I really need some answers on how to cut down on all the sex after marriage. I mean it is every day, all day long no matter where we are or what we are doing. This has been going on for over 25 years now and I physically cannot keep it up.

I have tried everything to help her lose interest in me sexually but it has not work. I gained 50 pounds, quit brushing my teeth, belch, fart, eat onions and nothing turns her off. I even tried wearing dirty garments with holes.

I do not buy her presents for birthdays nor do I bring home flowers. I insult her often in front of her friends and family.

Seriously - if you want a love life with you spouse - romance them all the time. Not just for sex.

I wish TSCC would teach boys about how to treat a woman instead of you get lots of sex after marriage. They set boys up for failure in marriage.

My inactive TBM uncle wore out my active TBM aunt by having sex with her every night for 60 years of marriage and eight children they shared in common.

He literally wore her out. She died from a stroke by the age of 78. The old geezer uncle kept on ticking until the age of 94 with part of his stomach and small intestines missing from drinking too much when he was younger.

Life.isn't.fair.

My dad used to complain to us kids about it and my mom. His sister would complain to him out of said uncle's earshot.

She was my favorite aunt on my dad's side. What a loss for all of us that was!

My uncle was okay, but no one could take her place and even for uncle, never did.

Why would your dad complain about someone else having lots of sex? What business was it of his how much sex his sister and BIL had?

My dad was complaining because his sister was complaining to him about it. I believe dad and maybe some of their siblings had tried discussing it with my uncle. Or else my aunt shared it in confidence with him and the others. They were distressed about it because she was.

Why would that need explaining? It was discussed in a family circle. And my uncle really did wear my poor aunt out physically.

My eyes just bugged out. Maybe my family is super uptight and repressed, but I don't know anything about my sister's sex life. I'm a little creeped out to learn that some families openly discuss such things.

My dad didn't have a problem discussing things like that. My parents never did sit us down and teach us anything about sex ed on the other hand.

My mom used to tell me things like you could get pregnant from kissing. When she started her menstrual cycle as a young girl she had no idea what was happening and believed she was bleeding to death. No one had told her a thing about menstruation.

It's peculiar the ideas we have about sex, and what we choose to tell or not tell our children lol.

I tried to be more open with my own children, but by the time they were in kindergarten and grade school they were already being taught by their classmates. In my generation it was very hush hush topic. Not theirs at all.

So I wasn't ready for my children's sex ed when I had to counter what they were being told by their classmates. I had to sort of fill in the gaps and try to help them understand what was or wasn't moral behavior way before I was ready to. I was hoping to put it off until junior high. I didn't get that luxury to postpone the "talks."

My dad was quite the ladies man in between marriages and as a young man before he married. He would brag to us children about having multiple dates in one night, and having to run from one date to the next in order to keep things on 'schedule.' I don't know how he did it, or why he thought that gave him bragging rights.

The women did really love my dad though. But when he was married he was faithful while in the marriage. In between marriages it was a free for all.

ETA: maybe not in dad's marriage to #'s 1&2. Both his spouses and himself cheated on each other towards the end. With my mom and stepmom he was faithful to the end.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/05/2016 03:29PM by Amyjo.

I have an uncle who died at 94 and he swore he was still having sex with his third wife who was much younger than he was. The first two left because of too much sex.

I have heard one of the problems nursing homes deal with is trying to keep their wards from having sex. Mostly for religious reasons.

Not to make a "this sounds worse but mine is worser story," my dad's first cousin who grew up with dad (they and their siblings were "double first cousins,") despite being with his first wife for at least 40+ years or so...

She got cancer that killed her. While still married (he'd been a bishop and in bishopric prior to this, maybe even during,) he decided that his wife having cancer and sex didn't go together, and he wasn't going to be tied down to a sexless existence no matter his position, or his wife's fragile health.

He left her for another "healthier" specimen of a woman he could keep getting it on with, and let his wife suffer to the end alone.

How's that for heartless?

My dad was tiffed, and so was other of our relatives. I didn't know him all to well myself - there was a huge age gap between my dad's children with my mom and their generation.

But he was excommunicated for that, maybe it's one of the few times the LDS member deserved that draconian punishment. I dunno.

The same said cousin spoke at my dad's funeral, along with one of his younger brothers who knew him well from their childhood.

It's not for religious reasons; it's because the STD rates among nursing home residents are insane.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sexually-transmitted-disease-rates-rise-among-elderly-why/

Another, secondary reason might be because of Alzheimer's and dementia. People forget who they are married to and hook up with some other fellow resident and it turns out they are cheating on their spouse, whom they have completely forgotten. The mind is gone, but the genitals are still working.

