I've promised two people that I'd explain why cludgie is back. Not that the person behind the moniker hasn't been here a good part of the time "hiding" behind his real name (Mike T.). But to explain why cludgie is back, I'd have to explain why he left.

Well, 'bout 2 year ago, it were, cludgie wrote something that someone didn't like. Didn't like it at all, nossir. There was a fight, a big 'un. Words,... Well they was said, wudn't they? So cludgie says, he says, "Damn yer eyes! I don't have to take this no more!" An' he walked out the door. Others said, "An' don't come back!" Another shamed his moniker, too. That were the last straw.

But by and by cludgie missed the ex-Mormons he actually knowed, the ones who were his friends, people he'd met at confernces. So he begun a-postin' again. Since someone shamed his moniker, he came back as hisself, Mike T.

True story. (It's ironic that I used my own name, since that got me in trouble back in 2009 and 2010, when I was called into a deposition, and the whole 1.5 hour line of questioning was my sentiment about the LDS church as displayed on RfM, and how it was prejudicial to the defendant, a local Mormon leader. Then I had to testify in 2013, and the whole line of questioning was the same. Lesson: Be careful when you use your name on RfM. [Incidentally, the local Mormon leader was convicted of fraud and sent to federal prison, where he served one year of his sentence.])

The thing that really galvanized me to come back was this thing with my son with a brain tumor. As many things like this are, it has been devastating to us, his parents, and to his siblings and friends. Because the tumor eventually made him unable to work, and he was beginning to go under in NYC, an art collector friend started a crowd sourcing campaign to cover his costs, and several people from this RfM website jumped in, too, and donated a substantial amount. My son's GFM account went almost immediately to the top, and the money will be very helpful for him and for us, since I can catch a little bit of breath by not having to spend thousands per month to help keep him in food and shelter during his disability. Also, the money collected will help defray those costs not covered by insurance, which are many. (Meanwhile, an Italian art magazine has begun an initiative to raise even more money. It's specifically for art collectors, using works donated by son's many colleagues in the field: https://www.beartonline.com/projects/1434/ARTISTS-FOR-IAN- )

A couple of you, if still out there, may piss and moan that I'm back under my old moniker, and may possibly have something snarky to say. But for me, the moniker is a link to my past here, a time when I was quite busy on RfM. I also owe RfM plenty--and therefore many of its participants--for helping me escape Mormonism. RfM not only gave me the courage to make the leap, but also the know-how. Armed with words learnt here on RfM, I was able to write up a good resignation later, and was out of the church in a mere fortnight with no friction from the local bishop. And since then, I have brought several people to the site, and helped one of them to write her resignation letter. (And here at work I have some 4 ex-Mormon co-workers, only one of which posted here. He has more or less quit posting, I think because he is just kind of over Mormonism and never bonded with anyone on RfM. Also, he has gotten a very good assignment that any of us would love to get, and his ex-Mormonism is rather OBE now.)

Saturday we fly to NYC, and Monday my son will have awake brain surgery. The doctor will attempt to remove the tumor, named Beasley, while sparing son's right side motor functions. But since Beasley is very large and somewhat invasive (although likely not cancerous at this stage), the doctor predicts some right side paralysis. Please keep your fingers crossed, which I figure is as good as any prayer. Or raise a glass to him, which is certainly better than any prayer. I will keep some of you posted by FB as it happens.

Best,
c

Hi cludgie. I hope that everything goes well for your son.

Greyfort Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi cludgie. I hope that everything goes well for
> your son.

This is my hope as well, cludgie...

I wish your son the best possible operation, and recuperation... and the best possible long-term outcomes---on every possible level.

It's nice to see you back. :) I sincerely hope that your son's surgery goes well.

Glad you're back, cludgie. Sending positive vibes for your son's surgery to be a success. All the best. -edzachery

Welcome back, Cludgie! Sending cyber hugz and good thoughts for your son.

I'm glad you posted this. Any of us who have been around here a long time have at one time or another been the target of some mean, snarky or hurtful comments. It comes with the territory. And sometimes it makes us back off for awhile. And that's ok. But as time goes on it gets easier to blow off. I enjoy this community a lot also. And I hope, like you, that I have helped some people along the way who come here shell shocked like I did at first.

