My wife has been a member since 2012, so she was about 28. We married non-lds right after she graduated a year behind me from high school. I was on a deployment (I'm military) and it all happened while I was gone. It has been a total wreck to our marriage ever since it started. I try ignore it, but now she has both my girls going and the youngest who just turned 8 was just baptized, right on que. she always tries to insert little lds things into my life. Mostly subtle, like hanging the temple pic in the house (which she took down) and other things like that. I think she actually believes I will someday convert.... But it isn't ever going to happen. I believe the church was founded by a plain old criminal. The dude was a criminal, a liar, a polygamist and well you guys all know the list goes on and on. My wife is also recovering from an eating disorder. She also has cut herself in the past for things like guilt and shame. It is exactly the same type of thing that our girls will encounter very shortly, and really already have.

I can read all the facts and literally pages and pages of proof that the lds church is a tired, scared organization built on fear, obedience, lies, plural marriage, threats and abuse... But she's (of course) got her trained and recited answers to anything I find. I can't win. I love her, and I am terrified to lose my kids to this. My youngest, when 7 years old, told me that her primary teacher told her she could only marry another lds member. She, of course, was confused because she knows I am definitely not a member. What kind of 40+ year old woman spews something like that to a kid? It's disgusting, reprehensible, and unforgivable, and it it literally driving me nuts seeing on these boards that this is not an isolated incident.

I don't know what to do. I can't give an ultimatum because she's told me she chooses both . And of she leaves me I'm sure it won't take long for a 40 something year old member to make her his new child producing submissive subject. My wife is 32 and absolutely stunning. Personality and looks, she really does have it all. And when I say that I mean is as unbiased as I can mean it. She's been hit on and is "eye groped" everywhere we go. It used to piss me off but now I'm kind of used to it and it has always been ok because I was her number 1. I am not her number 1 anymore. I am probably out of the top 5 entirely by now.

Someone please give me something to go on here because I cannot standby as my children are indoctrinated into this garbage. For anyone interested and wanting to help get a feel for her, she has a blog that she named "holla at the wannabe Mormon". You can easily find it by googling that.

I guess another detail would me that, just like many others on here, she pretty much only hangs out with members and she has some kind of really weird relationship with what she would refer to as her best friend. Constant talk of the church and some kind of need for her approval and reassurance. Also, she goes to a therapist for the eating disorder who of course, is Mormon. I can't win. A large portion of the things they discuss are about religion, which you can see clearly from her blog. She trusts him, and I'm sure anything I say will be highly contested when she goes to see him.

The biggest reason I'm concerned is that while I mostly think it is a place where she feels accepted and loved, which she hasn't had much of in her life, I think she has actually bought into the lies and deceit of this church. Facts are everywhere posted by legitimant universities, scholars, professors and government reports, but she ignores all of this. She is such a smart person and for her to believe this stuff just proves how good they are with their programmed responses to obvious lies and deceit. All that to say, she was and still is in a very challenging place. She is the most important person in the world to me. And she's better than this. Don't blame or bash her please in the comments. That isn't want I want or need to hear.

I love her and my family dearly. But I can't go on anymore. Not like this. I just can't do it. It is very unfair what has happened. And it is equally unfair to ask her to change back to how she was three years ago. I hate this. I just want it to end. It seems only a matter of time before I'm completely phased out anyway.



Edited 8 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 12:59AM by lost1982.

Personal experience- DO NOT given ultimatum.

Set limits that are adult oriented such as no tithing on your income, you do not have to be present for home teachers or missionaries. No blindsided discussions. Daily let kids know how special they are.

Do not discuss this at work, on base or out with friends. Mormons are everywhere and talkers. What you say will get back to her.

Do not by word or deed support her activity nor impede it. Your patience will pay off. Especially since you love her. Tell her that daily.

As the church becomes more annoying DO NOT "volunteer" for another deployment. Do consider moving for another stateside assignment. Getting away from conversion site can help.