I worked in a nursing home in college (as a nurses' aide) and I did not catch any residents doing It. (I worked second shift.) There were two little old ladies who were roommates and who adored each other. I don't know if they were lesbians or just really good Besties, but we used to catch them sleeping together (literally, sleeping), all spooned up in one of the single beds in their room, all the time. It was really precious. If they were taking a nap mid-day, I'd let it slide, but you had to worry about one of them falling out of bed and breaking a hip, so we had to make one or the other go to her own bed a lot. They were such sweet old ladies.

the third hour is pretty much push ups.

In response to OP's suggestion to 'romance her all the time, not just for sex':

So, I married a divorced woman who had been abused in every way by her ex, with the exception of physical attacks.

When we met, the premise for our relationship was based on my feeling sorry for her past experience and treating her extremely well (think pedestal and all that...) at all times, thinking that she would settle in and soften and eventually reciprocate (insert sorrowful laugh here).

Nope. In her mind, she determined that no man would EVER abuse her again. Walls were built, defenses fortified, she was impenetrable. She got accustomed to my over-reaching sensitivity and kindness, which she seemed to think was going to last forever, with no need for reciprocation. All give and no get wears a guy like me out.

There were several and frequent cutbacks in 'services' (read: spoiling her). This did not sit well. We are now after many years of fighting, merely business partners.

Marriage is very fragile and can easily be permanently damaged. Words are the most effective weapon.

Once the damage is done, repairs are extremely difficult to make.
Yeah u whippersnappers take heed. Not everyone gets a clean 'out' and gets a do-over with no baggage in the marriage department. Most of us take the hit(s) and never recover...

We should all have such a problem.

I.Wish.

Good reason to stress sexual compatibility in marriage, which the mormon church DOES NOT do.

I feel that any institution, religious or otherwise, that claims to have answers to happy marriages need to discuss and address these things.

I seriously hope I'm rocking it when I'm 80 +. Seriously, the best part about the CK fantasy was the eternal sex. Now that I'm pretty sure once my life is over, that's it, I relish and cherish it more than ever. I'm so so so thankful my boyfriend and I are 100% compatible in that area.

Actually, I think this and the other thread about sexless marriages are the perfect arguments for pre-marital sex. And also creating an environment in which people feel comfortable discussing sexual matters with their partners. Even if we get sex ed in this country, nobody ever tells you how to talk about it with your partner. How and when do you bring up issues of incompatibility?

I dated a guy recently who did not satisfy me. I tried talking to him about what worked for me and he didn't seem to understand and didn't ask for clarification. I tried to clarify and he just got frustrated and stopped trying and also told me I was being bossy and that was a turnoff. So the sex became all about whatever get him off and my needs were never met. He tried to bring it up one day, but the way he phrased it was really unfortunate. "I have these friends and they are having this problem with their girlfriends and what would you tell them?"

So I answered in general, "Well, all women are not the same, but tell them to try oral. Most women like that." I do NOT, unless it's really well done and usually it's not. There are other things that I like specifically but he didn't ask about ME, he asked about his "friends". He had no idea how to just come out and broach the topic directly. And when my advice to him didn't really work (because he was awful at it), then he just stopped trying. And I stopped being into it. Finally I got tired of being used as a receptacle and just quit him.

If anything, 90% of sex happens outside the bedroom and starts with people learning how to communicate with one another. I won't make the same mistake -- if I can't talk to the person about sex before I actually have sex with them, then I have no business getting busy with that person.

I know what you mean. You can go beyond meeting your partner halfway to improve things and they still won't get it. Some people need to get over their pride and communicate how they intend to improve (and then follow through). I'm sick of people who think half-assing a relationship is okay and doesn't think the other partner should feel hurt from their lack of real effort. No one can be that stunted in a relationship for it to be healthy. I think your last paragraph is especially great advice!

Claire (of the Lucky bf) reminds us how much a baby-factory the LDS church wants women (couples) to be.

Amazing that people 'believe' in such trash.

Yes, it seems crazy once we're out, right?

Rabbit trail...

I don't know why, but I never really bought into that eternally pregnant thing. I guess since I never heard anyone actually say that, it didn't occur to me. I kind of figured we "god" couples could have sex forever and ever, and have babies whenever we wanted or not have them if we didn't want. I also always figured that pregnancy and birth would be quite different as a resurrected, exalted being with no blood or pain or long gestation.

I once pictured "spirit babies" as gaseous bubbles, in a gigantic bubble factory - remember the Lawrence Welk bubbles blowing on the stage at the beginning of his shows?

Baby bubbles. Lots and lots of them.

With burps, and gurgles included.

Giggles to follow.

I believe we did exist in a pre-life before life, but not as the Mormons believe.

And in life after death, maybe even reincarnation. Just wish we didn't have to be born without former recollections of past lives or loves.