As some of you know, for the past 10 years or so I've been doing part-time tutoring of high school/middle school kids in math & science. Either free or very low-cost. Several of my former students were mormons.

One, who graduated last year, was an outstanding athlete (track & field), who had a scholarship lined up, but who decided to go on a mission. He managed to work out a deferment for his scholarship with the school, and off he went to sell mormonism -- to Mexico. He left for his mission October of last year.

He just called me. He's home from his mission after just one year. I did ask if he'd come home early, which he affirmed he did, but I didn't ask why.

He called to ask if I could help him get up to speed on college algebra, because he's going to start college mid-term -- he can make the spring track & field season. So I assume he's not home early for health reasons...

I'm meeting him this weekend for some tutoring. And I hope he'll share why he came home early -- before he left, he used to tell me about his mormon church doubts (he knew I was an ex-mo, ex-RM, etc.), and at one point told me I was the only person he could talk to about that who understood. Anything that is not personal or identifiable with him, I'll share here.

I'm just happy to see the kid only waste one year on a mission, and not two -- and starting college. Good news, no matter what the reason he's back is. :)

I'm surprised he didn't offer at least a little explanation when he admitted that he came home early.

He's at home with mom & dad. I suspect it's a very sore issue with them, and he may not have wanted to discuss it where they could hear him...

So nice that you atutor him and he trusts you. Double-win.

Every ex mo a missionary. :) Good for him getting into his education right away.

I'm glad he has you to talk to Hie. It may be that he needs to run a few things by you (in addition to the math and science). IMHO, listen well. Let him know that he's safe in talking with you. I get a lot of these type of conversations with Mrs. Boner's family members. Some, eventually left, some have stayed--that's their call.

When I joined the Morg, my parents when ape-shit crazy. They, unintentially pushed me further into it. When I had questions about the church, I couldn't talk to them because they pushed so hard.

In fact, I used to put on a suit on Sundays and drive the PCH so they didn't know I had stopped attending.

"... and drive the PCH"

So Cal area??

I hear ya, boner.
In all my previous conversations with him, I always emphasized that religious belief is very personal, and that he should figure out what his own is or isn't -- and not depend on his parents, or me, to tell him. I'll listen more than talk :)

Hie, I know we sometimes engage in banter here. I have deep respect for you and your world view. You can make your arguments with the very best and brightest. I value your friendship and your conversations more than you will ever know.

I'm pretty earthy and wise-ass here. In my job, neighborhood, and family, I'm pretty tame and don't engage in arguments (I always lose). Remember, I was brought up feeling that I was nothing, and that I was always wrong whether it be in politics, religion, clothing, musical tastes, or life. It took me MANY years to be able to articulate a position and then craft support for it. I can do it better in writing, than verbally. I have learned, though counseling, that my opinions have value, and my life's purpose is to serve people.

This young man may need a mentor, and I know that you'll be sensitive to him and his needs. He, too, may be in a position where he's doubting not only religion, but his role in life. He may be feeling that his life is of no value, or a whole host of thoughts that he may not be even able to interpret.

I know that you know this stuff, it's just that I need to express it because that what I can contribute.

Hey, I appreciate the reminder. Really. We all know I can come on a bit strong at times...:)

When I first met with this kid, neither of us knew the other. He mentioned going to church for "classes" every morning before school..."Seminary?" I asked. He was surprised I knew about it. Told him I did four years of it, too. He then asked if I was mormon, and I told him no, I'd left years ago. He asked why, and I told him I was hesitant to tell him, because I had no desire to "wreck" his faith. He persisted in asking, so I told him, as gently as I could. We worked together for 6 months after that -- I got him 300 additional points on his SATs, and got his AP Calculus grade from a C to an A :) And we talked about church now and then. I wished him well when he left on his mission, he put a "thanks to my tutor [Hie] for helping me graduate" note in his senior statement in his yearbook <grin>.

I'll try to follow your sage advice when I see him tomorrow.
It IS appreciated, and you do have a lot to contribute.

Well HIe... the kid couldn't have picked a better person ... besides The Dawg... to mentor him. He is lucky, lucky, lucky.

If anyone can help him out, its you. Go forth and dazzle .

Yeah, baby, I could have mentored anything illegal he wanted to engage in, along with getting him acquainted with arms and munitions. Between Hie and me, he sure would have been a well-rounded individual!

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Yeah, baby, I could have mentored anything illegal
> he wanted to engage in, along with getting him
> acquainted with arms and munitions. Between Hie
> and me, he sure would have been a well-rounded
> individual!


wait..... maybe there's still time Mi Amor..... he won't be
completely well rounded until he's been schooled by you.

