This was probably the second time I've been to a church in the 17 years I've been out. Not sure what to think of the Unitarians. They seemed rather focused on money, fundraising. I mean, it's understandable and all, but during a Sunday service?

Anyway, it was strange being the stranger. Now I know how all those potential morg converts felt. Yikes.

I'll probably give them another chance. Any advice for this group?

I attended Unitarian with my children when we initially left the LDS cult together in the mid-90's. It was "okay," but the longer we went there (a few months in total,) the more empty it became to me. Where we went it taught from all the major religions, but believed in none of them. That was a big drawback IMO, was it lacked any convictions of any beliefs of its own, other than it was a "free-for-all."

It was while we were attending there that I realized I was still a Christian. So, though I left Mormonism in the dust, I wasn't ready to be anything else but a Christian. And that is what going to Unitarian church taught me. From there my children and I went to various other denominations, all of which were Christian at the time.

We finally settled on a Moravian church where we stayed until we moved to upstate NY. After relocating the closest Moravian church to us was either Cornell (Ithica,) or Toronto. Both were too far to travel weekly. At that time (late nineties,) I felt guided to attend the RLDS with my children. We stayed there for several years, and both my children were baptized there in '99.

Then it got too weird for me when the pastor's husband decided to go transvestite. They'd been married 27 years, and had two grown sons by then. His sons pretty much disowned him. He wanted to stay married even with a sex change, but his wife put her foot down. So they divorced. When one of their boys got married he told his dad he could attend his wedding as his father, but not as his mother because he already had one. His dad stayed away.

That was about the same time as we left. Both my parents had recently died, and I didn't need all the extra drama that was happening there, so we went elsewhere.

Eventually I tried out a Messianic synagogue, but that seemed more like a cult (having been a Mormon for most of my life, I am pretty skittish to anything that feels or smells like a cult.) So I left there. Now I worship at a Jewish synagogue that is anything but a cult.

Unitarian is a good place if you're undecided as to what you believe in. When you're there you'll find that it explores many of the world religions, so you get a flavor of what you may find that appeals to you and something you might believe in. :))

The one we went to didn't emphasize tithings, so even if their focus is on money, make sure not to get sucked into some big giving campaign before you're ready. People when I went back in the 90's gave what they could afford, no more. Whether it was a couple of dollars a week, or ten, no one raised any eyebrows.

It's good to read your experience.

I may give the local synagogue a chance.

Transvestite does not mean transgender.

They vary because it's the local congregation that makes policy and runs each church. I'm sorry about the aggressive fundraising. I wouldn't find that an inspirational experience.

I left the last church because they were installing a cell tower to make money. My DH had a very old pacemaker implanted in his chest and his doctor had advised him to stay clear of micro-wave ovens and cell towers. We felt badly that the board cared more about money-making than health concerns.

We also didn't care for the increasing thrust of the services on partisan politics.

We're Unitarian to the core but don't think that means we must hear political speeches and ranting every Sunday.

I'm glad you're planning to try it again. I hope it's better for you next time.

I'll give them another try, but if they keep pushing for money, I'm gone.

It may be they are in the middle of fundraising. I would give them another chance, and if it's about money the next time I would corner the minister or whoever and ask what's up. I was a UU for a while and any emphasis on money was for, in my recollection, for special projects, or wrapping up a financial year and heading into the next. And those weeks are easily avoided, especially if it's an annual thing.

Not that they are going to go after you if you don't hand over a pile of cash, but I dislike being urged to give money where I would if I #*$(ing had it. But there's no UU commandment about tithing or anything.

My synagogue just had its building bought out from under it for $7.5 million smackers. That's taken several years to get to this stage, of talks and discussions, meetings, votes, etc.

They finally had the last vote last week on it. The architect for the new building has been hired (after voted on too no less,) and he's costing somewhere over half a million to draw up the designs for the new building.)

It's really intensive. At least the funds are in the open and fully transparent, unlike Moism. :))

We used to be a pledge based synagogue. Since this buyout of our synagogue we've gone to a voluntary system.

So there's no pressure to donate by members, unless they want to.

:))



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/18/2016 10:06PM by Amyjo.

UUs like to say that they have no formal creed and you can believe whatever you like. But if you're not a left-wing liberal politically, you may be uncomfortable at times. I've gone over this in several previous threads so I won't repeat it all here.

And many of the UU groups I've been in were financially strapped, too, so fundraising is a common topic of conversation.

