My brother is a newly minted EX-Mormon. He has every intention of living like he always has and he was more Mormon than Monson.

Seriously, I think I need therapy just trying to deal with the fact that his is now on the same page as me with Mormonism. As to the other pages in life we are NOT on the same pages.

He has no intention of doing things differently than he has before. He is the same guy only more likable to me because he isn't the Mormon man he once was. He has always been a tolerant and accepting human being. I've appreciate that about him but I just couldn't take his struggles with Mormonism. Now, awesomely he has joined our ranks.

He doesn't know if he wants to marry again but he won't be having sex without the marriage to my knowledge. He isn't interested in alcohol, drugs, smoking, or swearing. Even venting to me about his anger at Joseph Smith he didn't swear and I unloaded several F-bombs on him in communicating my sentiments.

My point is be who or whomever you are just without Joseph Smith's con dragging around with you. There is no rule book and if you want to live by your old one that is perfectly acceptable. Go forth and serve whatever you want and whomever you want because lo the field is ripe and ready for you. You can be a free agent with that "free" agency you were promised and denied in Mormonism. Exmormon's aren't going to judge you if they are good people. There is no rule that you have to be offended or sin to be Exmormon. You simply are now free to be you without living Mormonism anymore. It will still affect you.

It will creep into your dreams. It will invade your life and psyche but that is how things are. People who fought in wars were veteran but often that front still stalked them throughout their lives. Live that life to the fullest and trust me it will be fuller without Mormonism than it ever could be with it.

Congrats on your brother's coming out.

It will be a transition, even without all the fanfare.

I went to watch a documentary last night about the life of Janis Joplin: Little Girl Lost.

She was the flamboyant under conformist who rebelled against all the norms and conformity of her social upbringing, and despite her enormous success as the queen of blues, destroyed herself through heroin and excess.

Not that it has anything to do with your bro. It did remind me of some under conformers, however. How easy it is to get sucked into that world. I'm thankful that I wasn't fooled by all that glitters (is not gold,) and was able to transition out from Mormonism without getting caught into the cycle of self-abuse or otherwise trading one bad religion for another.

Thank you. If you knew our family you would be surprised anyone did. I was an "under conformer" and so was already primed against the kind of control my siblings live under in their lives.

Everyone has a different journey; sometimes people need to go through a 'dark night of the soul' to become themselves. And some people get caught up in it and never get out. Conversely, some people stay on the surface their whole lives. The important thing is to follow your own path.

woodsmoke Wrote:
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> The
> important thing is to follow your own path.

And for some life is a scramble to find "the right" path. Mormonism inculcates this desire fanning into a passion. My brother said that he and I went separate directions in an attempt to deal with our mother. His route was to become the most Mormon he could possibly be in a vain attempt to win her approval. I knew it was a lost cause.

Mormonism takes advantage of these situations and abuses people in the process. People looking for a path start looking for the righteous path and transfer their need for acceptance from a parent to a corporation and the network of worker bees supporting it. They don't even know the important thing is to follow their own path. Coming off of that is hard. Your internal compass is messed up.

I think we change as we move along. I never thought I'd be in a shacked-up relationship, but I don't plan on ever marrying again unless it is for financial reasons like getting better SS should it look like he will die before me (but I highly doubt that--I expect to die before my "ex" and my boyfriend).

NOBODY would have ever thought I'd have sex outside of blissful marriage.

I don't drink much. Don't like many drinks. I've never smoked or done any drugs except legal ones (ha ha--I'm on hydrocodone now and have been for 6 months for shingles/PHN).

I've just found the right fit for me on my own terms.

He's recently divorced. He's said he doesn't know if he ever wants to marry again but he said he is still somewhat undecided. It won't be in a temple if it happens.

He is fairly supportive of his exwife and children with regards to Mormonism - more than I am to my wife and children.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 07:57PM by Elder Berry.

Gently let him know that the sex without marriage thing is OK.
Really.
In fact, better than OK.

He doesn't have to, of course. But it's OK if he does. :)

I have but he didn't really disagree or agree. I think I shocked him.

One of his big beefs with LDS Inc. is the fact that they made him feel like he was an addict to porn in telling him that he had to quit it (he looks at it once every few months and was racked with guilt) yet didn't provide him a means to end it and in fact gave him greater callings and responsibilities to help him with it. He said reading and praying wasn't making the desires go away.

It seemed like the wrong thing for him to do and that there had to be something inspired in at least preventing him from getting called or helping cure him. He couldn't understand why these men didn't feel like him when it came to being worthy for high callings. Then after years of frustration he realized that they were doing it wrong and not him. He didn't have a problem with it and they weren't going to help him with it either.

Talk to him about NOT getting remarried quickly just to not feel guilt about sex. I have seen this happen so many times. It is so hard on the kids.

I have. A divorcee from high school has already stalked him and tried to lure him into a marriage using sex. It was an awful story. He is much the wiser and I think this is why he said he might never marry or at least wait until his kids are grown.