Since you've put a link to the artist fund page for your son, I won't post his name, but if people read that, they can google his name and click on images. Then they can see what an amazing artist he really is. When I first saw pictures of his art, I thought it was photography. And I still have to convince myself sometimes that I'm not looking at a photograph, I'm looking at something that an amazingly talented person drew or painted. And I know there is significant meaning behind every piece. It is heart wrenching to think of how hard it is and will be down the road for him to lose some physical abilities that keep him from being able to do his work.

I will certainly be keeping my fingers crossed, lifting a glass, lighting a candle, dropping a pebble (at our UU we drop pebbles of joy and concern into a bowl of water to signify the ripple effects on the larger community), and just for good measure, I'll lift a second glass for your son and all of you. Please keep us informed, hopefully with very good news.

UU drop pebbles?

We used to light candles of Joy and concern. The pebble thing is something our minister suggested to replace it when she was new. It takes a lot less time in the service and I like the idea of the ripple effects of the events of our lives on the broader community.

I lift my lukewarm cup of Trader Joe's coffee to your son; NYC is a tough city to tame, and tougher when with a tumor.

Welcome back! Very best wishes to your son, you and your family.

But the problem your son is having means coming back is a mixed blessing with a huge downside.

The reason I'm still here is because I think I've been battered with the most long term and most hate filled flaming of anyone on RfM because I posted that I'd hosed missionary boys many years ago. After that, TBMs and some exmos and ex missionaries and missionary parents turned rabid. One guy in Australia followed me around RfM for years and insulted me whenever he had a few minutes every time I posted .

FARMS and their law firm at that time assigned attackers to harass me on RfM and in emails and some regular posters liked to pile on whenever this happened, saying things like: "I haven't read anything about this RfM topic, but I just want to say that I've had trouble with Cheryl and I find her despicably negative and insulting."

The flamers all hoped I'd eventually skulk off and disappear but I stuck it out until they eventually were deleted enough or so tired of their years of insults that they slunk off and are largely gone.

Sorry to be so verbose, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Strangers on the internet can be cruel. Fortunately, admin curbs their nasty insults now more than in the past and other posters often chime in to support someone who is mistreated.

I hope you have no more trouble because you deserve more comfort and support than we can offer.

Half of brain tumors are benign but that doesn't mean they aren't invasive or that they don't have far reaching and scary effects on the rest of the body. My surgery was thirty years ago and I still take meds twice a day and have to suffer with the damages the tumor caused. I go to the specialist every three months and have blood tests on a regular basis. I am the doctor's longest living patient.

I'm a miracle patient and that is my hope for your son. I've taken my health and treatment very seriously, I never cut corners, and always follow orders when they make sense. Also, I get to the bottom of symptoms and don't give up on trying to solve problems. That's my best advice to your son.

All my good thoughts to you and to him.

Cludgie my thoughts are with you and your family at this time. My daughter went through awake brain surgery two years ago. It was to remove the portion of her brain where her seizures started. It is not an easy thing to wait through. Thankfully she had very good doctors and came out on the other side of surgery with less deficits than we were possibly looking at. This is my sincerest hope for your son also. May the road to recovery be filled with good news and great accomplishments to better health.

Curiosity question, as well as my best wishes...

Will he be holding a pad and pencil, or tablet and stylus, so that as the operation proceeds the liberation of his abilities can be observed?

The whole thing sounds scary fascinating.

But how I heard it explained was that the surgeon taps an area of the brain and the patient lets the doctors know where the patient senses the stimulation. After testing areas to and around the tumor, doctors can create the best path for removal without damaging the most crucial functions. Cudgie can correct me if I'm wrong and if he has time.

Originally the doctor suggested that my son might sketch during surgery, because he once had a violinist (so his story goes) who played during surgery. Now they are saying they will just have him move fingers and hands and speak phrases over and over as they stimulate areas around the tumor. They then mark those areas and avoid them to the extent that they can.

How about color identification?

I have often wondered if some of the snarks come from TBMs who lurk here to try to shame us away, the same way my vicious X-sisters-in-law used to pick out another girl and harass her to the point they could chortle "they won't even come back to church - ha ha ha!"

Very sad that that happens here, since this is our refuge. I've certainly made many dumb comments were I have been granted some immunity, and have also been slammed. I haven't been here long enough to see that happen to you; but, I, too, am glad you're back.

