What would you say are Mormonism's Top 10 Denials? I've been trying to make a list in my head. I don't know if there are even 10? Maybe I'm just too far or too close to Mormonism.

Racism is probably in the Top 5 as well as sexism. They deny these routinely with a terrible history of historical inconsistency in both counts against them.

But I wanted something conclusive, entertaining, and clever. I would love such a list.

I went a-google-ing and found some great lists of which this one was paramount. Talk about a list (hopefully written for satire) written from a point of denial.

"
Top Ten Reasons Why this Message WILL NOT be posted on this site
created by Huntsman Peter - 03/05/2008

10. It is very common for people who leave the LDS church to try and pull others down with them.

9. As the old saying goes...misery loves company!

8. People cant seem to realize that anti-mormon sites usually dont tell all of the truth...duh

7. If poligamy is so evil why did God ask many of the prophets of old to practise it???

6. If God called prophets for 1000s of years to speak to his children in the past why wouldn't he do it today??? perhaps because we dont need to hear him anymore??? perhaps he does not love us anymore??? perhaps he just doesnt have the power anymore???...If there were ever a time to hear the voice of the Lord with all the earths troubles...isnt it now???

5. After 1000s of attempts to prove the book of Mormon false by the best historians of Religion in the world, not one has ANY hard evidence that it is false...(not bad for a farm boy with very little education to make up)

4. There can only be one true church (God will not let the doctrine of his church be 99% correct and 1% made up)

3. Why is it with all these anti-mormon web sites that the LDS church is still the fastest growing church through conversion than any other in the world??? seems pretty good for the "church of the devil"

2. "...the standard of truth has been erected; No un hallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done."

1. And who ever reads this list and does not post it on this web site is only proving that everything I have stated, is the truth... "
http://salamandersociety.com/toptens/

And I also found Mr. McCue's article on Mormon denial containing this little nugget.

"I have heard this approach advocated by one General Authority during a personal interview with him, and by several academically oriented Mormons who choose for various reasons to remain affiliated with Mormonism. This is the “advanced course”. One had the gall to tell me that most Mormon bishops and stake presidents don’t really understand Mormonism or spirituality because they are too literal in their interpretation of both. Accordingly to this fellow, the “enlightened” Mormon intellectuals who see the deception, uncertainty etc. and decide to continue to believe and obey (at least when the feel like it ““ they are not generally as obedient as the true believers) are the only really spiritual ones. This is a vanishingly small group at the moment."
http://bobmccue.ca/2012/01/27/how-denial-works/

A better mind reading of Mormon leaders I've not found and one so flawed a river of doubts runs through it.

Anoshkup Vuvlus [^^vv^^] = Big River in Reformed Egyptian. (I took it as an elective at BYU). Let he of dirty mind figure out the cuneiform. Ham's Boner.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2016 02:03PM by BYU Boner.

Well, thanks for that info I guess. Vuvluses and all.

What is LDS Inc.'s biggest denial "boner" for you?

The biggest boner is--we're not a church of hate.

And just to keep the Reformed Egyptian grammar pure and accurate, the plural of Vulvus is Vulvari. There's a pun on that word as it can mean river and %#€€¥ (the Egyptian had dirty minds, too!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2016 04:22PM by BYU Boner.

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> The biggest boner is--we're not a church of hate.

De Nile is a river of love.

The second biggest boner is "trust us!" Or, "no fucking way" in modern English.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/15/2016 04:15PM by BYU Boner.

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> The second biggest boner is "trust us!" Or, "no
> fucking way" in modern English.

Additional 'boners':
1. "You need to pray/read your scriptures more..."
2. "The Lard is calling you to serve as the (insert useless and mundane task here) Coordinator..."
3. And one that makes me smile a lot (hat-tip to the movie "Office Space")..."You've been missing church a lot..."

No, no...not really. ;)

edzachery Wrote:
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> 3. And one that makes me smile a lot (hat-tip to
> the movie "Office Space")..."You've been missing
> church a lot..."

So "promote" them!

I thought there was a book about that: 'The Yellow Nile' by I. P. Freely.



(Yeah, so my jokes are from the 1930's, so sue me)

"The Mystery of the Squeaking Door" by Russ T. Hinge

"Life under the Bleachers" by Seymour Butts

And, finally, "What did the fish say when he hit his head?"
"Oh dam!" Min's Boner.

Min became an eunuch for Mormonism.

That is true, they chopped off Min's most prominent feature and made it the arm rest for a throne.

But later on, it was miraculously restored.

The Penishood restored. Sounds like Reformed Egyptian to me. And if you want to know what Reformed Egyptian looks like here it is.

http://www.josephsmithpapers.org/paperSummary/grammar-and-alphabet-of-the-egyptian-language-circa-july-circa-december-1835

Before sewers were invented, people would yell "gardyloo" as a warning and toss the contents of their honeypot into the street. Is this the river you're talking about?

Golden plates, not golden showers.