I wonder if the two might be connected....

My advice: Try to find a UU where the Pastor is a Zen Buddhist. They give really good sermons.

I would love that so hard.

I am in a mid size Southern college town where attendance at some church or other is an expectation of sorts so unfortunitely the local UU congregation gets a lot of people who are angry at their previous faith tradition/experience but know they need to be on the rolls somewhere for social and career purposes. The times I have visited there have been people aggresively vocal in their dislike of anything remotely christian.
That and every time I went there was always one volunteer doing everything from setting up and breaking down a room for 75 to preparing and setting up snacks and coffee. After the service the other members wouldn't even step out of the way, much less offer to help, as the lone volunteer had to take down chairs to vacuum and get the room clean before the reservation time was up.
Just like most other churches.

Sounds about right.

A huge waste of time.....
I never could figure out why they meet sunday after sunday, they are atheists...whats the point?

A sense of community? I'm not sure. But I did have the same thought.

They weren't mostly atheists where I went. They were a mixture, most were believers actually. There were only a couple who were admittedly atheist out of the entire congregation. They were as welcome as the rest, granted.

No one is turned away at UU meetings. It's inter-denominational in that sense.

It's unfair to judge a church on one Sunday. Give it another try. Also, check out their website.

Well, I didn't think I was judging harshly at all. Slowly forming an opinion, especially when the focus is on money? Sure. If I go next week and it's about money, I won't go again, but it won't leave a sour taste in my mouth. We're just no compatible.

See if that UU congregation has a website and see if they post on there what next Sunday's service is about.
One of the UU churches in salt lake do fundraising and pledge drives right around this time of year.
The pledge drive is their version of tithing, only you tell THEM how much you'll pay. Lights and heating take money.

Or just stay home and read whatever is uplifting to you.
Some people need to have a social anchor. I'm a flaming introvert so I'm very happy having Sunday to myself.

The good the bad and the mundane (mostly!) Today's sermon touched on UUs being not just free for all in terms of spiritual beliefs but rather a community of seekers supporting one another.

We have a pledge drive in March where the focus is totally on our budget and could people please dig deep and see if they can give more. Not sure what impression a newcomer would have on pledge Sundays.

We attended no church at all for our first 9 years out of lds inc. UUs were a good fit for us. More here: http://www.uua.org/

I'm wondering if this particular Sunday was about funds. We'll see next week.

When I stopped going, besides deciding my kids and I needed a Christian fellowship, the UU had something of a dead spirit there. Don't know if it was that particular branch or what it was. But it just felt very dead when at church.

Have been to other churches where there was a dead spirit. Once my children and I recognized that, we would up and leave and find somewhere else to go. What's the point in going to church if there's no life inside its walls?

In case I was beginning to wonder if it was just me or my children, a lady whose husband was the county commissioner and her family attended an evangelical church where we went for a time. At the women's prayer meeting one Sunday morning she asked the women there to pray for her son, who was the same age as my daughter. Because? He felt a dead spirit in that church. My daughter felt it too. And so did I. The pastor blamed it on the congregants, for not being self-reliant, and for blaming it on the church instead of themselves. He even fired his assistant pastor who was the youth minister, faulting him for not having enough of the spirit.

Sadly, the buck stopped with the head pastor. He taught courses in "How to save your Mormon friends." "How to save your Jehovah Witness friends." "How to save your Lutheran friends," ad nauseum. The life and soul had gone out of that church I believe because God himself had withdrawn his spirit from there because that pastor was so busy condemning many other churches he ended up condemning his own in the process.

We could've called it Tombstone Church of the Living Dead. Would've fit it much better than the Evangelical Alliance. :/

I am in a non-progressive--maybe even backwards--southern city, where the UU represents, to me, the cream of the local progressive, educated public. They include leaders from the Sierra Club and the Savannah River Keepers. It is a brilliant bunch of people thrown into a congregation to navigate its way through an area deep in racist and anti-LGBT bigotry. I feel safe among them, and enjoy their fellowship. The huge difference--and I mean really big difference--is that the weekly sermons are invariably interesting and (get this!) useful. Many of them are essentially history lessons. Afterwards there is good coffee and good company, and very often a potluck. There is a lot of community outreach, a food pantry, helping the poor and homeless, and lots of volunteerism. After 59 years of Mormonism, this was all very new to me. I mean, helping local and living people?

