I know as missionaries we all had some pretty asinine rules to follow but did anyone have a turbo mp that took the rules to a new level? I remember one such stupid rule I had to follow.

Apparently on my mission the number one cause of reported car accidents came from mishies backing into things. Because of this my mp decided to make it a rule that every time a missionary went to back a vehicle their companion had to be behind them spotting them and giving them instruction. It didnt matter if it was a wide open parking lot. No exceptions. The more reasonable among us chose to ignore this rule except when we were at zobe conference or under the mp's watchful eye. I was lucky enough to have a stickler for a companion who insisted on this rule. One time while I was backing out of our apartment and he was dutifully spotting me some young adults about our age watching the whole thing asked my comp if we were fighting or something. He told them that we weren't and explained why he was doing what he was doing. I just wanted to crawl down a fucking hole.

That rule came out in 97. I laughed my ass off at it. I usually drove the few times I had a car because my companions where mostly from Utah. The narrow windy roads in England scared them.

At church and at meetings was the only time I made them do it.

Quire right too! The winding roads of England SHOULD scare people!

During P-day outings (D-day, back then) with the sister missionaries ("lady missionaries" back then), even under the hot Italian sun, the sisters had to wear normal teaching clothing-- skirts or dresses, and nylons with closed-toed shoes. But the guys could wear T-shirts and jeans. Because we had the priesthood.

That backing up rule is pretty funny. It may have even been deadly had it been invoked by my MP when I was serving.

Why?

He seemed to delight in the placing of conflicting personalities together. There were some that hated each other so much that they were on eternal splits with the DL/ZL. A couple elders duked it out over who used the bathroom first.

How hard would it be to back over the guy you truly hate?

I served with some major pricks and I truly loved to hate them while they hated to love me. :D

Not really a rule, but this was my first crack in my shelf. With only two months to go before I went home we got a very strange mandate. We had to give a detailed report of how many copies of the BoM were in each apartment. I served in a Spanish-speaking area in Texas so we placed about 7 copies in Spanish for every one in English. We only had 15 in Sp and 40 in Eng.

Thud! No more shipments of BoM for 2.5 months. We were told to stretch it until late August. My crack started to widen when I wondered why the church was becoming so stingy. Afterall, why hold back the resources if this is such a righteous cause? I asked if we should go back to investigators and ask for them back. Everyone laughed, but the crack began to widen.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 03:41PM by messygoop.

Mugi.

The MP had been to a conference where he heard GBH say that he ate a bowl of oatmeal every morning for breakfast and that gave him the energy to go all day.

So the MP decided that would be good for his mishies. One little problem came up in that in Japan, oats are almost strictly horse feed. You could find oatmeal at the expat stores, but it was really expensive. Armed with this information, the MP decided that cracked wheat was close enough. So he made it a mission rule (and I mean he actually told us that since he was commissioned by Jesus Christ, it is as if Jesus Christ made this rule) that every missionary must eat cracked wheat cereal (mugi) every morning.

The asshole even made it a part of the interview process. Right there with "Law of Chastity", "love your companion" "eat wheat".

Naturally, I never made an attempt. I found a puffed wheat cereal that was 99% a perfect copy of Sugar Smaks. "WTF", I said "It's wheat." And I ate that every day for about 5 days and that was the end of that. So then in the next interview he asked "Are you eating your mugi?" and I proudly answered "Nope". He was taken aback and asked why not and I said I can't eat the same thing every day. He told me that I could put different things on it, like apple, nashi, sugar (well, no shit, dipshit) to which I replied that "Sure, you can put different toppings on pizza and I love pizza, but couldn't eat pizza every day". That was the end of the interview and the end of my progression as a mishie and the beginning of being branded "apostate" and "wanp"

Hey Levi, I was in the Tokyo North mission in '82-'83.

I'm not sure if the rule originated in my mission, but there were still missionary apartments that had a large brown 50lb. bag of rancid cracked wheat.

Disgusting.

Rumor has it that one missionary apartment experienced rapid across the board weight gain when they accidentally purchased animal food grade cracked wheat with added fattening ingredients.

My so-called "president" had been a mishie in Nagoya. He was very young when he was made a MP. I just looked up his bio. He was 38 in 1990, which means he was born 1952 ish. His mishie years were 1975-1977.

I thought that he came up with this BS, but if your apt had mugi sacks in the early eighties, this pre-dates his MP years, and post-dates his mishie years (and completely different missions too)

Who would have started that mugi bullshit? I don't think it was started by my buch looking at this timeline. He made it a rule in 1990 or 1991.

These bags were still actively being sold by mission homes in Japan in early 2000's. I remember asking about them and no one could tell me why they were available.

Isn't that crazy? Some old codger starts rambling on about what he had for breakfast because he dropped his notes and before you know it, two decades later on the other side of the planet people are stocking and selling cracked wheat and they have no idea why.....

Even if we lived in the same areas, we were not supposed to get together for the purposes of socializing. Unless it was on some sort of approved district or zone activity.

The MP called it congregating, and considered it a "secret combination" (Book of Mormon term for secret societies).

This included P Days.
Not surprisingly, this rule was not commonly followed.

Put us in an area that's 50 miles long and 25 miles wide, with people scattered three to five miles apart, then tell us we can't drive more than 1,000 miles a month. No exceptions. THEN chew us out for not making enough contacts.

Or, put us in a windy agricultural area where there's always dust and dirt in the air (when it isn't mud season), then insist our apartment and clothing always be spotless.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2015 03:57PM by Stray Mutt.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,877686,878098

Police Chief Craig S. Black (North Salt Lake) is a member of a Secret Combination.


