On Tuesday evening I received the following text: "Alisonwonderland, this is Bishop X. I understand your husband is out of town. I had promised your son a couple of weeks ago that I would come and meet his pet cats. I have a few minutes tonight if he would be available to do that. Let me know."

Here is a little background:

When I went to an event (non-church related) a couple of months ago, I had to step out of the line where I had been standing. A minute or so later I came back and reclaimed my spot and apologized to the man behind me for "cutting" back in line. He smiled and said, "You'll have to fight me for it." I laughed and said, "I'd win." That was the end of that exchange.

Then a month ago at my son's baptism, before it actually started, the bishop came up to me and introduced himself. I was sitting in the front row. My daughter was beside me, my parents were behind me, and my husband and son were going to sit on my other side, but were somewhere else at the moment. I dont know if anyone heard what the bishop said to me. So after he introduced himself, I told him I recognized him as the man behind me in line at that event. He said, "Wow, you'd think I'd remember such a gorgeous blonde!" I thought that was an odd thing to say, but didnt think much else of it. Then during the bishop's talk on baptism, he again referred to me as a gorgeous blonde in front of everyone, including my husband, our families, and the bishop's wife. I can't remember how he said it. How do you work in a comment like that in a baptism talk? It really surprised me and made me uncomfortable, but I brushed it off. After the baptism he came up to me and put his arm around my shoulder and thanked me for being there and told me that he is there for me if I ever need to talk. I wiggled free of his "embrace, said thanks, and walked away. That too made me uncomfortable, although the arm around the shoulder thing and his offer are not atypical Mormon male behavior. Afterward I mentioned these things to my husband and he said the bishop's comment had surprised him and made him uncomfortable as well. I didn't give this incident another thought until Tuesday evening when I received the text.

My heart jumped into my throat. Why does the bishop have my number? Why is he asking to come over when he knows my husband is out of town? HOW does he know he is out of town? He wants to see my cats?! He's a grown man with a family, a job, and a demanding calling and seeing my cats is on his to-do list? Not only that, but it's such a priority that he wouldnt wait to suggest it until my husband is home?

I didnt reply to it at all. I did call my husband. He agreed it was weird, but thought it a stretch to think it indicated anything other than good intentions. I reminded him of my real life experiences that are more of a stretch, but that are absolutely true. I asked him if he had shared personal info about me (see my bio http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?3,1649683 ) with the bishop and he admitted that he had talked about expriences I had had with my dad, the counselors at BYU, and other "priesthood" holders as a way to illustrate part of why Im out of the church. The gorgeous comments, the arm around the shoulder, and the text are all strange standing alone but taken all together make me feel sick, especially in light of my previous experiences. Any man in his right mind would know better than to say what he said. But especially knowing my past, that is really idiotic and insensitive, if not downright predatory.

My mom called me today and I shared the story with her. She reacted predictably and defended him. His gorgeous comment in front of everyone was simply a nice compliment, not at all inappropriate. His somehow knowing Im alone and wanting to come over to see my cats isn't creepy at all, he's the bishop, his intentions are noble, the red flags are just an overreaction on my part. He was probably not planning on coming alone, Mormon men usually come in pairs. I told her only thing worse than one strange man in my home is a pair of strange men in my home! She told me that I need to leave the past and not let it affect my present. I told her that I have left the past behind (and the church, and all that other baggage) but that I will carry with me the lessons I have learned, such as that I should listen to my gut instinct. Besides, this incident IS in the present. It bothers me that she defended this behavior. She is so brainwashed.

This guy is either a complete idiot or a conniving pervert. Either way, not someone I want in my home or interviewing my children. I am going to let it go for now, however if he pushes it in any way, I will put him in his place and I will not be discreet about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2016 09:01PM by alisonwonderland.

You're right on this one. He's ignoring propriety and hoping to score something. It's weird, weird, WEIRD. Period.

Devoted Exmo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You're right on this one. He's ignoring propriety
> and hoping to score something. It's weird, weird,
> WEIRD. Period.


Yep.

Then a few years down the line he might hit on him at scout camp.

