http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1821583

OP, I don't think that that question can do you any good. How can you make it worth it?

Lighten up on yourself. Four kids are a lot of work, but it won't last forever. You don't have to be perfect to love them and let them know it. It also sounds like you need some "alone time" to detox from the day when you get home, then do some dad time. It also helps if you don't have all four at once. One-on-one time where one of you watches three of them, and the other does something special with one. Rotate through them, both parents each get each kid on his or her own. Use a spreadsheet if needed. Might take two-four weeks to do all, then start over. The point is, you get to know each other, share unique moments.

You can also have a date night - every week or every other week, where the kids all spend the night with a trusted sitter or family member. It can be an all-day Saturday thing where they won't spend a night elsewhere.

You do sound like you're in a rut, the same old routine, week after week, where there's too much going on for any real intimacy on a personal level with individual family members. Pull out Excel or similar and see how you can add variety, alone time for both parents to recharge batteries, alone time for just the parents, alone times with each kid to help them discover themselves, and you. Hiking, a meal, the park or zoo, dirt bikes! bike bikes, swimming hole, it doesn't matter. No one is going to organize this for you, dad. Get your life back.

Best to you.

No, kids are not worth it. Don't have any more, to save yourself and to save the kids you'd have. This world sucks, why would you bring them here? Makes no sense.

I had one. That was enough for me. I married a guy with three. There were times when I thought four kids were more than God had a right to ask of anyone. (My son and I were BOTH "onlies," so the whole "sibling rivalry" thing was new and upsetting for us.)

We all survived. Of the four kids, two remain close to us, the other two are fairly distant, but that's their choice. I'm not losing any sleep over it, however it turns out.

I have four, ages 35, 34, 32, and 26. If we could have afforded it, I would have had more. I loved being a mom, and when my kids were young it was the best time of my life. I was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom.

I understand as the breadwinner it must be stressful, and you've read a lot of good advice here that should help. Alone time, date night, one-on-one with each kid.

I would like to add, teach your kids to be each other's best friends. A mantra for us was, "We are family and we love each other." My kids always had somebody to play with and didn't fight *too* much, kept an eye on each other and helped each other out. To this day they are the best of friends, and that single thing makes me happier than anything else. I love being around them and seeing them enjoying each other as adults.

You might wonder how that will help you now. If they are happy in each other's company, you won't feel bad about leaving them alone when you and your wife go out for the evening and they won't be so demanding of your time.

I guess it's different for everybody, and what worked for my family might now work for somebody else, but please don't give up on them or yourself. Give some of these ideas a try.

Is having kids worth it? There may be many times when you feel the answer is no, but I hope for their sake, your kids always feel the answer is yes.

Of course having kids is worth it. How else are you going to get grandkids?

JAR

If I'd been asked that question 40 years ago my answer would have been different than now. We are unable to have our own children. We adopted our daughter 40 years and 5 months ago and early on she was a real challenge to raise. Our first several years were filled with doctors appointments until we got a diagnosis of ADHD and then FASD. There was never a thought to giving her back but being her mom and dad was a lot of hard work. And we took a chance and adopted a baby boy. Our son was such a breath of fresh air and a bit of balance in our lives.
Our daughter took up an inordinate amount of our time and our dear boy never begrudged that or hated his sister for it. Thankfully we live in a place that values all individuals and supports her care and will until she dies.
Our son has given us 3 precious grandchildren. My children were never blessed in F&T meeting so are unknown to the cult. They have never been to a Mormon service other that to my parents funerals.
Our lives would not be nearly as full had we decided to remain childless.

Once a parent, always a parent.