Im a 17 year old dude. I'm a senior in high school. I've been a member of the LDS church my whole life but am now questioning it. The more I learn the less I like it and the less I want to be a member.

My girlfriend is not a member, she is catholic, but everyone in my family is. Her and others have been telling me my parents are abusive and I didn't want to agree but now I'm starting to. Here's some of the bulls**t I've gone through and my parents have done. It's lengthy but I need this off my chest.

• I have to ask to use the computer, then explain what I'm doing, how long, get a parent to enter a passcode to give me an amount of time, then have a parent possibly walk up and read over my shoulder, and have my parents check my history after I'm done.

• We have strict Internet filters that block YouTube, MTV, and other harmless entertainment sites.

• My parents have warned me about anti Mormon propaganda, once my mom tearfully telling me it's "spiritual porn" without any truth only designed to "tear apart your spirit."

• Parents know EVERY SINGLE PASSCODE and check my Facebook, Instagram, and email and bring up things I talk about in private messages in everyday conversations.

• No wifi in the house, only hardwired Ethernet cable to the desktop.

• they threw away my iPod 4 when they found out I got sucked into an online predator

• they didn't explain that my online suicidal canadian friend was actually an online predator, and just cut me off with no explanation leaving me thinking that person had killed themselves and I could have prevented it if they hadn't intervened.

• they knew about this relationship for about a month before realizing it was harmful and cutting me off.

• dad read all the messages between me and the predator but never told my mom how graphically sexual and explicit the conversations invariably were

• the one time my dad talked to me about the sexual content he said "your mom doesn't know about this but I do and I don't think you want her to know."

• once I made a joke soundcloud page with some crass rap songs and my dad printed out a screenshot of the lyrics and a note that said something along the lines of "take this down and I won't tell your mom"

• I had a porn addiction for 5 years and I'm pretty sure my dad knew but didn't tell my mom, because i did a really bad job hiding it and also talked about it profusely with both the predator and my girlfriend in Facebook messenger, which my dad had access to at the time

• I quit porn with the help of my girlfriend and told my parents 6 months later and they responded by interrogating me as to how I got away with it for so long and then increasing my limits on Internet access.

• dad wanted to take away my broken iPhone 3 until I let him disable safari on it, because he didn't want the opportunity for me to watch to be there.

• now there is even a password on the roku and YouTube was disabled. I can't even watch Netflix without parent permission.

• parents will drive me off somewhere alone and talk to me about the contents of private emails and messages they snooped and read.

• my girlfriends uncle died and I skipped school to visit her at home and we made out. I put my hand under her shirt and my parents found out via reading messages and decided I could never go over to her house again because it was an unsafe environment.

• they judge my girlfriend based on messages taken out of context. Ex: She asked if I had looked in her purse and I said no, I hadn't. She said my Christmas present from her was in there and she didn't want me to see it. We joked about it being a box of novelty condoms. My parents think that it wasn't a joke and she actually had condoms, even though the item was an aluminum 3d X-Wing model kit for a hobby store.

• went to New Orleans for a week with the high school band, I payed for it almost entirely out of pocket by doing commissioned drawings. My parents almost didn't let me go because they were concerned I'd get involved in heavy drugs or have sex while gone, so they had me write a list of rules I was going to follow and sign it, the rules were basically just repetitions of the official school rules I had to sign for official documentation.

• everyone on the trip started getting sick, (i had a cold) and 3 kid were hospitalized for dehydration, my girlfriend included. I helped her until the paramedics came then had to leave upon instruction of the band director. Later that night I was extremely stressed and couldn't sleep or stop coughing and I wanted to go to the hospital but couldn't. I took some NyQuil, an average dose, so I could sleep and try to stay healthy. My mom posted on my Facebook wall telling me to call her so I did right after I saw it, which was midnight. I told her everything that was going on and that I took some NyQuil to sleep so I would call in the morning. She called again at 2am, waking me up, asking how much NyQuil I had taken. I said the dosage on the box, and she kept questioning me asking if I had taken anything else or more than the recommended amount of NyQuil. I said I hadn't, and said she didn't trust me, and she said "should I?" I said goodnight and hung up. She called and texted several chaperones claiming that I and some other kids were abusing NyQuil, and that is why everyone was sick, from overdosing. The nyquil box ( it was all gone ) was confiscated at my moms request and my parents kept calling the band teacher who explained that it was mathematically impossible to get high or overdose on the amount of NyQuil we had. I felt embarrassed that so many people were dragged into the affair and that my parents evidently did not trust me or the chaperones.