Many of us here will be mindful of you and your son on Monday with warm thoughts. Very best wishes to all of you!!!

Nevermo been missing you!
There is a well known artist in New Orleans named Will "Bunny" Matthews who is in treatment for brain cancer posting the most wonderful things on FB. Every day I look to him for inspiration. He is posting a lot of before/after brain cancer images as well as showing the change in his artistic process. He just had a major show at Arthur Roger Gallery.

Good to see you back, pal. Hoping your son's surgery is successful and he gets his life back. Keep us posted on what happens.

RB

I never knew you as cludgie but I've admired you as Mike T. If cludgie's half as sentient as Mike T. then count me in.

A beauty of this board is that, unfettered at last, our hearts can purge themselves of some of their past suffering. However, sometimes there's some collateral damage that goes along with the purging. But we can be imperfect here--another beauty of this board.

I'm acquainted with Elder G. Reaper, who brings us tumors and other diversions. We don't invite him to the party but he shows up anyway. Sometimes he won't take "no" for an answer; let's hope this is not one of those times.

Fingers crossed for your son and a good outcome. I would be scared spit less if this were my child.

Hoping your son will be ok with the least amount of damage and the tumor gone. Thinking of him and your as you face this.

Adding my positive thoughts to those expressed by the others.

Like another poster said, many of us have been hit with snarky comments. I got my feelings hurt over something someone said - and even though we are anonymous under our monikers, an insult hurts just as much.

Checking on the insulter's previous posts, I discovered a pattern - all of that individual's posts were snarky - not just mine.

There's one in every crowd!

and interesting to find out you were posting under your name. It just occurred to me that my boyfriend's name is Mike T. But then it is a popular name.

I'll be thinking about you and your son and hoping for the best.

Welcome back cludgie. I've had a couple mean people to deal with on RFM early on. I did stay away for a while too, but came back because I could not stand bullies to keep me from something helping me to heal. I have not had to deal with bullies in the last year or so.

Glad to see you joining us again. Best of luck for your son's surgery.

Such an interesting story. I want to wish your son and your family the best outcome possible!!

It's not true that I owe him money.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2016 12:40AM by Dave the Atheist.

Fingers and toes crossed, Cludgie. Hope it all goes well, and thinking of you.

Mike T, cludgie -we will take both!
Glad you are here and I hope all goes well with your son.

It is good to have you back. We hope to hear news of excellent recovery of your son after the surgery.

We, as admins. do get frustrated with ugly or mean attacks on individuals here. It seems to be 1-3% of the population of nearly any group has some mean narcissistic individuals who lack empathy and compassion. They also make the most noise and most headaches for us. Once in a while, a careless post with no malice intended sneaks in too and it can cause pain. To you and Cheryl and many others, thanks for seeing the good this board does and ignore as best you can those who have ulterior motives in their postings. Use the report button and we will do the best we can to remove offensive material.

To be fair, it wasn't that bad, and reflected my thin skin as much as anything. My problem was that I was made out to have said things I hadn't. Defending my position proved fruitless, and I had a lot of drama going on at home, anyway. It made me far more angry than it should have. Behind the scenes once Wine Country Girl tried to talk me down from the tree, but I was too angry at the time.

You can lead a Pferdearsch to water,
But you can't make him drink.


(j/k, old friend)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2016 10:18AM by wine country girl.

RFM the one true forum...its pefect but the members?..all the best cludgie...welcome back...your lucky wine country didnt get out her slingshot...i hear shes deadly at 20 paces...always liked that line from one of the clark griswold vacation shows...do ya think it really matters eddie....so many things just dont

I'm an artist who is losing her sight, so I may understand better than most what your son is going through. I don't have much, but I will donate to the campaign. We artists need to stick together.

Mike T. or cludgie, you are part of our exmo family, and we are happy to have you here!

Hope all goes well for your son!!

I had missedyou, Cludgie ,on my occasional visits to RFM. Now I know why.

Best wishes to you and your boy from Downunder. Please keep us posted about the outcome. Can you let us know the histology please?

Cludgie, welcome back. I apparently missed the dust-up, but I tend to only notice the ones that are of Biblical proportions. I figured you were busy enough with transfers and just life that RFM got squeezed out. Happens all the time.

Good to have you back. Best wishes for a successful outcome on son's surgery.

Much much good luck to your son... keep us posted .

big hugs.