Do every emotional calesthenic to keep family intact

These suggestions by gatorman and those found below are great.

I would like to add something. Facts do NOT change people's minds. It's counterintuitive, but it's scientific. It's called the backfire effect. Facts make people re-trench into the original position. I learned this the hard way.

Maybe the best way to start her questioning, is to have her look at other religions and their problems. Steven Hassan talks about this in his books and lectures.

Best of luck to you.

ABSOLUTELY try to transfer to another base. Yes, she will find new mormon friends, but it will break the bond with the ones that sucked her in.

If you are a person of faith, practice. Insist the children split time between the two. If she can "find faith", so can you. She cannot claim the children are being taken away from the faith they were raised in; this is new.

Instill the help of not only your family, but hers. Also, as many old friends as possible that are willing to just let her know they like and love her, without pressure.

Good luck. Please keep us posted.

See some suggestions here:

"Married to a Mormon Spouse"
http://packham.n4m.org/spouse.htm

Some of the suggestions are more applicable to someone who was originally Mormon and then stopped believing, but others may be helpful to you.

Good luck!

If she has NO immediate or extended family who is Mormon you should be able to make it happen with the CES Letter and Mormonthink (both websites). She fell for the family angle which is TOTALLY understandable, especially considering you were deployed.

I am a little surprised they didn't try and reach out to your for "permission."

Look she was ignorant. She didn't know what she was doing. I can't believe she would not be appalled at Joseph Smith lying to his wife. Marrying sisters. Marrying mothers and daughters. Marrying 15-year-old girls. Wow.

There is so much in the CES Letter it will blow her mind. It will blow your mind too. Your children are about to be part of something that will make you a back-seat dad and an expendable husband.

My advice would be to see if you can get transferred somewhere away from the witches coven that is controlling your wife.

My sister was a high ranking officer's wife and she ruled over the sisters in her wards. Your wife saw the church as a support group when you were deployed and now she has grown dependent on the approval and praise of the Sisters. I have nephews in the Military and their wives are mentally more devoted to the cult than most. You need to find her an alternate support group and it won't be easy because she finds status in the Mormon group she is in. They tell each other how special they are compared to the other military wives.

This is exactly the same thought I had. She joined for a reason, and it is not likely it had anything to do with doctrine.

Not that it matters why she joined, it probably only matters now that people know her, and pay attention to her, because she goes on and on about her "project": turning you into a mormon. She talks to people, and they pay attention to her, when she discusses you with them. Their body language shows they care what she is saying, and the whole thing becomes a big deal.

This is half joking, but you would completely pull the rug out from under her if you converted and became a half-assed mormon, but were still gone a lot, being busy with the church.

But of course you couldn't do that.

About all you can do is tell her you love her and keep smiling.

I'm just playing armchair psychologist, but it seems like in your wife's case, this is less about religion and more about finding a coping mechanism to replace her eating disorder and self-harming behavior. If that is the case, pointing out the logical problems with Mormonism isn't going to have any more impact than telling her to "just eat something!" when it comes to her eating disorder.

I doubt she'll let go of this latest crutch until she can continue recovery, or at least find another crutch.

I agree that ultimatums will only make matters worse, unless you are absolutely prepared to separate over this.

I would treat this more like a manifestation of her other disorders than a typical religious membership.

Try to talk with her about what needs this is fulfilling, and figure out if you can help her find a healthier way of meeting those needs.

Set and enforce boundaries about things that affect you and your children. If she wants to make this choice as an adult, that's one thing, but she cannot unilaterally harm the children.

This is a tough situation. Good luck.

I strongly agree with Pista's take on this. Your wife has replaced one addiction with another. You were probably the object of her addictive personality at one point.

Taking a longer view, you need to decide if you want your career dictated by her inability to find her way free of addictions, i.
e., if you can find fulfillment - and provide a living - in a job that makes you more available to babysit outside influences on her.

