I feel sorry for the families in TSCC now. They spend all of their extra time at church, fulfilling roles in their "callings" that are pointless. My dad was notorious for spending more time at church than with his own family. I used to think that was noble somehow- now I feel so angry and hurt by it. From the moment my DH and I were married and started having kids we chose each other over TSCC. I remember thinking "if DH ever gets called as a Bishop, I think as his wife I have to protest because I want him around." Little did I know that inside my DH felt the same way about it as I did. We have always put our family time before anything else. I felt kind of guilty at times, especially while holding callings that I wouldn't always show up for due to family time. The more I thought about it, the less I believed that TSCC was about "family time" but more about "ward family time". It's all about them. They don't give two craps about family actually spending time together (unless under the roof of TSCC buildings). So, turns out we were right all along to not give 110% of our time to TSCC, and give it all to our family.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2016 10:35AM by TheBishop'sDaughter.

"We have always put our family time before anything else."

Agency in action! Saying "no" to the church can be one of the most important pro-family choices we make. As is protecting our kids from LDS indoctrination, allowing them to decide for themselves whom they want to befriend (hint: non-Mormons are okay) and how they want to spend their time (hint: playing sports on Sunday or going out for pizza are okay) or how they'll grow their minds (hint: reading alternatives to LDS "scripture" or watching non-LDS flicks is okay).

I'd rather discuss "Catcher in the Rye" or "1984" or "Shawshank Redemption" or "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" with our girls instead of "Doctrine and Covenants."

Kids need to learn how to question authority, not obey it.

You're so right about questioning authority. I was taught to do exactly as I was told (as are many members of the church). It took me so long to work up the courage to break free from that!

I'm lazy and I like to laugh.

I was called to be an EQP in a civilian ward (Lakeview) while I was at the Y. It was time consuming. But it was easier than staying home with a wife who wanted me to do things around the house AND help with our new baby daughter.

It was easier and there was a lot of laughter in being being the EQP, as compared to staying home and helping out.

And the validation! OMG! ALL the elders were older than me! I saw myself on the fast track for first Lamanite apostle!

I wonder if it's too late...? I don't have any jowls!

No jowls = No chance

So true.

They are only about "family" if everyone plays along. It is especially damaging to families if anyone in the family doesn't believe.

All the time away from family (as you described) instead on the Mormon hamster wheel of business is astounding.

Even sending grandparents away to be on missions so they are not spending time with family is contrary to being about family.

You have to wonder why a church about "family" needs to schedule a night for family home evening. For everyone else, practically every night is family home evening- focused on what the family is doing and needs.

They are not about family. They are about perpetuation of the organization, using your family, time and money.

They define church worker bee and gender rolls and presume to tell us that is what the "family" needs to be.

They convince the members that status in the church (gained by time away from family) is the sacrifice needed if you want brownie points in heaven.

You brought up some great points! I have thought about how strange it is that they created one night focused on family. One night out of 7 that the family will not be disturbed by the church...that's seriously pathetic. Your point on grandparents being sent away is so right. The short amount of time grandparents have with their grandchildren before their health goes totally downhill is spent away from them :( it's sick.

One night for the family, but all church-controlled. Tell me that isn't f*cked.

was "why on earth do they need a night designated by their church to spend with family?"

Mormons used the night in their pr campaign to show what a family-oriented organization they were-"look at us-our church loves the family more than any other because we have laid aside this special day of the week for family." I was too naive at the time realize that Mormons had a special night because their church was so busy micro-managing the rest of their time.

The observance of FHE in the dorms at BYU should have been a clue.

What's most interesting about it is that, when you think about it, the time spent in pointless additional meetings/callings isn't the only thing that keeps families apart on Sundays. Even those who are fortunate enough to not be consumed by a calling that takes up the whole day still spend literally no quality time as families at church. Here's why:

- Sacrament meeting: The only thing families do together in sacrament meeting is sit. That is the equivalent of considering silently watching a movie as a family a "quality time." It hardly is. Families grow closer (and usually happier) as they engage in activities together, talk openly about things, and build trusting relationships. Sacrament meeting is a sunk cost that could be used much better if the objective was to strengthen families.
- Sunday School: Unless you are in a small branch like I have been most recently, classes are split up so much that families are usually separated physically, and in the things they learn.
- RS/Priesthood: Obviously more separation. The only way any two family members (parent and child) can be together is if the child is over 18, or one of the parents just happens to be the YM/YW/Primary instructor. Spouses can never be together, obviously.

When I once voiced my concern about the lack of family time I had on Sundays (only day when neither of my parents worked), I was told that Sundays are NOT about families, but about serving God - and, in turn, about sacrificing what he has revealed is the most important thing there is in life. You go ahead and make sense of that for me...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2016 11:23AM by friendlyeconomist.

I hated the separation from my child when we did go. I felt very uncomfortable leaving them with total strangers while I sat in RS and listened to women cry about all sorts of nonsense. Life makes so much more sense after removing religion from it.

Because "The Corporation of the President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, isn't it about time?" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Cult, cult, cult.

Divide and conquer.

No family bonds may supercede those to the cult.

Loving is not very useful, except when it's loving the cult.

You are so right! I wish I had been as smart as you, instead of spending so damned much time away from home. Good on you.

Thank you. I think having my own dad gone so much my whole life for the cult made me resent it to an extreme and I couldn't do that to my own child and husband. I didn't want to become what I hated.

I remember when my ex - husband was 'called' as the ward executive secretary. At the time, he was working full-time, playing basketball one night a week and taking classes two nights per week. I insisted that if he accepted the role at church, then one of the other two things had to go. We had two children under three years old, and my closest family were on the other side of the world; I was shattered. He didn't accept the calling. It showed me his priorities did not lie in TSCC, and was the beginning of a slow slide out of mormondom for me...

Why an organisation that claims to put family first would require someone with so much on his plate already to take on additional responsibility is beyond me...

It's (only) the advertising slogan.

Good for you (one and both)!

That's the sign on the front door.
The one on the the back says no exit.

This to me is the greatest irony of Mormonism.
The big selling point of TSCC in it's glossy brochure to non members is how family centric they are and the importance of family relations.
The reality as we all know is totally different.

Cults always use busy work to hook their members. It goes back to Breedum and he was completely open about it. Got everyone to believe total sacrifice is needed to generate the faith necessary for salvation. That little gem got him a slave labor force and a sizable harem. Nice work if you can get it.