…even worse, he is a founding member…

Folks worry about whether President Bush is/was a member of the skull and bones. Whether President Obama is a secret Muslim imported into America by the Illuminati. Whether the Trilateral Commission, New World Order, or Burger Builders are secretly running the world…

Newsflash!!!. North Salt Lake City Police Chief Craig S. Black is a founding member of one such Secret Combination.

It was the era of President Ezra Taft Benson. The Book of Mormon was the keystone of our religion. It’s inspired words were replete with dire warnings against secret combinations (Ether 8, Helaman 2, 6) President Benson prophetically warned against Secret Combinations.

It was the Summer of 1987 in the Canada Winnipeg Mission. Mission President John D. Jeffries had a small fixation on Secret Combinations and repeatedly warned us against participating in them.

(Admittedly, the bar for what qualified as a “secret combination” was set rather low in the mind of President Jeffries. We were not allowed to socialize with other missionaries unless at approved gatherings. If we did, it was called “congregating” and was against the rules. Because congregating was breaking the rules as a group. It qualified as a “secret combination.”)

Future Police Chief, fresh faced young missionary Elder Black had some minor medical issue (the nature of which I’ve long forgotten). He required some minor surgery in his downstairs area. So in preparation for the surgery he had his nether-regions shaved clean.

In solidarity with Elder Black, a number of his fellow Elders decided to shave off their downstairs hair as well. And those involved called themselves “The Bald Chicken Club.”

Somehow, President Jeffries got wind of the Bald Chicken Club and he was incensed. He interviewed all of us who were associated with Elder Black—those of us who were friends, companions, or had come under his sinister influence as a District Leader. I will never forget President Jeffries face in that interview. After a stern, stern lecture on the evils of Secret Combinations, he gave me his best “I have priesthood discernment” stare and solemnly asked me “are you a member of Elder Black’s Bald Chicken Club.”

If I recall correctly, I think that Elder Black was demoted from being a District Leader over his founding of a secret combination. But it’s 26 years later and I could be wrong on that. Even if he lost his DL-ship over the Bald Chicken Club, he soon regained it, and was soon promoted to Zone Leader.

So there you have it. Police Chief Craig S. Black was once punished by the church for the founding of a Secret Combination.

...and you were all pubicly shamed, poor hares.

U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower was Part of the Communist Plot to Take Over the World.


In response to my post regardng claims made by the beyond-the-known-universe crowd that the Mormon Church is an operational wing of the "Illuminati" and, to thicken the plot, that the Benson clan is clandestinely and genetically part of the official "Illuminati-leadership" family tree, RfM poster "munchybotaz" observed:

"It seems extra paranoid and up-in-the-night to drag the whole Mormon Fraternity of Ancient Doddering Con Men into it [the 'Illuminati'] . . . but I can see why they did it with your grandpa, his having been in the Eisenhower administration."

(posted by "munchybotaz," on "Recovery from Mormonism" bulletin board, 29 April 2013, at: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,877065,878053#msg-878053; Note: The post by "munchbotaz" appears in a thread detailing the bizarre notions of "Illuminati" believers regarding the alleged Mormon Church-"Illuminati" connection)
____


Confession: Along with my grandfather, I, too, am a member of the "Illuminati." This heretofore unknown Benson family bond to the "Illuminati" goes back to my childhood, as revealed in this photograph taken of me as a kid--published, no less, on the front page of the Mormon Church "Illuminati" newspaper, the "Deseret News"--where I am caught greeting my fellow-"Illuminati" Grandpa Benson at the Salt City International "Illuminati" Airport when he was Eisenhower's Secretary of Agriculture.

The photo reveals me greeting Grandpa Benson with the following secret "Illuminati" password:

"I like Ike!"

Here's a copy of the actual photo:

("Ezra Taft Benson: A Grandson's Remebrance," in "Sunstone" magazine, December 1994, photo on p. 31, at: https://www.sunstonemagazine.com/pdf/097-29-37.pdf)
_____


Truth be told, my "Illuminati"-knotted grandfather did let me in on a sordid secret about Eisenhower. In his Mormon Church-provided apartment, he confided to me (doing so by parroting the line of his hero and founder of the John Birch Society, Robert Welch) that Eisenhower's refusal to topple the Marxist dictator, Fidel Castro, had led my grandfather to conclude that Ike was either a Communist dupe or a knowing Communist agent.

This nutty "Illuminati" notion had been drummed into ETB's "Illuminati" head by his nuttiest and oldest child, Reed Benson, who at one time was a ranking leader in the John Birch Society. In fact, Uncle "Illuminati" Reed (as he was known by us in "Illuminati" Family Home Evenings and upon the records of the Church of Jesus Christ of "Illuminati"-day Saints) opened up the Washington, D.C., chapter of the John Birch Society.

But the conspiracy gets worse:

My "Illuminati" grandfather, in personal correspondence written on official Mormon Church "Illuminati" stationery, privately wrote me declaring that, outside the Mormon Church, the John Birch Society was the most effective tool on the planet fighting the worldwide Communist menace.

Here's what he told me in that letter:

"I loaned you several books when you favored us with a visit in Salt Lake enroute to Texas. I hope you were able to get some time to study them. If there are any others which I could help you with, I would be happy to do so. I believe your father gets 'American Opinion' and 'Review of the News' [the John Birch Society's weekly news magazine].

