Continuation of this thread:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1818480

Alisonwonderland, listen to your instincts. This bishop is after you. IMO it is likely because you have left the church, and therefore in his mind you have no morals and are fair game. I wouldn't allow him to come over, and more than that, I wouldn't open the door to him if he does come. Talk to him through a closed and locked door and tell him to go away. I would have a talk with your husband about forbidding him entry into your home altogether, even if your husband is present. I would give him a wide berth. Moreover, I think your husband needs to look him in the eye and tell him to knock it off with his wife. You need to do that as well if it comes down to it. There is nothing innocent about what this man is doing.

The bishop's boundary crossing is so egregious that I think this is potentially more than an annoyance. Take steps to protect yourself.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2016 11:47PM by summer.

I like the idea of stretching out the rope for him to grab, then reporting it when he goes for it. Nail that bastard.

Don't lose that text message. It could be invaluable some day.

"Alisonwonderland, listen to your instincts. This bishop is after you. IMO it is likely because you have left the church, and therefore in his mind you have no morals and are fair game. I wouldn't allow him to come over, and more than that, I wouldn't open the door to him if he does come. Talk to him through a closed and locked door and tell him to go away. I would have a talk with your husband about forbidding him entry into your home altogether, even if your husband is present. I would give him a wide berth. Moreover, I think your husband needs to look him in the eye and tell him to knock it off with his wife. You need to do that as well if it comes down to it. There is nothing innocent about what this man is doing.

The bishop's boundary crossing is so egregious that I think this is potentially more than an annoyance. Take steps to protect yourself."



I 100% agree with summer... she took the words right out of my mouth.

This bishop is up to no good.

Predators can have more than one age group in mind. Smith was an adulterer, and a hebephile who groomed teen aged girls.

The bishop is way, way, way, out of line. He's a slimy weasel.

He gets away with it because it is always presumed his intentions are honorable by the believers. They tend to put the bishop on a pedestal as super-duper spiritual with his ear to God's mouth! He's a priesthood holder. He wouldn't do anything improper.
Never ever believe that baloney!

Your instincts are always correct. You read him loud and clear.

You know to stay away. Do not respond. Block him.

Tell your husband to tell the bishop he is not pleased with him contacting you when you are not home. It's improper and he's told his wife never to allow anyone in the home when he knows he is gone. Period. Your husband needs to believe your instincts and nail the bastard.
The Bishop is bound by the word of your husband.
If he ignores your husband, and contacts you again, it's time for your husband to go to the Stake President and tell him he is very concerned about the improper behavior of the bishop!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2016 01:08AM by SusieQ#1.

Why is everyone saying to go to the higher-ups in the so-called church, and not to civil authorities or legal representatives? Why attribute authority to any of the *leaders* in TSCC in this case?

(Of course, I understand that the bish' may not have crossed any legal/civil lines...yet. But if and when he does, why would one even consider talking to the Stake Prez or others? Wouldn't that have much the same effect as a kid tattling to their parent?)

dp

Why go to the higher-ups in this case? Because there is some recourse. First, the man is considered the head of the household and what he says goes.
Secondly, the bishop is accountable to the stake president. So you use their system to stop inappropriate behavior before it escalates and some one becomes a victim.
If a crime had been committed, going to the police and making a report would be appropriate.

Tscc won't do anything. They'll respond just like her mom did.

exldsdudeinslc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Tscc won't do anything. They'll respond just like
> her mom did.


Perhaps. But if they get more complaints, and they will if this bishop continues his out of order behavior, they will, at least, talk to the bishop. There is a very long standing rule that the priesthood is not to visit the women when the husband is not home.

I mentioned this before, but there has been a long standing policy that priesthood brethren are never, ever to be with a female without the husband present. Even single women are to be visited by a married couple, not two of the men. I picked up an Institute director I worked for when his car broke down and drove him home and he got chastised as he was not to accept a ride from me as my husband was not in the car with me at the time.

This bishop knows he is breaking protocol by contacting a woman when her husband is not home on the pretense of seeing her child's cats

I just read your last thread and it gave me the creeps. Your gut feeling is reliable. Do not open the door for that guy. Also, keep your children out of his office. He shouldn't be alone with children EVER.