• recently I went to my girlfriend's grandparents house and asked her grandpa about orthodox Christianity, missing dinner with the missionaries at home. I returned and my mom said "I wouldn't have let you go over if I knew they were going to harass you about your religion the whole time"

• my mom has expressed concern multiple times about how my girlfriend is manipulating me, claiming she wants to "tear my family apart" and she is scared that we will be financially unsupported with a baby very soon and will hate our lives.

• sent me to a Mormon counselor to talk about the predator incident. i also talked to him about my parents a bit and he said I'm just doing "normal teen things" but my mom didn't take it seriously

• my mom sat in on one of the sessions and told the counselor that I've been growing distant and she feels like she can't trust me and there's a big problem and it's my fault, I protested. I wanted her to leave but felt uncomfortable saying it.

• I legitimately feel uncomfortable at home and going home from school.

• I've wanted to kill myself because of this aggressive parenting and i told my girlfriend and she hugged me a bunch while i cried and made me promise not to hurt myself, my parents read a message about how I felt and my mom talked to me in the car later and I lied that I was joking and was actually fine.

• Any time my parents talk to me it's just my mom talking and my dad sits there looking disappointed.

• once I stayed up I until 4 am crying and reading the bible and talking on the phone to my girlfriend, after finding out what an endowment means. I thought everyone was asleep but they came into my room at 4am and sat down on my bed and vote me their testimonies and asked why I was questioning the church.

• asked my mom about the trinity vs multiple gods, she said that we don't believe in lots of gods, then I said we CLEARLY do. She asked where in the Bible it specifically says there's only one God. She then asked where I got that question, she assumed my girlfriend told me about the inconsistencies.

• once I went to a school bball game with my girl, we snuck out and made out in the back of the school. My dad showed up unexpectedly half an hour before the game ended for some reason, and we missed him. The next day my mom picked me up from school and talked to me about how I lied to her about where I was and how it was like I took a knife and jabbed it into her heart and twisted it. She claimed that the whole time I had been "going to school events" I was actually getting driven off to be "demormonised" by my girlfriends parents.

• now I'm not allowed to leave the house without a family member.

• about two months ago my girl and I walked around town to the nearby burrito restaurant. It was dark so we ate at a park gazebo and then made out some, and I slipped my hand up her shirt and had some fun ;). My parents intercepted an email about it (I thought my email was private) and I couldn't walk around town with her anymore after that and my dad said I need to go trough the repentance process

• after that incident I begged them to let me walk home from school with her, and they agreed. My dad drove around us in his pickup with no explanation, making me feel very uncomfortable. We stopped at a coffee store on the way and my dad saw. The next time I asked if I could walk my mom said "is ___ going to make you go get coffee again???"

• once my friends and I were being dumb teen boys and were taking shots of Mio Energy, a concentrated caffeinated drink mix. My dad, again, intercepted a message about it, ransacked my backpack, found the little bottle, threw it away, then my mom gave me a talk about how damaging caffeine can be and how I'm probably addicted and THAT'S the reason I don't want to get up at 5:20 am for seminary.

• read another message about a kid I know using drugs and not only made me tell them all of the people I know who abuse substances but guilted me into calling the cops on him.

• this is minor but they won't take any college ideas seriously unless it's BYU or UoU

• my mom talked to a teacher about how my girlfriend is "stealing her son" and "ruining me" and "sending me down a path I'm going to hate" and "trying to stop me from going to college." (She did try to stop me from going on a mission but said that if I want to she won't judge me. She asked that if I decide LDS is true that I break up with her so I could be married in the temple.)

