...and is planning to divorce me. Why am I feeling both deep sadness and relief? The moment I expressed doubt, then unbelief about the Church, she completely turned against and shunned me, told me I am the problem (not the Church), wouldn't talk to me about why I don't believe and accused me of having a porn addiction as the reason for my unbelief (and "losing the spirit/Holy Ghost"). Anyone out there experience this same kind of reaction to expressing unbelief to a super believing life-long member spouse?

When I tell people that you're not allowed to quit, Mormons get pissed off and deny it. I feel for you, man. Best wishes.

she was never married to you.
she was married to LD$ Inc.

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> she was never married to you.
> she was married to LD$ Inc.


Exactly. Unfortunately.

This is it.

>>Why am I feeling both deep sadness and relief?

The mixed feelings are understandable. Best wishes moving forward.

I've calculated the odds: You are 79% likely to learn to at least 'like', if not love, your new life.

But yeah, there is that 21% chance that things don't work out. But as Jesus the Christ was wont to say, "Hey, you buys yer ticket and you takes yer chances."

On a personal level, my ex dumped me just before Thanksgiving of 2010 and it hurt. Each Thanksgiving since then has gotten progressively better. I am sincere in my belief that attitude is, if not 'everything', at least important. No... yeah, it's everything.

Sincerely, if I can do, anyone can.

Good hunting!

Yep...only it was my husband that was uber TBM; he filed for divorce and I moved out of the house.
It's been two years now- ever so grateful & relieved.
Wishing the best for you.

I filed for divorce a few months after they returned, under pressure from family.

Don't count on any sympathy or understanding from ANY One who is LDS, No Matter how vicious or deceitful she is, I've been there, done that.

You are finally free to find someone who makes you happy,or, enjoy life alone without the Nazi. I know how much it hurts now, but you will re-build your life. You can make it better than ever. Best wishes.

i DIVORCED MY tbm ABUSIVE, CHILD ABUSING, TEMPLE RECOMMEND HOLDING/ATTENDING ex husband 5 years ago. It was the hardest and best thing I could have done. I now have a wonderful partner whom I have no intention of marrying but love so much. We are equals, we respect one another, we are independent not co dependant, we share interests and hobbies and have some things we would never do together, we holiday together, with our kids and as separate entities, eg me and my kids,or him and his kids. I never new that relationships could be so much fun.You will go through a healing process, will probably feel a bit all over the place, but like many others, you will get through this.
if you have children together get non mormal legal representation as soon as possible

Divorces are hard even if it's a relationship you would be much better off out of. It's a huge adjustment. Take care of you. Give it some time. I know from experience your life will improve a whole lot sans a big ol' nazi who wants to dictate how you think and feel. We are here for you.

The Mormon church was always the elephant in the livingroom for your marriage.

So long as the focus was on the elephant, things went smoothly.

Take the focus from the elephant and prepare to pay the consequences.

The wife is totally in the pockets and in bed with the morg.

Her life is going to change as well, and she may well have regrets but acted before thinking through the consequences of her actions.

The marriage was a tag along 2nd to the church. It's sad to see how brainwashed those people are when you begin to express your doubts and misgivings about the truthfulness of the gospel.

Only if you can accept that you were once one of them yourself, will it even make any sense to you, if at all.

Divorce is permanent. Your life is beginning a new chapter. You actually have the advantage here, since you're no longer encumbered by a cult dictating the terms for your life and living arrangement.

Hang in there, bud. This too shall pass, and you'll be better for the wear in the long run.

Adding to that elephant in the middle of the room analogy, I see the church as the pillar holding the whole damn structure (house) together, when both spouses are LDS.

You take away one of the believing spouses, what is left? The pillar's been removed and the house crumbles. That's how much power LDS has over our lives!

Maybe your wife will come around one day in the not too distant future, and see things from your perspective. That will be sad indeed, when she realizes what a mistake she has made sacrificing her marriage for the cult that stole her from you.

Amyjo Wrote, in part:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Adding to that elephant in the middle of the room
> analogy, I see the church as the pillar holding
> the whole damn structure (house) together, when
> both spouses are LDS.
-------------------------------------------------------
Not to mention that said elephant tends to poop a lot.

The LD$ church poops all over you and then condemns you because you smell bad!

