Haha, I'm here from a long lurking.

And for what better reason than to talk about myself?

Ahem, anyway.

It's been about a or two since I decided I didn't believe in this cult, and an even shorter time since rearranging my core beliefs. I'm a 15 year old boy. I'm most definitely gay, no doubt, but I don't have any actual individual interests right now.

So, to get the point, I've had an idea for coming out as an apostate, for being gay really had nothing to do with my apostasy. However, it's a really vague and probably bad plan, filled with holes despite the long hours come days I think about it. So, perhaps ye exmos of experienced wisdom may save me from my own foolishness.

The plan was that, after graduating, I would, obviously be called for a mission. At this point, I could ask my parents to allow me to go to college first. Whether or not they allow it, I would soon confront them. Now, before telling them anything, I would have them read those Essays, one of the main reasons (but not the only) I have relinquished my faith. How they react is entirely variable, thus is the plan afterwards, but nonetheless, it was the idea.

Of course, until then is early morning seminary (4AM). But as a trade, I am guaranteed food, shelter, and love, which is why I want to wait.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 08:45PM by pianoforte.

Unfortunately, I've hit the post message button by accident. Please wait while I fix that...

Darling I love you already... stick around and welcome to RFM.

Flat out declarations of unbelief don't help anything. I know, because I did it, and it was a disaster.

If I were you, I'd bring up an issue periodically and ask your parents to help you resolve it. Tell them you heard about it while doing mission prep or something.

You may be able to sway them, and even if you can't, they'll understand your situation much better having been through the issues themselves. If you just declare you don't believe, they may not look at ANYTHING you present.

(Also, coming from another gay guy, good for you on getting out. There is only misery and despair for gay Mormons.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 09:01PM by Xyandro.

Think about this possibility...

Maybe you can get a scholarship to some school (even a two year college - somewhere not in your home town). Work very hard and be prepared to get a part time job.

Use the scholarship for an excuse to start school instead of going on a mission.

Then once you are away at school, slowly drop out. Every semester, put off the mission until people stop asking. Eventually they will catch on that you are not active.

Use any educational opportunities to become independent.

I hope you're glad you came her Pianoforte... You'll get lots of help from people who care .

"The plan was that, after graduating, I would, obviously be called for a mission. At this point, I could ask my parents to allow me to go to college first. Whether or not they allow it, I would soon confront them."

Interesting how many youths seems to think it is OK to financially "use" their parents (i.e. for living and college expenses) before stabbing them in the back. Seems immature and unfair to me, if that is the plan.

Maybe I am misunderstanding you?

of the two choices, I'd say he's picking the better choice.

If the alternative to letting them play their roles in his life is to invite the opportunity to have them throw him out, or to minimize their investment in his life, I'll take the 'stab them in the back everytime.' Who stabs themselves in the back, on purpose?

Of course, we all hope that they'll be christian, instead of mormon, in their responses to his apostasy and homosexuality. But it isn't something on which to make firm plans.

Ah, you're right, I don't think you misunderstand.

I suppose it is unfair and immature. I am immature in the first place, I realize, so this is not something I thought about.

Nonetheless, in thought of my own self-preservation and not my parent's feelings, I made up this plan. I'm not sure how to go about in regarding that.

Both my parents are good people, my mother especially, but my father is rather zealous, which sparks a bit of fear on my part.

Edit: I suppose, yes, then I do think it's okay to stab them in the back. There's no black-and-white answer, but I think I'd take the whitest one I can.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 09:31PM by pianoforte.

Sad fact that in our society, minors are dependent upon their parents for survival. People who run away or are kicked out by their parents often live lives of poverty and danger, and many of them die.

Those who have strong disagreements with their parents while living at home often suffer emotional or physical abuse, and may get kicked out.

So because of these facts, it seems perfectly fair for minors to go along with however parents want them to act, and then stop doing this as soon as they leave home if they disagree with those beliefs and that lifestyle.

(When parents make the choice to have children, they know that they are running the risk of having children that will not always agree with them on all points. If they cannot accept this risk, they should not have children. They know before they start that they will be financially responsible for a child for about 20 years.)

It sounds like a good plan. Wait until you are no longer a minor, and then break free. The essays contain some pretty disturbing material. Although it is kind of strange. Ex-Mormons read them and say, "Smoking gun! A confession of guilt! The church has just committed suicide." Mormons read them and say, "No problem. The church is not hiding anything. Wiser heads than mine have all the problems figured out, and all is well."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 09:28PM by Heretic 2.

Just FYI, you don't actually get "called" on a mission. They way it works, YOU put in your "papers" indicating you're ready to go on one. You have to get medical and dental check ups (which of course you pay for), take some tests, etc. Once you do all that and fill out all the papers, your bishop sends the package to SLC. And THEN your "call" comes.

So if you don't initiate the process, you'll never get "called." You can just tell your parents you don't want to initiate the process...

For the longest time, I thought it was a calling, that Jesus told David O. McKay that so and so should be called to serve a mission and so and so came home one day and found an envelope in the mailbox with the call.

Just like for the longest time I thought there were only two people in the world with the name Moroni ... me and the guy I saluted up on the steeple when I came out of the St. George temple.

Yes, these are simply signs of my extreme gullibility; weep for me.

What's the sibling situation?

The more siblings, the less your parents' investment in you. If you're an only child (like me) you can get away with practically EVERYTHING!

If there are siblings, I'm guessing, based on your presentation, that you're the oldest.

I think you're doing fine. The fact that you can look further into the future than the coming replacement TV shows, is, to me, remarkable.

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What's the sibling situation?
>
> The more siblings, the less your parents'
> investment in you. If you're an only child (like
> me) you can get away with practically EVERYTHING!
>
>
> If there are siblings, I'm guessing, based on your
> presentation, that you're the oldest.
>
> I think you're doing fine. The fact that you can
> look further into the future than the coming
> replacement TV shows, is, to me, remarkable.


Yes, I am the oldest. The oldest of 5, the youngest being 16 months old (and absolutely adorable).

Being called the peacemaker of them I'd like to think I'm currently in good standing with them.

As for education - well, freshmen year I got one F, some C's and a D, so this year as a sophomore I've made sure everything is above a B-.
3/4 years is better than nothing, isn't it?

Thank you all for your kindness and advice, it means a lot to me, and it is very helpful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 09:57PM by pianoforte.

Tell them you found christ. Then go and see what you find. This jesus is a get out of jail free card. Mormons are suckeres for christ. I'm sure you will find that there is really nothing we can say we "know" about the men behind the myth.

To what degree will your parents be helping you with college expenses? I would start talking to them about how you want to get at least couple of years of college under your belt before you even consider a mission. Apart from that, just do your best to meet their expectations for religious participation, and keep your head down. You might consider getting a part time job to build up your savings. And keep those grades up!

I just want to say that it's NOT using taking advantage of your parents to play along. As a minor, you are completely dependent on them. They have an OBLIGATION to support you while you are a minor.

Can I say that one more time? They are obligated to support you.

The fact that parental support is even subject to question when a child leaves the church, or comes out of the closet, is shameful. But I would never recommend for a child to dump the news that they don't believe, or that they are gay, on an intolerant parent. I would follow the advice of the person who recommended bringing up a few questions that might get them thinking or test the water to find out how they would react to your doubts. Based on their reaction, either share more, or find other people to confide in.

As far as asking for permission to go to college before mission? NO. This is your life, not theirs. Just before it's time to put in your mission papers, TELL them that you aren't ready to go on a mission and that you are going to go to school first. Do your best in school, so hopefully you can get a scholarship. Revisit the mission question after a year in school.