I spent decades assuming the church was true and I was falling short. I was disappointed in myself. I was full of guilt.

I kept trying harder and harder. I was totally consumed by the church every second, every hour, every day. I knew God would help me get there if I tried harder.

I tried harder and the harder I tried, the more I was disappointed in myself.

Finally, I took a hard look (after many years) and asked myself, Are you a better person today than years ago? I had to be honest and say, Hell, no. I was not better.

The church makes you feel guilty, makes you 100% dependent in every way possible (thoughts, actions, etc.). You are totally hooked after so long (if you follow every detail).

All of this happened long before I read the CES letter and dozens of other things.

This is a cult--plain and simple. Thanks for allowing me to share my feelings.

Strange. I'm SO relieved it's falsr.

It must be really hard having invested, literally, so much of yourself in something only to find out how hollow it really is. You have my deepest sympathy.

My very first awareness that something wasn't right with the Church is as a child we recited the 10 commandments and 13 articles of faith.

When I was able to read the Book of Mormon, Nephi kills a man! It was shocking to me as a pre-teen to see this kind of dichotomy.

This was just the first of many. I tried to be a good mormon, some how somewhere there must have been a reason.

Until I came to the Final Conclusion. The Church is false and practice cult behaviors to keep you in.

cognitivedissonance Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My very first awareness that something wasn't
> right with the Church is as a child we recited the
> 10 commandments and 13 articles of faith.
>
> When I was able to read the Book of Mormon, Nephi
> kills a man!

Kills a man
Covets
steals

all in the first few chapters... that's a red red flag

I am soooo glad it is not true, because I can feel totally great about not believing in it. It would be awful to learn that God actually did approve of all the judgey and strange things taught by the LDS church.

Aren't you glad to find out after all that time it wasn't you after all?

It was the cult that made you feel that way, as in inferior and totally dependent on it for your survival.

We grew up connected to it like in utero.

Once you can break free it may feel disconcerting at first, but you'll appreciate more and more your newfound freedom from all that fear and apprehension, and that you have to answer to no one but yourself at the end of the day.

We are still moral human beings, even moreso for having expanded our horizon. You've lost nothing, only gained, in retrospect.

Every once in a while it hits me--I miss my idealistic youth and the feeling that once I knew Mormonism was true. For some reason, yesterday was the day. I thought back to the early 1970s and my first term at BYU. The instant best friends, the feeling that I was taking the high moral ground, and that my life had a purpose...now gone. I think you know what I mean, Sam.

The thought only lasted a moment or two as I reflected on the guilt trips, the constant meetings, the constant fears and negativity, and merciless judgment of others. And then, thoughts about Joseph Smith's fuckery came to mind...

No, I can never go back, but I do miss the sense of fixed stars, answers to everything, and my idealistic friends--all of whom shunned me after I left. But for those couple of months, life seemed perfect!

Very best wishes! The Boner.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/29/2016 05:34PM by BYU Boner.

I completely relate to all of your points, Boner

I believed I was totally right back when I was TBM. I often quipped that "the church" had an answer for EVERYTHING. But actually, I think I just wasn't asking the right questions back then. I believe I'm totally right now too, now that I'm exmo, so I still feel good. I just have fewer things that I believe I have the answer for and I'm okay with not having an immediate answer for everything.

I just wish they were truthful, at least.

Never happened. Before I ever figured out the church was false, I had dumped every friend I ever met at church. I still had mormon friends, but I never met them at church, but at work. Just in the past year or two after I found out my friend from childhood (who came from a part-member and inactive family) had committed suicide is when I started to rethink my childhood and what a hell mormonism was for me. I'm so glad my parents weren't die hard mormons. I was more devout than any of my siblings or my parents.

I couldn't be more relieved that it isn't true. I tried my damnedest and my ex still is gay no matter how perfect I tried to become. What a relief it was to find out the truth.

When my daughter was going to get married last fall, the only thing that bothered me is that I felt I really shouldn't hold up a sign that said, "I CHOOSE to not participate" as it was her day. Sure I'd like to see her married, but I don't want to ever go to the temple again. I reject everything mormonism is.

Sure, I wish I had figured it out earlier. That's about it.

I went through the "I wish the church was true" phase too, but the more I learn the more I'm glad it isn't. Today, wishing it were true is like wishing the Earth were flat. It's so impossible for the church to be true that anything else is utter nonsense.

The world seems so much bigger and brighter now.

I wish my orange trees would start fruiting $100 bills.
Oh, well -- it's not going to happen. My wishes don't over-ride reality.
Neither do yours.
The church isn't "true." Period. Plenty of evidence shows that to be the case. No matter what anyone wishes.

:(

I like to look at The Big Picture. In analyzing religions in general, I have determined that they fall in a very large category of: God Myths. One of the best books on this subject is: "The Power of Myth. "The Power of Myth is a book based on the 1988 PBS documentary Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth. The documentary was originally broadcast as six one-hour conversations between mythologist Joseph Campbell and journalist Bill Moyers"
If you can find it, get the hard copy with all of the photos and drawings.

Now, it's important to understand there are a lot of different kinds of truth: subjective, factual, objective, relative, etc.
It's wise to remember that religion is subjective truth that falls in the category of "The Power of Myth".
With that background, Mormonism is true. But true...what?
True God Myth. It's subjective truth.
That's how they can claim it's true. Just like any other religion can claim it's true.

I went through this stage. Things about Mormonism theology sounds so perfect and sound, compared to other religions. Things I miss:
1) Eternal Progression. This sounds so good compared to Protestants spending an eternity doing nothing but worshipping God.

2) Pre-existence. Knowing that we're all brothers and sisters.

3) Magic Underwear. Yeah, I miss that God gave us magic protection.

4) Continuing revelation. God speaking to prophets and revealing new revelations, this would be such a great comfort if God could of told us about the Dust Bowl, Vaccines, 9/11, Wars, Global Warming, Protection against pandemics (SARS, AIDS, Zika Virus) etc... Course, none of this happened or is happening.

I can relate to this post. When I first connected the dots and came out of mormonism, I spent a lot of my time wishing it were true or finding evidence to support JS and the TSCC. The biggest problem I had was the idea that life may not continue after death. I thought it was a shame we go through so much to advance our minds and develop to just end one day, all done.

But then I think about the craziness of the Bible teachings like marrying cousins and drowning and fire bombing babies (they always focus on the wicked adults in Noah's ark and the sinners in Sodom and Gomorah, what about their babies?).

As I think of all that is required in the TSCC, what a relief that it is all garbage. Too much. More than anyone can handle.

I don't have proof that life doesn't continue after this, although I don't believe it does. But what if there is something else? Hopefully, its nothing like mo-ism.