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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 10:25AM

This open post to Tom and to any here who may be interested is a continuation of a now buried thread that I fear may be overlooked:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1765446

Tom Phillips, I actually thought of you often during the editing process of this video and the other Jeffrey Holland parodies I recently created. Here is why.

Disclaimer: I've never met Holland personally, just heard his talks.

Some background: About ten years ago a sitting mission president officially resigned from the church and came here to RfM under the moniker: SLDrone who I have met in person over lunch along with several other local exmos here in SLC, UT.

SLDrone shared stories of his cordial meetings with Holland after his return from the foreign mission field. SLDrone lives in Utah so met Holland at 47 East South Temple. I believe SLDrone did NOT have the Second Anointing, as you, Tom Phillips had.

SLDrone's attitude (from my perceptions) was non-confrontational and non-antagonistic with Holland or the Brethren. SLDrone concluded LDS was false (Book of Abraham started his shelf collapse, if I remember properly.) The shelf collapsed quickly, ended his mission president experience approximately half way through the usual three year stint, did not try to de-convert the missionaries under his care, assumed or concluded that the Brethren, including Holland were true believers (TBM's) so was not angry at them.

SLDrone told us that Holland considers himself to be an "iron rodder" meaning that he's seen others leave the fold but he's in for the long haul no matter what. Holland claimed to interested in SLDrone just as a person, expressing wishes to remain in touch with SLDrone but that interest had dropped off shortly and no further contacts were made by Holland towards SLDrone. I recall that the two met at least twice personally, maybe more.

SLDrone rarely posts here at RfM anymore but archives will reveal many eloquent and expressively exmo posts enjoyed by a majority of us here including admin. SLDrone, if you happen to catch this thread please pipe in and correct any mistakes I may be making here.
----------------

Now more reflections on Jeff Holland gleaned from reports from Tom Phillips and my viewing of Holland's public discourses on YouTube, lds.org and the BBC. I have not kept a tally but I have listened to, viewed, slow-motioned and analyzed Holland behavior many times out of curiosity and in searching for soundbites and parody material (of which there is plenty).

First a look at the polished, professionally produced, public, pompous, priesthood pounding the pulpit performances:

1. The Conference Center is nothing more than an huge sound/video production stage for television broadcast with audio and lighting effects designed for maximum emotional effect upon Mormons, not upon the general public. (The non-Mormon public does not watch.)

2. There is a mock podium/teleprompter studio in the basement of the old tabernacle that new General Authorities rehearse on to hone their teleprompter reading and speech delivery skills. There is a skill and talent level to switching your gaze from side to side and up and down while reading the prompters. It can be disorienting to a newbie in front of the grand poobah pulpit for the first time. This studio is also used when a GA has to redux a botch performance in the main session of General Conference.

3. In my opinion Holland has mastered these podium skills to the highest level among the current top fifteen. Paul H Dunn would give him a run for this money if they were contemporaries. He's not perfect with it but it's obvious he takes the preparation and production seriously. He's right up there with all the other paid professional priesthood prodigies like Falwell, Robertson, Osteen, Roberts, Hubbard, Baker, Graham but in a uniquely Mormon way. With Holland it's push the play button he's all on.

Here are the gospel gimmicks and testimony ticklers I notice Holland employing:

1. Sappy emotional/spiritual bait and switch. Tell some stupid story about a couple living in a storage unit in order to finance their child's mission expenses, or about two brothers climbing rocks, getting stranded and leaping for safety, cry and tag it to "The Spirit" bearing testimony of the Gospel. This is really cheap and cheesy, so apparent to exmos but sponged by the suckers in the congregation.

2. Self depreciation decoy dismantling damnation slight of tongue technique. Confess a moment of poor parenting towards his son at age five, the shame and attempt to secure forgiveness is cried through and confirmed with a tag to the Son's Atonement under a all wise and all loving Father in Heaven. Confess a personal bout of depression and tearfully tag it to God's love will win in the end. Only the foolish fall for this false comparison and messed up metaphor.

Holland's confessions to a bout of depression, being a non-perfect "servant of the Lord", less than stellar husband, etc endear him to the Mo-masses but in reality have nothing to do with whether the LDS Church is true or not. Holland is using the pulpit to take charge of and moderate a huge self-help group therapy session and self flagellation exercise - emotional yes, manipulative yes, healthy questionable.

3. Word play, clever nuance, devil in the detail, pause for power, captivating cadence and sincerity saturation all designed to come across as powerful humility leading the listener to the feet of Christ to grovel for mercy and salvation, but only through the saving ordinances of Mormonism for a small fee, of course.

4. The irony and maybe the reason Holland works so feverishly at his skills is to overcome the sad and drooping face through which the delivery is dished out. He appears haggard, defeated and worn out. There is a definite gradient, miss-match, paradox, split and incongruent layer with Holland. Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer (until his death) Depok Chopra, Zig Zigler had Holland beat hands down even though they are all in the same business.