If he had a few minutes he should be home with his family. Why would he come over for something trivial when your husband wasn't around?! Total creep and asshole. I'd call his ass out and shame him in public. One doesn't get gut feelings like that about people if they're not true. Why is it always BPs, SPs, and MPs in the tscc Banging the members?

Exactly, he should spend his precious spare time with his own wife and his own son. His wife spoke at the baptism too and made a comment in her talk about how hard her husband works at his calling and how's almost never home. Haha, obviously these were quality talks! At one point, during the talk, she asked my son how he was feeling on "this special day" and as he slumped in his chair he answered, "Bored." I laughed out loud!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2016 07:43PM by alisonwonderland.

I would NOT let him in. Not only inappropriate but downright creepy. I would put as much distance as possible between him and my family.

This is a creepy text from someone who has already proven himself to be a creep. I would recommend reporting him to his church superiors if I didn't already know that the whole Mormon hierarchy is famous for enabling this kind of predatory behaviour...

Tell him in no uncertain terms that ANY communication from him to you on ANY subject must be approved by or at least known by your husband. ANY violation results in immediate communication to Stake President. This includes "chance" meetings.
Gatorman

If the guy gets pushy,tell him you'd bounce the idea off your husband and see if everyone's schedules will allow a visit.

Then add that it is inappropriate for him to invite himself over when your husband is out of town.

Lay it on the line, let him know he is making you feel uncomfortable.

You are a fallen woman and he's going to meet you "out of town", not to mention, that if anything happens, which is what he desperately wants, you will be both grateful for his attention and you will keep silent about it. After all, that's what fallen women are for!


He promised your son he'd come meet your son's cats... Yeah...

He's so horny he can't think straight. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis, but you can take it to the bank, he wants you to seduce him, even if he has to rape you.

--EOD, the extremist



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2016 08:58PM by elderolddog.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
>
> He promised your son he'd come meet your son's
> cats... Yeah...
>
> He's so horny he can't think straight. Maybe it's
> a mid-life crisis, but you can take it to the
> bank, he wants you to seduce him, even if he has
> to rape you.

I think you've got it there, EOD. (Maybe not the rape, but that's possible, too.) The guy isn't thinking. Horniness and stupidity are a bad mix.*

Another possibility is that he's gotten away with it enough times he's careless and presumptuous of his success. Criminals usually get caught because they have an M.O. which works, and they keep doing it over and over.

*I know. I was a teenager once.

caffiend Wrote:

> Another possibility is that he's gotten away with
> it enough times he's careless and presumptuous of
> his success. Criminals usually get caught because
> they have an M.O. which works, and they keep doing
> it over and over.


I agree...completely. And it wasn't _too far_ over the line that he couldn't claim it was innocence, as someone else mentioned. Predators like this go slowly and send signals that could be read a couple different ways. The second goal is to come across as caring, "there for you," and all that.

I know because I'm dealing with one at work who is good. He is smooth and we didn't know that he had a history at his last job doing these things with vulnerable women (not saying you are vulnerable) and we didn't know.

Trust your gut and stop asking for opinions. This concerns you, not them. Text back that he is welcome to come over when your husband is at home and your husband is aware of his text. Also remind him he is going against church policy by coming over when you are basically alone and you follow all church teachings. That should shut him down.

Does anyone have any idea why he made those comments in front of everyone at the baptism? Seems to me like he would want to keep his apparent attraction a secret. How could he say that in front of my husband and his wife and not think it would alarm anyone?

Because he's too horny and too smitten with the dream of possessing her.

I would say so that later, if there are accusations against him, he can laugh it off and comment about the innocent remarks he made in front of everyone. Obviously there was no questionable intent!

Expand the idea of coming to see a few pussies....
Gatorman

Ok the dude is trying to be subliminal with his intention.... He knows your husband is out of town, and the reason he needs to drop by is to "pet" "cats". The spirit hath born witness to me that he is trying to be about his penis' business.

He made a "cat call" to her and wants to pet a her "cat." Hmmm. Bad puns, but I'm probably not far off from the truth. No grown man invites himself over to pet anyone's cats... Not sure who he thinks he's fooling. Well, clearly the OP's mother, who like many Mormons, makes excuses for the bishop. Her mother was insensitive to invalidate OP's concerns. If this had been "the spirit" speaking to OP, I wonder how her mother would've responded then.

