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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 19, 2016 04:17PM

One of The Lord's Anointed will die.

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Posted by: Ericka ( )
Date: November 19, 2016 04:43PM

There will continue to more and more mormons showing up on the exmo boards as first time posters.

There will be more people leaving than joining. That is if you don't count the 8 year olds who have no choice.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 12:32PM

Maybe 8 year olds will start reading Exmormon.org in droves?

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Posted by: Visitors Welcome ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 03:44PM


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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: November 21, 2016 02:15PM

Maybe Eric will have to start a "Sesame Street" version of the board for the 8 year-olds...?

Can you imagine Bert & Ernie singing, "I don't want to be in a cult?" I can. :)

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Posted by: michaelm (not logged in) ( )
Date: December 01, 2016 07:13PM


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Posted by: edzachery ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 02:17PM

+++++++++1

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Posted by: LifeFromANewView ( )
Date: December 01, 2016 08:03PM

Yes, yes they are. I read it when I was 16 and quickly fled to fairlds. Though it honestly just helped me shore up my shelf a little so it could put more stuff on it that just caused it to break a little later.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: November 19, 2016 04:46PM

Three-quarters of the adult converts baptized in 2016 will have lapsed into inactivity before the end of 2017.

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Posted by: severedpuppetstrings ( )
Date: November 19, 2016 04:53PM

There will be more threats from the General Authorities during conference as the Morg's numbers continue to dwindle down. (Shades of Elders Ballard and Holland from previous General Conferences.)

During the next General Conference, a plethora of people will scream out "OPPOSED" when it comes down to sustaining the presidency. So disruptively loud, that they'll have to be carried out by security. The screen will then go black - no wait, white - while the words appear on the screen stating that they are experiencing technical difficulties.

LD$, Inc. will build a high-end apartment building in Salt Lake City with the member's tithing/fast offering money, and the TBM's will continue to turn a blind eye to it, while "carrying on" performing their custodial duties, and at times exclaiming how paying tithing is a blessing and a privilege.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 01:20PM by severedpuppetstrings.

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: December 29, 2016 04:19PM

Conference will be on a time delay. Any opposition will be cut out.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: November 19, 2016 08:10PM

Suckers will continue to be suckered.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 12:34PM

And F_ckers will continue to be...?

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Posted by: quatermass2 ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 04:36PM

> Suckers will continue to be suckered.


'twas always thus, sadly.

The really umfortunate corrolary of this is that those unfortunate enough to be born to TBM folks is that they are coming into a world where they have no choice.

So, what is in store for such newborn children?

They will be taxed (ten percent minimum) - unless you want the Destroying Angel to burn you in a horrible death at some time in the future ... When? Oh, we can't answer that question ... just make sure you keep praying, obeying and - above ALL - paying. You know, just in case.

Continued distancing from Packer: don't want to let those revenue streams be endangered by the ravings of someone who "never actually said that"

Mormons - renew your obligations for 2017: Pray, pay and - above all - obey ... and whatever ypu may do, do not try to think for yourself.

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Posted by: getbusylivin ( )
Date: November 19, 2016 08:41PM

A nice juicy scandal would be cool. Embezzlement? A tryst caught on a security camera? A hot mic picking up an "apostle's" unfortunate comments?

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 12:33PM

getbusylivin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> A nice juicy scandal would be cool.

Another white man will be chosen for their Q-of-the-12.

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Posted by: severedpuppetstrings ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 01:18PM

Elder Berry Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> getbusylivin Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > A nice juicy scandal would be cool.
>
> Another white man will be chosen for their
> Q-of-the-12.


Because that's the main qualification of becoming a Q-12.

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Posted by: sunbeep ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 12:38PM

I predict that the ego of one of the top dogs will get the better of him and the wolf pack will have to censure him to emeritus status like they did Paul Dunn. It will happen mostly behind closed doors, but someone will notice and let the cat out.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 12:48PM

I think we will continue to see more young people coming home from missions, and refusing to serve a mission altogether. As young people see their friends making these choice, they too will feel increasingly comfortable making their own choices. More missionaries will be sent to areas of growth, including the Moridor, South America, and Africa. Europe will be largely written off.

