The Mrs. is the TBM; I'm the sinning disbelieving scummy heathenizing apostate.

But wait! Maybe I have company!

Cracks first noted a few weeks ago: she started shutting out and shunning the mishies. Then she came back early from conference. Didn't fast on the first Sunday, unlike her normal routine. It's been months since she asked me why I'm not wearing the garments. Her last testimony was, if anything, curt.

Might be time to try a little compare-and-contrast? Show her a church essay on, say, polygamy, along with the corresponding CES Letter section?

Baby steps...

That's exactly what I'm doing, getbusylivin. So far, it's going about as well as I could expect. Good luck, my friend. Keep us all updated and stay strong.

I hope that she will at least be able to see eye to eye with you. Being validated and acknowledged by your spouse is a great feeling. I hope this is the beginning of the end for her.

Please:
Don't have "religion" as a household matter, subject, or conversation; it's a deeply personal-private subject!

It's perfectly fine to share opinions about religion.

I never tried to convert people, even when I was a church member. I just shared what I believe.

I have always believed that we each have our own journey and as long as you understand that your rights end where mine begin we'll be just fine.

You don't get to tell me how to dress, eat, drink, be entertained etc. believe etc.

I won't tell you either but I'll be happy to share the story of my journey. Most of the time I'll want to know yours too.

That's part of being a partner with someone and religion is very much a part of that partnership.

It's good to have discussions with your loved one about religion! It's just going to vary as to when and what discussion based on each couple's circumstances. My hubby is not Mormon and he had to test the waters a little when we first got together to see what was open for debate and what made me touchy. He was thoughtful and respectful and pointed out issues that made me think. I was on my way out of the church by then, but hadn't yet admitted it to myself, so the fact that he created a space for me to have doubts was appreciated. I was also questioning his non-religious beliefs, just to see what he based them on, and learned a lot from discussing religion with him.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2016 08:38PM by abcdomg.

It's exciting to see cracks appear for people we love. But I caution against jumping in to quickly with resource material. A faith crisis is a highly personal thing, and you don't want her to feel pushed by you. Some emerge from a faith crisis more TBM than ever. I'm sure you already know that friends, bishop, neighbors will assume that you are leading her astray. They may even advise she distance herself from you.

Make sure she knows you love her first and foremost, and will be respectful of wherever her path leads. Offer love, patience, understanding always; offer sources, material, discussion if and when she wants it.

It took me three years of study and prayer before I was willing to admit to anyone that I had serious doubts. I felt my enteral soul was on the line, and TSCC has many tricks to make members feel guilty, question their own sanity, and be very mistrustful of anything that does not jive with the official line. It was another two years of anger and grief before I completely disconnected. And it all needed to be my own decision and in my own time.