5. The Brethrenly Bluster, Brighamly Bullying, Boyish Bravado appealing to authority (his as apostolic) is the last grasping at straws in the stuffy air of the conference center.

Remember this is a performance, not a spontaneous manifestation of some spiritual real time experience. Holland hopes that his listeners will feel an emotional/spiritual surge strong enough to keep them in the fold which is in reality is his calculated exercise in mass mind/heart control.

Ok, so that's Holland at the pulpit or behaving in any other official church capacity. He's like a righteous robot with a turn on button/switch that kicks him into the cultural cookie cutter of Mo-speak, GA cadence, gospel-speak, faith frequency "Mo-merize" that Mormons march lock step to.

Now challenge Holland by removing him from his familiar rameumptom and you see a magical morph into an unstable bowl of melting Jell-o with jowls a flapping in a flustered flurry of false authority. No better example exists of "Dr Jeffery - Mr Hide" than when he is nailed to his own cross by a BBC reporter:
https://youtu.be/wST_N0u9BiY especially at the 8:30 minute mark.

Holland has no recourse but to retreat to his pathetic appeal to authority after his obfuscation, misleaders, tangents, illogics and irrationalities fail to impress the reporter. Since Holland spends a majority of his time preaching to his own choir for self validation he is completely out of his element with a gentile who honestly can not fathom the nonsense spewing forth. Holland attempts to retain some civility towards the reporter but fails there as well.

Ok, so now Holland faces Tom Phillips, an insider who has been trusted enough and respected enough to have had the "Second Anointing" and who now is calling Holland out publicly.

Now comes a spiritual jousting match with Holland mounted on a tapir-testimony and Phillips on a purebred warhorse of fact and reason. Holland's mister nice guy facade is ripped off and as Phillips thrashed him to the ground Holland is forced to assume a Monty Python rebuttal "Tis only a flesh wound!" as he retreats to his cave in the Church Administration Building.

In summary, if you watch a Holland conference talk and then the BBC video, the discrepancy is glaring. A third video needs producing, but will never happen and that is a clip of Holland screening his BBC interview with the other apostles and being critiqued on his pathetic performance.

If Holland really were a man of truth, spiritual maturity and wholesomeness he would have responded without any defensiveness, uncomfortable body language, insults and accusations. The listener would feel calm, tranquil and maybe even inspired at the conclusion.

Holland's plea from "authority" is actually a backhanded insult implying that his listeners are too stupid, spiritually impaired and incompetent to find their own way. It's his way or the highway.

Holland's supposed humble blubbering as actually a weepy weapon of brain-mass destruction for the duped. Sorry, Jeff I not only don't buy into your celestial circus but find your behavior shallow and disgusting.

The only reason Holland was "nice" to SLDrone is that SLDrone did not confront or challenge Holland's cherished stance of faith.

And thanks to you Tom Phillips for sniffing out our droopy dog of a snake oil salesman.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2016 10:27AM by cricket.

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Posted by: danboyle ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 11:37AM

This:

If Holland really were a man of truth, spiritual maturity and wholesomeness he would have responded without any defensiveness, uncomfortable body language, insults and accusations. The listener would feel calm, tranquil and maybe even inspired at the conclusion.

I agree 10000000000%, this says it all.

excellent post

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Posted by: scaredhusband ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 11:45AM

I love the snake oil comparison. It really doesn't get any more true than that.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 11:54AM

You have to admit that Holland has a special kind of holiness https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CiyrZd-kB0

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Posted by: the1v ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 12:30PM

Holland is special in my book. He visited my mission, made a bunch of outright lies, and then walked around like a zombie.

His message led my true believing ass out of the cult 2 years later.

I hope he survives to take the big chair someday. Many more exmormons joining the family.

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 01:04PM

God needs pharisees to witness for His only begotten son for some reason.

First borns are such divas.

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Posted by: hurting ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 01:36PM

Ohh the arrogance, "I've read a couple of books and I've been to a pretty good school."

The interviewer caught Elder Holland and Purdy in lies.

Funny to me, Holland accidentally calls Pres. Obama "Osama!"

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 02:08PM

Along with "I'm not an idiot."

Wanna bet Jeff? :)

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Posted by: hurting ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 02:14PM

I'm guessing he regrets ever agreeing to be interviewed.

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Posted by: cricket ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 07:30PM


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2016 07:30PM by cricket.

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Posted by: ziller ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 09:28PM

¿ but ~~~ who is dodo doh ?

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Posted by: anybody ( )
Date: February 09, 2016 10:25PM


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Posted by: Jerome ( )
Date: February 10, 2016 01:28AM

Holland's recent GC talk about mothers with children who leave the church says a lot about the kind of person he is, but not as much as that BBC interview does.