As donations dwindle, there will be increasing talks given by the leadership on tithing and temple attendance.

Resignations will continue, and as people see family and friends making their exits from the church, they too will do the same.

I see a small but increasingly important trend of people who stay in, doing church on their own terms. Once people no longer care about being temple worthy, the church will have lost the battle for control.

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Posted by: Zeezromp ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 02:42PM

The corporation will announce an increase in membership, proving yet again the church is true.(Mostly Mis sold investigator baptism dupes).

The corporate leaders will continue to consume Tithing cash blessings as well as being blessed on corporate rolls as non execs to LDS corporation businesses.

Non of the LDS Apostles or Prophets will hear from any God(s).

Elder Ballard will not hear from Jehovah (as he claimed he awaits) about ceasing the missionary work, so the MLM corporate nonsense and circus for members will continue.

Jehovah is a man made name invented in the 14th Century by a Catholic monk who tried to solve the puzzle of pronouncing the unknown name, so he mixed vowels from the greek word Adonai(for lord) and imposed them on the Hebrew Consonants YHVH but used JHVH and came up with JaHoVaH.

So much for claims of apostasy until Smith came on the scene and yet they use the apostate blunder. lol



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 02:44PM by Zeezromp.

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Posted by: Anonymous 2 ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 03:33PM

Monson finally dies??9nv

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Posted by: Heresy ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 03:43PM

They will get negative headlines at least twice for things we can't even imagine.

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Posted by: Visitors Welcome ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 03:50PM

I predict that one of the next old geezers to die will be replaced by a token minority, and a few others by people from outside the USA and English-majority countries.

The Dieter was a test case. Expect a few white guys from Chile or Brazil, and a black one from the USA or UK.

Don't expect a black Brazilian, because baby steps...

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Posted by: severedpuppetstrings ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 04:36PM

Visitors Welcome Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I predict that one of the next old geezers to die
> will be replaced by a token minority, and a few
> others by people from outside the USA and
> English-majority countries.
>
> The Dieter was a test case. Expect a few white
> guys from Chile or Brazil, and a black one from
> the USA or UK.
>
> Don't expect a black Brazilian, because baby
> steps...



You should add not to accept a Black African as well. But I'm sure they'll call an Euro-African/Afrikaans.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 04:36PM by severedpuppetstrings.

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Posted by: quatermass2 ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 04:41PM

One thing that can be said for a surety ...

"The con will roll on..."




(morally unconscionable though it may be, but hey ... as long as the tithing keeps rolling in, who gives a damn about human decency, eh?)

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Posted by: themaster ( )
Date: November 20, 2016 06:23PM

I predict LDS, Inc will once again punish an entire group of people for something they have no control over. Like the church will leave an entire country because they did not pay enough in tithes and offerings to support themselves.

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Posted by: gettinreal ( )
Date: November 21, 2016 01:12PM

How is that a punishment exactly?

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Posted by: icedtea ( )
Date: November 21, 2016 01:51PM

TSCC will continue or increase:tone-deaf "inclusion" efforts aimed at LGBTQ+ while doubling down on policies that blatantly exclude and demean them; scare and shame tactics aimed at TBMs on the fence; whitewashing and outright denials of its own history and past doctrines (while insisting this is how it's always been); building temples in areas where they want to up tithing revenue; excommunicating members who dare tell the truth in public; and spewing deceptive spin about its "growth."

TSCC will stop or decrease:the reporting fact-based membership numbers in GenCon; giving struggling members any meaningful financial help; building new US chapels outside the Morridor; any outside attempts to ascertain what's really going on.

