This is the real story Holland is spinning.

Hasten the work is more about getting tithe paying members to clean church toilets than actual real growth in membership. Holland lives in a world he described in his CES talk once. It is a world where what is real is spiritual and what isn't doesn't matter.

There aren't enough life boats (read paid clergy positions) for all the people who inhabit Holland's world anyway.

Mormonism may not be a Titanic in the world but it is a hoary, barnacle-encrusted, creaking, leaking, pirate ship that has sailed the waters Jesus walks on far too long. But is has plenty of real gold in its hold.

Who says there is no such thing as alchemy? Mormonism has been turning paper (sheafs of The Book of Mormon) into gold for almost a couple hundred years.

Are you implying that Jeff is a dodo? Because he says he's not.

You said: "Mormonism may not be a Titanic in the world but it is a hoary, barnacle-encrusted, creaking, leaking, pirate ship that has sailed the waters Jesus walks on far too long. But is has plenty of real gold in its hold."

The pirate imagery is delicious so here are some new Mo-terms:

Pirates Seers and Gangplank Walkers

Pirates of the Kolobian

We Thank Oh God For A Pirate

Of these emblems we Pi-rate

In the name of our savior, Jack Sparrow, Amen

LDS = Pirates of the Masonic Rites

Joseph Smith singing--

"Yo ho, yo ho, an adulterer's life for me!"

BYU Boner Wrote:
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> Joseph Smith singing--
>
> "Yo ho, yo ho, an adulterer's life for me!"

And shake down me members. There's gold in them thar pockets.

cricket Wrote:
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> Pirates Seers and Gangplank Walkers

Perfect and think, wasn't Joseph Smith looking for "Spanish treasure" when he switched gears from treasure seeking to soul seeking?

> Pirates of the Kolobian

I think this would make excellent fiction - "The Pirates of Kolob." Aliens from a superhuman race that seeded this planet with their dna with monkeys returns for more spoils from our wonderful planet to make it as desolate as a "sea of glass."

> We Thank Oh God For A Pirate

In these libral days. To save us from thinking of Gentiles and their evil ways.

> Of these emblems we Pi-rate

And their Protestant songs, prosperity gospels, and trends.

> In the name of our savior, Jack Sparrow, Amen

Amen.