A few Mondays ago, I was driving down the strip here in Florida when I spied the grand opening of the newest, trendy, thrift store in town. I pulled in to take a peek. First customer-woot!

As I was wandering around, I heard the bells chime on the door behind me, signaling that someone else was entering the store. I turned to see an entire geek squad of 1950's IBM salesmen-in all their dorky glory. *SIX* LDS missionaries!! Lawzy!

As they started their blathering with the cashier, I just had to intervene (not to mention they were blocking my exit).

In my best Southern Mama loudness (and gesturing wildly) I said, "GO HOME BOYS! It's not true! Go to college. Get a job. Buy a car...get a GIRLFRIEND!"

Then I told them I was a temple-endowed apostate and started chanting the "Health in the Naval" ditty. As I elbowed my way through the crowd, one guy pointed and shouted, "I know you!"

Yeah, dude, you know me. I offered you and your comp a ride and a meal when your dinner appointment stood you up. (I saw them get rejected as I was driving home from work one evening). They freaked and wouldn't get in the car when they discovered I was an apostate. ha!

And the sissy mishies-I've worked them, too. Scared the bejeezus outta them when I left a note on their dryer in the laundry room-left a message that included the "Health in the Naval Ditty" and a referral to RfM (funny how that bad poetry stays with you for a lifetime). I'm a hit and run de-converter. I'm always fast. I'm always funny. And I guess I'm starting to gain quite the reputation.

I felt so sorry for those boys that day, stuffed in their cheesy polyester pants and ties (TIES for fuck's sake!) at the beach. I could see the ocean over their shoulders. Every other dude their age was walking around in swim trunks, flip-flops, shades...and carrying a surfboard.

<sigh>

;o)

I call BS Shannon. You can't surf in Florida. I don't know what you call what they do out there, but it's not surfing!


" I could see the ocean over their shoulders. Every other dude their age was walking around in swim trunks, flip-flops, shades...and carrying a surfboard."

Heck yeah, surfing is sport in Florida.

Here's the best places to surf in Florida, for starters.

http://www.visitflorida.com/en-us/articles/2007/october/117-floridas-best-surf-spots.html

Thank yew Amyjo - my beach is on your list!

;o)

Ever heard of Kelly Slater?

hahahahah. Yeah, they do. Waves aren't as big as Maui, but they catch good ones around the pier. And they are ALL insane and out there anytime a hurricane breezes anywhere nearby (ask my son - rolls eyes).

;o)

I lived in Ventura & surfed the pier, County Line, Rincon, etc. Florida does NOT have surfing. (Also lived near Galveston, that's not surfing either)

What? They haven't withdrawn the elders from the beach areas for the summer? That's what they did when my parents were senior missionaries. Transfer the lads inland and move the geezers in to replace them.

You not only crack yourself up, you crack me up as well.

You must have those misshies so scared by now that they'll

run when there see you. Keep up the good work!!!!!!!

"I turned to see an entire geek squad of 1950's IBM salesmen-in all their dorky glory. "

Great visual. They've always reminded me of 1960's NASA engineers. All they're missing are slide rules & pocket protectors.

Shannon, you should print up a information brochure about the health needs of one's navel--since it's so important fer CHrissake!

You crack me up too..


K

And how does one know how healthy ones navel is??
What constitutes a healthy navel? A lack of fluff?
How much fluff is allowed? Does size matter?
Does God even have a navel?
If so how does it compare to mine? On the healthy scale.
I guess you can only ask these questions in the temple.

And what I *REALLY* want to know, is why the hell were they travelling in such a large pack?! Six???? Casing a dumb thrift store. Don't they have anything better to do?

Too many mishies...too little to do. Dropping the age to 18 just flooded the markets, so to speak. These guys have absolutely nothing productive to do for their 2 years of "service."

I live right down the street from my old ward, so they are literally crawling all over my space. When I drive by the ward house every day, I fantasize about hanging a giant banner across the main entrance late one Saturday night that says: "IT'S NOT TRUE." <and there's your Sabbath morning surprise!>

But nobody would see it anyway - there are hardly ever any cars in the parking lot on Sunday. But TUESDAY morning - now that's a different story. There are always the same two cars parked together in the lot. Tuesday? Maybe those folks would pay attention to my sign. (I think the Bish and the RS Prez are having a clandestine affair in the ward house). I will return and report if I ever find out more information. *snort*

Ha! Living the dream here in Florida y'all. And you closet apostate mishies can, too! Claim your authentic selves. Live your real life. Oh. And if any of you are serving here in Florida, go surfing at least once fer Chrissake. Satan doesn't rule the waters...surfers do!

;o)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/26/2016 07:51AM by shannon.

You are great, shannon. I once in a while see missionaries and I want to say the same thing to them - go home, have a beer (if you are old enough), go to college, make out with your girlfriend. It's all a lie and you are wasting two of the best years of your life.

But I settle for mumbling it under my breath, usually because I spot them while driving. I always want to stop and tell them to their faces and applaud you for doing so.