• they read some private handwritten notes that were in my desk drawer. They were from my girlfriend and one had an offhand comment about how cute it would be to one day have a little baby who is half her half me. My parents are VERY concerned about this comment.

• my mom keeps telling me about how mean my girlfriend is because the first time she was here I cut a burrito the wrong way and she called me an idiot jokingly.

• I feel like my parents are not at all happy with their marriage but I'm too scared to suggest marriage counseling.

• My dad is constantly on the computer and my mom HATES electronics with a passion, she thinks they are evil. Ive had a couple electronics I've bought on my own but I've never had a cell phone until this Christmas they bought me a POS Nokia that's now broken.

• I feel very sorry for my parents but I really really need breathing room because their parenting is legitimately making me want to end my life.

I don't know if this is normal? If this is abusive what should I do to confront them? Thanks a ton!

If what you say is all true, then yes, I see this as abusive.

I have 2 sons, one about your age and another in college, so I do have some perspective on this.

I have pretty much never done any of the things your parents do.
They are desperately trying to control your every move and it is utterly a lost cause. They are also terrified that you will leave the mormon church.

I do have the password to my younger son's Facebook account and I have checked it, but only since he's found a girlfriend. Teen-age boys are generally not terribly forthcoming with their mothers about some things, so I feel it is my duty as a parent to keep tabs on him somewhat, even though he's a good kid and I mostly trust that he has his head screwed on straight. I could never have done any of this with my older son. It would have destroyed our relationship if I'd tried. I decided it was more important to trust him, love him and be there for him if/when he needed me. It was the right way, indeed the only way, to handle him.

The amount of control your parents try to have over every detail of your life is beyond the pale. I truly think they have serious boundary issues and don't know how to respect you as a human being, separate from them, one who should be allowed the sanctity of his own mind. I can't imagine living under the conditions you describe. It sounds like East Germany or the USSR.

The main job of a parent is to raise healthy, functional, independent adults. You don't do this by exercising an obscene amount of control. There is something very unhealthy about your parent's approach to parenting. Do you have siblings? How are they treated?

My advice to you is to do well in school, make plans for your future and try to establish some financial independence as quickly as you can. That is the only way you will be able to get your parents out of your life. Move away if you need to.

Unfortunately, it's all true.

I have four younger siblings, and I can tell you that none of them are as controlled as I am. My closest sibling is my 15 year old sister who is very LDS, they never worry about her and she is stuck up and really rude to me because she thinks I'm "stupid" and "have no common sense." My parents often get her to make sure I'm staying in line. My 11 year old sister is a little more sympathetic, and my two youngest siblings, brothers 8 and 6, are insane and out of control with hardly any reprimanding. It's a regular occurance for me to walk in the house and my little brother is screaming and kicking a door until its broken and no one stops him. (Almost all of the doors in the house have holes and there are probably like 5 holes in the wall around the house)

I'm not certain whether or not to take you seriously, though your report of suicidal feelings concerns me enough that I will respond even if I'm skeptical. You need to tell an adult at school if you're feeling suicidal. If one adult doesn't help you, tell another until you get the help you need.

In terms of the freedom you seek, you're going to have to behave a hell of a lot more intelligently than you have so far if what you're reported is true and correct. Of course your parents will monitor your Internet usage if you were addicted to porn and were involved with a predator. Of course they will doubt you if you say you're going to a basketball game, then leave to make out with your girlfriend before your dad shows up.

The religious stuff is a bit overbearing, and the NyQuil incident seemed a bit over the top. I feel your pain where the embarrassment concerning that incident is concerned.

Otherwise, it seems that you've made some not very smart choices. You're less than a year from legal adulthood. You need to wisen up a bit if you hope to survive without your parents micromanaging your life.

Yeah that's a very fair point, and one of the main reasons I haven't stood up for myself, because I have been really dumb and more than a bit irresponsible. It's impossible for me to tell what is legitimately deserved and what is over the top parenting.

