I have been attending a christian church that I love for a while now. Been out of Mormonism for 2 years now.My mom has been harping about me going to any church ever since although she was devastated when I left. Yesterday I told her that my husband and I have found a christian church that we love and all she says is "Well your the one that's going to have to answer to the Lord" I turned and looked at her and said "I can say the same thing about your church" Then she says "Oh I was just kidding" Just kidding???!!!!! Not funny!! I am seething! What am I going to have to answer to the lord for??!!

A) Don't take it personally. She was just reading from the standard Mormon playbook, where their God thinks all other churches are an abomination. First Vision and all that. While LDS Inc has been trying to soft-pedal that nonsense, most Mormons still "know" that is god's real opinion of other churches. This is, unfortunately, a common religious affliction.

B) She's lashing out because you have tarnished her gold star in front of her Mormon friends. The main purpose of Mormons is to create more Mormons, either by birthing, converting, or keeping existing members in the fold. Your joining another church makes her a failure, and she's ticked off. OK, that you sort of have to take personally.

C) When you called her on saying something rude and idiotic, she realized you were right, the best she could come up with to try and wriggle out of it was "I'm kidding." Better of course would have been to not try to wriggle out of it, and simply apologize for saying something inappropriate, but that almost never happens.

Hey at least she said she was kidding my mom would have double downed and we would have had an all out battle.

In her mind I'm headed to outer darkness, that's not the end of it though because everybody knows she has a daughter that's not active.

You're probably making inroads with your mother you can't even see. While she may be expressing one thing, she's seeing and hearing you share your experiences and she's very keenly interested in how you're doing and your newfound sense of freedom from her belief system.

She's watching you closely, in other words. Your actions are having a more profound impact on her than you can possibly realize.

Moms feel this constant need to remind our children, on the other hand, of our need to be nurturing and helping them fulfill their life goals and missions on earth.

As an ex-Mormon I still fret over my children's salvation. One is an atheist, with a heart of gold. My other is an Orthodox Jew who went borderline on us since reaching adulthood.

You never stop wanting what's best for your children. Problem with your mom's beliefs is that with Mormonism's perspective there is only one right way. As ex-Mos we know that isn't true and is oh so what makes Mormonism a cult.

So... she's watching you. You may be helping her in more ways than even she realizes at the moment. At least one can hope. :)

My mother at age 92 was making comments to me similar to your mother's harsh retorts.

I think the fault lies with mormon ideas of eternal family and the promises that wayward family will come back if the parents pay, pray and obey enough.

What finally worked for me was laughing in my mother's face.

Mom: "I challenge you to read Alma whatever and pray about it and I know the lord will touch your heart."

Me, laughing: "What a joke, Mom. I'm not doing that. Ha-ha-ha! Do you want me to water your plants for you or ask the nurse for a glass of buttermilk?"

Getting angry or trying to comfort her pain just made things worse. Laughing at her rather bitterly shut her up in an instant.

I'd be proud to have a smart cookie like you as my daughter. Your mom doesn't know how lucky she is!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/30/2016 11:19AM by Cheryl.

I don't have to answer to the Lord. The Lord has to answer to me.

He (or She, or It) has been f------ with humanity and our planet since forever. What gives? What's the Lord's legacy down here? In a word: failure.

Pain, suffering, injustice, deprivation, sorrow, disease et al. Some of it of human origin, of course, but a hell of a lot of it not. A kid's born in sub-Saharan Africa and dies of dehydration from diarrhea a couple months later, and this is acceptable? This is part of the Lord's plan? How stupid do you think we are?

Lawyer up, Lord. You're gonna need it.

Amen to that!! My sentiments exactly.

If there's a god, he's got some explaining to do.

I think that your response to her was just fine. She's likely not used to you standing up to her. Keep at it!

<<I am seething! What am I going to have to answer to the lord for??!!>>

Absolutely nothing.

Family! One of the best rules to adopt for yourself is the Second Agreement (from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz).

" Don't Take Anything Personally.Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."

A small miracle takes place when we own our own power and refuse to take anything personally, no matter who says it or under what circumstances, and especially when it is directed at you. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

I often talk about the Duck Suit! Put it on, let stuff run off your back, understand that you are not responsible for other people's feelings, what they say or their behavior. When it's directed at you, remember your Duck Suit and let it run off your back. That's about owning your own power and not allowing anyone to upset your day!
Just do it! It's GREAT!!

Earlier that day I went to family dinner and they were all talking about church and all the testimonies.I listened and participated in the conversation and not one bad remark from me about the church.I just thought she was so arrogant to assume that "I" would have to answer to the lord.

Let's hope she learns a lesson and grows smart and strong enough to let go of some of her biases. It will depend on how deeply the mormon indoctrination has affected her.

Your reaction was good. Hers, unfortunately, was not.

Hang in there.

I go to a Christian church too.not every week but when I can. they have a live band. I hate any type of religious music. But I'll take a live band for a little while. it's pretty fun.

Your mom is just envious because she goes to a 3 hour funeral service every week with hardly any mention of god