More embarrassing books, pamphlets, web articles, and other writings will disappear down the rabbit hole. Members will get even dumber and be guilted into working harder. Outsiders will shake their heads as Mormons look even weirder compared to the rest of the world.

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Posted by: just sayin ( )
Date: November 22, 2016 01:27PM

A dollar is a dollar, even if it is an LGBTQ dollar, a "less-than-white-delightsome" one, an SSI or an SSD dollar.

No heathen or commoner "too unworthy" to tithe. All dollars are delightsome, even if the donors are not.

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: November 21, 2016 02:14PM

Old, old fuckers dying, being replaced by younger old fuckers.

RB

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Posted by: edzachery ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 03:08PM

You got that right, RB.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 22, 2016 08:58AM

One more. That the Morg will go on, and on, and on, and on. Where are those Lost Ten Tribes from the North when you need them to send an iceberg to The Ole Ship Zion?

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Posted by: Princess Telestia ( )
Date: November 22, 2016 04:12PM

Same old same old, they will create pain, punish the innocent and reward the guilty, won't help the homeless of Salt Lake City or any city for that case. Their white phallus will stand against the toxic sky, a fitting symbol for the hell we've created ourselves as people by allowing them (and other cults) to tell us who we are and why we should "listen" there's hope though that one day we will rise up and show them why they are wrong and who the true sinners are.

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Posted by: GC ( )
Date: November 22, 2016 06:13PM

Monson and Hales will die -- and they will get a non-white replacement apostle for one of them.

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Posted by: Princess Telestia ( )
Date: November 30, 2016 02:14PM

That sounds implausible maybe in 2050?

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: November 30, 2016 10:13PM

Yeah, when the rainbow quorum exists.

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Posted by: severedpuppetstrings ( )
Date: December 29, 2016 07:15AM

Bumping this back up, with the New Year approaching and all.

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Posted by: cognitivedissonance ( )
Date: December 31, 2016 12:56PM

Replacements will come from Mormondom, USA. Only Church Broke white descendants live in Mormondom.

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Posted by: BeenThereDunnThatExMo ( )
Date: November 22, 2016 07:32PM

Bednar will lead a New Year's Day coup d'état against the FP + Q12 saying that they've been doing it ALL WRONG for years now and that it's supposed to be the "youngest" of the Q12 that is next in line for Prophet-ship.

He will wipe the slate clean by a unilateral decree that any other future appointments to the FP + Q12 will ALWAYS be older than he is insuring that he will be the Prophet-For-Life.

Of these things I solemnly bear witness to in the name of Cheese & Rice...AMEN!

So it is spoken...so it shall be done!

Or so it seems to me...

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Posted by: 6 iron ( )
Date: November 30, 2016 03:03PM

An exmo will become CEO of Depends Inc, and will stop selling them in SLC.

The Q15 will then rely on noname brands and get serious chaffing.

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Posted by: Brother Of Jerry ( )
Date: December 01, 2016 07:03PM

Thousands of heads will explode when The Book of Mormon musical has its three week run at the Eccles Theater next summer.

There will be a ticket surcharge to pay for cleaning the upholstery.

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Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: December 01, 2016 10:03PM

The morg will officially announce its partnership with Ty-D-Bol.

"This will be a shining moment in history for Mormons everywhere."

"Now members will see a special commemorative bottle with President Monson's gleeful photo. And as a bonus for those living in the Utah area; one lucky member will purchase a special golden bottle with an etching of the Salt Lake Temple. The winner [with current Mormon Temple Recommend] will receive a special trip to Salt Lake City to clean the greatest toilet in the world; the holy of the holies golden commode."

"The winner of this special and sacred service will be blessed beyond every temporal reward imaginable. Members will be talking about this opportunity for years to come. The First Presidency looks forward to more rewards from the blessed partnership with Ty-D-Bol."



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/01/2016 10:05PM by messygoop.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 02, 2016 01:18AM

I'll See your 'one's, and Raise you one...