You also need to consider how that example - a mother who needs to be directed/guided by a husband - could play out long-term with your daughters.

The good news in the bad news seems to be that your wife has flitted from one addiction to another. It doesn't seem that she has had life-long committments to any of them. The bad news in that, of course, is that you may have been in that list.

You describe her as highly desirable, but only physically, and likely she has traded on that in exchange for having an undesirable, undeveloped personality. Her beauty seems skin-deep, by your description.

The long view I'm suggesting you take is that one. As her looks fade, her desperation to fill the emptiness within will increase, and you will be the one constantly trying to fill a bottomless hole.

What you describe was not "love" on her part, but addiction. Love does not become bored and look away for something new. You cannot change or fix her, but you can waste your life trying. That leaves you with the real love in your life, your children. Concerning yourself with their welfare while under her fickle influence should be your driving force.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but wanted to be straight with you. I wish you well.

I took a look at your wife's blog. Boy, she's in deep. Obviously the LDS church fulfills a need in her.

She talks a lot about her therapist. It sounds like she's seeing a Mormon therapist. He/she prays with your wife and talks about Heavenly Father, the atonement, etc. in therapy sessions. She's getting Mormonism on Sundays and then it's reinforced in therapy sessions. Is it possible you could talk her into seeing someone else? That might help.

Good luck. Most people need to find their own way out of the church.

That was dirty trick to convert her while her husband was away. No scruples.

Hate to say it, but you have become number 2 in her life. No different than you screwing another woman. It is cheating, but somehow considered acceptable.

She is talking about you with others and plotting strategy. Your interests mean nothing. She needs you to join to boost her status.

Somehow she can "marry" the church while you are gone and no problem. Reminds me of Joseph Smith marrying other men's wives while their husbands were gone on missions.

Anyway, I would not be as tolerant as others of this kind of cheating and I would call her out on it. Either you become number one, or dump her.

Have her watch this link...

http://cesletter.org/resign/

Have her read the CES letter too. She is way too involved in the CULT to use anything less than serious fighting back. Your children's lives are at stake. Don't let them grow up in this EVIL CULT. Just don't. Let her know that you think allowing children to be exposed to this crap is CRIMINAL!

Threaten to leave and take the children if she doesn't read the CES letter and watch the link. If she is even remotely smart, those two will do it. She will resign. Anyone who doesn't after that deserves to lose her kids.

If you are somewhere other than in the Morridor, you can tell the custody judge that she is forcing the kids to be in a CULT that worships a child molester. You can't let your children be harmed by this insane EVIL CULT.

They got her when she was vulnerable. The CULT is so good at this. They nailed her while you were deployed. They are SO EVIL.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 12:47AM by verilyverily.

Explain how threatening to leave unless she reads an essay is any less manipulative than the shit the church does.

I'm all about trying to get this woman away from the church, but not like this. It's a bad idea to manipulate this women out of something she was manipulated in to. At least this way. Or really, at all. Making a threat like that would be repugnant.

Your wife does not get to make unilateral decisions in terms of your children being raised in a certain religion or not. You get a say as well. I think that means that a conversation is in order. How can your desire to NOT have them exposed to Mormonism be accommodated? I think it would be fair to have the girls stay home from church every other Sunday or perhaps when you are home from deployment. You will want to counteract the Mormon programming, especially for girls.

I would also speak up whenever your kids say something with which you disagree. Don't be afraid to say, "I disagree with that," or "I don't believe that." When I was young, my dad disagreed with something that our Catholic priest said, and that was very powerful for me.

Please keep reading this board and this website, and other exmo sites as well. You will need to fully inform yourself about Mormonism. Your wife is involved with a sect that is more like the JWs than the mainstream churches.

I agree with the some of the other posters above, who mentioned about getting transferred. Chances are you could move far away, and the new ward would be completely different. She's found a click in the current ward. It's more about belonging, emotional attachment, friends, etc.