"These I consider of great importance as the best single source of reliable information next to the writings of the prophets and the Holy Scriptures on the question o of socialism, communism, and other dangerous evils, which are rapidly invading this great land."

(Ezra Taft Benson, signed "Grandpa Benson," personal correspondence to Stephen Benson, 11 May 1977)


Moreover, here's further, damning proof of the Benson-Eisenhower-Mormon Church-"Illuminati" tie-in from an even earlier photograph taken of my grandfather, me and other inner-circle Benson family members as we were all meeting with Eisenhower in the White House Oval office when I was 7 months old. My father (third from the left) is holding me, as both Eisenhower and my grandfather look my direction while giving me the secret "Illuminati Wink-and-Smile" (although, as you can see if you look closely, I'm pretending not to be paying attention).

http://www.ldsces.org/inst_manuals/pres-sm/images/13-222-4.gif
_____


Finally, more on the frightening reality of the Benson-Eisenhower-Mormon Church-"Illuminati" link came from a revealing conversation I had awhile back with an individual who was clearly a dupe himself.

After a few exchanges, he wrapped it up with the following:

"We do not need to [joust] any longer. I did a little research [on you] and the basis for your bias is now crystal clear. Your Grandfather was the President of the LDS of the Mormon Church and was appointed Secretary of Agriculture under Eisenhower and once complained that farm subsidies touched on socialism and should be done away with. Somewhat earlier, 1936, my father, the son of an Anglican priest, gave an impassioned speech on the perniciousness of socialism. For a moment I thought there was a path worth pursuing. My father was also a good friend of Eisenhower’s . . .

"But alas. The path disappears. You have denied your religious heritage. You are an atheist. Your right under the constitution of course. Like Nietzsche you deny the existence of any supreme being. Like Engels and Marx, you deny damn near everything else. When you deify man, as you seem to have done, you have no political choice. So we have no grounds upon which to even open a conversation. I firmly believe that you are well beyond socialism; you are far closer to Lenin.

"It was fun while it lasted, but you are so far removed from someone I can respect that continuing to draft inane E-mails is ridiculous. Have a good life."


My reply:

"Speaking of Eisenhower, my grandfather Ezra Taft Benson was indeed Eisenhower’s Secretary of Agriculture from 1952 to 1960.

"I had lots of discussions with my grandfather about Ike.

"He told me that he thought Ike was either a socialist or a dupe of the Reds. . . .

"Done jousting. It took you several sentences in your paragraph 4 [the correspondent numbered them] to say that you are done, too." . . . .

"Have a good, non-jousting day."
____



So, The Illuminutty Secret is now out:

--The Mormon Church is run by the "Illuminati."

--The Ezra Taft Benson bloodline is official "Illuminati."

--The "Illuminati" Bensons met with U.S. President Dwight David Eisenhower.

--Eisenhower was a Communist and/or a Communist dupe, as declared by Mormon Church "Illuminati" leader, Ezra Taft Benson.


If you don't have your food storage by now, it's too late.

burger builders ? *LOL*

I'm glad at least somebody gets my lame sense of humor

My MP was actually fairly "normal," and not crazy about making up insane rules.
Except once.

One day during the DL phone call, I was told that we were from that time forward prohibited from entering a pharmacy/drugstore. Ever. In any way. Not one foot in the door, not ten seconds walking by one outside (we were strongly encouraged to cross the street rather than walk in front of one).

See, in France, pharmacies often (ok, always) had advertising posters that had female nudity. Typically bare breasts. For some reason, using bare female breasts to sell all kinds of products not related in any way to bare female breasts works really well (and the products were almost always for women, not men!). We had all been warned about this when we arrived, and told to keep our eyes cast downward if we ever passed or entered a pharmacy, to keep from getting our 'eyes burned.'

One Elder, apparently, didn't heed the downward-cast eyes advice. The incident reported to the MP was that two Elders went into a pharmacy to buy some aspirin, one Elder went to the counter with the pain reliever, while the other stood admiring an especially lovely bare-breast poster. His total lack of sexual activity apparently got the best of him, and as the other Elder tapped him and shoulder after his purchase, and they started to walk out, poster-staring Elder was sporting a world-class erection, clearly visible under his somewhat loose suit pants. Hilarity ensued for everyone in the place but the Elders, who hustled out to catcalls and cheers (from the mostly female clientele and staff).

Aspirin-buying Elder, of course, ratted on his companion. MP was horrified -- this was not the image he wanted his priesthood-holding missionaries to project to the people of France! And so, we were banned, every last one of us, from even entering the dreaded, evil pharmacies.

The ban lasted about two weeks. It was largely ignored anyway. I don't know for certain why it was canceled, but word was that some Elders in Rouen, missing their mild bare-breast fix walking into pharmacies, decided instead to go hard-core, and bought themselves some porn magazines for the apartment bathroom. And thus ended the ban. :)

lol

Your MP might have had a heart attack where I served in Eastern Europe...

Porn/nudity is prolific and openly displayed everywhere - street corners, subways, stores, ads, tv, investigators houses...

As well, during the muggy summers it's practically a requirement that ladies sunbathe topless or wear as little as possible when out and about. Some damn fine betties too.

Many many rules - nearly impossible to enforce

I was a total lameo then and did my best to repress and chastise, Could've had some real fun

The sisters who came to visit us had the "back up spotter" rule too, as well as a mile limit for their car. They actually walked 4 miles in the snow to come visit me once. I loved those two girls. They knew I wasn't going to go back to church and they knew that while I would happily discuss religion, I preferred not getting lessons. So they would come over all the time under the guise of teaching when really we talked about everything but the church. Including several conversations about sex and drugs.

