I was excommunicated. It was a mutual decision. I wasn't sorry for what I had done and told my bishop (a well respected, I'd say renowned in his field, doctor here in my area) I would do it again. We both agreed that, according to the handbook, excommunication was the only option. Fine.
However, before this decision came about, the bishop was fixated on getting me to confess a certain part of my experience. For a very long time, out of loyalty and a promise to someone, I refused. I lied, denied, and wouldn't confess. Then I stopped talking to him.
Not long after that, he delivered to me a letter telling me about my upcoming church court. I was extremely emotionally fragile at that time. I had had a major emotional break down and was barely functioning.
At first I had said that if something like that happened, I would just refuse to attend. But that didn't sit well with me, either, as I would have no idea what was said about me or how anything went. I NEEDED to know what was going to happen.
So I went in to see the bishop about it during second hour at church the following Sunday.
I told him why I was there, that I just wanted to know what would happen in the court. He did not tell me what would happen. He sensed my vulnerability and my fragile state, and he moved in for the kill. He was cold and heartless as he pressured me to confess. I was miserable, heart broken and alone. I finally told him a portion of what he was after.
This made him very happy and he became more normal at that point.
I, on the other hand, started shaking uncontrollably, hyperventilating and sobbing. (I have never talked about this event before, or written it down, and tears are streaming down my face in memory of the pain I was feeling at that time.)
I was clutching my head, rocking back and forth, and trying to get words and sentences out to explain to him how I was feeling.
He got up, told me he had to leave but that I could stay in his office for a few minutes to compose myself, and left.

I collapsed on the floor for a time. Somewhere in the back of my brain I knew I couldn't stay there. So I left as inconspicuously as possible. I was hysterical. I don't remember how it happened that I told my soon-to-be exhusband that I was going to hurt myself and got in my car and took off.

I was going to my mother's house. I was driving at 75 or 80 miles an hour and emotionally out of control. I was just about to drive my car straight into the concrete barrier when I remembered my children. So I just drove to my mom's house and parked across the street and went crazy.

My ex husband had called my mother and told her what I had said and she had been calling and calling my phone, frantic with worry. I ignored her calls. My sister, who was at my mom's at the time, started calling and texting. I ignored her, too, for a while, but finally texted back and told her I was in my car across the street. She came out and helped me back to reality.

I tell this story because the man who coldly left me in a suicidal puddle in his office just became stake president of a shiny new stake that was announced on Sunday.

I'm not surprised. I had bad enough experiences with church leaders, but not as bad as what you have described.

Most of the ones I've known are heartless and lacking any empathy whatsoever.

I'm so sorry. He bullied you mercilessly, no question.

"The manipulators shall inherit the earth. What, the Meek? What the hell are the Meek going to do to about it?"

the meek will inherent the earth ....or the earth will inherit the meek as they are mercilessly stomped into the dirt (the earth) by the arrogant controlling elite.

A brilliant take on the matter, and so true.

I take it you don't actually believe the Bible anymore...

Thank you so much for your courage to post. None of your account should surprise any of us. It's terrible and your story is difficult to read, and yet there have been others here to tell how they were similarly bullied and abused. This is precisely why we tell people to never, ever to speak with their bishop. Whatever problem a person has, it gets significantly worse once you give an LDS leader the authority to judge you. For one thing, the bishop "needs" to tell more people--counselors, the stake president, the high council, etc. Mormon bishops and stake presidents have no authority but what you give them or allow them to have. Because we hear from people like you, many of us are able to learn that lesson before we encounter it.

Myron,

This is EXACTLY right. DITTO. AMEN. The end.

I had a stake president who attempted the same sort of thing with me. He wasn't going to be satisfied until he had destroyed me. I felt like he went too far when he insisted I put in writing every sin I'd committed in the last 30 years. What a stupid thing for him to do. First of all, it would take years for me to write that book. Second of all my memory isn't that good.

I stood up, told him to go to hell and fuck himself while he was there. (That was for everyone who would have liked to have done that, but couldn't for whatever reason.)

I was certain i'd get ex'd for that. Never heard another peep out of him. He didn't even have enough courage to come to the door when My hubby, myself, and my two kids delivered our resignations to his home 3 months later.

My god! That is utterly ridiculous! Seriously, what would possess anyone to ask that of you??? I'm so very proud of your response. I wish I could give you a high five. :)

Thank you all again for all your kind words.
hugs to you all.

I am completely recovered from that time in my life. I am happy, strong, successful and independent. I think for myself and make my own decisions. I am in a wonderful, loving, giving, symbiotic, passionate relationship that enhances my life in every way.
I am happier than I've ever been in my life, with no religion to make me feel like a wicked, perverse, evil sinner.
I love life.

