sex for many years as my wife has told me she can't "give" herself to me anymore. I've tried taking a romantic approach (nothing). One day when I was in a very happy mood, I bought some under armor athletic briefs (very tasteful but they accentuate the bulge). I came out only dressed in the briefs. She looked at me disgustedly and said, no. I've never worn them since. I'm getting tired of self-pleasuring. I want romance and someone just to held me and like me, even if it doesn't lead to sex. I've driven by a couple of brothels in Nevada, but, I can't bring myself to pay for sex with someone who doesn't know let alone care for me. It's not about the physical act, but about closeness and love.

I've directly asked my wife if she wants to continue with our marriage, she says she doesn't know (I've been married a few more years than you). I think it's better for her financially if we stay married.

I tried to get her to go with me to London, she politely refused. She won't travel with me.

We separated many years ago, then my Dad died. I went back, I wish I hadn't, because now I'm having to face the pain of divorce in my mid-60s.

This is what life looks like when ones spouse is TBM!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/05/2016 09:22PM by BYU Boner.

Oh yeah, I can feel her tail swishing from here.

On the bright side, she's doing a fast burn instead of a long quiet brooding. It'll be over quicker that way and you stand a better chance of her simmering down.

I would love to see you saying that to her during a SM and thus elicit gasps from the other congregants, but nevertheless, congratulations. You did the right thing.

Still loving you, edz....

"We don't shun" the Hell you say Mr. Holland!

Marriages are torn in half every day in the LDS church and the problem is widespread.

Will the so called prophets lift a finger to stop the destruction of families when one cease to believe.

No!

That would harm the money stream.

Do they follow Christs counsel that believers stay with non-believing spouses?

No!

That would harm the money stream.

Ask the wife if she has been given any advice to shun you, or entreat her with the possible future of cutting you loose due to your weakness that Satan took advantage of.

Seems she needs to read 1st Corinthians 7. Then ask if church advice is lining up? Hey spouse, BIG RED FLAG!

I feel for you edzachery. I know what it's like to have the wife of your youth recoil as if the grim reaper had touched them all because of a 200 year old lie and the cowards that keep it going for profit.


I agree with others. Visit a lawyer and learn about your options. The delusion can and will cause real world consequences.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/05/2016 09:58AM by AmIDarkNow?.

As I have told a couple of family members who are going through awful marriage problems, you deserve to be happy.

You have been married for 23 years. Your children are probably mostly grown and may be on their own by now. Nevertheless, they do sense the tension between the two of you. (Mine told me later they didn't understand why I stayed in the marriage as long as I did after it went bad.)

Both of you deserve to find your bliss.

There is life after divorce.

Just my 2 cents