One of them got married shortly after returning home and the other is getting married soon. It saddened me because they both had so many plans to finish school and such and I know they will get caught up in the Mormon Mom syndrome.

. . . . not to mention Satanism-- and that ex-Mormons are involved (To think my grandpa never let me in on this).

Conspiracy buff/buffoon, Fritz Springmeier, in his article, "Moriah and the Mormon Leadership: 13 Bloodlines of the Illuminati," ties Mormonism to the "Illuminati" in ways that make Joseph Smith look like a celestialized choir boy.

In straining to make a case that Mormonism is a diabolical operational arm of the Satan-hatched "Illuminati," Springmeier warns how the "Illuminati" lulls its victims into spiritual captivity:

"One of the things that the 'Illuminati' has done is instill apathy in people toward resisting their wickedness."

Really? See if I care. :)

Springmeier continues, undaunted:

"A letter by an ex-Mormon says it better than I could:

"'There are many reasons why these people (Mormons) will not come forth even though they know of the corruption in the Mormon Church. One is due to their belief in Mormon scripture which they associate with the Mormon church. The leadership has usurped power and authority over this scripture. Thus, the members of the Mormon church think that God expects them to support their misguided leaders.

"'This is much the rationalization that many Americans make about our government. They all know of the corruption, but rationalize that it is unpatriotic to talk against the government or ungrateful to complain when they enjoy superficial prosperity.'

"'It is interesting that this [ex-]Mormon recognizes that the process of the common man’s reaction is the same to both Mormon and American leadership, because as we will discuss the top leadership in both the reader will learn they are related to each other and both under the control of the Top 13 Illuminati families."

Springmeier then points to what he claims is the clear trail of the unholy "Illuminati"-LDS-Hemaglobin Link from Hell:

"THE MORMON LEADERS & THE 13Th TOP 'ILLUMINATI' BLOODLINE

"The Mormon president, Ezra Taft Benson (considered a prophet by Mormons), was a fan of the John Birch Society. Most people who have not read my exposes' on both the Mormon Church and the John Birch Society will not be able to protect themselves from the 'Illuminati.' I don’t expose these organizations without a great deal of proof. I say this because I know from too many sources and too many angles that both organizations were initiated and have been run by the 'Illuminati.'

"The Mormon Church has long prophesied that they would defend the U.S. Constitution in the last days. They are moving to fulfill that with men like Bo Gritz, who sprinkles has talks with buzz words from Mormon prophecy.

"The John Birch Society was part of the process of the Hegelian dialectics of the cold war. They pretend to be the defenders of the people against the 'New World Order,' but they are fake opposition.

"(I have met quite a few John Birchers, and so far although they claim to be against the 'New World Order,' they want nothing to do with me, or to learn anything I might share with them. I can understand the leadership doing this to me, but somehow the rank-and-file have picked up on some of the attitudes of the leadership. I don’t know how the JBS has managed to do that but the antagonistic attitudes that they have instilled in their people toward people like myself are amazing)."


Little did I know that, according to Springmeier's pure-hearted investigation, I am related to the evil 'Illuminati' through the royal blood of its Satanists.

Springmeier explains:

"In my 'Be Wise As Serpents' book, I gave the genealogical evidence to show that the Mormon leadership connected to the 13th top 'Illuminati' family, the Holy Blood line of what purports to be Jesus' lineage.

(I never heard from my family that I was part of Jesus's lineage, other than that the Bensons walked on water).

Springmeier:

"I’ve also showed numerous other connections between the Mormon leaders and the elite 'Illuminati' bloodlines. Ezra Taft Benson’s genealogy helps tie together some of the various parts of the 'Illuminati' beast.

". . . Ezra Taft Benson is a descendent of Alphonso Taft, who along with one of the Russell family (Russells are one of the top 13 families), William IL Russell, started the 'Order of the Skull and Bones' (legally it has been known as Russell Trust)."


But wait, there's more 'Illuminati' Mormonism on the way. According to Springmeier, it manifests itself Mormon involvement in drug-trafficking (you heard it here first):

"Archibald D. Russell (1811-1871) [was] a Mason from Scotland [who] set up . . . other ['Illuminati'] organizations. (Scotland has played a key role in the 'Illuminati.' One example of thousands is, Marriner S. Eccles--Governor of the Federal Reserve Board and supporter of FDR, who is member of the wealthy Mormon Illuminati Eccles family which came over from Scotland).

"The Russells played a key role in the opium trade in the early 1800s and early Mormonism. One of the Russell business partners was Warren Delano, Jr., chief of Russell and Company operations in Canton, China.

"Delano was the grandfather of President Franklin Roosevelt. The Russell and Company logo was a 'Skull and Bones.' The Taft family (which is also related to George Bush [and Ezra Taft Benson] by blood) and the Harriman family are two families that have been intimately connected to the 'Skull and Bones Order' (which is an entry point into the 'Illuminati' and on the surface just an exclusive fraternity)."

Springmeier then adds more Mormonism into the 'Illuminati' mix, this time courtesy of the CIA:

"Note: Since this was written Bo Gritz and the Mormon Church have gone separate ways. Bo Gritz, under the direction of his CIA handier, has been moving around talking to Patriots and establishing a community called ‘Almost Heaven’ near Kamiah, Idaho. Fritz’s newsletters have had several articles about Bo Gritz, including one entitled S.P.I.K.E., which is what Bo calls the training he is giving people."