The best way is to move away. I don't agree with challenging the religion with the CES letter or anything else at this juncture because you risk alimentation, and then suddenly the male therapist is hearing about what a mean bigoted anti-Christ you are. This is a cult. They have their claws in her, and it's going to take some time. I think you should fake false interest for awhile...play the game. I'm not saying get baptized or anything, but go to sac meeting, be present w/ the HT's come over, sound supportive, etc. Move away, and then casually and gently present material like the CES letter. Do it very non-confronting manner.

Just something to be aware of, only because I've seen it happen so much in my 4 decades in the cult. You say your wife is stunningly beautiful. Many a Mormon men have seen beautiful women in their wards and stakes, and go after them - especially if their husbands are non-members. Once the missionaries in my ward baptized a very beautiful married woman. Hub had no interest. She found an immediate click in the ward. The stake president, no less, went after her. Began inviting her to special interviews. Next thing you know, they have an affair. Keep an eye on that therapist. One reason I say go to sac meeting is to make your presence known to the other male members. Good luck my friend. You can get her out of that, but it will take "moving", and you must ramp up the romance, cherishment, love, etc.

I imagine folks will disagree w/ me, but I have seen this happen time and time again.

That is "alienation"

A close family member was deployed in Afghanistan several times over about 3 years. In the mean time a member of the bishopric started "counseling" his wife while she was gone (in mormon terms she was quite hot). The wife and counselor had an ongoing affair while counselor was in the bishopric. When the military member returned home and discovered what had happened he left the the Church; wife then files for divorce and accuses him of all kinds of garbage so he can't get custody of the kids, accusations supported by the help of the bishop and the counselor who she was getting special "counseling" from.

Mormons may look squeaky clean but the church is full of vile opportunists who take advantage of the faithful and their trust in others.

Another PROOF that it is an EVIL CULT. THere are several of these every day. Isn't that DISCERNMENT thing they have a marvelous work and a wonder? CROCK OF SHIT!!!!!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 05:48PM by verilyverily.

Until a Mormon is ready to hear the truth, nothing you say will even get through their armour. I know, because I was there once too.

The more you push, the more they will double-down and dig their heels in.

I didn't hear the truth until I was ready to hear it.

Greyfort Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Until a Mormon is ready to hear the truth, nothing
> you say will even get through their armour. I
> know, because I was there once too.
>
> The more you push, the more they will double-down
> and dig their heels in.
>
> I didn't hear the truth until I was ready to hear
> it.


I cannot stress how important these statements are.
It's my experience that something, (a lot of somethings, usually) must take place that are severe enough to break the emotional bond/attachment to the belief by faith.
It cannot be forced, it happens only if and when the person is ready to hear something different and accept the new information. It's very difficult to break that emotional bond.

It's a hard place... while I was on my mission I met a few women with non member husbands in roughly the same situation you are in.... as frustrating as the religion is, the most important is the relationship you both have as a couple. As much as it may irk, imo the best thing to do would be to love and support her. Probably not what you wanted to hear but of the several people I net in your position. The ones who's husbands politely declined to be in the church but still supported. Still had very happy family lives.

I spent a little time reading your wife's blog and now I really want to respond to this thread. But maybe with a bit of a different perspective.

Maybe you should quit trying to figure out how to get your wife out and instead try to figure out how to support her needs while focusing on raising your daughters to be open minded and to be thinkers.

My concern is that she is trying to recover from an almost lifelong eating disorder. And I've been there. I was there for many years. Unfortunately for me, it was my Mormon upbringing that caused me to have the feelings of imperfection, fear of not being able to find a husband, and very low self-esteem that brought on first extreme anorexia and later and for quite a number of years, every eating disorder in the book and maybe even some I made up for myself.

Your wife already deals with those feelings, probably being a little OCD all her life and having some past abusive incidents. So in her quest to recover, she found Mormonism. While it's a double-edged sword--placing unrealistic expectations on women, it is also a group of people who are accepting her. But moreover, she seems to take great comfort in the belief that there is a God who loves her and atoned for her, and someone who is there for her when she's afraid to confide in anyone else.