I've told several teachers about some extent of this. The band teacher is one of them. Actually, the NyQuil thing was last night and I'm preparing to go home from New Orleans tomorrow and I'm terrified to go home because I sent my mom a long Facebook message about how I didn't appreciate them assuming the worst of me and that most of my stress recently has been coming from their parenting style. I haven't checked her response yet because I'm too scared to.

I agree with scmd, that you should absolutely find a trusted adult to talk to about your feelings of wanting to harm yourself.

I agree with both of the first two posts. You need to make better decisions. But your parents are definitely over controlling as well. My advice - which is just my advice and only based on your post being accurate and non deceitful - is to get a job, apply to the college or universities you want and move out as soon as possible. Once you are out of there GET A COUNSELLOR. having come from a family with extremely controlling parents myself I can't stress that enough. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with habits or thought processes warped from this experience and you need to be able to take control of your choices without blaming anything on your past. It's very very very important to find a professional who can help you not only move past your past but also help you to heal from it. Sorry you are going thru this. Go to a library and spend some time on their computers looking up the effects of controlling parenting (so it can't be traced by your family). See if you are engaging in any of the behaviours and make a plan to stop. Good luck.

It sounds like your parents are harassing you, but I doubt you could legally prove they are abusive.

Honestly, you need to find a way out from your family. I had a cousin in your situation and she joined the air force immediately after high school. Since then, she has gone on to happily live a productive life on her own terms.

In the short run, look at changing passwords on all your accounts.

I'm going to graduate in 3 months and turn 18 in about 5. After high school I'm planning on going to community college (which I can do for free) and getting an associates in graphic design. My girlfriends grandparents have offered to let me live with them when I'm 18, and so have a couple of my friends. Her family loves me and I wish my family could at least tolerate her.

I tried changing my Facebook password once but my dad did the recovery thing and connected it to his email instead of mine so that's basically impossible. I have an email they don't know about but that's literally it.

That is a good plan. From what you said about doing commissioned drawings, you obviously have what it takes to go into graphic design. And you don't need to be at BYU or the U. You can actually focus much more on pure education if you are at the CC. A mission would do NOTHING but make you miserable. So don't even go there, especially thinking you would do it to appease your parents.

I understand your parents. I don't condone all their tactics, but they are living by fear. They've been taught that if their children don't toe the mormon line that they will be under the influence of Satan. No parent wants that for their children. Their reputation as parents is also tied up in how their children conform to the church, as I'd imagine all their friends and social acquaintances are probably mormon. But as abusive as it might be or seem, I'm sure the bottom line is that they care about you. They just don't have any point of reference to see that their idea of what will make you a success has absolutely nothing to do with how obedient you are to mormonism, but instead, the content of your character.

The last thing you want to do, especially so your younger brothers don't have it even worse than you do, is to prove their point that if you leave the church you become porn obsessed drug addicts who are bums that live on the street. Your suicidal thoughts are serious and you absolutely need to find someone to talk to in person whenever you are having them. You WILL get past this phase of your life and it's not even going out on a limb to say you WILL be a success in life. It's easy for anyone to see. You know there is a better way and you will go for it.

But you are going to have to take control after high school. It will hurt your parents, but I promise you that they will eventually see what a wonderful son they raised. When you finally get married and have a family and can support them, they will want to have you all as part of their family.

BE RESPONSIBLE. Be responsible in your relationships. The mormon church sometimes teaches a lot of right things but for the wrong reasons. Yes, it puts a real crimp in your life when you get pregnant, or get someone pregnant too young. But that is true of kids who get married, even in the temple, way too young. Putting off having children until you are ready to start a real family and able to financially support them is the right thing to do. Staying completely celibate until then, as smart as that would be, is most often unrealistic. God is not going to smite you for having responsible relationships outside of marriage. We punish ourselves when we are not responsible. God doesn't have to do anything. So if you make that conscious choice, be committed to who you are with and be conscious in your contraceptive choices.

