Hello everyone, I was just wondering how you guys have dealt with the emotional pain the church has caused in your lives. Let me first start with a little bit of my background. I'm 19 years old and I just came back home from a mission 6 months ago. I first found out the church wasn't true a couple months before I was going to leave on my mission. Once I found out that the church wasn't true, I told my parents I didn't believe in the gospel and that I didn't want to go on a mission. When I told my parents this they went absolutely ballistic and went emotionally psychotic on me. My mom told me that she would rather die than have me leave the church and my dad couldn't sleep or even function because he thought that I was gonna go to hell, because that's where apostates go right? My dad is already in bad shape health wise and My mom started to blame me for his health problems cuz she said that I was causing them emotional stress. Eventually I caved in and told them that I would go on a mission just to make them happy. When I finally went out into the mission field I realized that I had made a terrible decision and ended up coming back home because of my horrendous anxiety. It was humiliating having to come back home early and people started to treat me like I was weak for coming home. Right now I am going to college at a Mormon school (because it was cheap) and I'm pretending that I'm still a devote Mormon just so my parents emotions can remain appeased. Right now I am seeing a therapist for my depression and anxiety, and I hate seeing him because he is also a Mormon, but I don't really have any other options here in Utah. I hate the church so much it has literally destroyed my life and this is only a few of the many reasons I hate the church. Sorry for that long rant I just had to get some those feelings of my chest. I was just wondering how I can deal with this emotional pain and I was wondering what things u guys have done to cope with your emotions.

Sorry for any grammar mistakes. I typed this on my phone.

by making videos like this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yCm4zFVIe0


be grateful that you were able to make your exit at 19 instead of 38 like I did. I have no doubt that the early return from your mission was terribly humiliating for you, but do not discount how extremely irritating that it is for the establishment MORmONS to see that anyone demonstrating that such action really is possible.
10 years from now IF some body in your stake comes home early from a mission, you will be assigned some of the blame.

All I can say is give it time. Only time passing, and living through it, doing my best to be authentic and true to my principles, did I finally come to peace and healing. Three years. It was like a nightmare that wouldn't end, but now I'm feeling happier and hopeful about the future.

I realize that I was very fortunate to have a non-member family. That used to make me sad when I was a Mormon. But my family members were supportive when I joined the Church and even more supportive when I left.

I've been slowly healing from lost friendships. It definitely fades over time.

What are you talking about ziller?

You never need to apologize for grammar or spelling. It's even a rule :) We care about content here and we are happy you found us. Is there any way you can switch to a non LDS therapist? Seeing a therapist is a good idea but you need to find one that doesn't have a built in bias. You can post here anon asking for referrals in your area. Finding someone you can trust at a church school is tough and you need to be careful who you share with. They can and will punish for honor code and they encourage people to tattle on each other.

My best advice, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to figure your options. Make the most of what you are already committed to. Once you map out all your options you will be able to make rational choices. And the thing that is great, but kinna sucks, lol, is there are no "correct" answers. You will have to figure out what is best for you. It's a journey not a destination ya know :)

You are not alone.

In our Stake in xxx, Oregon a Bishop's Son went on a mission. He was dropped off at the Mission Training Center in Provo. 3 days later he was sent home with extreme anxiety. Everyone was surprised but the fact remains, the TBM's who he had to come home to were all surprised or shocked.

I suffered from Anxiety on my mission in 1976 but didn't come home early. Wish I did. Missionary work in any context is confrontational. You are telling people something they might not want to hear and you are squeezing commitments out of people you wouldn't normally care about otherwise. I had social anxiety but it was brought on by being in a confrontational situation. Missionary work in it's entirety is confrontational. I hated it. Not everyone will succeed at it.

TSCC uses Mormon idioms to pre-program children. The expectation is the new Mormon Automatons will follow blindly without checking with your inner self. When you don't turn out to be one of the Automatons or your conscience doesn't agree with the TSCC, TBMs wig out and blame you for not trying hard enough. They just don't get it, you have a unique personality. This is the one true gift you have and the church wants to take it away from you.

Hunker down for the moment. Don't vent to roomates or classmates; they will get you kicked out "for your own good because we love you." This is so much bs, just like most of tscc, especially their "it's all about families" motto. What a total crock! But hang in there.

I wanted to go to Berkeley, but my parents went ballistic and refused to pay, so I also ended up at a church school. I looked into grants and scholarships that would transfer with me to any school. After two semesters that's what I did (transferred to a state school). Your new school will also help you find a job. Maybe even make an appointment with a guidance couselor at the closest state school as soon as you can. Tell them you want to transfer and explain you have no $$ support from home. Many of these counselors will do everything they can to help, and they'll leave saving your soul completely up to you, as they should. ;) I hope this works for you.

The despicable way that the church brainwashes your parents into treating you still doesn't excuse their behavior. Maybe someday you'll be able to feel sorry for them because of what they've thrown away(you!).It'll be hard, but make your own friends and choose your own family: by their fruits you will know them. Blood is just a coincidence. It takes love and concern and caring support to make a family.

Shame on your parents. Maybe they will evetually come around. Mine did, in some ways (mom more than dad). I wish you good luck.

Keep venting here and do find a therapist that's not lds. Look in the phone book under government services.