Nowadays it seems that profanity is part of normal speech. If you are under thirty-five and don't use profanity you are regarded as odd. "Stuff" has been replaced by "s h i t." "F u c k" seems to be a universal verb for everything. The same thing goes for sex. No one dates any more. Hooking up for sex is the norm now. The same thing goes for drugs. Tobacco is old school. If you don't drink at all you're really strange.

And of course the question always is "are you Mormon or something?"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/11/2016 08:30PM by Susan I/S.

Just be yourself. And be proud of yourself! Who cares if "everyone else" is doing something or other?

I used to think I was uncool because I didn't do any drugs at all. And then I met a woman who was a model and actress and who owned her own boutique clothing store. She had never done any drugs, either, and while she got a lot of small movie and commercial roles because of her looks, she was pretty tame in real life, and had been married to the same guy for ten years. Whenever drugs would come up in conversation, she'd just say something mildly disinterested, like, "Oh really? I'm so naive when it comes to that kind of thing." And then change the subject. I thought it was very classy. And it gave me a little boost of confidence to not think I was uncool because I wasn't worldly in that way.

Since meeting her many years ago, I have met many, MANY people who don't drink or have casual sex, and the vast majority aren't Mormon at all. They each have their own reasons for doing so, and outside of your own self-conscious bubble, it's all just fine. (-:

Live the way you want to live. There aren't any rules to how you have to behave, and remember that the majority is often wrong.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/11/2016 09:38PM by Susan I/S.

The board needs to be drug free. It is part of keeping it newbie friendly :)

Hmm. Tobacco is one of the worst things out there for you, and Mormons are often on heaavvyyy prescription drugs.

I agree with you on the hooking up being a bigger norm than it used to be, but try not to judge. At least people are being honest now and not pretending to like each other just to get some. When I wanted a serious relationship, I found plenty of people like me (20s, employed, educated, etc-- if you have a stigma against it) on dating sites. I ended up meeting my husband in real life, but I know many people who've gotten married on dating sites.

Also, I know some adults who would judge people for not drinking or cursing, but not many. Are you sure it's not sometimes you who's bothered and not them? I say that because the transition was difficult for me too. I don't think people are as wild as you think or that people who indulge in those things, even to large extents, are judging you or living lives as different from yours as you think. People are people. Try to keep an open mind and meet all kinds of people. There are lots of meetup groups for people who don't drink if it really makes you uncomfortable.

but it makes me very different from the rest of my generation. They assume I don't imbibe and do other "normal" things because of external forces like religion and so forth -- and not because that's what is normal for me.


In their view no drugs, drinking, smoking, tattoos or sex or vulgar language is something out of another past era long long ago and not the twenty-first century.

Looks like you need new friends. Do you live in an area with lots of cultural activities? Find some that don't revolve around drinking and go to some meetup groups. And trust me on the dating sites.

I've definitely felt like this before in certain respects. You just have to keep trying. There are plenty of people who will relate or not care either way.

I used to drink. I never did drugs. Have only hooked up with one woman in fifty years. Swearing comes naturally to me being from a navy family and having been a sailor myself. However, smoking a pipe is a good thing and this I just recently started doing. Alas, I must be a dinosaur.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 05:25PM by michaelc1945.

I used to smoke, I've never slept around but I still enjoy a beer or a wee dram, and I absofuckinglutley love to fucking swear. Bite me, MORG!!

RB

I'm down to only one or two of those.

This thread brings to my mind David Cavette's interview of Katherine Hepburn, "Katherine the Great."

He asked her if she ever drank or did drugs. She said no, never. "Stone cold sober, I find myself absolutely fascinating!" She exclaimed.

I so love that lady!

OP appears to be hanging around the wrong people.

Not everybody is like the people he/she describes.

There are a LOT of people who do not smoke, drink, do drugs, curse or sleep around.

Yes, OP, you SHOULD feel "out of place," because you are in the WRONG place.

Exactly what Richard said. I work with young people (and a huge portion of the population is young relative to me...). Teens, twenties, thirties, forties --- I don't know who you are talking about, anybody.

I know some people who do all of the things mentioned. I know extremely few who require that their friends must do all of those things, or who consider it odd if others don't do all of those things.

