Mr. Happy, I just read your comments in the thread about the missionary who returned early--your similar early return, and the hell your dad put you through because of it.

I just want to thank you for telling your story, as painful as it likely is to unearth those memories. By doing so you are no doubt giving great comfort to many young men and women who are in a similar bind.

And by demonstrating how you not only survived that unfair, unnecessary, and entirely un-Christian ordeal--not only survived, but moved on to a positive future--you provide an excellent example for all of us, no matter what our backstories are. There's life after LDS, and it's good.

Thanks.

+1 Powerful story about unconditional love or the lack thereof.

Mormon parents expecting their children to prop up their perfect Mormon parental facade at any cost with no regard for the well being of the parents.

My guess is that some young kids less secure than Mr.Happy was could've paid an even heavier price if you know what I mean.

Agreed..I sent that link to my son, who decided NOT to serve a mission, and is now NOT in the church. At 18 he went into the military and is now out making a 4.0 in a major university. Mr. Happy was a very BRAVE young man, to stand up to the MTC Prez and a GA. Very very hard to do at that age if born into the cult AND with a TBM family like that. It's no surprise to me that he was able to pull himself up by his own bootstraps and move on by himself - not with mocksy like that anyway. Well done Mr. Happy - you make us all proud. Wish I would have done what you did at that age. Instead I wasted 2 years of my life in absolute misery.

Wow. Thanks for the kind words. I'm blushing.

Although I have shared my story a few times over the years I'll hit the highlights here again.

Before sending in my mission papers I had to speak with a G.A. (Old guy named Henry D. Taylor. A good guy) concerning my playtime with a nympho girlfriend I had my freshman year at BYU. Elder Taylor was such a nice, kind, old guy that I couldn't bring myself to tell him everything I had done. That was my first indication that there was no "Gift of Discernment" amongst the church leaders. I was also scared that I would be struck by lightning afterwards as I walked to my car.

Once in the MTC the guilt trip began. Everyday we heard, "If there is something in your life that you haven't cleared up, now is the time to do so. If you don't, you won't be able to learn the language, memorize the discussions, have the "spirit", blah, blah, blah." So after four weeks of the torture, I went in to see my Branch Prez. He immediately kicked me upstairs to talk with the MTC Prez (Pinegar).

Pinegar told me to write three letters explaining what I had done (or failed to do). One letter to my Bishop, one to my Stake Prez, and one to...my father. I told him that two out of three wasn't bad because there was NO WAY I was going to explain anything about my sex life to my father. He told me to write the other two letters then.

A week later there was a G.A. fireside (Carlos Asay) in the MTC. After the fireside I was called into the MTC Prez's office. He and Asay were sitting there waiting for me. They handed me a telephone that had my Stake Prez from home on the other end. My Stake Prez was a great man and expressed to me how all was forgiven and wished me a great mission. After I hung up, Pinegar said, "And your Bishop is supportive of you staying out as well." So about then I am feeling pretty good until Pinegar looks at Asay and says, "Oh...by the way...we told your father as well. He too is supportive of you staying out on your mission."

I could feel my blood boiling as I muttered (but loud enough for them to hear), "You sons of bitches. I told you he was not to be told." They were caught off guard and said, "Yes, but he is supportive of you and wants you to stay." I said, "Well guess what...I don't want to stay anymore." Their jaws hit the floor as they fumbled for reasons for me to stay. Finally I had had enough and said, "Do I make my travel home arrangements or do you?"

They sent me back to my district studying in a classroom. They had called my teacher who met me in the hallway to try to convince me to stay. I thanked him for his concern but walked past him into the classroom and told my district I was leaving. That was the TOUGHEST part...we were a pretty close group. Word came down that a van would be waiting for me after dinner to take me to SLC airport. Saying goodbye in front of the MTC main entrance was a tear-filled ordeal. The elders in my district hugged me tight, the Hermanas didn't want to let go of me. I jumped in the van, took one last look, and then I was gone.

Driving up to my house was eerie. It was around 11:00pm and the house was totally dark. I hustled to my room, threw my bags down, and crawled under the covers of my bed. The next morning there was a knock at my door. My sister was standing there in tears and said, "How could you do this to our family?" I slowly closed my door in her face...then hopped back into bed pulling the covers up over my head. My mother couldn't face me for 2-3 days. I had just entered into a brand new hell and had no idea what lay ahead.

I'm no hero. I was just so pissed that there was no way I could have stayed. I was still TBM at the time, the MTC leadership just picked the wrong missionary to play their power games and mess around with.

I sympathize with those young kids who are on missions now not because they want to, but out of duty. Every now and then on this board an Elder (or prospective Elder) will show up expressing his unwillingness to serve. Usually there are comments like, "Yeah...walk away. You are an adult now and in complete control of your life. Get your education and move on with your life. Etc." Those comments just leave me shaking me head. Comments that are much easier said than done and obviously not from those who have taken that step. It is HARD to do. The fear of the unknown AFTER walking off of a mission is what keeps them sticking with it. The church banks on that. And without a supportive family and parents...it can be devastating. Been there...done that.

Wow! Just wow.

You are so right about getting out of the mission being easier said than done. The pressure from a TBM parent who is the primary agent of your indoctrination and brainwashing is intense enough, but add to that the extreme pressure to not disgrace the family, and the situation is unbearable.

Mega dittos on this thread. Took me five years to get back on my feet. "Hard" isn't an adequate word. The strength and vision of people in similar circumstances on this board/these threads is amazing. One thing I learned s the rear view mirror is much smaller than the forward facing windshield for a reason...
Gatorman

Hey, Gator. Things are going okay, man. Just wanted to keep you in the loop. I appreciate you more than you know. I'll be in touch. -Ed

Please do Ed. By the way Mr. Happy most young folks did better than I- I never even made it to the MTC before bailing.

Gatorman

Mr. Happy,
What an awesome example of bravery you are, sir. I have a child on a mission now, and another who will be "of age" in another year. Simply put, I cannot fathom, in an sense of compassion or true love, that a family member (especially parent) could shun, shut out, or be ashamed of one of their own. I'll be telling my remaining child still at home the following: "You are my child. I love you...unconditionally. There is NOTHING you could do that would make me turn away from you. If you choose to serve a mission, that's fine. If you choose to not serve a mission, that's fine, too. It doesn't matter to me! You will NEVER cause me to be ashamed of you; that's how much I love you."
Kind of the way that Jesus Christ loves us...or at least that's what I've been able to pick up over the years DESPITE TSCC.

And THAT is the real tragedy of TSCC. It teaches CONDITIONAL love, whether parent / child, husband / wife...etc.

It is, simply put, the exact OPPOSITE of what a loving "Heavenly Father" (if such a thing exists) would want or condone.
EVIL cult

You took a stand. Kudos to you, Mr. Happy.

A big hug from me Mr Happy!!!!