Why is the church so obsessed with pornography ? Every issue of the Ensign and Liahora seem obsessed by it

Here is my opinion. Porn is a problem in the church, because of sexual repression. I believe a lot of couples struggle with sexuality, because they don't have healthy sexuality. One of the partners has higher sexual needs and the other partner won't help in that department. If you are a woman and you withhold sex and don't foster a healthy sexual relationship, your partner is going to find another sexual outlet and porn is right there on the computer, tablet or phone. I have counseled on this and a porn addiction is the caboose to a very long train. In other words, its a symptom of something else. TSCC is good at shaming sexuality and making people feel icky or dirty about sex. TSCC makes sexuality seem like taboo. Its a systemic problem in TSCC.

In addition to Alaskawild's ideas, above, the other piece of the puzzle is simply that manipulative cults such as the Mormon Church have to have some terrible demon to oppose. They will find something that they think they can get away with, and then push it with all of their might.

Besides the devil, they have railed against other churches, until that became unsustainable. And imagined persecution. Masturbation. And sexual minorities. And pornography. Alcohol. Whatever. They need a smokescreen to keep the members' eyes turned away from the deceit that permeates the organization.

If everyone is on a holy crusade against any of those sorts of things, they are less likely to be crusading against little details like the failure of the church to disclose finances. Or the immense sexism that exists in the Mormon church. Or the demands for mindless obedience to leaders. Or the growing insistence on burdensome tithing. Or the complete implausibility of the church's distinctive doctrine. Or the constant shifting of what is doctrine.

All of those evil things that truly exist in the Mormon church need to be hidden, and whipping up hysteria against some other, external matter is a standard way of keeping the members distracted.

My wife divorced me over unbelief. She and I knew each other and shared friendship for 52 years. She married me to play house, by her rules. I changed the rules. Changed my role in the play.

Moron women don't know how to love. It's all about image. She never truly loved you. She loved the image. You broke the mirror.

When my wife left me it seemed there was no purpose for life. I nearly ended it. Now, I've found a peace and serenity I never knew or expected. I'm relieved of so much. No cold shoulder. No bitter tongue. No condemnation. No guilt. Just a new and free life.

If you divorce and choose to be another woman's partner, you will choose to be with someone who you can agree will trust and respect you. You will do the same. Amen - geezus



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2016 10:05AM by incognitotoday.

I'm sorry for your pain; sounds like this Nazi may have treated you as if she were *always* armed, and had a fallback plan in place. Pretty damned emotionally abusive if you ask me.

Get to a lawyer immediately for advice if to wait to let her file, or if it's a better position to file yourself. Tell story honestly to lawyer and he or she will define the grounds.

Hide personal valuables you want to keep, and not become lost or destroyed, including personal memorabilia. Nazis travel in packs. Change passwords. You are not trying to deny her access to joint property, but trying to protect yourself, so protect "your" share by removing her access to it.

For your own sake, please do not assume that she has not or will not betray you in other ways. I would go so far as to put current computer in secure storage, or better- destroy it, and get another. Sites, pics and videos you browsed, even if deleted, are pretty cheaply retrieved if the pc is availalable. I'm not saying it's wrong to use porn, just that you don't want your activities to become part of any legal "discovery." It "broke," and you replaced it.

Be prepared in case this is a case of manipulation, her stocking of emotional ammunition, putting you off-balance for you to buckle to her conditions for re-occupation of formerly held positions.

Nazies are sneaky evil, and deception is key to their plans. She probably misled you about her true feelings about her marriage and you; that is a straight-up con job.

She learned the brainwashing lessons well.

I am sorry that you were deceived, and wish you well.

Unfortunately, what swiffy said.

In my case, she filed. I went along with her paranoia. Then all hell broke loose.

Get a lawyer - a good one. Now!

It's normal to be sad when a partner forces the end of a long-term relationship upon you; even if the actual relationship wasn't good, you had a life together. Your sense of deep relief is normal, too; you describe your wife as a Nazi Mormon, somebody who has probably been emotionally terrorizing you for years and who values TSCC more than you or the marriage.

I was also accused, vilified and then dumped by a TBM spouse after disclosing that I no longer believed. It was devastating, but also a relief like you describe. I got counseling, spent a while enjoying peace and freedom I hadn't known since before the marriage, and realized that I was much better off.

Document everything, protect yourself, and lawyer up. Life will feel a lot better once you're on the other side of the divorce.

I feel for you bro. I think I can relate. I was married to a nice woman, mother of my kids, but I didn't live to the standard she wanted. In the last couple of years I had become apathetic to the church, but i was still fully active. At the end of it all, the ex wife, checked out of the marriage and distanced herself from me. Ultimately, she used the church as a battle axe. There are many women in the church that put the church in #1 position in their lives. Thats right, the church is more important than you.