And don't fprget that this all traces back, of course, to Joseph Smith:

"Joseph Smith, whose family practiced witchcraft, had many types of seals around their house which were used in magic. According to a magic book of 1830, 'Demonology and Witchcraft' by Walter Scott (pp. 165, 220-21), seer stones were to be anointed with oil and sealed with holy characters.

"In 1837, Mormon leaders performed such a magical sealing for James Cohn Brewster. (D. Michael Quinn, 'Early Mormonism and the Magic World View,' pp. 209-210)

"Joseph Smith had a cane with a serpent on the top of it and astrological seals below. Magick staffs, or canes, are important in Satanism. The seal of Mars was carved on the Smith family athame [ceremonial dagger], which was used by the family to draw circles for magic incantations. ('Early Mormonism and the Magic World View,' p. 142)

"In 1835, a ritual done by Joseph Smith to commune with a spirit messenger is recorder by Oliver Cowdery. Joseph Smith used two 'Seals of the Earth' to conjure up the spirit. Smith’s ritual was in accordance with the best occult guidebooks then, 'The Book of Knowledge' and Barrett’s 'Magus.'

"The 1830 edition of the Book of Mormon says that about itself:

"‘. . . [T]heir voice shall be as one that hath a familiar spirit . . . They shall write the things which shall be done among them, and they shall be written and sealed up in a book.’

(2 Nephi 26:14-17)


"The Mormon scholar Quinn writes,

"‘The Book of Mormon’s use of the word ‘sealed’ also suggested a magic context. Isaiah 29 uses the word ‘sealed’ only twice, but the Book of Mormon’s commentary on the chapter uses ‘sealed’ 11 times in eight verses'

(2 Nephi 26:17; 27:7-8)


"Throughout the entire text, the Book of Mormon refers to itself with the words ‘sealed’ or ‘seal’ more than 20 times . . .

"'Modern Mormons have often pictured a physical seal . . . but the Book of Mormon nowhere describes a physical seal, evoking instead the seal as a non-material restriction:

‘For the book shall be sealed by the power of God.’

(2 Nephi 27:10)

"Quinn goes on to describe more about the magical sealing of the Book of Mormon."


Springmeier himself goes on to explain how Mormonism's sealings have sealed its doom as a Satanic blood-brother of the 'Illuminati':

"[I am now going to] explain sealing rituals. I am doing this so that Christians can understand who a 'Keeper of Seals' is and also so that Christians can understand that Mormonism is closer to Satanism than it is to Christianity.

"This . . . hopefully [will] provide a written record so that Christians have an objective way to determine if someone who claims to be an ex-Satanist really is. I realize that some Christians don’t like to learn about their enemy and that is fine if they do not want to read this.

"On the other hand, I see people who are coming out of Satanism [including, he means, ex-Mormons] who the Christians are disbelieving. The Christians have no reference from which to determine whether someone is legitimate or not. And although I believe the spirit of God is an excellent revealer of men, I have to be frank: Even the best of Christians sometimes don’t hear what the Spirit has to say and could benefit from a written explanation.

"The closest descriptions of sealing rituals that I have found that matches the descriptions of Satanic Hierarchy rituals from people who have come out of the Satanic Hierarchy are the Mormon sealing rituals. For anyone wanting to do a study about how Mormonism is witchcraft, I suggest they read the scholarly book written by a Mormon scholar, "'Early Mormonism and the Magic World View," by D. Michael Quinn."

For Springmeier, Satanism, 'Illuminati' and Mormonism are one-in-the-same, a reality for him that seals the deal when it comes to completing the Mormon-'Illuminati' embrace:

"One of the most important things in Satanism is sealing. Everything is sealed. One doesn’t hear the term 'sealing' used a lot. I have read many books of the enemy to know how he thinks, and it is rare to have someone mention sealing. I had to learn about it from ex-Satanists [i.e., including ex-Mormons]. If one leaves off studying Satanism and begins studying the many cults and religions, one begins hearing about sealing again when one gets to Mormonism.

"Mormon men and women are sealed to each other in the Mormon temple marriages. The early Mormons were sealed to many spouses. The Mormon sealing is very similar to what is done in witchcraft, called "hand-fasting," and it is also similar to marriage sealing in Satanism."

All this, Springmeier claims, is convincingly demonstrated by Quinn:

"Quinn conclusively shows that early Mormonism was based on magic and witchcraft. Quinn--who is [an excommunicated] Mormon [once] in good standing--tries to point out in [his] book that these things can’t be held against Mormonism because most everyone back in the early 1800s practiced magic and witchcraft. Whether most people did or not, seems to me to be irrelevant as to whether it is O.K."

(Springmeier could have mentioned, but didn't, that Quinn writes of an 'Illuminati'-Mormon connection that was pitched to Mormon believers by James J. Strang--a charismatic, early- Mormon apostate who attemted to take over the leadership reins of the Mormon Church after Smith's gun-battle death at Carthage. For instance, Quinn notes in his book, "The Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power," p. 211, that Strang--as leader of his own break-away Mormon faction--"imitated Smith's . . . radical innovations" by "introduc[ing] . . . an endowment ceremony ('Order of the Illuminati')." Ironically, Strang, in an ending strangely reminiscent of Smith's own demise, had himself publicly crowned king in 1850 and served in the Michigan legislature from 1852 to 1856, at which point he was murdered by "disgruntled followers."

