My husband is a career Army officer. During the 1990s, when he was married to his ex wife, he left active duty for a few years, in part, because he didn't think he would ever get beyond the rank of captain and also because his ex wanted him to leave. For four years, my husband was in the Army National Guard while working at a couple of unsatisfying and very poorly paying factory jobs. My husband and his ex were drowning in debt and very unhappy with each other.

Back in 1999, my husband and his ex were on the brink of divorce. They had been members of the church for two years, but they weren't seeing any blessings. In fact, the ex was using the church to try to shape my husband into the person she thought he should be. It was making him miserable.

Then one day, my husband was given the opportunity to go back to the Army full time. The ex was about to kick him out of the house anyway, so he took the chance and went back to the Army as a full time Guardsman. He'd been promoted to major by the time I met him, but he was still pretty down on himself. He got his divorce in 2000 and thought that God hated him and would punish him for the failure of his marriage.

In 2003, he was promoted to lieutenant colonel, which was further than he thought he would go. We had been married a year and he was doing some great things in his job and was starting to feel better about himself. Then in 2006, he formally resigned from the church, since he hadn't been active in years. Since then, he's been to Iraq and worked overseas in Germany, and now he's doing good things in Georgia. Until this week, he figured he'd probably retire as a lieutenant colonel in 2012 and he was fine with that.

Tuesday, we found out that he'd made the DA select list to make full colonel. The National Guard has to find a job for him to be promoted, but now they have four years to do that, since being promotable extends his time in the Army another two years. I will never forget the look on my husband's face when he told me he'd gotten the nod for this achievement. He never thought he'd see the day.

Even if he doesn't ultimately get the new rank, the Army has given my husband so many more blessings than the church ever did. So much for his life going downhill after leaving TSCC. I think his experiences prove that not only is there life after divorce and leaving the church, but life beyond an abusive marriage within a cult can often be very sweet.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2010 01:21PM by knotheadusc.

Full bird!!! Hot damn! That's extraordinary. Congrats!

Ron

Please forward congratulations to him.

And thank him for his service.

(Navy veteran, 1979-84)

Congratulations! That is just wonderful!

He's a tanker (armor), but he hasn't tanked in a very long time. Right now, he works at FORSCOM as a branch chief. He helps coordinate training for Guard members, I think (?) It's hard to keep up with his jobs because they change every time we move! Anyway, his specialty is training.

He was handpicked for the job he's in. We had to leave Germany a year early, which kind of sucked, but I think they put him in this job so he'd be more noticeable.

Especially when that PCS may be to Fort Knox at the Armor School.

Kentucky.... yikes.

Actually, I think the armor school has either already moved or will be moving. He went to Knox years ago with his ex and hasn't actually worked in armor in years. We will PCS this summer because Fort McPherson is closing, but I think we'll either go to Fort Bragg or (yecch) back to DC...

But we could end up anywhere, really. He requested Colorado Springs, so we'll see what happens.

In any case, good luck to you and hubby on this.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2010 01:01PM by helamonster.

Thanks. I don't have anything against DC. It's just that he was there for six years (and I was there for five). I'd like to go somewhere else, especially since I am originally from Virginia and know DC pretty well.

Incidentally, my husband was also in the chunk of the Pentagon that got hit on 9/11. He had just transferred there a month earlier from Fort Leavenworth. The week before 9/11, his office got moved. Had they not moved his office, he probably would have been killed. Luck has been with him.

The Armor School at Fort Knox no longer exists, as their colors were cased on April 27, 2010. Part of BRAC (Base Realignment and Closuer) is Armor was merged with Infantry into the new Manuever (spelling?) Center of Excellence at Fort Benning, GA. The other Armor center is at Fort Hood, TX.

Congratulations on the promotion! BTW the new Army Human Resources Center of Excellence (HRCoE) is the main command at Fort Knox. IF your husband should happen to come here for HRC, I would like to meet you all.

They won't be fully completed with the move to Fort Benning until sometime in 2011.

Thanks for the update, kentuckycrimson. I have actually never been to KY, so I wouldn't mind going there for a spell! If we ever do, it would be great to meet another RfM member. I hear Kentucky is beautiful, especially if you're a horse person like I am (or was).

Our move this summer comes almost two years into my husband's assignment at FORSCOM, so I have a feeling the Guard will send him somewhere else rather than Fort Bragg. A lot of Guard jobs are in the DC area, which is why I have a feeling we'll go back there.

If he's AGR, I would be seeing you all in the Finance Office to settle your travel vouchers. I work there in the travel section. (I'm on leave this week.) I worked in the DC area and lived in NoVA for five years in the mid-90s, and returned here (this is home) in 2005. I'm thinking you're likely right, that you would be going to the DC area.

Yep, he's AGR and a member of the Arkansas Guard, though he hasn't been there for years. That program has been a lifesaver for him.

the church combine to stifle peoples' success in the world. He could have gone his whole life without finding his potential.

Thank goodness he got out and found you, now he can see what he is really worth because he doesn't have all the baggage holding him back!

And thank goodness we have such fine men who are willing to sacrifice so much to serve.

Well, in all fairness to the church, his marriage sucked before he joined and would have sucked if he had never joined. His ex wife was very abusive and seemed to get a kick out of battering his self-esteem. The church didn't have anything to do with that until after they had joined and she started comparing him to all the other "worthy" guys, bearing their testimonies and baptizing their kids.