Then, if you as a husband are struggling with something or are deemed "unworthy" by her, its over. You aren't living to her expected standard and therefor the church wins and you are out!!

Thats what happened to me. Now as a single man, i meet so many single women, and they too, have grandiose desires to find a wonderful man, but the church is still their #1 and it's so obvious. there is an epidemic of women in TSCC that love the church and everything it stands for, far more than their husbands. Such a cult!!

The "family church" really means "family hostage church."

Sorry you are going through this. Hopefully someday you can look back and know it was for the better.

Remember, living well is the best revenge. It confuses the heck out of them. :-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2016 12:36PM by dagny.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully one day
you will look back and be glad it happened and a whole new
life will open up to you.
Big Hugs !!!!!!

For a moment, consider how different things would be If the Morg. Focus was Kindness, Honesty, & Respect...

Yeah, I know that's a stretch.

Been there done that. Both of us total inactive. I was out completely. Married for 17 years. She returns to the Mormons, temple etc. Within a year lost our good business, home, every thing. I started over and rebuilt my life. Never married again. Wish you well.

My experience with a TBM wife, my ex-wife now, was quite similar, though she did not want divorce. She wanted to continue driving me nuts while saving face at church. The charade lasted more than three decades.

I am old, but I finally have freedom to peacefully think freely.

Perhaps there is a chance OP's wife will realize, as she finds herself, even before a divorce is final, as a mormon woman sans husband. Other women will shun her as a potential threat. Maybe she will wake up and smell the coffee.

Haha. That brought back memories of my Utah days. Yes, LDS women think divorced women are after their husbands. Yeah, NOT. Godforbid you should ask them for a ride to work. It would make me laugh to think they honestly thought ANY woman would be interested in Baldy Beer Gut. Especially when we'd already gotten rid of our own. But maybe the women with the smart, funny, normal gut husbands should worry. But those guys weren't active LDS.

Ouch, Norma Rae! I want to let other Baldy Beer Gut guys--I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one--know that I had no problem finding a lovely and intelligent neverMo woman after my TBM wife me for disbelief.

After 23 years, my ex-TBM wife did the same thing to me 8 years ago. At one point she was also accusing me of a porn addiction, whereas I had never looked at porn (seriously). It's a Mormon control issue - they look for way to make you look evil and will accuse you falsely of all sorts of things in order for their world to make sense. You are dealing w/ very disturbed people my friend. Good luck on your journey. You'll be fine. You are better off now. Live your life w/ joy now.

Reading your comment gave me a lot of clarity. My ex husband did the exact same thing after our divorce.

He told people I had a porn addiction (nope), I was bipolar (nope) and I had a drinking problem (nope). He called everyone, tried to ruin me. He told one of his friends that I was a nymphomaniac- needless to say, that backfired on him.

Unfortunately, some TBM women and men are so married to the church their brain cannot accept anything outside of it. It's all about: I'm right, you're wrong, and once you are wrong, you are evil, influenced by Satan and to be shunned, and if possible, your children must be turned against you (taken away if possible also), as you are no longer worthy to be their parent. There is a huge fear that you will influence your children and they will follow Satan also and the TBM can't have that~ ~!

Then, sometimes, the LDS family "circle the wagons", so to speak, and turn against the Satan influenced evil in the home. They lie (for the Lord, of course) to make sure they are protected from this evil in their home.

They often tell the most outrageous fabrications in court when under oath also in order to make sure they are seen as the only good, worthy parent.

Children, caught in the middle, in order to keep the acceptance of the LDS parent side with them, and will also like about the other parent, often accusing them of despicable things that did not happen. It can get nasty in a hurry.

If you're lucky, you'll get, at least, minimum visitation of your own children. If they are older and out of the house, they often take sides, including any grand children.

My hope would be that you can retain relationships with your children and any grand children.

This is likely going to be a bitter, nasty mess for a very long time. The longer the TBM can drag, it out, the better. They want everything their way or you pay and pay and pay, not just in money.

You'll learn how to adjust to a very different kind of life that you never imagined! The good part? It's your life, lived the way you want. You are now taking your power back and owning it!

This type of TBM wife (and often her generational family) have given all of their power to the LDS Church and have no idea what kind of harm they are causing to their own children for generations.

My advice: know your rights! Document everything that happens. Keep good records. Get well informed about the laws in your state regarding divorce and make sure you have an attorney that will have your back. The really good attorneys are often extremely expensive. The only people who make money in a divorce case are the attorneys, as they say!

wow- and I am complaining after a year break up. I cannot begin to image what you are going through, but share being very frustrated and unloved and wanting emotional justice. I agree with the above. Document Everything.
Best wishes.....this is horrific.

