95% of being anger is gone.
Checking the board now and then but mostly just reading and not having the need to post.
Not giving the finger anymore to chapels and Temples.
Not being surprised anymore, by any of the antics that the mormon church continues to engage it.
Not thinking of running over the missionaries every time you see them while you are driving in a car.
When we get to the point of the mormon church is basically an your irelevant organization on the face of this earth.
When you simply turn off TV when you see mormon programming, instead of throwing a beer can, hammer, or one your kids at the screen.
I am sure you can think of many more, please add so that we can get a comprehensive list so that others can also measure their recovery.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2010 10:30PM by get her done.

Not feeling guilty for drinking coffee.
Enjoying the warmth of the sun on your bare arms. Oh, and along with that, not worrying about getting the Garmie Check Feel-up when you run into your old Mo friends somewhere.
Buying a bottle of wine without looking to see if any Mormons are watching.
Not knowing if this Sunday is F&T Sunday.
Donating all your white dress shirts to charity.

Also, remembering who you were BEFORE Mormonism (if you're an adult convert like I am).
Painting your toenails black (if you're a woman who paints her toenails, that is ... maybe men do this, too, how should I know?).

Talking about temple ceremonies with non-Mo friends.

This is a very interesting thread. I hope a lot more people respond, because I'm only a couple of years into my decompression, and I still feel like I have a long way to go before I'm fully recovered.

I think this last point is an important one. Even after I became atheist, I felt strangely uncomfortable talking about the temple. I would say divulging your new name is also a good one. Mine was Saul, by the way.

I'm with you on this one. I've been out about 10 months and I still have a lot of anger. I spent 57 years as mormon so I guess it will take me a while. I feel really free and am s glad my 2 youngest won't have to go through any of what I did. DH is still VERY tbm so that really puts a damper on things. But I don't know what I would do without this board. I have t force myself to get off at midnight. So I am 7 minutes late. Good-night.

It took ten years for me but I got to the point where I even forgot I was ever a Mormon.

I think you are recovered when you no longer suffer from the ingrained guilt and fear and get to the point where you take charge of your life and live on your own terms. After a period of time doing that the anger and need for revenge just dissapears and you look at those still stuck in the cult with pity.

I had huge amounts of anger towards the church. I wanted pay back and revenge. I'm sure many people do. Then I just realized being happy was the best revenge. I actually wrote down all the things that made me angry and said, "I'm done with you, you are no longer part of my life" and burned it. After that I would respond to Mormons that I didn't need their approval for anything and I didn't care what they thought of me.

My advice is release the past, think for yourself, live for yourself and go on. Anyone trying to guilt trip you or manipulate you is not a friend and even if it's family, they are holding you back.

1. Giving up the idea of feeling responsible for what and how mormons think about exmos. Or purging flawed and worthless idea of playacting/setting the perfect example or never showing the realities of liking coffee, wearing normal underwear or enjoying swimming and shopping on Sunday. Someone who leaves mormonism isn't a poster child for other apostates.

2. Giving up the idea of "one true" way or idealolgy. Leaving the morg and recovering from it does not require that we join a different political party, that we start wearing a different style of clothing or eat or drink differently, unless these things reflect our inner authenticity.

Drunkeness
Loud Laughter
Sexual Activity
Financial Security
Sunday BBQing and Football Watching
No Urban Assault Van in the Garage
Tank Tops
No Bras
Daisy Dukes
Great Cuppa Joe
Wine Discernment
Sex Toys
Monday Night Football
Expanding Profanity Prowess
Jello-less Pantry
Narcissism
Home Brewing
Tattoo

Just a few...

Ron

Will I am still laughing, what a wonderful list. Thanks.

You forgot piercings and wild hair colours!

Ron, you are rapidly,becoming my new hero!

Let me add a few to your list;

Throwing the 15 year old buckets of moldy wheat out of your basement, and moving in a Foosball table and dart board.

Being able to admit to yourself that the family of 8 kids all under 10 years old, seated at the table next to you at a nice restaurant, are not "precious" but annoying, and asking the hostess to reseat you.

Watching an episode of "Big Love" and laughing your a$$ off.

Admitting that BYU did NOT deserve the National Championship in football, in the 80's.

Being able to smile on sundays, and mean it.

I forgot a couple..

Throwing the following away:

Missionary Journal
All church manuals, pamphlets, instructions, temple pics...
Baptismal, Priesthood Ordination, any other "certificate".
Quad (which cost me over $400 all in if I remember right).
Using old g's to wash/wax cars and Harley. I actually chanted "holy wax on, holy wax off".

I did keep all my geneology stuff tho. I can use that in case I get arrested in Texas as an illegal alien.

And I have like 2000 slides (old school) from my mission. I love those.

Ron

I realized I had no concept of what 'sin' is anymore.

There are lots of actions that I think are wrong, unethical and immoral, but they sure doesn't have any ecclesiastical baggage.

There are no more sins in my life. I'm free to design my own morality.

I can get my wife out with me.

When the church remains a big part of your spouses life it is hard to completely set it aside like some of you have.

I think I am close to completely recovered from the harmful effects of being raised Mormon, but Mormonism will probably always be a part of my life.

But to add to the list...

Being able to play poker without caring to rationalize to anyone that it isnt gambling.