Please do not try to sabotage her recovery by stirring the pot right now. No one can understand what the disease of eating disorders really does to a person unless you've been there. For some reason, she needs this support group or social group or whatever it is for her. She feels a lot of positive vibes from the church publications.

You are right about the fact that the LDS church is crap. There is plenty of stuff you can get your hands on to back that up. The facts are just the facts. It is NOT what it claims to be as far as the history and religion goes. It is a social club. But worse, it's a cult and typical of all cults, they try to take control of the children's minds while they are young and pliable. Their goal is to make a lot of money and they need believing members to do that. They also need fearful members. They need people who will believe that the church leaders are the ones with the answers and for a price they will be the ones who save you.

So that's a big dillemma. You can maybe see how the social aspect of the church is helping your wife while the cultish religious aspect has the potential to damage her more and to suck your kids in for life. So it's a fine line to walk. I do know that the more you push against it, the more she will depend on the church members to convince her it's the only way to go. And that's when they start encouraging her, even if it's subtle, to figure out a life without you.

However, if you can find a way to compromise with her and accept her membership, at least for now, you might have a chance of pulling them all out. Can you tell her that you understand that she has gained a lot of positive things from her LDS membership and that makes you happy? Can you make her understand that you will never be a member and that if she ever wants to talk about the history of the church or the facts that she will not hear at church, you would love to discuss that with her. Is there any compromise in there? And most of all, can you compromise that you are willing to let the children be involved but you'd also like them to be taught to be open minded, understand that everyone feels the same way about their own church as the mormons feel about theirs? You'd like them to know that their futures will not be tied to any religion, but that they will be able to make decisions for themselves about what they want as far as a career or future husband or religion.

These are just some ideas. I also worry about young members of my own family who are being brainwashed in mormonism. I've found out, however, through the ones who have made it through mormon teenhood with the knowledge that they have a family member who they can confide in about their real feelings and who will accept them for how they are, that many of them will leave the church and move on to better things after they leave home. And these are kids who were very very indoctrinated. Your chance of your children making choices to think for themselves will be much better with one non-mormon parent than for those kids who are being bombarded with the obedience propaganda from both parents. But if you push too hard, they will rebel against you and dig in deeper to mormonism. That's just the way it works with kids.

I know you want her out of this. But she wants you in. The only way to work on your marriage is to compromise and find some common ground. That's also the only way to be close enough that she will eventually be willing to talk and listen to you and the knowledge you have.

And this might all just seem like baloney to you. That's ok. I'm just giving you my thoughts and wish you and your family all the best and happiness you can find.

Lots of good advice above. I agree especially with a couple of things:

1) don't go on a full-frontal assault of the church. You might even want to be "helpful" or agreeable for the time being. You don't necessarily need to join, but--yeah, like others have said--you might even want to show up now and then to make sure they know you exist. But mainly, don't be antagonistic.

2) MOVE. ASAP. Even if it's just across ward boundaries. "Friendships" often vaporize when people are no longer in the same ward. When she tries to assimilate into the new group of ladies, using whatever co-dependent schtick she has with the ladies in the old (current) ward, it'll likely backfire. She won't be "love-bombed" as an investigator in the new ward; she'll just be a member (a lowly convert at that), and expected to pay, pray and obey, but not treated particularly special. Even in traditional churches, people often experience disappointment when they move to a new church, because it's not like the old one, especially if they really liked the old one. The same is true with ward changes, but especially so, because so much of mormonism is phoney: not only the "theology," but the relationships and "caring" are often phoney too. You can exploit this reality.

