suck it up and pretend they are a happy member, when in reality they are not. Seriously, i bet a good 40% of members, remain active and attend meetings because of social or familial pressures and so that they appear to be a "good and faithful servant".

I wish people could just come out with it and be genuinely honest and say they are tired of living the lie. But we honestly know, they do it to keep marriages in tact and other important relationships in tact.

What is your opinion on the percentage of people who have no testimony, or have fallen out of faith, but keep going to keep the peace with those around them???

P.s. And i bet the majority of the numbers are mostly men. I really believe the mormon church has a lot of women who are faithful with strong, never questioning testimonies, whereas the men have a lot more doubts and questions.

No disagreement here. I think you pretty much nailed it.

I know my husband would love it if I would just go and suck it up. I did that for a while, and found it was bad for my mental health.

I and DH left at the same time. However, I wonder if TSCC women who have minimal job skills, accept being second class citizens in their own home, are told to only associate with members, whose social network consists only of other members, have little association outside the church, are told not to read non-church materials and spend all their free time on church activities, might cling to the only thing they know.

This is where I cast my vote, that quite a large percentage of mormon married mothers cannot envision a better way to be 'honored' than to be TBM.

You could say that for any church. I know that some people attend for spiritual edification or for socializing. But why do we as a culture have this idea that church is all or nothing? If you can retire from a job, why can't you retire from church activity? What if you reach a point where you think, "I've gotten as much as I can out of this experience. It's time to do something else."

I left the Catholic church for very specific reasons, but I'm not unhappy that I grew up Catholic. I got something out of it, and then it was time to move on.

it has grand and stately traditions and ceremonies that date back centuries. It has lovely old cathedrals and basilicas, not to mention art, like the Pietà.

I like the idea that they have saints who are specialists in what they do - like St Jude being in charge of hopeless cases. They seem to have saints that cover just about every case. I would think that would be comforting to a believer, to have a saint to pray to who specialized in your particular concern. (This makes me wonder if California's recent saint, Fr. Junípero Serra, has been assigned a specialty yet.)

But for all my admiration, I have NO inclination to attend Mass or even consider looking into it.

You hit nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!!

alaskawild Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Seriously, i bet a
> good 40% of members, remain active and attend
> meetings because of social or familial pressures
> and so that they appear to be a "good and faithful
> servant".

Well over 40% of members don't attend. I assume you mean 40% of
ACTIVE members.

Yes, with my percentage, i meant of active, attending members

I agree with your assessment. The easiest way to spot an unbeliever is to observe those who never bear their testimony.

And like you say, most of the closet unbelievers are probably men. I don't know why this is exactly. There are certainly many exmo women, I'm one of them. But it seems exmo men outnumber exmo women. I sure wish more Mormon women would come to their senses.

I believe the reason for the difference between the sexes comes down to how we are naturally wired. Men are more logical and analytical where women tend to be more anchored by emotions. And I think the church is pretty good at tapping into people's emotions. So I think women cling to the church with a much tighter grip than men. Just my opinion.

I disagree that men are more logical and women are more emotional--I think men and women can vary a lot.

I do think that men have more exposure outside of the home--jobs, meeting more people, and just have more chances at seeing other viewpoints.

Would it be sexist to suggest that women are more likely than men to accept something based on just "praying about it" and "spiritual feelings" and then ignore or not even consider factual information that contradicts that?

I personally think there are many many more women than people think who are trying hard to stay active when they have a very good feeling in their gut that it's not true. They're just more afraid to pursue it for fear of what they might find.

Women have more invested in it. Many of us, especially baby boomers, traded our education and chance to be able to have a career for the mormon baby-making plan. What would they have if they didn't have the church? There just aren't many of us who realized there was way more for us outside the mormon bubble and there are many opportunities for education and intellectual stimulation. Not to mention a world of interesting people who are not all poured out of the same shallow little mold.

The high level of antidepressant use in UT validates your question about how many members are really happy. They have to take pills to be able to function in the restrictive, unyielding, disrespectful church.

I think I may know more females than males who have left the church or have become disaffected, in and out of Utah. (I don't live in Utah but know many there who have left or are going to church but are disaffected). In my own family two sisters have left, one brother, the other brother is TBM. My aunt left the church and divorced my TBM uncle. I don't know the statistics, but for me looking at the women who have left the men, the men seem to hold on tightly to the church because their identity is so wrapped up in the priesthood, they don't know what they would do without it. It makes them feel important. Also, many who served missions seem to feel like that was such an investment of time they can't give it all up or they still rely on "feelings" they had during their mission that they can't deny. Just another theory.