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 02, 2016 01:21AM

the Beatings Will Continue until morale improves...

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 04, 2016 12:39PM

The moral improves with more bleatings. Misery loves The LDS Company.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: December 04, 2016 12:50PM

It will be exactly like 2016, only with a few less people.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 29, 2016 02:38PM

No one famous will die?

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Posted by: Honest TBM ( )
Date: December 29, 2016 03:09PM

I feel inspired to weigh in on this thread. If my predictions come true then you will know I was inspired by the Spirit. If not then I was just speaking as a human.

1. DCP and the rest of the anti-Moronis in the so-called church scholarly circles are going to repent. Frankly the evil apostates hardly cause a dent in the church because the church manuals don't tell us to listen to apostates. However when we see scientists claiming to believe (and getting respect in church circles) then go shred to bits the teachings about the Native Americans which originated with the great resurrected omnipotent prophet-historian Moroni it can cause seekers of the truth to lose faith. Not only does DCP/others do this on the Book of Mormon but they do it on the Book of Abraham and the Age of the Earth too. I was shocked to hear that some so-called apologist thought the earth might be at least 7100 years old based on some so-called science named Geology which contradicts the pure doctrine we see in D&C 77:6. But alas once they repent and we stick to the story of the 1830's then their damaging ways will stop having any negative impact on investigators & truth seekers within the church.

2. The naysayers will gnash their teeth as it will be obvious to all when they do a google search of lds.org to find and view the honest and transparent statistical and financial reports of the church. Some anti-Mormons like to claim that the church hides its statistical/financial info from the members and just present whatever info they think will cause the members to be more assimilated into the church. However its important to remember that the church's growth depends upon the world knowing that its the most honest/truthful/transparent church, not some totalitarian regime like North Korea.

3. The blossoming like a rose of the Lamanites will become more obvious to all. There is nothing that defends the church's historical teachings about Father Lehi's descendants than for them to be shown as real human beings that are beginning to fulfill Book of Mormon and latter-day leaders' prophecies. Now that we can do DNA tests on these folks then it'll obviously help strengthen testimonies as people see the genetic markers of the Hebrews show up as expected.


4. With 15 prophets-seers-revelators there will be plenty of prophecies and other sacred activities revealed just as we have been promised would happen on a regular continuing basis. I look forward to coming back here in a year from now (assuming that there might still be some exmormons who might not have yet gone back once they see how honest/transparent the church is) to review this long list of 2017 prophecies of these great leaders.


5. Heavenly Father will continue to save money by drastically cutting back the church translation budgets by utilizing the gifts of seership that the Big 15 have. We've seen the blessings that come in the lives of members everywhere from being able to clean the chapels/temples in order to fill up the Lord's bank accounts. And now thanks to the gift of seership the Lord will save even more money.

Happy New Year to all of you. I'd celebrate myself but I am woefully behind on my genealogy work and I must bear the heavy heavy burden of guilt so I suppose I should get busy. Right now I have numerous ancestors who are locked in the chains of Spirit Prison waiting for baptism to free them from that hell so they can become Mormons. However due to what is obviously my slothfulness they haven't yet been found so in prison they must remain for now. If only the historical records in Europe were as transparent as the true church's finances then maybe there would be more hope to speeding up the process. But alas I shouldn't be thinking any negative thoughts on this or else the dossier being compiled on me by the loving heavenly 24/7 surveillance program on all my thoughts/actions could include sufficient evidence to deny me the blessings of eternal life in the Celestial Kingdom. Oh how joyful it'll be to spend eternity hectically and quickly reading & thoughtfully answering trillions of inbox messages every day on a 24/7 basis without any breaks/vacations so that my spirit children and their posterity can be blessed.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 12:36PM

LOL!

I just saw a FB post saying there is a big difference between "private" and "secret" and that privacy give leverage whereas secrecy is concealing with intention to deceive.

I guess the Temple is "private" and so are LDS financials? Leveraging for The Lord?