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Posted by: ozpoof ( )
Date: February 10, 2016 09:13AM

Holland is able to turn on the fake tears like a B rate actor. As soon as he stays his next paragraph the emotion and tears are gone.

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Posted by: thatsnotmyname ( )
Date: February 10, 2016 09:27AM

Jerome which talk was it?

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Posted by: Eric K ( )
Date: February 10, 2016 12:02PM

This post was well written.

Funny, I have a slight connection to Jeff from when I was a new convert. I joined the corporation in 1972 in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan while a senior at Michigan Tech. The branch president gave me a letter from Holland where Holland wanted some genealogical information of his family in the area. I did a cursory look at the local library and wrote back. I felt guilty for not doing more, but I was graduating and had tons of school work and it seemed unfair to me to do this research for him when I was already so busy. For some reason his name stuck with me. When he became a GA, I already knew a little about him - not that I really cared though.

He is a despicable human being. Truth and integrity are obviously of little value to him. I do not understand TBM's fawning over him.

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Posted by: randyj ( )
Date: February 15, 2016 07:32PM

"Holland wanted some genealogical information of his family in the area. I did a cursory look at the local library and wrote back."

You mean that Holland couldn't just pray and receive his entire family tree by pure revelation from heaven?

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Posted by: Demon of Kolob ( )
Date: February 10, 2016 12:42PM

The BBC reporter asked a group of exmormons what he should ask an apostle. This is where i told the BBC reporter to ask ask about the "Strengthening the members committee" that so bamoozeld Holland

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Posted by: Jerome ( )
Date: February 11, 2016 01:37PM

Bravo

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Posted by: Zeezromp ( )
Date: February 11, 2016 04:42PM

Great Interview with Holland.The questions the BBC guy asked were the right questions. It proves that if you want to know what a religion really believes and practices then ask an exmember.

Holland showed that 'lying for the lord' is still the cults way and being used against non Mormons for the purpose of image/PR/recruitment and also practiced on uninformed Mormons for the purpose of retention.

If it looks like a cult, moves like a cult, quacks like a cult then it's a cult.

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Posted by: SL Cabbie ( )
Date: February 12, 2016 04:43PM

Minor "editorial quibble":

How about "farts like a cult"?

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Posted by: Lethbridge Reprobate ( )
Date: February 10, 2016 12:48PM

Most of the GA talks I watched always appeared to be sooo thoroughly rehearsed they had lost all their sincerity and any emotion the speaker injected was totally disingenuous. I haven't watched a GC speach in over 10 years. Would rather watch really badly done porn....

RB

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Posted by: Elder Berry ( )
Date: February 11, 2016 03:07PM

Lethbridge Reprobate Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Would rather
> watch really badly done porn....

I must ponderize this.

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Posted by: AIT ( )
Date: February 11, 2016 03:38PM

Can you imagine if THAT is what showed up on the teleprompters just as they were about to hit they Spirit(TM) part of their GC performances?

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Posted by: verilyverily ( )
Date: February 11, 2016 06:00PM

Holland has the $$ to have his jowls lifted by a plastic surgeon, and get an entire face lift. Utard is full of plastic surgeons doing various surgeries for the TBM Barbies out there. Why doesn't he? It was said that his delivery of his pathetic speeches are well prepared for by Holland to partially make up for his haggard appearance.
He can change his appearance but doesn't. WHY NOT?

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Posted by: SL Cabbie ( )
Date: February 12, 2016 04:50PM

Has been particularly problematic in the 15 years I've been on RFM...

Some in my circle were hoping for a Packer Presidency, but BKP hied off to Kolob as did L. Tom Perry...

Dallin Oaks looks to be really probable since Nelson is 91...

Those are only speculations, of course; I see Holland is 75, and so he is among the front runners in a game Will Bagley characterized as "Oldest guy wins isn't a formula for dynamic leadership."

The best bet, of course, is Bednar who's roughly the same age as Seagull Choker and myself.

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Posted by: Tom Phillips ( )
Date: February 13, 2016 03:02AM

Yes, Oaks and Holland are the power brokers now. They are the future for TSCC.

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Posted by: Phazer ( )
Date: February 15, 2016 09:08AM

It's sad that I'll have family that will continue to heed jabber jaw Holland's delivered advice from the pulpit. .

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Posted by: the1v ( )
Date: February 15, 2016 11:25AM

Look positively on the situation. The two most out of touch and prone to lieing are in power. Expect to see many more entertaining screw-ups in the future.

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Posted by: Historischer ( )
Date: February 15, 2016 03:57PM

Holland is a likely future president if you go by age alone.

But he's morbidly obese and emotionally unstable. He's literally a heartbeat away from an early grave. Justice Scalia didn't make it to 80, and neither will Holland.

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Posted by: charles, not logged in ( )
Date: February 15, 2016 12:33PM

Bravo! Well done! Still LOL-ing. Do those mofos still use HeartSell®? Gdammit, they are evil.

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