Well, we wouldn't want him to not be well-rounded, now would we? :)

iichtk said "I always emphasized that religious belief is very personal, and that he should figure out what his own is or isn't -- and not depend on his parents, or me, to tell him."

That is the single most subversive (anti-LDS) thing somebody can tell him. The church would have him believe just the opposite--that only the self-appointed authorities in his life know his proper spiritual path. All the Mormon hoops he's supposed to jump through--mission, attire, temple, celibacy, WoW--are simply means to reinforce and test his prostration to authority.

I know. But it sounds so reasonable...hehe :)

positive thred is positive ~



IN on algebra thred ~


NOT IN on track and field thred ~



positive thred is positive ~















(no homo)

Solving a quadratic equation while simultaneously running the 200 meter high hurdles is really difficult, I suspect.

Naw, quadratics are easy.
Differential equations...those are the ones that make you not notice the hurdles! :)

Differential equations...simple. Track and field, hard.

I've been known to stop dead in the middle of running because I was working on some Group Theory/Abstract Algebra problem and I don't even notice it.

Apparently, I only have the power to do one at a time.

I find complex equations especially in dynamics involving prediction of future events most interesting.

Yeah, but try running the hurdles while you do 'em! ;-)

Follow-up:

Met with him on Saturday.
Before I even asked, he explained that he came home early from his mission because "I just couldn't take it any more."

Basically, he didn't have a "testimony" when he left, and despite GA claims to the contrary, he didn't gain one by faking it over and over and over again. After a year of faking it, he simply decided he couldn't do it anymore. He told the MP that, and said he wanted to go home. Instead he got transferred (to a super-gung-ho companion), and told to "give it some time." The new companion did little more than belittle and chastise him for not believing, and was rather abusive. So after two weeks, he called the MP and told him that the MP could arrange his trip home, or he'd just leave and do it himself.

They sent him home.

His parents are, in his words, "bewildered." They don't know what to do with him, what to say to him, etc. so basically they're just not talking to him. He's re-connected with the school where he had the scholarship, worked out all the details, and will be leaving just after Christmas.

I asked if he planned to continue to attend church...?

"Probably not," he replied. "They all consider me a massive failure anyway."

We went through college algebra 101. And I told him to call me anytime he felt alone or depressed or just needed someone to talk to. I think he's gonna be OK, I just hope his family comes around.

What!?

You didn't give him the URL to the secret RfM bat cave!?

Sounds like a great kid, good of you to be there to support him especially while his own family is not.

ificouldhietokolob Wrote:
> So after two weeks, he called the MP and
> told him that the MP could arrange his trip home,
> or he'd just leave and do it himself.

That right there is HUGE. As a nevermo, I've never understood the mindset where one can't simply tell an unreasonable mormon authority figure to either listen what I have to say or stick it up your ass. I think he is going to be all right.

Rough, parents aren't prepared for their children to choose their own path out of mormonism.

I feel for this kid. It isn't easy being the only one in your family to leave. Luckily he has a good tutor and support system to fall back on.

scaredhusband Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Rough, parents aren't prepared for their children
> to choose their own path out of mormonism.
> ...

Unfortunately, many parents nowadays aren't prepared for their children to choose their own path in any facet of life.

Good on him for realising his heart is not where it wants to be.

It's better to leave then to stay on board not believing. You have to want to be there!

You are definitely not forced to serve a mission, it is totally all up to you. Some take on the idea that they may be serving in another country and that alone excites them! other's have it in them to want to serve because they love the gospel and want to share it. my sister in-law served a mission in 2004 and she loved it, but yet my brother in law didn't. Even though he saved and continued to try and feel the spirit, he was to caught up in the worldly things and wanted to party, so 8 months into his mission, he quit and he came home. But he gave it a go and most certainly no disappointments from our family. It's certainly not for everyone, you are serving a mission like in the foot steps of Jesus Christ and it's a huge test of faith spiritually, mentally and physically! you pretty much have to grow a thick skin on your mission but at the same time stay humble. If you got it, good on you, if you don't, that's ok least you tried!

Good on you for helping him transition back into life and I am sure he will be fine!

Later on in life I'm sure he'll think about it again and say what was I thinking lol

'You are definitely not forced to serve a mission, it is totally all up to you.'

Wow! That's good to hear. Which church were you referring to? I have heard a huge amount of testimony that indicates that you can't possibly be referring to the Mormon church, so I was just wondering what the religion is that you are talking about.

In the Mormon church, sadly, there is great pressure on children to go on a mission, including threats of punishment and withholding of normal, healthy parenting relationships. Adults get very upset if kids don't do a mission, and great efforts are put forth to try to force a young person into the missionary mold.

It's funny, how you seem to have missed all of that.