Work hard. Find your own path. Even if you have an estrangement with your parents, just tell them you love them and appreciate that they raised you to stand up for what you believe in and to be a good person and that's what you intend to do. Their hurt is not your responsibility when you have not intentionally done things to hurt them, but rather, their unrealistic beliefs and expectations have done that.

Other people may not approve of your choice of partners or love interests. Don't worry about that. Find the person who makes you happy and makes you a better person. And together work to show the world that you are smart and intend to make a difference in the world.

Agree with maizy. Your parents are completely out of control and emotionally unstable. They feel a need to control everything around them, because they don't feel secure in themselves. The Mormon culture has reinforced the worst negative aspects of their personalities, giving them convenient excuses to cross your personal boundaries.

I think you need to start hanging around some healthy adults that you trust and learn what is reasonable in normal, non-Mormon behavior. Then once you know what is reasonable, establish firm boundaries with your parents. If they cross those boundaries, get mad, in verbal, safe, non-destructive ways. It's ok to be angry when people, including parents, are out of control. Don't accept their excuses that they are trying to spiritually protect you. They are not protecting you, they are being abusive.

Make it clear that they will NOT have a good relationship with you if they don't start conforming to normal healthy behavior. That includes not spying on you or keeping your passwords (utterly ridiculous). I have no idea how they expect to raise an autonomous adult when they spy on you when you are almost legally an adult. Are they planning to spy on you and your internet chats when you're 20 and in college too???

Even if you are in their home, you have a right to be treated with respect. Don't accept the excuse that "this is our house we can do what we want." No, retard parents, you don't have the right to be abusive. Even if you think you're the king and queen of England and this is Buckingham Palace, you don't have the right to abuse your children and expect them to take it quietly.

Standing up for yourself against these bullies in parent form will help give you more confidence and will to live. Trust me. It'll get bad, but generally bullies are cowards and you'll find they will back down a little bit more each time you firmly and confidently stand up for yourself.

At the risk of sounding like an ancient, I would suggest that you limit your electronic communications.

You can talk to your friends in person or on the phone without recording every word for your parents to read later on.

The notes were an attempt at doing that but I guess they went through my room and found them. We have a home phone which I use to call people but my parents have one in their room and can listen in or pick it up and tell me to get off and I don't always feel safe using it.

My parents weren't bad, but I wanted an element of privacy in my life as a teen. I grew up knowing the only confidential conversations were those I held face-to-face with friends, far out of earshot of my parents, which meant not on the house land line. I grew up before many teens had cell phones, and we all survived. We had email, but I wouldn't have put my innermost thoughts in writing either in emails or on paper.

You need to talk to a non Mormon adult about your life, nobody would be happy in the environment you're in. You need an advocate for you. Whatever happens please don't take your life. Adulthood is the happiest time of life because you control it.

Your parents are too contoling, to the point of being narcissistic. Don't forget your parent still love you even though not very nice to you.

17 1/2 and they are trying to parent you this way. Hell my son is 11 and I wouldn't do this to him. Then again I hope my 11 year old at 17 isn't making such idiotic decisions. I saw a lot of this in TBM families who have kids when they shouldn't.

Jeez, yes you've been stupid but that goes with most teenagers. Hell I was pretty stupid at that age as well.

First off THINK!! I say this irionically because I know it isn't easy to do. You are going to make some stupid decisions but that is okay. Try to slow down and make them less. Don't make decisions based upon feelings without some thinking and talking to an other adult you trust.

Your parents are scared that they have failed and are grasping at straws to try to keep you. From your description of your younger siblings it sounds like your parents have no idea how to parent. They are going from extremely permissive to overprotective and draconian. They are afraid, scsred, terrified, and desperstely worried about you but don't have the proper toolset to help you.

You should have never been able to have build a relationship with a predator if your parents had been monitoring appropriately at a younger more appropriate age. They failed and they know it

Your parents have you at home for a very brief amount of time, 5 months is so short. Try to communicate as little to them as possible. Go to school, do your homework, stay out of trouble and just sort of grunt at them if they come after you for something silly. Do not engage. One sided conflicts between parents and teens fizzle out quickly if there is not active argument.