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: December 29, 2016 10:33PM

More & More former wage positions will be filled by "volunteers"

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Posted by: Phazer ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 12:26PM

Some old man will die and another will be called to fill his place.

More VolunTold. More members drop.

More brainwashing of the youth to get them to think their church history isn't so odd.

Terryl Givens books will continued to be passed out to those questioning and told this is how the church is EVEN though none of the 12 agree with Terryl, YET, the general members will think the church is advancing and more will try to change it from within and FAIL.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 12:37PM

Phazer Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Terryl Givens books will continued to be passed
> out to those questioning and told this is how the
> church is EVEN though none of the 12 agree with
> Terryl, YET, the general members will think the
> church is advancing and more will try to change it
> from within and FAIL.

I've gathered his book is Stockholm Syndrome in print?

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Posted by: 6 iron ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 04:51PM

The cult will have sponsors for a new revenue stream.

So at conference you will see the Apple logo on the podium...

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 07:52PM

6 iron Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So at conference you will see the Apple logo on
> the podium...

Nope. It will be the Windows (of heaven) logo.

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Posted by: Phazer ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 08:40PM

Sacrament meeting remain boring and filled with more conservative rants + Joseph Smith worship.

A few more old guys continue to fall asleep.

Less kids crying as more more families ditch the morg.

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Posted by: Pariah ( )
Date: December 30, 2016 11:14PM

A money-grabbing GA will write a definitive book about Shaken Faith Syndrome, and invent a new terminology for apostates who leave the church because they are offended--"Offendates" who have "Offended Pride Disorder", or some such drivel.

The new book will be MANDATORY for all the Gospel Doctrines classes, available to members at a discount at Deseret Books for $8.99, if you buy a dozen to give to friends and neighbors.

A new temple site will be announced, on the land presently occupied by the Washington Monument's reflecting pool.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 31, 2016 12:35PM

Love these.

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Posted by: Apropos of Nothing ( )
Date: December 31, 2016 12:46PM

Apropos of nothing, here are MY predictions for TSCC in 2017:

1.) Tommy Boi dies within the first 10 days. I dare you to prove me wrong.

2.) The MoTab bows out of the Trump inauguration, citing a prompting from the Holy Ghost.

3.) They introduce an emeritus process for the 12 and Big Three. At least four apostles jump ship.

4.) At least five new sexual abuse lawsuits emerge.

5.) An apostle is popped for DUI after killing someone whilst drunk.

6.) TSCC finally updates the hymnal after 31 years.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: December 31, 2016 12:59PM

Love them but I have my revisions of yours.

Apropos of Nothing Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Apropos of nothing, here are MY predictions for
> TSCC in 2017:
>
> 1.) Tommy Boi dies within the first 10 days. I
> dare you to prove me wrong.

He dies within Trump's 100 days.

> 2.) The MoTab bows out of the Trump inauguration,
> citing a prompting from the Holy Ghost.

They not only sing, but many claim inspiration of their holy ghost leading to wide spreading support for Trump among The Mormons.

> 3.) They introduce an emeritus process for the 12
> and Big Three. At least four apostles jump ship.

A euthanasia-culminating final initiatory-like ceremony is leaked where the killing of The First President happens because the prophet can't lead his people astray. The murder of Tommy Boy is what prompts this leak.

Church History buffs scour documents looking for evidence of it in the past.

> 4.) At least five new sexual abuse lawsuits
> emerge.

All involving widows.

> 5.) An apostle is popped for DUI after killing
> someone whilst drunk.

Not for a DUI but for killing Monson.

> 6.) TSCC finally updates the hymnal after 31
> years.

The scriptures continue to be more updated than the hymnal.

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Posted by: L TOM PETTY ( )
Date: December 31, 2016 03:42PM

JESUS SMITH WILL RETURN TO RULE AND REIGN OVER THIS PLANET USHERING IN THE MILLENNIUM.

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