Over the last month or so, my TBM DH has taken to closing our day with a sweet, fairly generic prayer. (I can't kneel due to orthopedic limitations, so I just settle in bed while he kneels.)

But I'm just not a believer. He says the prayers (I always say I can't think of anything to say) and this dear, sweet, believing man pours out his heart to someone whose existence I very much doubt, gives profound thankfulness for the atoning sacrifice for somebody who may not have existed at all, and asks for blessings upon those we love. It is all I can do to keep from crying. He prays with the simple belief of a child, so sincerely.

I lost all belief decades ago, but it would hurt him terribly to realize the depth of my unbelief. So I tell him that I really appreciate this special time together - that it provides a nice closing of the door on the day.

Our "prayer time" has a special, gentle feeling to it, which is part of the reason I have never objected. But if there is a God, he KNOWS I have gate-crashed the club. I feel pretty rotten about it, but wouldn't DH's feelings for anything.

Sounds like 'no harm', so how can anyone call a foul.

Good,steady, loving and dependable company is not that easy to find.

Here is a list of all the nice things you are doing :)
1. Remaining true to yourself
2. Respecting your husband (and his faith)
3. Continuing to love and appreciate your husband
4. Doing your best

I think it's wonderful that you appreciate your husband's sincere intentions with his prayers and that they can be special to both of you in your marriage. You may not believe, but I wouldn't put you in the hypocrite pile, personally. You appreciate the value in the prayers and the special time they are in your marriage, so IMO that is plenty. It's the idea that you value their worth in what they do for your marriage.

If there is a God, as you say, I think he is deeply touched by this.

My sentiments exactly. You are a good and loving wife.

I think that what you are doing is very loving and very kind.

Some things are not worth disagreeing over.

The closest I come to experiencing, on some level, what you are describing is when I am at a dinner table and a loving prayer is said. I most always can go along with it, but sometimes I wonder if my facial expressions are being watched and I will be caught making give-away grimaces here and there, especially when god is given credit for the food that was planted, grown and cooked by the members of the family.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2016 04:54AM by presleynfactsrock.

I lived with my mom in the last ten years of her life. At night, while lying in my own bed, I could often hear her muffled voice in the next room, saying her prayers aloud. I thought it was very sweet. If you think about it, prayers often express gratitude and ask for the safety and prosperity of family members. Nothing wrong with that.

I think it would be fine for you to say, "You pray for the both of us."

Not a hypocrite at all!

In my opinion, part of being a good wife (or husband!) is being a good loyal friend as well as a lover and spouse. I've known too many people who were lovers but NOT friends!

I think you're great!

It seems like if you grow up Mormon, you grow up thinking you can't be friends with or love anyone who doesn't think exactly like you do.

This isn't true!

You can be married to a believer, and find sweetness in his belief -- without having to share that belief yourself. You can. It's totally OK. Just like how you can be married to a man who loves ketchup when you hate it, or loves hockey when you think it's stupid, or listens to Dave Matthews Band when you'd rather listen to Tory Amos, or votes for one party when you vote for another. Imagine how weird life would be if the only people you ever let into your life shared your exact thoughts, and never changed, no matter how many years went by. We're talking creepy stepford wives here!

You can view "god" as a metaphor for the good things DH associates with it. You can come up with your own metaphor. You can be different and still appreciate each other. That is what love is.

That is the sweetest and most endearing thing .... you love each
other and those quiet moments you share as he prays are very
precious. Enjoy. I think is lovely and you have no reason to
feel bad about it.

Respecting someone else's belief isn't hypocritical.

Living with someone else and hiding your true feelings has to be stressful, however. Are you sure that isn't what is causing your discomfort? Everyone deserves to be able to express their deepest hopes and dreams, and it sounds like you don't trust your dh to be able to handle yours. If the way you handle it now is causing you guilt, is it time to try something else?

I think what you are doing is beautiful. I can find no hypocrisy in it...

My dad, who is not LDS (he's a retired anglican priest) prays for me, his daughter 12000 miles away, every day. I appreciate that I'm in his thoughts although I don't believe as he does.

Allowing someone to express a harmless part of their faith with the true intent of blessing others is actually doing a good thing in this world...

Sounds like he very much loves you. Sounds like you very much love him.

Don't think about who he is praying too, but where it is coming from.

Like the old saying... It's not the gift, but the thought that counts.