Oh what a head trip Mormonism is.

You have the agency to choose.....but there's only ever one correct choice which will not have eternal consequences.

Sure sounds like real freedom to me.

And also to know he can call you any time. Poor kid.

Good to know he was able to stand-up to his MP and not internalize the shame his family is putting on him. Even so, that one year must have been pure hell for the kid. I hope he is going far from the Mormon culture region. He'll do well once he gets into a non-Mormon environment, especially when he sees how many people in the world don't know anything about Mormonism and don't care to know. He'll see just how truly normal he is.

I remember how some of the missionaries in my mission were stunned to learn that very few people knew anything about Mormonism and what they did know was usually negative. They left the MTC thinking they were some kind of knights in shining armor and got a less than enthusiastic welcome by the locals in our mission. I just had to laugh because I remembered my "before Mormon" years and the blissful ignorance as to anything at all Mormon. If I'd had any legitimate information about Mormonism (not what I got from missionaries) I know I never would have joined.

Awesome story, Hie! Life is good when you get a chance to have a positive influence on someone. :)

You wouldn't happen to be in Northern Virginia, would you? My daughter wants to pull her SAT up a bit, and also is struggling a bit with Calculus.

Sorry, no -- SoCal :)

For those who mentioned him going far away from mormon influences -- the college he'll be attending is in Oregon. Not exactly a hotbed of the cult.

It's good that he has you in his corner, Hie. Best wishes to him.

What a nice update.

I suspect there is a lot more of this going on now than in decades past. Now it is not uncommon to know someone who left LDS Inc for principled reasons, and to realize that the "was weak, or wanted to sin" mantra is nonsense.

They now realize that service really is voluntary, and that opting out is not the end of the world as we know it.

Nice to hear about someone just stepping off the Mormon treadmill. Well done.

Seems par that they gave him a companion whose mission was to "break" the kid. The military does this in basic training. You contract yourself to the military, then you find out that it sucks and act up. So they send you off to a special sub-training unit within basic training called by some name that will have the word "motivation" in it somewhere. Then they try to break you. They do it there, they do it at special youth camps for troubled kids, and many MP's do it. And the MP's get the parents to buy into the effort, as well, because, you know... Priesthood. All it does is exacerbate the problem. The kid leaves for good. God bless the MP for this. The kid knows it's a crock and will never go back.

You make a really good point, Myron.
Had the MP sent him to a kindly, not-so-gung-ho companion that made boring mission work tolerable and maybe even a little fun (with a little rule-breaking now and then), he might have stayed, and decided it wasn't so bad after all.

Instead, sending him to a hard-core disciplinarian for the lard, it just made him realize how stupid the whole thing was, and got him to demand to leave.

Bad for the MP. Good for the kid :)

Very interesting point , Myron. And it hits home for me.

In order for me to take a final action in a difficult situation I need a line to be crossed. By nature, I, like a lot of others, tend to always give the benefit of the doubt. It is only when someone or some organization goes so far as to make the benefit of the doubt no longer a viable option, that I raise my sword and start hacking away at the status quo.

I left the Mormon church because they had just gone too far. They crossed the line by a thousand miles. A "do-over" was now completely off the table. There was no more doubt to doubt.

I think this same principle you mention is happening for many people in the church who have always extended the benefit of the doubt to the Q15.

I hope you aren't teaching kids that subversive fuzzy math that tries to combine numbers with letters.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Melvin_(politician)

If I had a dollar for every hour I spent studying algebra I'd have n dollars.

Wishing this young man well. Glad you are there for him, Hie

DAMN! Another day and I didn't factor a polynomial!

I think your young friend will have a fine future ahead of him. I hope he sees quickly that he's not a "massive failure." I'm very happy that he's leaving home for Oregon. There, he will be able to find himself and his strengths and talents.

Hie, you did a very good thing by listening and helping him. I wish there were many more mentors and examples, like you, for young people struggling.

Love you, Bro!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2016 09:12PM by BYU Boner.

Young adults like him need distance from their parents if they are ever going to be able to fully grow up and become who they are meant to be. Glad to hear he is going to school in a different state!

This worked for my brother. He was a massive introvert and at the time I'm guessing he no longer bought into tssc bs because he didn't go on a mission. What he needed was distance from our parents and tssc. He went off to UCLA instead and completely blossomed into a normal adult! Oh for shame! ;-)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/28/2016 01:20PM by bluebutterfly.

I did give him a link to both this forum, and the group below:

http://www.meetup.com/pdxxmo/

:)

Well, he is fortunate to have someone like you, for sure. Let yourself be an outlet for him. Like a diary. He needs that right now. You are a gift to him because it sounds like there isn't anyone that could relate or understand him like you can.