Yes, your mother is brainwashed. TBM's are trained from birth to believe that they and other TBM's are something special and to put their complete trust in priesthood holders. Don't. Follow your gut instincts. They seem to be quite intact, and keep your husband informed. This actually might turn out to be a real faith shaker for him.

I don't want to frighten you, but just make you aware that titles given to Mormon men are nothing more than a free invitation to push themselves on people who want nothing to do with them.

There was a lady that I knew who was having problems with her husband. She went to the bishop about these problems. He seemed all concerned and was her confidant during her marriage trials.

Eventually things got better and her and hubby patched things up. One time hubby was out of town for a couple of weeks. The lady woke up one night at about 3am to see the ex bishop standing next to her bed stark naked! I'm not quite sure what happened after that. She was so traumatized that i'm not sure she knows what happened after that. The one good thing she did is call the police.

Unfortunately for her, the police were in cahoots with the bishop. This wasn't the first time he'd had that problem. Imagine that!

I lost contact after that, so don't know for sure how the story ended. I suspect it didn't end well. Who knows. The church buys off victims to keep these stories out of the local news papers and out of media.

I also knew another woman who was having problems in her marriage. Her hubby was a nevermo. She would cry on the bishops shoulder about everything that was going on. Eventually the bishop made the move on her and they had an affair. He swore her to secrecy. She couldn't keep quiet and told her nevermo hubby.

I don't know details, but do know that the bishop was turned in to slc, and the woman left the church. Her hubby forgave her and they're still together. I was so happy that her husband could forgive her. I think she was manipulated during a very down time in her life. I thought there should have been a lawsuit, but I don't think she had the emotional strength to go through that.

My point is, just because someone is a Mormon bishop doesn't mean they're good men, or that you or children are safe. In fact it's usually the opposite. If they see a tiny weak spot they go for it relentlessly. I've seen it happen several times. It's sick, and it's sad, but it's true. Listen to that inner voice. Keep this guy away from you. FAR away. Tell him you're telling your husband, the sp and the RSP about your concerns. Usually that will get him to back off.

It's so sad when Mormons dismiss the bishop's actions as innocent, when stuff like this goes down. I think they are in denial or choose to be naiive in order to look good to other Mormons. Because good Mormons don't think evil thoughts of other Mormons, especially a man who is the bishop, right? Ick... This goes back to the faulty logic thread someone just posted here. Choosing to overlook warning signs does not make them look superior. It does not make them look kind-hearted, spiritually superior, or better than the victim they are choosing to discredit. It makes them look ignorant of reality, which makes them give poor advice, which could put the OP in danger with this bishop. Even if they honestly believed the bishop meant no harm, it's still easy to say so without discrediting the person who actually experienced the situation. "Personally, I don't think the bishop intended harm, but you lived the situation, so you should trust what you think is best to do" is advice that could have been offered by the OP's mother.

Consider the character of the "prophet" he follows.

The LDS.org and church positions are perfect environments for sexual predators to lurk and groom their victims. People who attend church value others who attend church, so on this level alone there is a built in trust without adding the fact that those who hold high positions, such as bishop or sp, are put on high adorned pedestals.

I believe your instincts are right on with this creep. Keep yourself and your children far from him, and do let your husband know if ANYTHING else occurs to make your radar go up. And, if your husband does not get worried, I think he needs a brush-up course on sexual predators. They, the predators, act oh, so charming, but they are sly, conniving, and have only their own wants in mind. Plus, they take their own sweet time.

Have nothing to do with this man.

It's clear what he wants. You.

You should report his behavior to (1) his Stake President, and (2) his wife. Show them the text message.

Don't take his calls, don't reply to his texts, don't let him in your house, and don't let him worm his way into your life through other channels (such as children cats, etc).

Sorry you are having to deal with such bullshit as this.

I think it is possible he is just a socially challenged clueless idiot, but I wouldnt take the chance. Tell him to back off or have your husband do it. Tell him his complements and desire to visit when your husband is away make you uncomfortable. Dont let him in and dont do or say anything to encourage him. If it goes any further, I would contact his SP.