What is that country song? --- something about looking for love in all the wrong places ---

Anybody, it seems as if you need to start looking for friends in some much better places. I don't know how old you are, but in my experience, the world is full of nice people doing nice things. And age doesn't seem to make much difference.

Agree. The media can sometimes make it seem like "everybody" is doing something, though. If the OP is spending a lot of time online or watching the news, it's easy to get sucked into that rabbit hole.

Profanity ? technically speaking the F word is vulgarity NOT profanity. and as far as profanity goes It is very hard to top MORmONS when they refer to their leaders as *apostles* of christ.

There are subtle differences in how you can be 'out of the mainstream' of the current behaviors and 'parlance of our times'.

Most people don't give a crap about what vices you are involved in, unless they have a need for co-conspirators to assuage their guilt. So, if you go about your business living how you want to live, it's all good.

But. If you act offended, superior, critical or otherwise judgmental of others' choices of linguistic expression, chemical recreation, or physical gratification, you will be made to be very uncomfortable, which begets defensiveness, which grows into hostility.

You can choose how it goes and make it work for you without compromising your ethos.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 01:00PM by csuprovograd.

I don't mind people swearing occasionally in casual conversation, but I work with a lot of 20-somethings that can't seem to form a sentence that doesn't include 1-2 swear words. It's extremely unprofessional when they're talking like this on sales calls with customers, but they can't seem to help it. I would fire them over it if they were my direct reports.

On the other hand, I know lots of Mormons that use substitute swear words like "frick" and "shiz" nonstop. They're using the words with the same emotion as if they were using the real words, they just sound like children doing it. I'd rather they just go ahead and grow up.

I just don't see why this matters. It's a language choice. The origins of many other words we use on a regular basis ("idiot," for example) are far more offensive than those of four letter words. Look at the OxfordWords blog post on the racist origins for phrases like "no can do."

Who cares? How does this make someone unprofessional? It's colloquial nowadays. Soon it won't matter at all, like tattoos. You might not be judgmental but these comments, I gently suggest, come across as such. Swearing isn't a lifestyle choice like heavy drinking or sleeping around with a big impact. It's harmless. It's dependent on upbringing, habit, regional background, lots of things.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 03:46PM by woodsmoke.

Whether offensive or not, the language I was referring to is unprofessional. I'd compare it to being unable to write a coherent sentence. Communication skills, written and verbal, are extremely important workplace and general life skills. It doesn't matter if you say "fuck" every other word or "totally", "super", etc... Excessive, unnecessary use of ANY word just makes people sound stupid.

As an example, one salesman I work with, with clients, will frequently say stuff like, "Take a look at, like, the third fuckin' page of the proposal." If he were peddling porn, that might make sense, but he's pitching many-million dollar service contracts to energy executives. There are no "fuckin'" pages in his proposals.

I guess it depends on the field you're in. Being a "badass fucking rockstar" in social media marketing or academia makes sense. Maybe in more old school/corporate settings, it's not a good idea.

However, I live in southern California and teach liberal arts students. If anyone suggested that "like" made you sound stupid, it'd seem crazy.

Be proud if you can be post-Mormon and still be alcohol and drug free.

That is an achievement in itself, and a reflection of your values not as a Mormon but for your life.

As for sleeping around, it's highly overrated much like the other subjects are. Who needs the added worries that goes with that?

As others have shared, be yourself. There is virtue in who you are and everyone else is taken. I have a hunch you'll understand yourself much better the clearer your mind is and unfettered. Trust yourself.

:)

It's not just under 35.
There are a majority of over 35's into all the same things you mentioned?

I'm not into any of the things you mentioned for a lot of reasons.

I don't care what anybody thinks, but it's not easy.

I'm also not a supporter of gay sex.
I support love and equality. This presents a challenge because I don't see how having sex with the same sex is biologically natural if procreation is a natural law of nature.
Try disagreeing with same sex and see how difficult that is.

Just try being against porn in this society and see how difficult that is!

I don't fit in.

Don't have gay sex then.

So you are against old or infertile people having sex then too?