So, ExMo2b...how ya doin'?

Hang in there, bro. Stop by hereabouts when you need a break, OK?

It takes a lot of guts to stand up for what you know in your heart is the truth. You did that. You lose a lot in the outside world but you regain yourself. Never forget that.

Take comfort in the little things. I have a lazy fat black cat who stole part of my supper tonight--now he's snoozing on the bed next to me. He earns his keep by reminding me to take naps, watch the birds, and stretch in the sun.

Sorry to hear. Life has been better for me living a truth than pretending to believe a lie. Fortunately DH and I were of a similar mindset and left together.

Watch tscc fall in behind her, stick up for her like SHE was the victim of some awful imagined wrong; Bps are taught to 'think' that way, it'll be an official 'hands off' this, but U can bet a lot of her (Nazi) friends will be cheering her.

My wife thinks all divorces and people leeching the church is because of porn. It's the buzzword scapegoat these days

Christ said, both BoM & Bible, that fornication (adultery for marrieds) is the ONLY justification for divorce...


the GAs didn't get that memo.

A previous post mentioned changing passwords on accounts etc. My brother changed all his passwords on accounts when divorcing

My brothers ex wife, they were married for 12 years, so she knew the answers to all the security questions for forgetting passwords. So change those as well! She was able to go into his email and delete any email exchange that made her look bad. She also ran up some credit cards and cleaned out bank accounts

JVN087

I agree with changing emails, passwords, password questions etc. Set up separate accounts, go "incognito" while on line,etc. Keep your accounts separate and keep dates and records so you know what you did and when. Dates and times can become important.

Prepare for the worse, assume the worse, and hope for the best. You have no idea how vile and ugly people can become in a divorce!

I am so sorry. I have a female family member who I believe married the role...not the man. In all fairness they were both taught that if both were worthy then it would work out. So sad to see all the people passed up because they weren't worthy or Mormon... Now stuck in very bad emotionally abusive relationship....coming up on 20 yrs.

When the shock, heartache, drama settles maybe it will be a blessing. I left Mormonism awhile ago, and I would rather be alone than with someone diamerically opposed...and friendships and unexpected love come along when you are content with yourself.

May you find peace

Get a lawyer ASAP to protect you and your money If you live in the Moridor get lawyer who is NOT Mormon Hope all works you for you as many of the above posters have stated they are much happier now after divorcing the TBM abusive spouse

Remember these words for next time

"You will never know what true happiness really is

until you get married"


....Then it's too late!

As someone who has gone through a divorce due to my leaving the church, I can tell you it's going to be ok. Divorce is painful no matter what, but you have a chance now to have an authentic life. What a gift. I think it's better to be alone than to be with someone and really be alone.

Reality sucks.

Turns out that your wife viewed you as you view your job - a source of income and benefits. And like most employees, she will take a better job if she loses benefits or can find a better deal.

And what are her benefits from you? Money of course, but also she probably needed an image of being married to a mighty priesthood holder. She gets points for that. Shameful to be married to an inactive.

Now she might have to trade some sex for those benefits. And if she can control your sexuality, she can get more beneifits for less sex. The whole supply/demand thing. Google sex economics. That is why women really love the church's war on porn and modesty standards. Cuts out alternatives for their man and gives the women more power.

It would be fun to expose her real motives. She says she wants you active, so I'd give her what she claims to want. Tell her you made a mistake, and you've regained your testimony. Start commanding her by the power of the priesthood to do whatever you want. Surely she will submit to the Lord and let you have sex whenever, right?

Have family prayer ten times daily, scriptures all day, Ensign, conference talks, etc. Take her out to do missionary and temple work whenever you can. If she complains, accuse her of following Satan.

Guarantee you'd find out she isn't into "the Gospel", but is just filling squares for her image and benefits from you and the morg.

All I can say is I hope she has a good job and is well educated. I had a friend do this to her husband of 33 years. Surprise to her, no minor children, no support.

She did get 1/2 of the assets, but no cash going forward. She has had to downgrade her lifestyle in ways I am sure she never considered. We are in our 60's she needs the cash for retirement.

Meanwhile the ex jetted off to Europe for vacation this summer.

Her reasoning for the divorce, he would not get a "real job". He was working as a consultant making good money, but no longer had the fancy title she wanted. You are less valuable making 200K if you are a consultant than if you are a VP.