I didn't attend yesterday, but did the week before, where one of our new attendees was pondering resigning from the LDS church. She is afraid of how her TBM husband will react. We sat and discussed the issue over potluck. She was interested in my own exit story, and hopes to apply some of it to her own. She asked me if the Unitarians were pressuring me to join. I had to laugh. The Unitarians are the polar opposite of Mormons, and I think that's what draws so many ex-Mormons to it. They don't pressure you for anything.

And beer and wine is available at all their music events.

That's funny. Two weeks ago we had a visitor also who was quickly directed to me. She mentioned to someone that she used to be Mormon. She had to drive 1.5 hours to get to our service, but lives in a very rural part of Tennessee and was craving some progressive conversation. She seemed very thrilled to meet someone who understood her and she found me on Facebook very quickly. She said that she feels like she hit the jackpot finding such a great group of people as well as a single exmormon woman with a career and she plans to make that drive as often as she can.

It's possible you visited on a Sunday they were conducting their annual campaign. The United Methodist church I used to attend spent one Sunday a year talking about the budget and financial needs and asking for pledges for the coming 12 months. Some churches also print the amounts given year-to-date in the program or newsletter each week.

I'd be willing to bet there is no tithing settlement in a Unitarian church. Just a reminder here and there that the church needs funds to continue to operate.

When I left Moism in the 90's my dad suggested I try attending a UU congregation in NYC where my children and I lived at the time. He'd attended one where he lived near Boston, in the late 1940's-early 1950's before moving back to Idaho. Then they were by and large Christian denominations.

They've changed dramatically since my dad went to one. He didn't realize how much, until I told him after my experience there in NYC.

For folks that aren't aware, yes, there are both types of UUs. Someone else can probably explain: Unitarian Universalist & Universalist Unitarian.

I like (liked) the [local] UUs. The greatest thing is you would get an email during the week saying what Sunday would be about [unlike many churches, in case you did or didn't want to go that week]: a green & gold robbed mystic, a local health yokel demonstrating hatha yoga, a musician-piano man taking requests, a Pashtun man talking about this region in Pakistan...

Unfortunately, the local congregation closed recently - for lack of worth, interest, attendance, support, spirit? One nearby is still going strong for over 100 years. Many say it's nice.

At many UU meetings there are varied topics, occasional potlucks, and people from all over. All churches ask for $ from time to time. At least they arent like the Mormons who ask-demand 24/7. At least you can learn something, and be happy, with yoU yoU!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/20/2016 09:41AM by moremany.

moremany Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
The greatest thing is you
> would get an email during the week saying what
> Sunday would be about : a green & gold robbed
> mystic, a local health yokel demonstrating hatha
> yoga...

Mamma Mia! Such an email should drop a spoiler to the effect that the green & gold robed mystic gets robbed by the local yokel.

How can this UniUnit farce get off calling itself a church?

Visit the yoUyoUs - you

My brother-in-law uses a Unitarian church for his music students' recitals. I was helping him set up and looked at their magazine rack. It was interesting to see a article titled, "How To Keep Your Children Unitarian!"

Since they don't believe in Hell (or probably not even an afterlife), what difference does it make whether they stay Unitarian or not?

Okay, Unitarian joke time!

An arsonist went around town torching all the houses of worship. The fire department could not handle them all.

The Catholic priest came running out of his flaming church with a few items he grabbed. "A total loss--but I saved the alter chalice and silverware!

The Protestant minister came running out. "All I was able to save was the ancestral Bible, but it's safe!" he exclaimed.

The rabbi came out of his burning synagogue, grateful that he was able to "get the Torah, but just in time!"

The Unitarian minister was seen rushing out of her burning church, pushing the copying machine with the coffee maker on top of it.

Well, I gave them another try. This past Sunday was ten times better than the previous -- more organized, focused, better music. Still, there's something I'm sensing, and I'm not sure what it is. I'll keep an open mind, but I am picking up a smugness that I could do without. Maybe it's my imagination or me projecting my rejection of all organized "religions." I don't know. I might visit an historic Episcopalian church and then try a synagogue.

It's a paradoxical spiritual pride.

They claim that they don't have absolute spiritual answers, that they are all individual seekers journeying together, and are tolerant of all beliefs and creeds, however individual people come to their own individual conclusions. I feel there's a sense of spiritual elitism about their sense of tolerance. (I acknowledge that this is quite the generalization.)

Of course, there are limits. You wouldn't feel very welcome for very long if you believe in one absolute creed or moral code.

