Date: February 17, 2016 10:51AM
Sorry if this is a topic that comes up a lot, but I haven't been on this board in years.
A little background- I left the church about 14 years ago, when I was 18. I was born into it, but didn't come from a super active family. I was most active during my high school years, when I went back on my own. I ended up leaving at 18, for various reasons that feel like ancient history now.
I'm 32 now, married, with 2 kids. I work full time, and I'm in grad school. I have a lot on my plate.
My question is... do any of you struggle with guilt over having a "small" family of only 2 kids? I thought I was so far beyond this. But now, my husband and I are kicking around the idea of a third. Or really, I am. He is very happy with our 2, and thinks it will be a financial hardship and irresponsible to take on a third at this point.
I have been countering him, saying we do make pretty good money, and we could probably DO a third, although it would be tight. He wants to invest deeply in the 2 we already have.
Thing is, I see his viewpoint. The thought of having a two child family sounds GREAT, and so much less stress and pressure than bringing a new child into the world with full time work and grad school. I almost want permission to stop, but don't feel like I can.
I keep feeling like someone is left out. Like if we stop, we are sacrificing living, breathing human beings that could exist, instead of just deciding against mere ideas that may not be right for our family or resources right now. I feel selfish and shallow for only wanting two, when we could have more.
I have been examining myself in this, and I realized it is a leftover relic from the LDS church. It is deeply engrained, and I am struggling to gain my ground against it.
I thought I was so far beyond this. Has anyone dealt with something similar?