Springmeier reall goes off the deep end in his effort to tie Mormonism to the 'Illuminati' by endorsing the anti-Mormon writings of William Schnoebelen. Schnoebelen, who claims to be a former member of the 'Illuminati,' authored "Mormonism: Temple of Doom," which Springmeier calls a "great book [that] show[s] the connections between the Mormon Temple ceremonies, witchcraft rituals, and Masonic rituals," adding that "he does an excellent job of showing and illustrating how the Mormon temple ceremony 9and] Masonic and Witchcraft rituals are simply the very same thing, with minor variations."

("Moriah and the Mormon Leadership: 13 Bloodlines of the Illumnati," Parts 1 nd 2, by Fritz Springmeier, September 2003, taken from "ConspiracyTheories qebsite, at: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CEAQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bibliotecapleyades.net%2Fbloodlines%2Fmormon.htm&ei=GOB8UY6jNOrO2AXVn4GgDw&usg=AFQjCNFRXhYdQywWyMIyxQwip3XBFbPdEg&sig2=5pf4sQtAVddW9A7LT4irzQ&bvm=bv.45645796,d.b2; see also, http://web.archive.org/web/20030913200030/webpages.shepherd.edu/EEHRHA01/ConspTheo.htm)
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The trouble for Springmeier is that even some Christians (who really do believe that there is, in fact, a "Illuminati" at war with Planet Earth in secretly practicing blood rituals, human sacrifice and child molestation), nonetheless also believe that Schoenbelen isn't exactly the best oracle for the Almighty when it comes to raggin' on the Mormon Cult. .

One such critic is Mark Dice, author of "The Illumanti: Facts & Ficion," who labels Schnoebelen "a fraud."

Dice notes that in addition to Schnoebelen's 1987 79-page book, "Mormonism's Temple of Doom," Schnoeblen has authored a 120-page book on UFOs, titled "Space Invaders" (2003), as well as appeared in several films, including "Interview with an Ex-Vampire."

(Sounds already like this Schnoebelen is someone to be taken seriously--as in seriously taken in for treatment at the nearest mental-health facility).

Dice provides a further portrait of Schnoebelen, before going in for the collegial kill:

"Schnoebelen is an interesting character with white hair and a long white beard, looking somewhat like a wizard out of the 'Lord of the Rings' movies, which is perhaps a deliberate style he adheres to, for reasons that will become obvious as you learn more about him.

"He claims to be a former 32nd-degree Freemason and a Shriner. He shows a photo of himself in the Shriner hat, where he looks much younger, and he has what he claims to be his certificate showing he had achieved the 32nd-degree level of Freemasonry. This could very well be true.

"He says he was a former member of the Church of Satan and also shows a letter signed by Anton LaVey welcoming him to the group. This is also possible, as the Church of Satan does have an application that people fill out and send in to become a member.

"Since someone familiar with the occult would know the true possibilities of the teachings found within Freemasonry, it is certainly not far-fetched that a member of the Church of Satan would want to join the Masons to further his occult knowledge."

Enough of this damning with faint praise. "Now," writes Dice, "let’s examine the more far-fetched claims that Schnoebelen has been making.

"One of the most popular speeches Schnoebelen has given--which includes his testimony on why he allegedly left the 'Illuminati' and became a born-again Christian--is in the video, 'Exposing the Illuminati from Within,' which can be viewed on Google Video and YouTube.

"In his nearly three-hour lecture, Schnoebelen goes through his supposed credentials when he was climbing the ranks in witchcraft and satanic circles, until ultimately he claims he was inducted into the 'Illuminati.'

" . . . Most of what he talks about has been essentially considered factual by researchers of the 'Illuminati' and the 'New World Order.' He talks about how there is an agenda to demoralize society and indoctrinate the youth into a culture of immortality. He details some of the philosophy of Freemasonry and its connection to the web of secret societies and mentions the usual suspects such as the Knights Templars and Aleister Crowley.

"But just when you start thinking that this is a legitimate guy, his credibility starts to rapidly erode. One of the growing list of far-fetched claims he makes is that at one point in time in order to join the 'Illuminati,' he had to have sex with a demon as part of his initiation into the second highest level."

(Hmmmm. Sounds like what Joseph Smith might have said about Emma).

"Schnoebelen says:

"'What this means is you have to have sex with a fallen angel. And this is a very appalling and bizarre process, and it really nearly destroys every human being who has to go through it. It nearly killed me. I went through a formal marriage with a fallen angelic being.

"'And of course you understand there is a Biblical principle at work here which Satan is using. And that is when you have sex with someone, you become one flesh with that person. And what happens at that point is, you become so demon-possessed that it’s like burbling up here around your eyeballs.

"'I had more demons per cubic centimeter than the entire city of Indianapolis, let me tell you. And the result of that is you just become a pretty vile, evil person.'

Dice responds:

"Now, there are four different ways to look at this claim.

"One is that he is making this up in order to create a unique point in his story and get people talking about him so he can sell more books and make more money off of his lecture circuit.

"Two, he is an insane person and actually believes that he had sex with the demon in his own mind.

"Three, the organization he was a part of actually concocted a bizarre ritual in which he was given a hallucinogenic drug (LSD or peyote) and had sex with a woman who was dressed up in a costume, and he was so high that he thought he actually was having sex with a demon.

"Or four, one might believe that he actually did have sex with a demon and that he is telling the truth.

"His claims of having sex with a demon are actually quite tame compared to what he says in another video titled, 'Interview with an Ex-Vampire,' where he states that within the vampire subculture, human vampires exist and indeed grow fangs to feed off of human blood."