It's also "natural" to steal, be aggressive, and kill. Biologically speaking, that is. But those are outlawed. Biological impulses don't equal "good."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 05:04PM by woodsmoke.

This is the kind of thing I'm talking about.
You don't make sense.

The kind of thing you're talking about where? You'd have to clarify for me to respond.

You may be of that ilk that believes that humans have "natural" processes and that you have a list, and that if a human activity is not on that list, it's not "natural."

Please take a step back. Assume, if you can, that there is no such list of "natural" acts. If you can do that, then you might be able to see that if a human can do an act, by definition, that act is "natural."

You may be confusing the standards you've come to accept as being the definition of "natural", when if fact, whatever a human being can do is "natural." And if it's two humans, or more, the same logic applies.

Or all within reason and safety.

Not everyone has the hedonism urge, most people fall somewhere in the middle of moderation. Many choose to abstain for whatever reasons. It's all fine as long as you accept that everyone is going to do his or her own thing.

There are people out there that will be your tribe, you just have to look harder for them.

Definitely agree with all of this. It's hard to find your 'tribe' anywhere, and I've noticed over the years that I've blamed this on various things (I drink too much, I don't drink enough, I'm too edgy, I'm too boring, I'm too smart, I'm not smart enough, whatever) when really it's just very, very difficult for people to find 'their people.' Harder for some than others for any number of reasons, but it's not easy for anybody.

I agree with this. Sometimes, you have to find your "tribe" and it might be harder to find them than in other areas. Not everyone who avoids alcohol, drugs, or tobacco does it because of religious reasons. Some people realize there's a family history of addiction, so they avoid things like alcohol for a very good reason. Others didn't need a religion to tell them tobacco is dangerous, and to avoid it. Also, many people prefer to have one sexual partner at a time, and within a long term relationship.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 09:57PM by adoylelb.

Woodsmoke:
"I just don't see why this matters. It's a language choice. The origins of many other words we use on a regular basis ("idiot," for example) are far more offensive than those of four letter words. Look at the OxfordWords blog post on the racist origins for phrases like "no can do."

Who cares? How does this make someone unprofessional? It's colloquial nowadays. Soon it won't matter at all, like tattoos. You might not be judgmental but these comments, I gently suggest, come across as such. Swearing isn't a lifestyle choice like heavy drinking or sleeping around with a big impact. It's harmless. It's dependent on upbringing, habit, regional background, lots of things."

So you really will walk up to someone and say anything you want and not expect consequences? Not very socially smart. Sure, people shouldn't be offended, but you can't change hundreds of years of indoctrination immediately.

Just try calling a woman the four letter C word. I assume you think that should be okay, right?

And its ironic that people are judging the OP as judgmental.

I've made the same observations. In some ways, leaving the church has been disappointing. I thought my kids would follow my logic for avoiding tattoos, booze, sleeping around, etc. Instead, they follow the crowd, which isn't always good, and now they regret much of it.

And there seems to be peer pressure on this board to drink, with the alcohol threads. You score points for going against the morg, which is funny as that means the morg is still influencing your behavior.

Free Man Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> And there seems to be peer pressure on this board
> to drink, with the alcohol threads. You score
> points for going against the morg, which is funny
> as that means the morg is still influencing your
> behavior.

It's only peer pressure for the weak-minded. No one's forcing or pressuring anyone to drink in those threads. If you want to imbibe, do so, if not, then don't.

No, you're taking what I said in a very dramatic way. No one mentioned sexually charged personal insults like the c word. There are no racial slurs being brought up here. People were talking about innocuous four letter words used in casual conversation and not as insults. If someone calls me a personal name, whether it's a "swear word" or not, it's going to be offensive. Calling someone retarded is far more demeaning than saying "fuck off." But again, that's not what people were even discussing.

And no, I don't "walk up" to ANYONE and start saying stuff because I'm not insane. But my fellow professors swear, my students swear, and my administrators swear. All are gainfully employed. It's just no big deal. In your cultural and workplace context, it might be different. We never insult each other, however. We read a lot of great plays, novels, and articles by brilliant people that have cursing in them. Not to read them because they have cursing would be a shame.

There is no pressure to drink. That's in your head.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/12/2016 10:45PM by woodsmoke.