need a good laugh today... bring it


http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_5wRVdKoLhik/S_jNHyulVDI/AAAAAAAAE5g/RX5A04odHb0/s1600/IMG_2957.JPG

"I had you stop because I coulda swore I heard a voice tell me that Zelph's sister is buried somewhere over there. Zelph...Zelphoria. Yeah, Zelphoria is her name. Let's go look! Make haste!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/02/2016 11:31AM by Elders Quorum Drop-out.

"now I'm not threatening, I'm just saying it would be a shame if something were to happen to your eternal family."

Monson: Oh God, hear the words of my mouth!

Security guard: No, no Sir, we're not in the temple yet Sir.

Monson: Oh, isn't that the altar of the temple right there?

Security guard: That's a stone mailbox from the trailer park Sir.

Monson: Oh shit, not again....

No girls got invited, right?


You got the box of white hankies?



I thought we were going to Chuckup A Rama?


Is this the spot where little Billie with one leg gave his only tooth to his mother for tithing?

"I told you I had to pee before we got in the car. Is that a good place over here? Should we wait for Hank to get out of the backseat of that white Buick?"

we prayed that the car wouldn't run out of gas but our prayers were not answered.

If this is a scene from a Martin Scorsese movie, it won't end well for somebody.

You can stop panicking now, the three nephites are here......

This Is The Place.

"You said there'd be widows, where are the widows?"

"I swear his penis was THIS LONG!"

If we know where to look, the church's next uranium mine is just over the hill. I can feel it with my ears!

"I so enjoy this view of the ocean, yea even this lovely beach."

Thomas S. Monson demonstrates proper way to keep your hands
visible and away from any pockets when being arrested by the
police. Mormon Lives Matter.

"I'm tellin' ya, it's a perfect place for another mall. If we build it they will come...(that's from the Book of Something or Other isn't it?)"

"Fetch, it's hot. I prophesy that we should build something air-conditioned out here. I'd ditch this fetching hot suit and run around in my garmies if I could, but that would get too many widows excited...so it's going to have to be A/C. In the name of Joseph Smith, Amen."

1) Sir! Sir! You need to walk in a straight line or I'm going to have to issue you a DUII!

2) This is Whiskey Tango Foxtrot....we have a man in custody, found him wandering in the desert, mumbling something about a "Dream Mine" and hidden treasure.....We're bringing him in...10-4.

3) Don't shoot!

Monson: Maybe the lost tribe is hiding over this side ...

"And there was this big saucer thingy overhead with really bright lights and really loud music playing "DA DA DO DAAAA" that made my little factory tingle and it landed right over THERE!"

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/03/2016 07:45PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

"And right here, Brothers, is where Melvin Dummar claimed he picked up Howard Hughes."

SL Cabbie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "And right here, Brothers, is where Melvin Dummar
> claimed he picked up Howard Hughes."


Winner****

Have I told you about the time I lit this desert on fire? Matches were lit, fingers were burnt, damage was done...

...Where are we?...

...Have I told you about the time I lit this desert on fire?...

Guard One to Guard Two: Catch him! Quick!!

Monson: Keep your flippin' hands off me! I quit!!!

Guard Two: I got the drugs <<<<<<Stab!>>>>>>

Monson: Ouch! You damn morons! I... I... I.....
.....know this church is true, Brothers and Sisters. Let me tell you a story about when I was in New York in 1964. The spirit was strong one morning as I.....

Guard One: Get him back to the car before anyone sees! Hurry!

this looks like the place. The alien craft landed right over there. A green man came out of it and offered me a diet pepsi. When I drank it I passed out. I came to inside the space ship and I was getting butt-probed by a Saguaro cactus. It was the most spiritual experience of my life.

If there is a winner here, and I got to pick, this is it. Hilarious!

Monson: Get your hands off me. I told you I cannot stand another General Conference and I'm out of here.

Quick, sir, head for the ditch!! There's an Ex-Mormon Cement Truck headed our way!

Yeah, just need a quick snack. I swear I buried that barrel of wheat somewhere right over here.

"You see, Bretheren, if we could just find some water in this God forsaken craphole that we call Tooele we could put it in brother Douchenozzle's gas tank and pray to have it turned to gas. It's that simple!"- ThomASSmonson

I know Pokemon is just right over here, gotta find it before Porky Jowels does.

Nope, can't be.
A mormon prophet said men will never go to the moon. :)

Monson: This reminds me brethren of the joke oft told in the Celestial room amongst the brethren, and it goes like this. Why did Joseph Smith cross the road? ("hehehhheheh..."and out of breath w/ anticipation)

Security Guard: President Monson, sir, I..I..don't know.

Monson: To get to the other wife...get it...other wife..not side mind you, but wife...heheheheheheh. Oh I love that one.

Security Guard: President, you really do have a special sense of humor. Joseph Smith will get a kick out of that one "on the other side." hehehehe

Monson: Hey, don't try to one up me. I am the prophet. I will cast you to outer darkness. Just kidding..hahahah.

Bwhahahahahah...well done sir.

I just spit iced tea on my keyboard!!! ;)

Security Guard: ....Yes sir! We've got 'im. And he IS a ZOMBIE.

Monson: .....Awrrrrrrrrgghhhhrrrr!

Security Guard: ......Dispatch him? Not me! It's GC today and I gotta deliver him no matter what.

Monson: ......Drewwwwwwellllllll ARggghgghhh!

Security Guard: ......Come on buddy. Just one more time!



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 10/03/2016 09:17PM by seekyr.