When you've moved, and when she expresses disappointment or frustration with the dynamic above--when she's open to critiquing TSCC--that's when you need to subtly attack! "OMG, hon, have you seen this?" And then show her the CES Letter, as if you've just come across it. Or cherry pick one or two of the "essays" right off LDS.org--whichever you think will have the biggest impact on her. "OMG, hon, did you know JS married teenagers/sisters/mothers and daughters/etc?"

There's some sort of co-dependent dynamic in play that's meeting her needs in her current ward. When it's gone, and doesn't manifest in the new ward, she'll be vulnerable, and ready for you to grease the skids to a new fix. It might even be a more traditional church, and in the big picture that's ok because traditional churches don't demand all your money, and all your time, and they aren't in the business of busting up families.

Good luck to you. I hope you can work it out.

I read the blog and can feel your wife is struggling and searching in any direction that gives her relief. I have one important piece of advice for you. You need ongoing counseling to figure out how to handle all these situations, church, marriage, eating disorder,self esteem, all seemingly unrelated but very much intertwined. There appears to be a pattern here and it's time for you to figure out an approach. You need someone to help you with that. Much as an alcoholic's family benefits from counseling to help them maneuver the roller coaster ride, you would benefit too. My best to you and your family.

It is clear that you are fearful on her behalf. But you are suggesting that you should control her because you know better than she does about what is good for her. That is the very control you are accusing her church of doing, that you don't like. Mixed faith marriages survive when the parties seek for and focus on things they share, rather than things they disagree upon.

You've been out of the picture long enough for her to find something to replace your absence and give her something that she can rely on in Mormonism. The fact is that she is emotionally attached, bonded to the beliefs and it's social system. You can't fight that. Best to let it alone.

You probably cannot "get her out" as this is her choice, her right to make a choice. She really needed to keep you informed but now there is no going back. She has four years of her life invested now. That is not something that can easily be changed. And it is ONLY.. changed IF and she wants to make a change. You cannot change her. We cannot change another person.

I'm going to suggest you try understanding that she has emotional needs that the LDS Church provides. It gives her purpose and a reason for living. This is not about facts. Never is. It's about faith. That is always more powerful than someone's facts. This is about the power of faith in a supernatural, metaphysical, visionary claim that is the basis of all or most religions. It's very powerful. There is a saying that I like: "you can't reason yourself out of something you didn't reason yourself into." In your case, your love for her and your children will need to be more important than a difference of opinion about religious beliefs.

I'll share one of my posts on the topic of " Staying married to a believing husband" -- I was a convert, left three or so decades later, but kept my marriage and family together -- he passed in 2013, after 50 plus years of marriage.

If you can apply the principles that I share here, you may have a way to save your family. It does require that you respect her RIGHT to her beliefs just as you want yours respected.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1796720,1796720#msg-1796720



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/26/2016 02:36PM by SusieQ#1.

I think your best bet now is to try to get a transfer to another base, or if you can live off base, move outside the ward boundaries. Even if she's in the same stake, her Mormon friends will drop her as soon as she's out of the ward, and she'll see how converts really are treated. Even better if you got to transfer to another stateside base, and far from those who sucked her in.

Unfortunately, she's really in deep, so there's really no way to convince her to leave as the Mormons will convince her you're the evil one trying to "persecute" her and that she's better off divorcing you.

While moving out of the boundaries of the ward is nice, the wife needs to get another, preferably non-Mormon, therapist.

If her current therapist's practice covers several local wards and/or stakes, just moving across ward boundaries may not be sufficient.

Lost1982, your wife needs to be exposed to more non-Mormon influences to offer her other perspectives, therefore, a different therapist.

Would: "you're my wife and you're supposed to obey me ..." work?

There is a very good chance she will not be willing to read a single thing that is not LDSInc approved. It is what she is being told. So, send her direct to the source. We keep a list of these at the top of the board. Many lifelong, multigenerational mormons did not know these things as they are NOT taught in church. As a convert it is almost a sure deal she has no clue. LDS.org IS their official site.

I would start with this one. Don't shove it in her face but maybe leave it up on the computer or print it out for your own study and leave it around.

