Went 9 years without seeing TBM family. They can't be bothered visiting us so we thought we'd do the right thing and pay a visit for a few days-we booked a flight to SLC before heading out the west coast.

I'm amazed how manipulative some people can be-especially MIL and SIL. Comments were made about what a short visit we were making, yada yada. My SIL is particularly good at this emotional manipulation. At some point after emotional hellos and heart-rending statements (on their part) about missing us, DH casually asked his sister what she was doing the next day. Mind you, we were only going to be there a few days which they knew well in advance. Later in conversation about what our plans would be for the next day DH mentions that is sister had something to do the next day-he didn't know what it was. I assumed she had some work or church-related matter to take care of which, given the circumstances was annoying in and of itself. Well next day I found out what it was--she was having her hair/nails done. I was dumb-founded.

How could anyone go on and on about how much they love their sibling and miss them and then give up an opportunity to spend some time with them in order to make a salon appt?

I guess if they don't visit you for nine years its not too

surprising they couldn't postpone an appointment to get their

hair done to see you.

I usually use this rule in life... "actions speak louder than

words". People can say anything but if its not backed up by

actions then what they say is meaningless isn't it? Talk is

cheap.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2016 12:36PM by saucie.

TBM love is only for those who are also TBM. Since you're not in the eternal club, you are simply out of luck.

Sounds exactly like my family and every visit my nevermo wife has twisted my arm to get me to agree to.

My TBM sister did the same thing:

We stopped there during a road trip. They lived 800 miles from us, so we rarely saw them. We were just going to spend one day and two nights with them.

On the morning of the full day, her TBM husband said he needed to gas up the car. He insisted that she go with him. Off they went, leaving us alone in the house.

That afternoon, sis said she had a beauty parlor appointment to have her hair done. So off she went.

No apologies, no explanations why these things had to be done while we were there.

Oh wow, I know someone like this. I'll plan a visit and she'll say yes, that day is good, and then I arrive and she is too busy to interact, busy with things that are relatively easy to reschedule. She never asks me to tag along, never apologizes, just expects me to have a Plan B.

So now I always have a Plan B when I visit!

She is a just a sister in law. You haven't seen her for 9 years. Aside from the obvious disconnect between her words and her actions, why do you care?

Some people do us a favor by just being themselves. She makes no effort to spend time with you. So, that should be your cue for future decisions involving the SIL. You don't need to make her your priority.

My "baby" sister, who still lives at home in her mid thirties, always makes a big fuss about how she never sees us, but when we visit she doesn't stick around or otherwise slow down her frantic social life. If we happen to cross paths when she comes and goes, she stops and doles out big dramatic hugs, and then takes off again. We live about 500 miles away.

You're not going to be in the CK with them, so they might as well start ignoring you now,

Families can be together forever; except for you.