We ended up hosting thanksgiving at my house this year because my TBM sister who has a huge house was at her in-laws this year so the rest of my siblings, their families and my parents came over. Most of them don't care if we pray or not but my dad takes his role as the patriarch of our family very seriously. When we are at family gatherings he makes sure he is in charge and likes to call on unsuspecting individuals to say the prayer. Usually the ones he thinks needs some spiritual boost.
We have come a long way. My husband used to say a prayer when everyone was at our house just to appease my dad, because I refused. Or he would let my dad "lead" even at our house. But things have changed! Not too long ago we were at their house and my dad asked my husband to pray and he declined. It was awesome! So this Thanksgiving I was in charge. I welcomed everyone to our house and made a small little speech and then asked "would anyone like to offer a prayer". And of course the usual, awkward silence happened. (which is odd because doesn't everyone WANT to talk to heavenly father?) Just when I though we were off the hook and I was ready to say "then lets eat." My Dad saves the day... As we were eating I suggested we could each say what we were thankful for. When it was my dad's turn he said something stupid like I'm glad I can eat and not gain weight.( which is a joke) I guess since I didn't have the proper priesthood authority to be in charge he didn't have to try very hard. He and my mom did the dishes though so that was a bonus.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2015 12:03PM by stoppedtheinsanity.

Your home, YOUR rules!

WTG! I bet the turkey tasted even better, being basted with equality!

I love those who take control in their own home. It is a big step.

First time I left the coffee maker out and my mother asked in a shocked tone, "Do you USE coffee?!?" said in the same manner as "do you USE heroin?"

Years later when parents came to dinner, I said, "We don't say the blessing but feel free to say your own."

My father looked at me like I had just ripped torn the flesh from a baby and said, "YOU don't PRAAAAY???!!!"

They could never accept that I did not have testimony somewhere really deep down, which course would mean, that I still respected the patriarchal order of that church.

Again, stoppedtheinsanity, loved the story.

Excellent recounting of a great Rite of Passage!

"When it was my dad's turn he said something stupid like I'm glad I can eat and not gain weight.( which is a joke)" - this is just being funny and much better than saying something about how he wishes you were in the CULT.

The Geezer, myself, and the geezelets all enthusiastically say grace at TG dinner. That is, on the count if three, we all shout "GRACE!" and dig in.

This way, when TBM MIL calls with a holiday greeting and, thinking she's ever so sly to ask the kids behind our back whether we blessed the food or not, they can answer her, just as slyly yet completely honestly, why, yes, grace was certainly said.

Unfortunately we usually chicken out when the TBM relations are physically present and allow the salutations to Our Absentee Skydaddy to go on unchallenged, even in our own home, and resort to passive aggression to take revenge.

I applaud you for taking the healthy route and just having done with it. Well done!

It's just so crazy how the patriarchy is ingrained in us. Luckily my husband never pushed that on me or was overbearing. I had told my husband before how I was going to take charge. He agreed. But, when it came time to actually do it I was actually apprehensive and told him, he could do it. He said, "Why don't you want to now?" I felt a little irritated that I was afraid to take charge in my own house so I just did it. And honestly it felt great! One of my inactive sisters was actually across the room with a big grin on her face because she knew what I was doing.

Holiday dinners at my parents' always were preceded with my dad saying the prayer over food. He's done it a few times at our house as well since my husband normally declines.