As unacceptable as his behavior is, I doubt you are the first or only person he has approached. He most likely has had success with a few others which only emboldens him. Hopefully, if/when you are able to stand up to him (in what ever way that works for you) he will cease and desist his behavior, not just toward you but toward others he thinks he has control over (or lust for)/

I agree with this. But remember this, even though he has power within the ward, he actually has a lot to lose by acting this way. I don't think you need to rat him out or do anything else about this except to stand up to him and let him know you find his behavior unacceptable.

Even as a Mormon youth, I was dismissive of something the bishop did with me. I passed it off as weird my whole life. Then I found out decades afterward that he was arrested in the bathroom of a department store for a similar event, and was excommunicated shortly thereafter (possibly only because it became so public).

If it feels creep or uncomfortable to you, that's all the judgment anyone needs.

It is very unlikely the Stake President would believe it. Protect the church is his first job which includes protecting a cheating bishop. As for me, I would tell the SOB that if he makes any more passes at my wife, I will beat the shit out of him.

I keep rereading the initial post and have a few questions for alisonwonderland:

How long had you been attending this ward and why didn't you know your bishop before the baptism of your son?

If you had been attending there for a while and never met him is there a chance you posted your intentions somewhere on social media of going to the non-Mormon event where he happened to see you in line?

I wonder if he is stalking you. Too weird. I don't think he is a socially challenged clueless idiot as bona dea posted. The reason is the "gorgeous blonde" comments and the touching. He's stepping over the bounds to see how far he can get.

I have never attended this ward. We moved to this state two years ago and I have not attended church since 2011. My husband is TBM and takes our two kids to church every Sunday. I didnt mention the gorgeous comments to anyone other than my husband, although obviously others heard it at the baptism. The only person who knew my husband was gone was my family and my close girl friend who is not a Mormon.

Thank you for all of the replies, support, and suggestions. At this point Im not going to confront him. I dont seek confrontation, but I dont fear it either. I actually rather enjoy it when called for because it's so empowering and I can definitely hold my own. This man is not welcome in my home regardless of who or who is not home. I will not answer the door for him. He is also not to ever be alone with my kids. That is a policy we already have and agree on, that either he or I will sit in on any interviews.

As much as this all bothers me, I'm glad that the gorgeous comments were made publicly because if they had been private, no one would believe me. Im glad his request to come over when my husband wasnt home was made via text instead of phone or in person because I have the proof and yes, I am keeping the text! Also glad that he specified in the text that he knew my husband was out of town.

Good for you! Sounds like you've got this guy in a tight spot and he'd better back off. What a douche canoe!

What did your son say about the bishop coming over to see the cats. Was he invited?

Agree with this ^

Have you talked to you child about it? Did they indeed invite the guy over to meet your cats?

If not, there is your answer, plain and simple.

I don't think you should involve your child in this. No reason to make him feel like he did something wrong. Clearly the bishop is the only one at fault there.

You can ask him without making it a big deal. I think it is important. If he did, the bishop may be trying to be friendly or reactivate you. Even so, it is creepy, but it could be a case of being socially inept. If he wasnt invited, it is really creepy

I have not asked my son. It didnt occur to me, since even if my son did invite him, the bishop's actions are still inappropriate. My son doesnt even really care about the cats so I highly doubt he invited the bishop, but I will ask and see. And return and report.

I agree that I don't want my son to feel like he did anything wrong. I will just ask if he invited the bishop because the bishop mentioned wanting to come see them. And then regardless of the answer, leave it at that.

Good call.

He didn't do anything wrong, so he shouldn't have anything to feel bad about.

I like your approach, just ask and leave it at that.

I do think its important that you know though, because it could reveal something about this bishop and his real motives.

The "gorgeous blonde" comment in public was said for plausible deniability...he could say, "you've misconstrued my efforts to make you feel included—otherwise, why would I have said xyz in a public forum?"

His way of protecting himself and making you look silly at the same time. He can claim, at worst, of being socially clumsy.

Stand up next fast and testimony and tell how the bishop texted you when he knew your husband was out of town to come over play with your p----