(Here's where Dice himself goesnutty, insisting that there really are vampires--of sorts):

"A small subculture of 'vampires' actually does exist but they are not walking dead who turn into bats and sleep in coffins. They are a small minority of the gothic subculture who do drink animal or human blood as part of their lifestyle. Usually they do not kill people for this blood but they have friends and fellow 'vampires' willingly give up a pint of blood for consumption or they purchase animal blood from butcher shops and consume it.

"But Schnoebelen takes this idea to an absurd extreme, claiming that to become a 'real' vampire, he drank the blood of a fallen angel and was then able to grow fangs which would retract when he was not 'feeding.'

"'He says as a result of 'becoming a vampire' that he couldn’t go outside during the day because his skin would blister and that he had to get a third shift job because he could only go outside at night.

"Now, [I, meaning Dice] certainly have an open mind. . . . While it is certainly possible that Schnoebelen was a Satanist and high-level Freemason or even a member of the 'Illuminati,' one has to see his claims of becoming a vampire as completely, 100% fraudulent and his claims of having sex with a fallen angel as highly suspicious and unlikely."

Ya think?

Dice (perhaps not realizing how he's nailing his own coffin shut) goes on:

"While it is my conviction that the 'Illuminati' continues to exist today--that they follow a Satanic philosophy complete with rituals and on some levels murder, human sacrifice, and child rape--none of the so-called former 'Illuminati' members have offered much evidence of their alleged involvement, other than information that has been circulating in anti-'New World Order' literature for decades.

"One motive is always that of money.

"Another is the purpose of spreading disinformation by mixing facts with fiction in order to make those who believe in the 'Illuminati' seem like they are all conspiracy theorists or science fiction nuts.

"Perhaps some who make false claims about being a former 'Illuminati' member actually believe that they are helping The Resistance, in that they are getting peoples' attention and educating them about other real issues involving the 'New World Order' and the occult.

"Another motive is simply that of attention.

"And yet another is that of personal entertainment on behalf of some and their friends by fooling people into believing their claims and watching the news spread on the Internet like an urban legend. . . .

"The fact that Schnoebelen is the author of seven different books on the subject of the occult, one may have a better understanding of his motives for exaggerations and outright lies about his involvement in such activities.

"In his video, 'Interview with an Ex-Vampire,' Schnoebelen admits that he never had a steady career and that most of his adult life he moved from one dead-end job to another. After college, he began working as a music teacher at a Catholic school but was fired and then, in his own words, says he 'had numerous, basically menial jobs until, really after I got saved. I never really had a super-duper job. I worked in a foundry for a while, I was as a security guard. I worked for the "Milwaukee Sentinel" as a person who went around and filled up the boxes at night with newspapers, so that was basically my wonderful career.'

"He also admits that he was a cocaine addict and later worked as a drug counselor when he got clean. So, in his own words, he never had a career until he got saved, which means, until he became a Christian.

"As you now know, this new career he had discovered was that of writing books about the occult, while fabricating and exaggerating large portions of his life in order to create a compelling and attention-getting story."

Dice continues his strange mix of buying into the 'Illuminati' on the one hand, while knocking down Schoenblen on the other:

"While large portions of his lecture, 'Exposing the Illuminati from Within,' are based on historic facts and philosophies which Schnoebelen then mixes with his own fantasies and distortions, his 'Interview with an Ex-Vampire' begins with a series of absurdities which even the most gullible and uneducated person should see as fictions.

"The interview starts with him recounting numerous supposed experiences from his past as he studied the occult, all of which get more absurd than the next.

"He begins with tales of haunted houses and ghosts throwing silverware in the kitchen, and later claims that a friend of his disappeared before his eyes in a magic circle during an occult ritual performed in a garage, and never returned.

"One can’t help but see a pathetic old man telling ghost stories as if they had actually happened to him, or a delusional schizophrenic who was once so absorbed with such stories that now his mind can’t distinguish them from reality.

"There is also an eerie look of joy and excitement on his face when he tells his stories, probably from his own amusement that his audience is listening to him as if his fantastic tales were real but, instead, the man is a walking, talking fictional novel.

"While a completely honest and well-meaning person may unknowingly exaggerate or inaccurately convey details from personal experiences from their past, Schnoebelen’s claims far exceed any standard of objectivity or credibility and upon even the brief examination found here it should be clear that he is not an authentic 'Illuminati' defector and is a complete fraud."

Earth to Dice: an "authentic Illumnati" is an oxymoron.

("Bill Schnoebelen 'Former Illuminati Member,' is a Fraud:
Excerpt[s] from Mark Dice's book, The Illuminati--Facts & Fiction," at: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDQQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.markdice.com%2Findex.php%3Foption%3Dcom_content%26view%3Darticle%26id%3D115%3Abill&ei=iBZ9UaySGoHK2AXm3oHYBQ&usg=AFQjCNH2NOkqy7m391jR821Nw4Tm95KjMw&sig2=MKtnp7efG5akz3qR84Mb9g&bvm=bv.45645796,d.b2I)

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Come on, all you 'Illuminati'-Mormon Churchy conspiracy spinners out there, you can do better than this.

Thanks, though, for the laughs. :)

The backing-up rule was ludicrous; we had that on my mission as well (2003-2004).