If they attack you about your relationship with your girlfriend do not give out any details. Simply state we are doing nothing wrong.

Plan out your escape, enroll in school, I do support the idea that the military might be a good place for you until you learn how to THINK!!

And the problem is? Your folks sound a lot like my parents were. Maybe a little over the top but it's apparent that they are trying desperately to keep you out of trouble. A lot of kids really need that and certainly don't get it. We live a society of Mommy in the workplace trying to pay the bills and too exhausted to have time to know where the h*** the kids are. Your parents sound like the exception.

Yes, your parents are WAY over the top, but in all honesty your behavior has encouraged them to act this way. THINK before you post or message something online or talk to perfect strangers about sex. I would remove any words or jokes from your online conversations that might set your parents off (i.e. condoms, sex, etc.) Warn your friends that they must do the same in their online interactions with you.

For as long as you are living with them, you will need to dance to their tune. Get the skills that you need to be financially independent. At least they are open to you going to the U of U in a couple of years. Ask if they are open to any other state schools such as USU, SUU, etc. so that you can have more options (I assume that you are a Utah resident.) And find some graphic designers to talk to (maybe at your CC or on online forums) so that you know what to expect.

If you are eventually able to go away to school, you will have more freedom. But consider that there will be a lot of things that your parents don't need or want to know about your private life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2016 06:26AM by summer.

Having overly controlling parents is a bit like being a criminal and evading capture. NEVER put anything incriminating in writing; try not to leave any other evidence of anything your parents can use as ammunition. Always ensure you have your cover story straight and never give in to threats or ultimatums or suggestions they have 'information' - they are just a ploy to get you to confess to the crime they imagine your are guilty of.

If your band leader has experienced some of the crazy first hand, speak to him about your predicament - every other teacher will most likely think they are just 'caring' if somewhat eccentric parents. They will never understand that mormonism is all about thought control.

You will be 18 soon and legally out of their clutches, make sure you have an escape route so you can leave their sphere of control quickly without having to get them to support you. My parents once grounded me when I was 18 but I had nowhere else to live so had to endure the torture of not being allowed visitors or being outside the house without my mother or father present, until I got a new job.

Your parents will always be looking for a scapegoat because they, following the church, could not be wrong in raising you so you have to be influenced by something external. You will be blamed for any bad behaviour from your younger siblings because it was you who brought satan into the home to torment everyone and/or they copy you because you are the oldest.

Your sister will always be smug and be a mummy's girl and is in all probability whispering in your parents' ear all the bad things they are afraid of. She is reinforcing their negative opinion of you and it will NEVER EVER change. Even when you are married and have kids, she will still be a thorn in your side and your parents' favourite, or rather 'least problematic' child.

I get how you feel powerless and hopeless about the future, but you have a good friend in your girlfriend whether or not you go the distance together, she is being a good friend to you in letting your know your parents' behaviour is not normal outside the mormon faith. Unfortunately, it is completely normal within the mormon faith.

Tell your band leader that your feel under siege at home and how you are beginning to feel as if you are a criminal trying to outsmart the authorities (your parents) just to get some time alone to think teenage thoughts and develop them into young, responsible adult thoughts rather than criminally inclined ones, ie suspicion and paranoia. Perhaps feeling like an adult understands a bit could help you cope and perhaps he could help you arrange a way out to college with legal or bursary stuff?

All in all, keep your head down, do your time (like a criminal in the penitentiary) and keep your eye on the prize - your release date.

First, calm the hell down. It took more courage than you know to come on this site to tell your story and ask about your parents' behavior.

So, you have bravery.

I'm going to write something that may be hard to read, but someone needs to say it: Your parents' tactics have worked like a charm so far. You have predictably rebelled against their extreme controls in reactionary ways, without giving much thought to consequences. So knock it off.