Plural Marriage in Kirtland and Nauvoo
https://www.lds.org/topics/plural-marriage-in-kirtland-and-nauvoo?lang=eng

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives
Sealed to wife, Emma, 28 May 1843

I think this one will make some impact on a couple of levels. She is getting a lot of pressure for you to convert so you can be sealed to her. As a nevermo I am not sure how much you know about this but in short it means you will be together for time and all eternity after you die. Sealing is a BIG DEAL to them. Emma was his real legal wife. If you look at the second link and compare that to the date he was sealed to Emma you will see he slipped her in between a couple of teenagers. There are many many proofs that his marriages and sealings were NOT just "spiritual" including first hand accounts from the women. The whole point was to "raise up righteous seed" meaning children. Some of the women were married. Some of their husbands were sent off on missions or other business so Smith had a clear line to their women.

I would suggest you read all the essays to educate yourself. Know your enemy. And make no mistake about it, it IS your enemy.

The CES letter is good. I started with stuff that my wife can handle.

Like Tithing. Instead of Gross we finally made progress and pay only Net now. It's a gradual thing.

Oh and how we managed to move that far?

I asked her for the definition of the word 'surplus'. After she told me, I read her what the D&C says about paying tithing.

Yeah, it takes a little here and a little there. Before you know it, they will figure it out. Eventually :D

You need to try to find her a social network and activities outside of mormonism. It will be much easier for her to see the light if her entire life does not revolve around church/church people. I will shamelessly admit that I bribed my husband. I did not tell him what or how to think. I simply presented him with information and if he read it and would discuss with me, I agreed to certain sexual favors. I made those discussions very agreeable and non-combative and let him come to it on his own, which he did and we have both officially left.

I feel for you, but I think that the Mormonism (as heinous as it is) is still more of a symptom of the problem and not the actual problem.

You paint your wife if glowing terms, but to even the most casual reading of what you have posted, she is a woman with serious problems and serious struggles. Your deployment was probably a severe stressor for her at home with the kids with a history of an eating disorder, which in itself is a proof positive of maladaptive response to stress.

I would not encourage the Mormonism, and I most certainly would not encourage the kids in any way to be Mormon. She doesn't get a 100% call on the religious upbringing of the kids.

The suggestion of moving is an excellent one, but it will tear out her current maladaptive response to stress and probably result in another self destructive behavior that may be worse than her current self destructive Mormon obsession.

I just think that the most important thing to be clear about is that your wife is struggling. She isn't doing well. She is grasping for some sort of anchor. She needs non-Mormon therapy, and you need therapy as well, either individually or as a couple.

I really think that if it wasn't Mormonism, you would be dealing with some other onerous problem that is stressing your marriage right now. Get help for you, her and the kids. If not, I think that you will be either miserable, divorced or both.

You are in a different situation than most of us here. From my experience, converts are the most deeply rooted in mormonism.

I have had very good results with my family by just being me.

Born in the church TBM mormons are wary of ex mormons. I know I was. But your wife used to be a nonmormon and coffee and wine probably don't freak her out like they did my family.

My family was always pleasantly surprised by the good "spirit" in our completely exmo home. They often commented on the harmony. I think this was the catylist to many of them investigating themselves out.

The church essays suggestion is also a good one from Susan I/S.

The eating disorder and self destructive behavior are big drawbacks for you. Yes, a nomo therapist would be better. But you'd probably have to make a big move to get that. I don't know that suggesting nomo therapy would go well at the moment.

Please keep an eye on your kids though. Sending them to the mormon church wasn't part of the agreement when you married.

Think about yourself, and where your boundaries are. Taking down the temple picture was a smart thing to do. Don't underestimate the force behind mormonism.

Being tolerant doesn't mean letting yourself be walked on, and neglecting your responsibility to protect your kids from a (yes, I will say the word) cult.

Good luck to you, and please keep us posted on how you are doing.