My problem with Unitarianism is their disregard of "the Law of Mutual Exclusion." Two oppositional beliefs cannot both be right, just as two physical objects cannot simultaneously occupy the same place at the same time. An atheist who believes in the extinction of the conscious self may be right; an Eastern mystic who believes in reincarnation may be right; and Christian who believes in a final judgement of the post-mortal soul may be right. But they can't ALL be right, no matter how logically and passionately believed their various adherents espouse them.

BTW, I don't believe in the persecution or suppression of other beliefs, but neither will I affirm them as valid.

After you go to the synagogue, I want to hear about that. I'ts not Christainity, so that's the only one I'm interested in, well, the Greek Orthodox Church was nice when I was a kid. My parents tried all kinds of churches when I was growing up, so I've been to a lot of them. (They never tried the LDS church though, I tried that one on my own years later when I was in my early 20s.)
They even went to the JW Kingdom Hall because my Aunt was trying it. She was surprised that my parents were studying with them and asked how my father felt about them because he just got out the Army then ( 23 years)and they're very, very anti military.
They never mentioned that part to my parents, like they weren't going to find out later.
My father was going to ask them about it that night.
My sisters were in our bedroom , watching their little girl, all of a sudden, we heard my father yelling , very upset.
The bedroom door flew open and the mother came in , grabbed her hand , telling her it was time to go home. I guess he asked them, never saw them again.

I visited several churches including the UU - I was a convert to Mormonism also. I finally realized that the system is all the same: no money - no church.
I was no longer interested in any organized type religion and found I did much better without it. It served it's purpose at the time, but I'm oh-so-done with all of it.

Mormonism tapped us out so much it drained the well dry. Wonder if that's part of many of our reluctance to want to dive into another religion head-on?

I've never felt "moved by the spirit" or otherwise to join or convert to another religion since leaving Moism. If not for my already being Jewish, and not needing to convert, I wouldn't be calling myself a Jew.

It saved me from needing to find another religion, not that I would have. For me, it just worked out and is a fit, so I no longer feel a need to keep searching for my spiritual home.

I compare it to when God closed a door on my life (Mormonism,) he opened a window. It was a trade-up, so it's all good! :))

Who said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and each time expecting a different result!"? One clue to the invalidty of a group calling itself a religeon is the first time it asks for your filthy lucre. Good friends don't hit each other up for money. The minute money becomes an issue, an organization becomes a business. Goes for the government too! SuzieQ#1 is getting closer to the truth!

So how are the heat and electrical bills paid? The mortgage or rent?

Ben Ther, don't let the very negative experience with LDS be the defining paradigm of religion for you. People go to graduate school to get trained in sacred writings, theology, counseling, and church administration. In many churches, youth leadership, music ministry, and others specialized activities are full or part-time activities. These people have to be paid. Otherwise, everybody has to be a volunteer, and you've seen where that leads to: the "calling" of certain lay leaders who may not know what they're doing, and have to rely on the central church's manuals and directives.

You may believe that all religion is bunk--you have lots of company on this board--but for those of us who choose to combine in group worship and fellowship we become the frequently derrided thing called "institutional religion." Some groups meet in homes or free public halls, which is fine, but my independent Baptist group just bought and renovated a closed-down banquet hall. We meet and conduct services, and we have a fantastic kitchen.

Done properly, donation receipts are limited to just a few financial officers. Our pastor is not one of them. Incidentally, church cleaning is done by authentic volunteers on a rotating basis. Since I'm retired, I'm usually in twice a month for a few hours.

We went through a period of church hopping and belonged to two UU congregations as part of it. They do have periods of trying to get people to pledge. Like any organization, they have buildings to maintain, programs to run and staff to pay. We also attended a United Methodist congregation for a few years that devoted services for an entire month to pledging. Dh and I used to call it Shakedown September.

He was much more interested in attending than I, which is weird because we are both atheists. I think he thought the social aspect was good for the kids for some reason.

The UUs tend to have very educated members, and the ministers are often pretty intellectual. The sermons were unfailingly interesting, and I always felt like I left with something to think about.

Members had a wide range of beliefs. There were a lot of mixed faith marriages, where UU was a compromise. There were a lot of Jewish members, as well as some Christians, atheists and Buddhists. The congregation was huge on community service and did a lot of very worthwhile things.

It was OK, but didn't do much for me. But I'm a pretty hardcore atheist, find ritual nothing but tedious, and I'm not a joiner. The only reason I was there was for dh.