Here's what I mean by that-

You described the many ways your parents behave towards you, but I didn't see ONE description of how you behave towards them, only descriptions of your behaviors in acting like a normal-ish teen, trying to escape extreme parental control. What that says to me is that you don't "own" your own mind. It's filled up like an occupied territory by what your parents think, instead of your own thoughts.

Still, in your extreme environment, you've questioned Mormonism as any rational person would, but you didn't say why. Mormonism is full of obvious bullshit, but have you looked into its history? What is that you have learned, and what are your sources? Your statement is very general, and I suspect that you are going by what others tell you, rather than by self-study. Honestly, I will be delighted if you choose to live a cult-free life, but I would want you to choose to leave because you know it's a bullshit cult, not just to escape your parents. If you don't learn the difference, you will still be vulnerable to other cults, or to returning to this one. Surely there is a library at school you can use.

I think you're fairly smart. I don't think your various rebellions are completely your fault, because it doesn't sound like you've had much opportunity to learn to act autonomously, and in your own best self interests. This is what you MUST work on.

STOP thinking about what your parents are going to think, and START thinking about your future. They have you "stuck in the moment," constantly worried minute-to-minute about how to "get away with" your next little bit of freedom/rebellion. Here's what I mean by that:

Straight up, living with your girlfriend's parents while you attend college is not a very good plan. You and she are WAY too young to be making "forever" plans, and if she's going to be living there at the same time, you are all going to get under each other's skin in short order. If she and you have a falling out, where will you go? She may well be "the one," and you two just might turn old and gray together, but you CANNOT rely on that in planning a current roof over your head, food in your belly, clothes on your back or medical care. Are her parents going to house, feed and clothe you for four years, even if someone else catches their daughter's eye? Do you really think that you could live there if she gets engaged to someone else?

You need a better plan. We know you're smart and brave. You need to think about you and your future in those terms. Use your brains and courage.

You are still a minor, so it is inappropriate for a unknown adult, like me or any other adult you don't know, to address sexual matters with you, and the most likely reason no one has addressed it here. I am able to write that you are probably completely normal in that department, and strongly recommend that you look it up yourself on a medical site, like webmd or other reputable medical site. You need to learn about your sexual feelings and urges from rational medical professionals. You need adult affirmation that your feelings and behaviors are probably normal teenage feelings and behaviors.

Young man, in short, start screwing your head on straight. If you want to be rid of your extreme parents when you turn eighteen, you need a solid plan. I understand that you can't actually DO anything while under their roof, but you can certainly come up with a better plan. For example, it might be okay to stay with your girlfriend's parents for 3-6 months, I wouldn't bank on anything longer than that. During that 3-6 months, while attending college, instead of going hog-wild with your new freedom, which likely will get you booted out, spend that time getting a new plan for living arrangements.

Feel free to come back to this board and ask for suggestions and advice on how to get it done. There are many thousands of days, even years, of experience in breaking free and living a good life.

Best to you.

The first time I questioned the church was when I learned how orthodox Christians view being saved by grace vs works, and it really really made sense to me. I looked into that and the whole multiple gods thing and couldn't find good rationales for either of them in LDS. The next turning point was reading an article about what an Endowment ceremony was, and it seemed so far from anything I had ever learned in the church and so wrong and culty, borderline satanic to me. I've been scouring forums and websites like this for about a month, as well as pro LDS communities legitimately trying to find out if the church is true or not. I've tried to avoid propaganda either way and stick with what is verifiable doctrine and history and have been really paying attention in church. I've read about the salamander letter hoax, polygamy, endowments, journal of discourses, I read the scriptures, ensign, LDS.org, mormon.com, and overall the picture seems fully bogus to me which is honestly not the answer I was hoping for.

I'm hoping that I can get a car and a better job this summer, and start saving for a down payment on an apartment or mobile home that I can share with maybe a roommate. I have a strict no credit are rule, I don't feel safe taking out credit, it seems like a bad idea. I'll graduate with a 3.6 gpa and 2 years of math and writing college credit, and Oregon Promise will pay for my community college for 2 years. I really want to do something with art, and I've had some success selling art commissions online so that should help. Thanks so much for your thoughts, it really means a lot!