I will say, however, that the church didn't help matters in their marriage, despite the church members' assurances that it would. It has been used as a powerful alienation tool in destroying the family. The divorce cost him a lot, including a relationship with his kids. But they're growing older and will have their own lives. Maybe someday they'll come around. And if they don't, it's their loss.

I don't like my husband's ex wife, but I will always be grateful to her because she gave me a gift by divorcing my husband. And yeah, ditching her and the church has done wonders for my husband's self-worth and ability to succeed. We have a great life together.

Tell that boy to get off the dime and get this show on the road!

Hell Yeah!

Timothy (USAF 1977-1983)

I was always sad and miserable as a mormon. Leaving the morg was the best decision of my life and has led me to every good thing that has ever happened to me.

Here's to the blessings of leaving cultism!! (raising my coffee mug in a toast to all us.) : )

That's some seriously high regard to be handpicked.

And I suspect he owes a lot of it to you.

This is a wonderful post. Yes, life outside the cult can be so fabulous and any blessing promised by a cult leader couldn't possibly compare to hard work and perseverance. Congrats. My ex retired as a Lt. Col. yrs. ago. One knows when it is time to say goodbye to the service.The retirement pay I get is very nice. So even if he doesn't get the new rank he will be set in the future. And he will have the satisfaction that no abusive former wife or church can put him down. He has received his blessing without them.

That's another sweet chestnut about this situation...

My husband's ex wife was so certain he would never get anywhere in the military that she waived her rights to his retirement pay in lieu of his interest in their marital home. The house later went into foreclosure, which really sucked for my husband, since he was still partially liable. However, his credit eventually recovered and now she doesn't get any of his retirement pay... hee hee hee!

Cool. Had they been married at least 10 yrs. of his military career? If so she would have been eligible for part of it. Well, her loss. I love getting that check as I was mom and dad much of his days in the military and I was his support all through his 20 career as an AF pilot....giving up my career so he could succeed in his. I feel very deserving. Just smile each month when the check comes.

Actually, I believe she would have been eligible no matter how long their marriage was. The 10-10-10 rule has to do with whether or not DFAS will pay the ex spouse directly, not whether or not the ex spouse can claim any right to the retirement in the divorce settlement. In any case, they divorced about two months shy of their 10th anniversary and my husband was only on active duty for five of those years.

I don't have a problem with ex spouses getting part of the retirement pay in situations like yours. My mom was an Air Force wife. She was with my dad throughout his entire 22 year career and raised four kids. She didn't have her own career until after he retired and they opened a business. My parents are still married after almost 53 years, but if they had divorced, I definitely think she would have deserved part of his retirement pay.

In my husband's case, his ex wife actually sabotaged his career. She wanted him to quit and had no part of helping him be successful. What's more, she drew up the divorce papers and presented them to my husband while they were celebrating Easter at his father's house. He didn't deny her the retirement pay; she declined it, because she wanted their house.

It seems kind of symbolic that she gave him those papers over Easter. He sort of resurrected his life!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2010 03:37PM by knotheadusc.

His ex's timing was great- Easter. Oh boy. Well, as I understand it, if you were married to the active duty serviceman less than 10 yrs. you get nothing as an ex spouse. And as per health coverage through the Champus system,you must have been with the person all 20 yrs. I was with him 19 yrs. so no extra health coverage for me. But yet, I WAS THE ONE to get my kids to the military hospital for all their appts. - calling for over an hr. to secure an appt. and then be told they were all taken at least one third of the time. It is fine though, since I have very bad things to say about Military hospitals. Maybe 30% is good...the rest - BAD.

Yeah, I hear you on the military hospitals. I grew up with them and kind of have a phobia of them! My husband's gotten pretty good care, though.

Here's a link to a good article about the 10 year rule. They were actually toying with doing away with it a few years ago.

http://www.military.com/features/0,15240,98524,00.html



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2010 06:16PM by knotheadusc.

how she screwed up?

She hasn't spoken to us in several years... not since she got my husband's daughters to send letters demanding that he give them up for adoption to her third husband (which my husband declined to do). But I'm sure, deep down, she knows she gave up a wonderful guy. She as much as said so in a letter after they had both remarried.

And as far as the retirement issue is concerned, it's a done deal.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/23/2010 09:06PM by knotheadusc.

I really appreciate everyone's comments. Honestly, I owe a great deal of my success to my wife knotheadusc. She's been there with me through late working nights, TDY's, weekends, and deployment. She's listened to me unload all my morg "implants" (I sound like a recovering Scientologist...), and my struggle with regaining a sense of self esteem and self determinism that was greatly diminished while I was a member of TSCC.

I don't visit this forum very often, but I'm really grateful it exists and has become such a powerful source of truth about the cult. Winston Smith, the protagonist in 1984 wrote, "Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows." I try to remember that quote when dealing with TSCC, since they seem so bent on saying that "2 + 2 = 5", and it sickens me to see members try so hard to believe it. It's a sick, manipulative trick to co-opt God, and the promise of the CK into it all, and I hope the day comes when TSCC will have a reckoning.

And thank you for your service, Colonel knotheadusc.

Reaching 0-6 Rank is a big deal. Congratulations!

(USAF 1980-1986)

Pleased for you, both!

Congrats to your husband. My own spouse is in Army Reserves and will be doing another tour of overseas duty next year.