THAT IS CREEPY!!!

"Alisonwonderland, this is Bishop X. I understand your husband is out of town. I had promised your son a couple of weeks ago that I would come and meet his pet cats. I have a few minutes tonight if he would be available to do that. Let me know."

You husband is out of town, I'll be over

I promised you son a couple of weeks ago that I would come and meet his pet cats, now that you husband is gone the time is right

I thought that would be so inappropriate to come over while the husband is gone.

He could be clueless and really fond of cats,but I wouldnt let him in unless your husband is home.Ask your son if he invited the bishop over to see the cats or if he said anything that would make the bishop think your son wanted him to come over. Even if he did,dont let the man in when you are alone.

Be direct and blunt:

"No, that won't work to come over. Frankly, I'm not comfortable with this request, when you know my husband isn't home. I have also been bothered by flirtatious comments that you have made about my appearance, and with unwanted physical contact (hugs). I will not tolerate these kinds of behaviors any more.

I am not comfortable receiving text messages via this number. Please be advised that I will maintain a record of this, and future messages from you."

Ask him if he could come at the same time as the stake president. See if he back peddles.

I just remembered something! I wore a sleeveless dress to the baptism. Just a little rebellious fashion statement. Let this be a lesson to all about the seductive power of bare shoulders! Obviously, I must have been asking for it...

alisonwonderland Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I just remembered something! I wore a sleeveless
> dress to the baptism. Just a little rebellious
> fashion statement. Let this be a lesson to all
> about the seductive power of bare shoulders!
> Obviously, I must have been asking for it...


Jesu Cristo! You might as well have stuck your tongue down his throat, because showing him your nekkid shoulders conveyed the same message! That poor, poor man!!

Go to F&T Meeting. Go up to the pulpit. Tell your story to the ward. Then turn to the Bishop and say, "If you ever touch me again like that, or call to come over when my husband is not home when you know he isn't home, I covenant with almighty God that I will take a pitch fork and shove it where the sun don't shine. And I don't care if your facing me or have your back turned. You're a pervert."

I like that idea!!

BUT I would avoid slander. Just the facts...."this is the text I receieved..." and "this is what he said at my son's public baptism..."

"It made me feel uncomfortable and he better leave me alone."

I wonder about the possibility that this bishop, through other EQC and bishops (etc.) knows that alisonwonderland had premarital sex. Along with her (ahem...) apostasy, he knows her to be a "fallen woman," and thus fair game.

He might be more crafty than I first thought (see my reply to Elderolddog, above). 1) He states outright that he knows alisonwonderland's husband is out of town, signalling his interest in private, adult activity, but 2) references her son's pets, his escape/innocent/default purpose for the visit.

Thus, had Alisonwonderland suggested her availability (via dress, other hints), you're both on the same wavelength, put the kid to bed... No such hints? Pet the cats, play with the boy, leave--no harm, no foul.

Catch him at his own game. Tell your hubby your plans. Ask him if he would interested in seeing anything else while he is over.. Nail the SOB. Grown men do not text other men's wives unless they are all close friends or a business associate. This is so wrong.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2016 10:38PM by antilehinephi.

Give him a little more rope and I bet he hangs himself.

He's both naive and a conniving SOB. Naive because he thinks you're a fallen woman, given your history and bare shoulders, and conniving because he's trying to take advantage of it. I'd tell anyone and everyone who'll listen about it. Especially his wife.

I think others are right that he's leaving himself some wiggle room with the public compliments and claiming he's coming to see your son's cats. At the same time, if you were interested, you'd say "yes" to these "innocent" suggestions and allow him in. Unfortunately for him, you aren't interested.

Frankly, your husband should be pretty pissed about this (imo).

If you want to have some fun with him, then tell him something like "no thanks...your wife says you have a small penis." ;) that way you not only reject him, but belittle him, and potentially cause friction for him at home. I'd also tell his wife and ask her to keep him on a leash.