First off, stop talking! On Facebook and texting that is. Delete your FB account now! You need that like you need a kick in the head.

You do not need validation for every fleeting thought that comes across your mind! Get immediate emotional input form others the hell out of your decision making process. Like others have stated slow down! THINK THINGS THROUGH! Sorry for the yell but this is paramount. Follow possible actions through to “reasonable” conclusions.

Start planning, saving and driving your own ship. It take time. Don’t self-destruct because you realize the church is a generational scam and that your parents don’t see the problems with their parenting skills. Because you can see the issues means that YOU can control the situation IF YOU choose to do so.
STOP giving them ammunition that torpedoes your life. Become what they need to see in order to instigate the “plan” to become independent. You will be amazed if you were to tell mum and dad that you cancelled your Facebook account because “as you say mum and dad, it’s not good for me.” If you need computer time do it elsewhere, friends house, library whatever but don’t get all self righteous and uppity about things that may be difficult but not undoable.

Be disciplined about “The plan”. The Plan will take time. Be patient.

Remember this. You are light years ahead of those of us that figured out the fraud of Mormonism after decades and tens of thousands of dollars of loss. You aren’t even married which makes leaving a hundred times worse. Lucky b-tard!

It’s completely up to you now. You either take our advice or you get what you reap.
We are pulling for you!

I have to ask. Is doing something with Art going to pay the bills? Maybe get a skill that will pay bills first then do Art.

Many a starving artist there is and for a reason. If you struggle financially trying to feed yourself and pay rent that will play into the "he made poor choices so the lard is punishing him" mentality.

Success is the best revenge.

Say it with me now! Success is the best revenge! This is the mantra of "The Plan"

Also on the point of being afraid of credit cards. Get over it.

You need credit. It's not that you'll use it, it's the potential of having good credit that you'll need. Get a no annual fee card, buy gas once a month and pay it off every time the bill comes.

Only children fear not trusting themselves with a credit card and only children don't do the math between any purchase they make with the card and the reality of the "math" on what’s in the checking account.

IMO it is necessary that you establish good credit for “The Plan” and for life long personal financial intelligence.

In my opinion the kind of credit cards that are marketed to college students are predatory. I say wait until your last semester and then get one.

I have looked into this for two young people in the last year and the way they are MARKETING to kids is horrific. I suggest a prepaid with a small amount, say $100. Use it but PAY it right away. It is a good way to start establishing credit. An important thing in the world today.

You only have a few weeks to go.
Graduate and move out on your 18th birthday.

Be sure to deposit your birth certificate and all other important papers at your GF's house beforehand because your parents probably won't give them to you.

Such situations happen more often than you think in Mormon families.
In the stake here a boy had to do the same thing. He moved in with his GF's parents who thought he was a great kid.

You are in a prison,that's not a family.

Unless you are truly suicidal,don't tell anyone who is Mormon. Your family may use what you say or write against you and get you committed against your will,just to keep power over you. So,be careful !!

I think they are overbearing to the point of being abusive. They are going waaaay off the tracks.
under the circumstances, it would be wise of you to be a lot more careful about what you send to your girlfriend and her to you. remember that NONE of that is private. back away from the computer.
Do talk with kind adults who will give you good councel.
Hang in othere, freedom is on the way. Maybe soon you can go away to college or just move. I wish you all the best.

Hopefully you can have lunch with Don Bagley sometime in the future.

Sounds like you would have a lot of stories to compare.

Wow, your parents are even more controlling than my parents were.

When you feel uncomfortable at home that's a sign that your home isn't healthy. Parents are supposed to support you as you learn to make your own decisions, not plan out every waking moment of your life for you. I let my 9-year-old have more freedom than that. All my kids are allowed to go outside on their own, play on electronics, and hang out with friends without me spying on their every conversation.

Your parents are fucked up. I don't know what your plans are for the future, but if I were you I'd leave home as soon as possible, assuming they don't try to hinder you from doing so. Good luck.