(I meant for this comment to go at the bottom. Oops.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/27/2016 01:30AM by claire.

Hopefully your experience and the fact that this Bishop was just made a Stake President testifies to you that the church leaders are in NO WAY inspired and that the church is in NO WAY led by any so called "god".

I hope your ex-Mormon testimony has been strengthened. You story has further strengthened mine. Thank you for sharing.

It's terrible to feel soo bad. Very occasionally people can get so upset that it can take a lot of time to recover.

I'm wondering maybe the bishop wasn't sure what to do and felt that you may have needed time alone. He certainly wasn't trained or didn't know how to work with people. He didn't show empathy. The attribute of empathy, I've come to figure, gradually comes from maturity and experience. two things he didn't have.

There are good bishops and bad bishops. one thing they all have in common is that they are untrained bishops.

they are not trained in any sort of counselling and they are not trained to offer emotional support.

some may have those qualities, by chance, but it would be a very rare stake where those qualities are specifically selected for.

worst case scenario is that your bishop was actually 'getting off' on your story, especially as you write "the bishop was fixated on getting me to confess a certain part of my experience"

I am sorry for your heartache and I hope you have moved on emotionally from this slimy, so-called, "church"

Wow, I'm sorry for your experiance. Some Bishops can be jerks, and sometimes the get too full of the "judge in israel". the one thing I learned in years of untrained service is to always ere on the side of kindness and charity. Pushing for a confession was only used to cause pain.

I thank you all for your kind words and comments.

I am so sorry for this terrible experience. I hope things are better for you now.

Mormons are so proud of their unpaid clergy. But unpaid = untrained and unprofessional.

Thank you for posting.

Stake presidents are usually skilled at climbing ladders, professional, social and religious. If they were born in a country where Islam was the prevailing religion, they would be militant Muslims. Had they been born JW's they would be militant JW's.

I have not ever met one who is questioning or doubtful or wondering about the big questions, they are too busy working the system. Which means of course, that they do not have any qualms about stepping on people to reach the next rung.

I left because I noticed the worst men were the ones who moved up the church later. The Church self selects traits it wants in it's leaders and that does not include wisdom, compassion or empathy.

The only time I encountered compassionate and caring Bishops and SPs in the UK, was when there was no choice to have a bland corporate man in the role.

So they were forced to pick a pleasant person.

I continue to be dumbfounded at how supposedly functioning members of society who are respected professionals who at times hold peoples lives in their hands (teachers, doctors, surgeons, psychiatrists, etc.) and after they put on their church clothes, assume the mantle of power and turn into fucking barbarians and rain psychological terror down up their most vulnerable followers, all in the name of a loving? Gawd and multi-billion dollar sex cult that calls itself a church. A plague upon all of them!

RB

Best post of the day ^^^^^^^^^

I have learned that you need to avoid all clergy, not just Mormon clergy. Most of the clergy I have interacted with don't have a clue about life in the real world. They usually have an ulterior motive -- money and power. Be wise in your decision to give them money and be absolutely sure you don't give them any power over you. There is nothing in your life that is any of their business.

Good Lord! It was like the Inquisition! What a horrible way to treat a fellow human being.

Now I'm sure there are some very nice Stake Presidents out there, but clearly kindness and compassion is not a prerequisite of the job. Probably skills in business management are more important.

On the other hand, since the average wronged customer will tell 8-16 other people about their bad experience, perhaps even his skills in business might be lacking.

Jerk.

You need to learn that the only power they have over you is what you give them. Why did you "need to know" what happens in a church court? What does it matter?

It sounds like you still believe in the church. You either need to realize that the church is false, their priesthood is make believe, and that all the power is in your hands, or you need to knuckle under, repent, and live as Jesus and Tommy Monson want to.

If you had killed yourself, your bishop would feel no remorse. He would have chalked it up to the wages of sin, and his only regret would be that he didn't get you to fully repent.

Your stress is coming from you straddling the line. It's only a sin if you believe it is. You are betraying yourself and the other person in your alleged sin by attempting to have it both ways. Either get out or get in, but don't wonder why you get hurt when you stand in the doorway.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/26/2016 03:06PM by axeldc.

No, I don't still believe in the church. this happened three years ago. I left and never looked back.

Why did I need to know? I don't know, I just did. I was in a very bad place at that time. I still believed at the time, and it mattered. I was raised in the church, and raised to believe that bishops, etc, had authority over me. But I didn't want them having some secret meeting about me without me.

Why do I feel the need to explain myself to you? Don't tell me I am betraying anyone. If anything, I was betrayed. I was not attempting to have anything both ways. I'm not standing in any doorway wondering why I get hurt. So you don't even need to go there.