This past weekend I went to Vegas and played poker. People always ask where you are from. I told them Utah and they always ask if I am Mormon. It felt great to tell them no. I didnt even care to explain that I used to be.

I think the term "fully recovered" can be somewhat misleading to a mind still infected with mormonism and therefore a big obstacle in the road towards recovery. Perfection is a very mormon idea and not something we can actually expect from ourselves or anyone else. When you realize that there is no such thing, our history will always shape who we are, then you are making a huge step towards recovery.

While there is no "complete recovery" in one sense it is perfectly possible to reach a place where you are totally fine and done with the mormon chapter of your life, or atleast as fine and done that is achievable by you, and that's precisely where giving up perfection will ironically lead to "full recovery". English isn't my native language so I can't explain what I mean any better, but I hope you get what I mean.

I consider myself quite recovered. One sign is I think the ability to feel quite secure and confident despite not having "all the answers". To be content in the face of uncertainty and feel that one's own judgement is good enough. To measure oneself and others with kindness instead of "absolute justice" (a "justice" which btw is totally screwed up). And to simply not care what some stranger that happens to be mormon thinks about you.

I think the biggest sign is that you are busy building the life you want for yourself instead of being all too occupied about the doings and sayings of this, in the grand scheme of things, silly little cult. If it makes them happy to dress up in silly outfits to perform silly rituals in secret then good for them, I don't care. It's not my cup of tea though (I prefer black tea with milk).

I agree with many. I actually don't have much anger anymore towards the church except for my fear for my daughter.

I think my biggest step was coming to terms with my daughter being TBM and I no longer debate her or try to get her to see my way. I don't see it as a big deal if I had gone to conference with her.

I call myself and love the labels of adulteress, heathen, apostate.

I feel liberated when I go to the liquor store. I HOPE the mormons I know see me.

I don't worry in the least what the neighbors think.

I do get angry over gay issues. I want all that bullsh*t to end. I know it won't.

I'm more than anything relieved to be out.

As for the board, I use this board to escape actually. If I'm bored with work, I come here to read. If I'm eating lunch, I come here to read. If something is bugging me in my life, I come here to read to just NOT THINK for a while.

Your list will be different.

You know you're really out when: signs of recovery -- You've made peace with it.
The emotional attachment has been replaced with love of all of life.

The following is how I made peace with it. The short version.
You know you are really out when.....
there are no more resentments, anger, regrets, or self recrimination, explosive responses, name calling, etc.

You know you are really out when....
you can live with and love Mormons and accept them like anyone else.

You know you are really out when.....
you are kind to the missionaries and other members, and maintain a rational relationship and friendship like everyone else.

You know you are really out when...
you understand that Mormonism is a religion like thousands of others and it's OK to change your mind, leave it, and know you are OK and were OK all along.

You know you are really out when .....
you respect all people's rights to choose their own religion (or none) as a valid choice and honor that right.

You know you are really out when....
you love your friends and family regardless of their religious choices.

You know you are really out when...
you own your own power, set healthy boundaries when necessary, and take charge of your own life, living it today, not for some reward after death.

You know you are really out when...
you choose your friends regardless of their religious choices.

You know you are really out when....
you can go to a church building, read their scriptures, articles, etc, attend functions associate with Mormons and remain respectful.

You know you're really out when...
your choose your own underwear
the regulation garment is just a piece of cloth - markings mean nothing

You know you're really out when..
you refuse to beat yourself up, or sabotage your self respect, self confidence, self esteem over some religious beliefs

I didn't start out with those goals, but they evolved naturally during my process.

I will always live with and love Mormons. Every person teaches me something, and most often, enriches my life.

Susie, you're always good. I'm going to try working on being able to go into one of their meetings, with clothes on, not doing the pay lay ake dance, and giving the finger to everyone in the building. You made me realize, that there are still a few things that I need to learn and feel. Your post was great, and you taught me a lot. I love the pay lay ale dance and music. I'm going to miss that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2010 03:54PM by get her done.

I had that underwear off within seconds.
I got pierced everywhere that I wanted to.
I am planning tattoos as well.
I too am looking forward to expanding my profanity prowess. ;)
Got rid of all my books recently, even my specially monogrammed hymnbook (except the good ones that I use to debate with).
Threw away the magic underwear that had been sitting in a bag in my closet for a few years.
I still roll my eyes at my family's beliefs, especially when they're in my house.
Sold all my unfashionable long skirts on ebay
Drink like a fish.
Buy my birth control at an abortion clinic, just because it's cheaper there.
Gave my temple clothes away.
Make my boyfriend do the dishes...lol
Give birth to only ONE child.
Don't feel bad about defending gay people.
Give to charitable causes because I want to.
Motivated enough to go back to school and better myself.

I feel like I could go on forever. I don't think many of us had a long denial process. Once we knew, it didn't take long to see the light.

I think I'm going to be pissed off for a couple of years still. But I have changed a lot and do think I'm a much better and more caring person now.

Drinking coffee or tea without feeling guilty, especially in front of TBM's.

I support equal rights for gays and lesbians, especially as I have family members and good friends who were born gay.

Getting rid of unfashionable long dresses or skirts, and replacing them with sun dresses, short skirts, and more slacks.

Wearing flip flops all summer, even on Sundays because they're more comfortable in the heat.

Deciding to wait for the economy to improve before even thinking of children.