Other fun ones:

-- You're out until 9:30PM. In the middle of the hood? Too bad, go tracting at 9PM. We pissed a lot of people off. To my MP's credit, if anybody pushed back on this, he would take the missionaries tracting out at 9PM into whatever neighborhood they feared the most. I may not have found him particularly agreeable, but he wasn't cowardly about practicing what he preached.

-- Companions had to sleep in the same room, even if it was a 2-bedroom apartment with a single companionship.

-- Senior comp drove, regardless of driving history. I had two foreign companions that got into accidents while I was in the car; one backed into a stopped truck and another slid into another vehicle in a Florida rainstorm. Both were preventable entirely. Both had previous accidents on their records that should have indicated that they weren't the pinnacle of responsibility.

-- No backpacks. Messenger-style bags on mountain bikes on dirt roads in Florida was awesome. Also, biking in the humidity and getting all those gnays stuck to your face was great.

I heard the Miami missionaries had to wear suitcoats regardless of temperature, which sounds absolutely miserable.

They were ALL STUPID FUCKING RULES!!!!

And some blasts from the past.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1239780
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1445004

Eat two oranges a day.
Wear a mafia hat from Oct 1 to April 1.
Eat sausage.

These were god-inspired rules to prevent illness.

No parkas in the middle of the Canadian winter. We were only allowed overcoats. That rule lasted one day for me.

That was thanks to one Glenn T. Potter and his lack of oversight of some dumbass AP's.

This is the kind of advice you get from people when they don't have to follow it themselves. I would love to go to one of these missionary meetings where a GA is in attendance and invite them to go out and actually try to sell their product the way they encourage these kids to do.

We could only wear blue clothing except for hats and boots.
This meant your winter coat in Scandinavia had to be a blue overcoat, no parka's allowed. This usually meant buying a cheap US made overcoat that was freezing in artic temps. Hats that were not skin or fur had to be blue. Suit Jackets required at all times outside of the apartment, no P-day clothes outside of the apartment. Boots could only be worn in the snow. P-days should be spent washing clothes and buying food and that was it.

No eating of chocolate or sausages or anything you could buy on the street.

The tracting hours outside of the apartment exceeded greatly those suggested by handbook. To achieve this we only ate two meals per days.

Missionaries were not allowed to baptize investigators, this had to be done by members. Missionaries were not to fraternize with members, but we were supposed to get them to give us references and work with investigators. WTF?

I have forgotten most of them but we had a supplementary handbook on extension of most of the rules in the handbook to make them more onerous.

Our mission presidents wife's motto " Vi love ya elders but vi don't luve da ta tings ya doo."

This is more about hypocrisy than stupid rules, but maybe it applies both ways.

I am aware missionaries are not allowed to swim or have family visits on their missions. At least I'm pretty sure those rules haven't changed.

So, I was reading some missionary blogs per another recent post to see what amusing/despicable things missionaries were writing about. Very entertaining. One blog I read was for a senior missionary couple who wrote about swimming everyday in their hotel's pool. Yeah, they mentioned staying at a really nice hotel. And that they got to visit with their kids and grandkids. Obviously senior missionaries aren't subject to the same stupid rules as the elder and sister missionaries.

I wonder how resentful the other "kid" missionaries are of the elderly ones. They eat so well, get to swim, see family, hardly do any tracting. Must be nice for them.

Imbolc Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> This is more about hypocrisy than stupid rules,
> but maybe it applies both ways.
>
> I am aware missionaries are not allowed to swim or
> have family visits on their missions.

No family visits unless Dad or Grandpa is a GA. Then they can visit all they want. I had 4 of the G15's grandsons in my mission that I shared flats with. We had a lot of GA visits because of it.

In the mission I live in a few years back the MP in the mission I live in made a rule that all Elders had to sit down to urinate. I guess they were having a hygeine issue.

My mission president showed all the signs of a paranoid schizophrenic. He made up new rules all the time. He suggested more than once that there were secret combinations among the missionaries. I didn't realize that kind of talk was so common. I'm relieved to know we didn't have the only mission president spouting such batshit crazy nonsense, but also appalled to realize such batshit crazy nonsense is so widespread.

I shared an apartment for a few months with a really smart, creative district leader. (He's out of the church these days, too.) Our rule for P-day, which was straight from the white handbook, was that we had to wear missionary attire in public unless it was "not appropriate for a specific activity" like pick-up basketball games. My district leader would say every P-day that our specific activity for the day was wearing jeans and sweatshirts.

Other rules included no baggy suits, and a directive to not return to Japan shortly after our missions to teach English conversation classes.

Thus spake Mujun.

funeral taters Wrote:
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> Apparently on my mission the number one cause of
> reported car accidents came from mishies backing
> into things. Because of this my mp decided to make
> it a rule that every time a missionary went to
> back a vehicle their companion had to be behind
> them spotting them and giving them instruction. It
> didnt matter if it was a wide open parking lot. No
> exceptions. The more reasonable among us chose to
> ignore this rule except when we were at zobe
> conference or under the mp's watchful eye. I was
> lucky enough to have a stickler for a companion
> who insisted on this rule. One time while I was
> backing out of our apartment and he was dutifully
> spotting me some young adults about our age
> watching the whole thing asked my comp if we were
> fighting or something. He told them that we
> weren't and explained why he was doing what he was
> doing. I just wanted to crawl down a fucking hole.

A number of businesses have this rule and have them since at least the 1970s. AT&T did this in the 70s for example.

The stupidest rule we had to follow was the one that required us to spend every moment trying to convince people that a con man sex addict was a legit prophet of the one true god. Boy was that a stupid rule.