You are completely correct that my bishop would not have felt remorse had I killed myself, and would have only regretted that I would not repent.

I remember the day I realized that there was no such thing as sin. No need for repentance. It was a wonderful feeling. My life changed for the better, forever at that moment. It was the very start of my wonderful journey to freedom from mormonism and all religion.

axeldc, I can't imagine where you got any of that stuff that you unloaded. There's really nothing else to say to you.

Claire, I hope that you don't take that post seriously. It's hard not to do so, but you responded well and with more class than I probably would have done. I entirely understand why you would want to know what would go on at a church court. You were attacked by a member of a corrupt organization.

Now you have helped many people understand their own situations a bit better by sharing the pain that you endured. Thank you for that, and thanks to your sister from me, for helping you when you needed it.

One of the problems is that these guys get anonymity. I realize this is sometimes necessary to protect the victims, but we should try to expose some of them by name and where they work.

If someone knew about their behaviour, I'll bet someone would probably lay a damn good beating on these pricks. Now I can't officially endorse violence, but clearly these guys need a solid tune-up to get them to change their ways.

"...Now I can't officially endorse violence..."

That's why nature still selects for high functioning sociopaths like myself. To pick up the slack. :D

...first you pick up the 2x4, then you pick up the slack...

Church leaders don't work for YOU, they work for THEM. They do
what they think will be best for the organization, and not for
the individual member. In Mormonism you only count if you are
helping the organization. You gave them an excuse to throw you
under the bus. They took it.

They don't give a damn about you. Never did. He's proven that
he cares more about the organization than he does about any of
the members. That's why they made him SP.

So we say we give these guys power because we were taught that way, brainwashed.

But he was alsobe brainwashed to believe he had some special power and could control people.

If we get a pass as followers, seems he ought to get a pass as a leader.

I just get tired of showing followers the door and being told to shutup. The members create the jerk leaders - that's what they want.

Just like most of us want government leaders to take control of our lives and give us everything.

Admiration & condolence to Claire for surviving a perfectly horrible experience.


As for the fatuous jackass who was her 'bishop' (and now stake president) - I'll withhold further comment.

Claire,

I know you said this happened 3 years ago, but I imagine the memories still cause you pain. I found your story very moving, and your bravery very inspiring. The journey out of the Church can be difficult. But it's where we end up that counts. You've come out of this experience alive, stronger, and able to tell us that we can do it, too. You've inspired me to try to be braver.

Thank you very much!

wondercat

Sick sick sick man, voyeur.



Perfect for the job.

Sometimes what goes around comes around. My old stake president was a prick made out of similar cloth as yours. Got promoted to mission president. Came home early using wife health problems as a cover story. A short while later was excommunicated for adultery. Apparently he was in and had been in several adulterous relationships extending back through at least his stake president days. Real JS type he was.


He was a misery in many members lives while a SP. a zealot in the worst sense of the word. I hate to take a measure of glee in another's misery, but for him I make an exception. In my case he unjustly berated one of my own kids for some time in an interview for not having earned ALL the money for his mission. He was rich, young, uber conservative, and on the GA fast-tract. But no more.

I have found that most church leaders during my lifetime in the Church were just "going by the book" very few had real empathy or could doing anything substantially effectual to help.

These leaders are duped just like I was. The problem is that when you are under the spell you think you need to confess to them to be forgiven and healed - biggest fraud of the church IMO. It results in guilt which is good for nobody. The whole "godly sorrow" thing is a bunch of BS to.

When I recently left the church, I had the strongest feeling what I did in any aspect of my life was none of their business - once you realize this it becomes clear that anyone leaving the church should never give these dirtballs the power over that occurs as part of a church court - they have no power. F-k them.

So, retroactively anyone that has gone through a church court should recognize it for what it is - a SHAM. Once you do that it has no meaning and hopefully the horrible emotional memories will be nullified by this recognition.

The only thing that bothers me now is how I allowed myself to be duped.

The Church is the greatest religious fraud of the last two hundred years and it surprises me that there are not more lawsuits, such as the one in Europe right now over the Book of Abraham.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/27/2016 01:30AM by lavaman.

Yes, yes and yes.

Thank you all again for all your kind words and excellent comments. They all added greatly to the discussion and my experience.
hugs to you all.

I am completely recovered from that time in my life. I am happy, strong, successful and independent. I think for myself and make my own decisions. I am in a wonderful, loving, giving, symbiotic, passionate relationship that enhances my life in every way.
I am happier than I've ever been in my life, with no religion to make me feel like a wicked, perverse, evil sinner.
I love life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/27/2016 01:35AM by claire.